General: Food Humor »

It’s A Conspiracy!

Published on: May 30, 2010 – 9:53 pm by Jillian Madison Comment

push-here-lies

“Push here to open?” Yeah, RIGHT. More like “stab here with knife, fork, pen, pencil, nail file, belt buckle, or other miscellaneous pointy objects.”



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Oh, So THAT’S How It Works
---Guy Fieri Knuckle Sandwich Knives
---Is Rachael Ray’s Santoku Rocker The Ugliest Knife Of All Time?







  1. May 30th, 2010

    Yes! Same with “tear here” on stuff that’s prepackaged. Why must you lie to us??

  2. May 30th, 2010

    I alays open the box from the top. Besides how else would you get the cheese packet out?

    Even at 33, I still love that stuff! I like it with a hot dog and ketchup :)

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    BOO replied on: May 30th, 2010 at 10:26 pm

    You are not alone with the ketchup. The guy’ does it too! Or BBQ sauce. I just don’t look.

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    Judith replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 12:15 am

    I prefer it with Tabasco Sauce

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    Fia replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 9:11 am

    I add canned tuna and peas! My mom always did it to make it go further, I do it because it’s comfort food now.

  3. BOO
    May 30th, 2010

    I’m a sucker for Velveeta & Shells. The blue box however is a favorite around here for the guy’ and dogs. It is a pain to open. I go all Lizzie Borden on it. So does the guy’. My favorite was Walmarts brand that printed the instructions on the side you open to pull the top off. Someone out there had to ask how to prepare. I just know it! LOL’!

  4. May 30th, 2010

    It IS a conspiracy. Why must Philip Morris’ kitchen bastard child do this? To hell with them, it’s easier for me to just make my own, dammit.

  5. May 30th, 2010

    Yeah, next time just come to my house. My homemade mac & cheese is SO much better. I promise. And no, I didn’t have to steal the recipe for Rachael Ray. ;-)

  6. May 30th, 2010

    I could have sworn I saw Sandra Lee make that exact recipe the other day.

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    Lizzy replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 7:16 am

    BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

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    iamnotepad replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 10:58 am

    LOL!

  7. Teague
    May 30th, 2010

    I’ve had to the same issue.

  8. May 30th, 2010

    I just use one of the spikes from Guy Fieri’s hair and it’s open before you can say “Jack Robinson”…

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    Ferd Berfle replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 8:12 am

    Ugh, I wouldn’t want any part of greasy Guy Ferry in my home even to open a package of macaroni. Sorry, I’ll just use a knife.

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    Lizzy replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 12:30 pm

    Yeah, for real, NO WAY is Gee (or his “skinny” cousin) coming anywhere close to my kitchen.

  9. Patrina
    May 31st, 2010

    LMAO, I’m happy I’m not the only one who’s had a problem with that.

  10. May 31st, 2010

    Mmm KD
    A few times I’ve ACTUALLY got it open that way. But not as of late.

  11. Lady S
    May 31st, 2010

    It’s impossible.

  12. May 31st, 2010

    anyone else love the spirals but cant eat the standard macaroni shape?

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    Lizzy replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 12:41 pm

    I prefer the Spongebob Shapes myself. and if they don’t have that, well, I guess Spiderman & Friend will do.

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    SaraCVT replied on: May 31st, 2010 at 1:34 pm

    Who’s Spiderman’s Friend? MJ? Isn’t that a bit…mature for the target audience?

  13. SaraCVT
    May 31st, 2010

    So it’s NOT just me… Actually, I’ve never eaten the stuff in my adult life, because I ate WAY too much mac ‘n’ cheese as a kid and I can’t stand the stuff now, but I have two small children and they love it. So I buy the blue boxes in the 5-box bundled economy size, but I always open it with a knife, never have got it to open just by “push here”. Huh–thought I was just too wimpy…

  14. May 31st, 2010

    not only does it not break open there, it never has in the past ten years. They must have wasted millions adding the faux perforation to every box. My thumbnail hurts thinking about it.

  15. Selina
    May 31st, 2010

    Haaaa!!! I had this same exact problem and thought the other day! So true!

  16. May 31st, 2010

    Not only is it impossible to open, but once you do punch it through, the macaroni gets stuck inside because the opening is protracted inward. This reminds me of those batteries you buy where the package is impossible to open, even with a pair of scissors.

  17. June 1st, 2010

    Haha, I was just talking to my boyfriend about this the other day. Never once in my entire life have I ever successfully gotten a box with those “press here to open” perforated lines open without tearing open the top of the box or using a knife.

  18. Ina Garten DaVida
    June 1st, 2010

    this could be a great blog on its own…#_)(*%r)#* PACKAGING!

    It is the bane of modern existence.

  19. Diane
    June 1st, 2010

    EXACTLY. You pry, push, yank, and then finally stab the damn thing and are so frustrated you end up using undo force to rip the top off and are rewarded by having the whole box rip and the contents go flying.

    Effin’ Mac-n-Cheese!! >:(

  20. DerekLutz
    June 1st, 2010

    Brought to you by the same people that created the plastic bags inside boxes of cereal. Tough to open and if pulled too hard you’ve got cereal everywhere.

  21. Barb
    June 1st, 2010

    It IS easier to make homemade. Three ingredients. Cheese (the GOOD cheddar as Ina would say), milk, noodles. That’s it.

    But good call, the fake-o perforations on cardboard packaging have been bugging me for about 20 years.

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    Tommy replied on: June 3rd, 2010 at 4:24 pm

    Don’t forget the 1 pound of butter, Ya’ll!

  22. June 2nd, 2010

    Jillian, I feel your pain.
    Since I recently had dental suregery, my soft foods diet has included lots of instant mashed potato flakes.
    The boxes cannot be opened without a tool, no matter how strong and angry I am.
    (I’m both when I’m hungry)
    Would a pull tab be too much to expect?

  23. June 2nd, 2010

    BTW, this photo you made Jill made it to The Chive today.

  24. June 4th, 2010

    Thank you! A million times, thank you! I have eaten innumerable boxes of Kraft mac n cheese, and not ONCE have I successfully pushed on that area and opened the box!! LIES!!!!!!!!!!

  25. Sean
    June 9th, 2010

    I also have problems with “insert tab here to close” such as crackers or cereal boxes. The glue is on there so thick it tears the flaps or the ear that folds into the opposite flap.

  26. Samantha
    June 14th, 2010

    I had that exact thought yesterday! I’m glad I’m not the only one!

  27. Lena
    July 15th, 2010

    It’s about time somebody identified this crime against humanity…

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