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It’s A Conspiracy!
Posted on May 30th 2010 by Jillian Madison

push-here-lies

“Push here to open?” Yeah, RIGHT. More like “stab here with knife, fork, pen, pencil, nail file, belt buckle, or other miscellaneous pointy objects.”



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Oh, So THAT’S How It Works
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---Is Rachael Ray’s Santoku Rocker The Ugliest Knife Of All Time?

    38 Responses

  1. Eric says:

    Yes! Same with “tear here” on stuff that’s prepackaged. Why must you lie to us??

  2. emptysky1969 says:

    I alays open the box from the top. Besides how else would you get the cheese packet out?

    Even at 33, I still love that stuff! I like it with a hot dog and ketchup :)

  3. BOO says:

    I’m a sucker for Velveeta & Shells. The blue box however is a favorite around here for the guy’ and dogs. It is a pain to open. I go all Lizzie Borden on it. So does the guy’. My favorite was Walmarts brand that printed the instructions on the side you open to pull the top off. Someone out there had to ask how to prepare. I just know it! LOL’!

  4. atdleft says:

    It IS a conspiracy. Why must Philip Morris’ kitchen bastard child do this? To hell with them, it’s easier for me to just make my own, dammit.

  5. atdleft says:

    Yeah, next time just come to my house. My homemade mac & cheese is SO much better. I promise. And no, I didn’t have to steal the recipe for Rachael Ray. ;-)

  6. VirgoPixie says:

    I could have sworn I saw Sandra Lee make that exact recipe the other day.

  7. Teague says:

    I’ve had to the same issue.

  8. I just use one of the spikes from Guy Fieri’s hair and it’s open before you can say “Jack Robinson”…

  9. Patrina says:

    LMAO, I’m happy I’m not the only one who’s had a problem with that.

  10. iamnotepad says:

    Mmm KD
    A few times I’ve ACTUALLY got it open that way. But not as of late.

  11. Lady S says:

    It’s impossible.

  12. tophway says:

    anyone else love the spirals but cant eat the standard macaroni shape?

  13. SaraCVT says:

    So it’s NOT just me… Actually, I’ve never eaten the stuff in my adult life, because I ate WAY too much mac ‘n’ cheese as a kid and I can’t stand the stuff now, but I have two small children and they love it. So I buy the blue boxes in the 5-box bundled economy size, but I always open it with a knife, never have got it to open just by “push here”. Huh–thought I was just too wimpy…

  14. pwkwsfi says:

    not only does it not break open there, it never has in the past ten years. They must have wasted millions adding the faux perforation to every box. My thumbnail hurts thinking about it.

  15. Selina says:

    Haaaa!!! I had this same exact problem and thought the other day! So true!

  16. anjarew says:

    Not only is it impossible to open, but once you do punch it through, the macaroni gets stuck inside because the opening is protracted inward. This reminds me of those batteries you buy where the package is impossible to open, even with a pair of scissors.

  17. Hannah6 says:

    Haha, I was just talking to my boyfriend about this the other day. Never once in my entire life have I ever successfully gotten a box with those “press here to open” perforated lines open without tearing open the top of the box or using a knife.

  18. Ina Garten DaVida says:

    this could be a great blog on its own…#_)(*%r)#* PACKAGING!

    It is the bane of modern existence.

  19. Diane says:

    EXACTLY. You pry, push, yank, and then finally stab the damn thing and are so frustrated you end up using undo force to rip the top off and are rewarded by having the whole box rip and the contents go flying.

    Effin’ Mac-n-Cheese!! >:(

  20. DerekLutz says:

    Brought to you by the same people that created the plastic bags inside boxes of cereal. Tough to open and if pulled too hard you’ve got cereal everywhere.

  21. Barb says:

    It IS easier to make homemade. Three ingredients. Cheese (the GOOD cheddar as Ina would say), milk, noodles. That’s it.

    But good call, the fake-o perforations on cardboard packaging have been bugging me for about 20 years.

  22. Jillian, I feel your pain.
    Since I recently had dental suregery, my soft foods diet has included lots of instant mashed potato flakes.
    The boxes cannot be opened without a tool, no matter how strong and angry I am.
    (I’m both when I’m hungry)
    Would a pull tab be too much to expect?

  23. BartenderJay says:

    BTW, this photo you made Jill made it to The Chive today.

  24. Elizabeth says:

    Thank you! A million times, thank you! I have eaten innumerable boxes of Kraft mac n cheese, and not ONCE have I successfully pushed on that area and opened the box!! LIES!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Sean says:

    I also have problems with “insert tab here to close” such as crackers or cereal boxes. The glue is on there so thick it tears the flaps or the ear that folds into the opposite flap.

  26. Samantha says:

    I had that exact thought yesterday! I’m glad I’m not the only one!

  27. Lena says:

    It’s about time somebody identified this crime against humanity…

  28. chris says:

    I actually google’d this and found this page. VERRY annoying. I always try to make it work such that I tear along the perforation and end up just getting angry and tearing the thing apart.

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