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Food Network Still Airing Infomercials At 9 AM
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Dear Food Network, why the hell are you guys still airing infomercials at 9 AM? You made like $900 billion last quarter. That wasn’t enough? Infomercials belong on at 4 in the morning, when you’re watching Tru TV because you can’t sleep, and you’re actually delirious enough to believe you might actually benefit from the product being sold. They have no place on television at 9 AM, when you’re wide awake and really just want to see Sandra Lee icing a cake with a sponge.
This morning’s infomercial wasn’t even about food! It was for something called the Kymaro Body Shaper, which is basically a gigantic spandex torture device you’re supposed to wear under your clothing. The entire 30 minute ad was ridiculous. I watched it on mute as I paid some bills. Here’s what I think was being said:
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39 Responses
They played infomercials at 9 am for as long as I can remember. Typically it was the magic bullet but I have seen this one as well.
Really? I only remember seeing them at that late hour for the last few months.
Yes the annoying infomercials would get in the way of my having a wonderful time watching Paula and RR. But no more, since I’m in CA, I watch the East Coast FN and problem solved. :O
What I find strange is they have regular FN programming on Saturday and possibly Sunday starting at 7am. Those are the days you’d expect infomercials on that early.
Ok, so I probably should be watching these infomercials, because I thought a “magic bullet” was something else entirely!
Googled, now I know it isn’t a marital aid. tyvm.
:-D
Ha Lana! That’s the “silver bullet” LOL!!! I know because…ummm…..NM….
I thought the same thing too, Lana. LOL.
If I have to watch an informercial, let it me The Shake Weight. Gets me tickled every time.
i think it’s the silver bullet, heh.
dudepal ordered two magic bullets, sigh. we gave one to his brother. the other is stored somewhere in this helterskelter house.
(tmi, for sure, but we printed a book of sorts and the customer gave all the women a pair of silver bullets. funny thing is one of my coworkers thought you, “just put those in your lap, right?” I nearly died. to this day i still tease her over that :)
I think the woman in the 3rd picture (business woman with tacky decorating taste) is, in fact, Sandra Lee. Or her sister. Or something. Anyway, it sure looks like Sandra Lee’s house. Totally appropriate for FN to air at 9 am.
;-)
I thought the same thing! It might be Sandra Lee without makeup. The flower arragement definitely hints of tacky tablescapes.
I’ve seen this infowhatever. With the exception of smoothing down the women’s back-fat rolls, they looked like stuffed sausages, thus qualifying them for FN time, right? Watching it made me instantly feel hot and sweaty, as in OMG who wants to wear that f’ing thing in 99 degree southern summer weather?
BTW, What’s with the mixed message TFN is sending out? Yanno, here’s all this carb loaded, fattening swill from Pauler Deen and Co but here’s the infomercials on a food network telling you what a fat cow you are and how there’s a product to make you look and feel thinner in 10 seconds! BS!
They also do this now on the Sci Fi and AMC.
Aunt Sandy can make that with a roll of plastic wrap and a Melontini.
i laughed out loud at work at that one Robert lol!
If they are gonna show these on FN, why can’t you at least use FN stars like Sunny Anderson Anne Burell or Alex GuarnaBigBum ? All three would be ideal candidates for this Kymaro body shaper. Maybe not Chef Alex because that thing of her’s is massive.
LOL, it is massive! how sad.
I think Sunny already makes use of a Kymaro. She looks “packed in” to those jeans she wears.
I can see the FN tie-in. If you eat Pauler Deen’s 100% saturated fat swill, you can still fit into your muu-muu!!
BTW, how safe is it to jam all your fat back towards your internal organs? ‘Smoothing’ is one thing…sausage casing yourself is quite another.
THAT FAT HAS GOT TO GO SOMEWHERE!
I’ve seen the short (normal commercial-length) version of this, and I can tell that it’s nothing but a load of BS (like most of the other infomercial crap).
Squeezing yourself into this thing isn’t gonna magically make you thin. If anything, it’s more likely to kill you due to lack of circulation.
The fact that they put one on some already thin woman just shows how full of crap they are.
Isn’t this the same company that makes the foot pads that pull all the crap out of your body?
‘Testimonials were compensated for their time.’
Mhm.
I’m pretty sure Anne Burrell is always wearing one of these things…
i actually kinda like anne, but she buggs me on numerous levels. this is for another thread i’m sure. but surely she loves to eat and it shows :)
Once upon a time they used to air episodes of older shows like Ming Tsai’s first cooking show, but now it doesn’t make sense, considering the rest of their lineup of overly simplistic cooking. God forbid they teach anything more complicated than boiling boxed pasta …
Speaking of boxed pasta, has Mz EYE-talian Giada EVER even made homemade pasta? Duh, it’s not that hard. Malto Mario made it a lot, while he gave history of the ingredients he was using, facts about life in whatever region he was spotlighting AND had 3 pots going on the stove. He would intimidate the boxed mac and cheese demographic FN’s currently targeting.
Yes, we wouldn’t want the viewers to feel dumb because they couldn’t locate Italy on a map, or because they thought pasta grows on spaghetti trees, or because they didn’t know that it was possible to make one’s own pasta at home. I miss Mario’s show too, even though he’s a disgusting fat sweaty pig, for whom even a kymaro would not work. At least he knows something about food.
By the way, is Kymaro even a real word? Can anyone translate? Does it mean “sausage stuffed to bursting” in Japanese?
…eye-talian? That just made me cringe.
Might be a contract left over from when they weren’t making money.
It has pissed me off for years.
I actually bought one of those Kymaro things because I had a dress that wouldn’t zip up all the way… they actually work pretty well lol
Imagine all of the regular commercial revenue they would get if they showed actual cooking shows in the morning. I know I’d be watching if it were cooking laced with commercials and not infomercials nonstop.
You know what, I find this infomercial more informative and entertaining than most of those FN In the Kitchen daytime garbage bowl pieces of rerun crap.
Oh, and I REALLY want the NINJA Chopper! *GASP* I saw it and I said to myself, “Lizzy, you need this. Your smoothies aren’t smooth enough. Your ice is not snowy enough.”
i cannot thank you enough for posting this!! it bothers me way more than it should that fn’s programming doesn’t start until quite late in the morning. it’s ridiculous. with as much money as they’re making (especially since they can technically now split into two channels), they can afford to show some old shows they still have the rights for.
Isn’t this what Wanda Sykes calls a ‘spanx’ in her stand-up?
Someone needs to teach them how to spell “CAMARO”.
Which, by the way, is a registered trademark of the Chevrolet division of General Motors.
OH THANK YOU!!! Finally – someone else notices this…
I don’t get it…they are launching a whole other network but can’t put cooking shows on after 6am???
WTF…and they are the worst infomercials ever created… Gimme a good Ronco any day.
I have seen this infomercial and it’s hilarious! I especially love the part where the woman with the tape measure clearly moves about 4 inches up on their waists when she does the “after” measurements.
This infomercial is far more entertaining than anything on FN, in fact I think they should scrap Next Food Network Star and run Food Network’s Next Great Infomercial instead.