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Next Food Network Star: Episode 2 Recap (6/13/2010)
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Another week, another episode of Next Food Network Star! The show opened with Giada telling the finalists they’d be “working on the fundamentals” of being a celebrity chef. No, not how to show precisely the right amount of cleavage while boiling water, but how to cook and talk at the same time.
“In order to be a star on the Food Network, you have to be able to cook while still engaging the audience,” she said, with the emphasis clearly on the whole “GAG” part.
For the challenge, each person was given one minute on camera to complete one step of Giada’s lasagna recipe. Sadly, these people were still simply awful in front of the camera. Aarti was one of the worst. She basically said she was going to “add some color” – and then awkwardly peeled a carrot for 60 seconds before nervously saying “yum.”
Brianna wasn’t much better. She was very nervous and had a hard time completing her challenging task of OPENING A CAN OF BEANS. “As soon as I walked out, I heard BOOM, BOOM, BOOM,” she said. Surprisingly, it wasn’t her heart pounding, but the sound of Bobby Flay punching a wall upstairs after losing another throwdown.
Can we talk for a minute about what Das did to his poor spinach? He said he was just going to remove the “access” water from it, but then squeezed it REALLY hard, like he was trying to turn it into a fucking diamond or something. It wasn’t pretty. If he’s that hard on his greens, I don’t even want to know what he does to his potatoes.
After the challenge, Giada took the opportunity to give the finalists some constructive criticism. She told Aria to try not to talk down to people, and told Brad that words like “nice” don’t have any real meaning (…this coming from the woman who uselessly says the word “perfect” every 2.7 seconds on her show). No one was named the winner, which was fitting, because they all blew harder than Bear Grylls while trying to start a fire in the middle of the desert.
And while we’re talking about Giada, was it absolutely vital for the Food Network to air her annoying Target commercial 127 times during tonight’s episode? Seriously?
Anyway, the next day, the finalists walked into the Food Star kitchen and found Duff Goldman hovering around a bunch of tables covered in fattening carnival foods. At first, I thought Duff just finished battling a severe case of the munchies and forgot to clean up. But as it turned out, he was there to introduce the next challenge. The contestants had to create savory dishes inspired by carnival foods. And the corniest part? The dishes were assigned to the finalists by a plastic fortune telling machine guy named Zoltar. I guess Miss Cleo was busy.
Sadly, the food prep scenes weren’t very comment-worthy tonight… except, that is, for Aria’s meatballs. The woman literally had dozens of sheetpans, each containing dozens of meatballs, simultaneously cooking in at least 4 ovens in the Food Star kitchen. It was ridiculous. I don’t know exactly who the hell she thought she was feeding, but let’s just say the movie could have been renamed “Cloudy With A Chance Of Aria Spazzing Out And Cooking Enough Meatballs To Feed The Entire NFL.”
Once at Santa Monica Pier, the finalists finished prepping their dishes before handing them out to 100 hungry people. So, how did they do?
The crowd hated Paul’s lame jokes (“Yeah! I’m a white boy cooking Asian food!), and found Dzintra to be “slow” and “awkward” (because it took what felt a lightyear for her to poke a toothpick through a single raspberry). They also were turned off by Brianna and Das, and were bored to death by Brad and Doreen. Aren’t we all?
The judges said Serena, Aarti, Das, and Aria were the best performers of the night, but ultimately named AARTI the winner. As such, the show was edited to make Aarti look like she was the crowd favorite, despite the fact that she’s continually displayed less self esteem than an overweight 13 year old with braces. One woman in the crowd even said she could “taste the love” in Aarti’s tandoori chicken. I hate to break it to her, but I don’t think it was “love” she was tasting. Odds are it was just a petal from that stupid flower in Aarti’s hair.
BEST CLOSED CAPTION OF THE NIGHT:
It was no surprise that Paul, the world’s least funny improv comic, was in the bottom 3 tonight. He was joined by Doreen and crazy Dzintra, who spent half the night having odd conversations with herself like Leonardo DiCaprio in Shutter Island. In the end, though, DOREEN FANG was eliminated from the show because her pulled pork was tough, and her culinary point of view was total bullshit (“I want to cook food that people can appreciate!”)
And that brought this week’s episode to an end! Was the right person eliminated? Will Paul be funnier next week? Will Giada cut off all Serena’s hair with a pair of her kitchen sheers from Target while she’s asleep? Stay tuned and find out!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 8 Recap (8/1/2010)---Next Food Network Star: Episode 5 Recap (7/11/2010)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 6 Recap (7/18/2010)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 7 Recap (7/25/2010)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 1 Recap (6/6/2010)
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126 Responses
As soon as I saw Zoltar, I thought you would have fun with. Hehehe! I bet his moving eyes are stuck lookin’ up!
And the picture of Brad. He looks like he just got word from Justin to’ knock it off’ ya dam fool!
What would have been funnier is if Zoltar told Brad he had a circusized peanuts (think about it)…..
I think they should have canned all 3 of the “loser” finalists. Any guy who calls me “honey” other than my husband/father is gone. Doreen absolutely did not belong there (how DID she get there, I’d like to know) and Dzit, or whatever her name is, think she’s all that, but in fact isn’t much of anything but an annoying nutcase. Haven’t liked her since the eye thing, hope she’s next to go. And then there’s Giada, herself, who’s ugly expressions on her face tell it all.
Can I get an AMEN to that?! I’m there with ya!
AMEN!!!!!
As soon as they put that “you needed more funny” byte in the recap of last week, I knew that tonight’s episode would be featuring a special guest appearance by Michael Scott. Who studies improv for over a decade? You’ve got to realize that maybe it’s not the thing for you. That said, Plan B should not be a reality show to become a fake chef.
Also, I’m waiting for someone to do a little background research into Dzintra Dzenis. It’s been established that the Scripps people are not good at the vetting process (JAG from Season 3, Mikey V from Design Star). They’re gonna find her real name is like Mary Stein and she like was in a mental institution after she punched a police horse for whispering lewd Celine Dion songs to her. Or something crazy.
This show is upsetting.
That girl is freaking nuts. No two ways about it.
Yup. I’m dzinterested in seeing Dzintra go much farther than next week’s ep. Altho, I must admit … she’s pretty good for some major WTF?!? moments in this show!
:-D
She dzerves kudos for the WTF moments, Lana.
But she may have some kind of mental dzease.
Should probably stop this before I dzend into madness
Freeze! Agent Michael Scarn! FBI!
Maybe the jerked brainiac Bob Tushman brought Guzintra along for a good easy cry from someone each week.
That guy is a detestable swine.
“Paul, you are mean spirited, but the blonde’s cooking sucked hard and fast on asphalt and she is a horrible, unlikable person with major mental stability issues. That’s why we selected her in the first place, but it’s not our fault she is a weirdo. You’re safe.”
The words these judges use to tear these people apart could certainly be used for at least half the people they are responsible for putting on air. There is probably someone who can cook better than Gordita Dell’Laurentis in the world and has a more attractive, less condescending personality.
What a show. It’s a trainwreck of titanic proportions.
I don’t think I could stand there and have Princess ( I can’t boil water in front of a crowd) Giada tell me how important it is to be able to talk and cook at the same time. Let’s see you do it first.
Every year they have some odd ball blond that they keep on for several episodes for no apparent reason. The first year they had some shoe model. There there was weird Columb. Lets not forget crazy glass smashing Jen. This year there is this ‘Dizzy’ chick who is just plane annoying. They think she”ll be a good person to watch?
Doouchman seems to have a real attitude this year.
Not even my extra large cup of chicory coffee with extra sugar could keep me awake through this. This show seems to get worse every year. To quote from Woody Allen from Bananas: “I object, your honor! This trial is a travesty. It’s a travesty of a mockery of a sham of a mockery of a travesty of two mockeries of a sham.”
I’d say substitute show for trial, but watching this thing is a trial.
It does get worse every year. I’m at the point where I DVR it, but I don’t even get around to watching the episode until about a week later because I just don’t have the energy. I just look on this site to find out who got kicked off. So yay Jillian for keeping us entertained.
WHen Ms. Dell’Laurentiis was put on the hotseat on Iron Chef, didn’t she really suck? I’m pretty sure she got creamed.
Oh, but she has a line of crap made by children in China to sell at Target, so she’s an expert.
Yeah, and she got creamed by RACHAEL RAY. So that is really saying something.
That was really a Batali vs. Flay competition IMO. Without those guys they both would have crumbled.
That’s true, I don’t remember the judges being all that crazy about either of their dishes.
Paul should have gone home. I mean, Doreen SERIOUSLY screwed up, but at least she was creative and didn’t cop out. Not only was Paul overwhelmingly annoying, his lame use of the caramel corn was still disgusting.
Shoulda tossed all three of them
Guzinta, as in “5 Guzinta 10 2 times” is a wackadoodle.
I agree with BCA that Paul’s “interpretation” of caramel corn was a complete copout and his so-called personality is grating, IMO
Doreen’s POV: I want to cook food that people like–WTF? Who DOESN’T want to cook food that people like? Jeebus
I can’t stand Dzinta and her “issue” ridden personality. I also have to say that I’m glad that Doreen is gone, because it was painful watching her crooked mouth and weird face gestures. The other guy deserves one last shot in my opinion. I don’t think he’ll be there long though.
We were always taught that our private parts were “guzin” and “guzinta!” she is a loser but that’s all I can think of when I see her!
I haven’t watched this one yet but I knew from last week Doreen wouldn’t last long. I mean her screw up with the Wolfgang Puck lunch and her video was just awful, and she clearly has no confidence in herself. If you leave something off the plate you never tell the judges that! You just act as if things are normal.
I know this is barely related to NFNS, but did anyone watch Cupcake Wars afterwards and see how FN gave away the winner in the promo? They’re at it again.
I got to say that one clip, with they “I didn’t like your cupcake, IT SUCKED.” and then the dramatic music boom, just sent me over the edge. Plus, way make a show about 2009′s most overhyped food aside from pork belly.
I watched part of it. My GOD, what on earth was up with all the bacon??
If there is one cupcake so overhyped it could stage world domination, it’s the bacon cupcake.
Are we entirely SURE this is the correct showing of NFNS? Are we SURE it isn’t the people from Worst Cooks in America crossed with the sound track (off and on) for NFNS? The hosts are all wrong but maybe they have changed that too. But the contestants are right on. Is this “techie” world, that would be possible.
@Meg, I felt the same way about the first ep.
:-D
This is a really good point. The contestants are interchangable.
I see they’re casting for season 7 already. Maybe next year they can have a FNH challenge? Where the contestants have to put up with our critiques and comments without breaking down in tears. Yeah, that’d show who REALLY could be the Next FN Star, eh kids?
;-)
It’s already over. Did anyone else catch Bobby and Bob discussing what the NAME of Aria’s show would be, in front of the other contestants? “Aria’s Family Meals.” “Yeah! That’s perfect.”
I figured they were using the first couple of challenges to decide who they wanted to push through to the end, but I didn’t think it would come this early. Unless Aria screws something up on a JAG-level, I’m pretty sure she’s getting handed this competition.
Well maybe that’s because she can talk to an audience and cook easy tasty food. Isn’t that what all these contestants are sopoused to do, but can’t?
I think that Arti has a good chance, if she get’s herself to a therapist or life coach ASAP.
@kc95: That’s essentially my point: if it’s only taken 4 (if that) challenges for the FN brass to figure out who they want, why do we need to watch another 9 or 10 weeks of people getting eliminated? They could have made Next FN Star into a 2-hour special and achieved the same result. And if, as I’m sure they’ll claim, people really do want to watch the trainwreck contestants, then why not do a show like Worst Cooks In America and call it Worst Food Hosts in America?
@Jenn: If reality show editing rules have taught me anything, it’s that repeated mentions of an insecurity is a buildup to a future episode where said insecurities cripple the person into getting eliminated. Aarti also doesn’t seem like she could hit the Lowest Common Denominator audience FN aims at. Now Cooking Channel, maybe…
Red hearing. Remember last season when Debbie(who is Korean BTW) could do no wrong they constantly talked about how great she was and allowed her to get away with whatever.
Mean while Melissa was slowly gaining momentum in the background.
In a perfect world, the idiot judges would have the tables turned on them and all the contestants that they ripped in their nasty was would get to force them to jump and spin like dancing bears.
I would love to see Tushmann go through that. There is something awful about that guy. No humor in this show, just negative angst. Is Giadzilla really trying to help these people or rip them apart? Who is she to judge?
The mentor role is looking like a judge before the real judging, lol.
My wife and I flat out refused to watch this year’s shit-show. But reading your recaps, I not only find out everything I missed, but I realize that I have much more fun reading your remarks than I could POSSIBLY have had by watching!
Thanks!
This show just keeps getting more farcical every season.
So painful to watch, yet I can’t look away. The contact embarrassment from Achoo-Guzintra-Thank You is too much to bear.
I find ALL of the female contestants annoying but Aarti seems to constantly look for praise.. and the one they kicked off kept pulling that bulldog look with her mouth..
This is the most boring, annoying & talentless group ever.
Is it me or do they all look like celebrities – Brad the justin timberlake look alike with that stupid hat; Das – the dmx look alike…arent they supposed to have actual cooking talent???
I hope aria wins because she is the only one with talent.
Dzintra is a crazy disaster; Serena needs to drop the accent she is from nyc get over the italian thing no more screaming at the top of your lungs- she totally thought she won until aarty party won lol
How did caramel corn tom stay & tough pork doreen stay ???
She had the concept down at least !!!!!
AAAARRGGGHHH so frustrating
Serena is manic. She frightens me.
There’s a guy on Hell’s Kitchen with a supposedly fake Italian accent too…maybe it’s a trend.
The NFNS…Ladies and Gentlemen, it’s Luigi from The Simpsons! Or Chico Marx, now that would be funny!
(and don’t you know that a hat makes you cool? LOL)
I found it hilarious that the Italian lady pronounced “ricotta” like ricotta, not the way Giadzilla does, “reeeh-coooat-tahhhhh”.
Now that there’s a real Italian, shut the fuck up Giada, and stop with that bullshit over-annuciation. Got it?
Serena has grown on me a little bit. She’s too talky and I don’t know if I could take a whole show of her but she’s sweet and expressive. Her food looked great last night. Calm her down, give her a Xanax and put her up against Giada.
The unintentionally educational moment on this show came during last week’s episode, when the gang went shopping for Brad and brought back… farm-raised, previously frozen salmon. Brad rightly understood that you wouldn’t dare serve something like that in an upscale restaurant to anyone who understands food.
Now, mind you, there’s nothing exactly *wrong* with farm-raised, previously-frozen salmon; it’s kind of the boneless skinless chicken breast of the sea. It’s something you can eat, it’s caloric, it won’t kill you, and it’s vaguely salmon-like. I’m sure that Brad intended to serve it, and when criticized about the lack of flavor, he was going to point out that *he* wasn’t the one who did the shopping.
Of course, it didn’t quite turn out that way. Brad served the salmon, and Wolfgang Puck called it “the best realized dish of the night.”
Think about what that ‘praise’ means for a second. Puck wasn’t saying it was the tastiest dish he’d ever eaten. He wasn’t even saying that it was a good dish. Puck was explaining — and it slipped past the FN editors — that Brad displayed actual cooking skills among a gaggle of people who can’t cook at all.
So keep that in mind: when Brad is kicked off the show — and he will be — the only person who can cook tolerably well will be gone.
Yep I caught that too. Brad was obviously very surprised that Wolfgang complimented him, but Brad had no idea how badly the other’s dishes must have been.
I don’t think Brad will make it because frankly he is just too boring on camera. I’d watch a real chef doing a cooking show because I want to get tips, but they know most people watch FN for the entertainment value, not because they actually want to learn to cook which is sad IMO.
Go watch PBS if you want to watch a real chef cooking. Freakin’ Eric Ripert has a show over there. Rick Bayless to.
Paul was okay till I saw him with money in his mouth during the shopping segment…ugh!
dah…I meant Brad, not funny man Paul
OMG. I had tuned in 3/4 way through the show and had been wondering who the hell Zoltar was! ROFLMAO, Thank you for sparing me the agony of watching the rerun.
Now if I can only get Cup Cake war out of my head I will be fine.
Wasen’t Zoltar from Big?
Yes, I thought the same thing!
Yep! Zoltar is from Big! I wondered if I would get through the comments and have someone mention it. :)
Where did they find these people? They are cringe-inducing. What would possess Doreen to go for pulled pork? And Brianna’s drop dead stare when she was asked about the peanuts–yikes. Dzintra is going to go next, I predict. Tom–still looks unwashed and clueless. He seems like he wandered in from some other reality show audition and is not quite sure where he is. Paul–meh. Brad is so sure he is an AWESOME cook, yet he couldn’t discern an acrid burned taste to his food? How can you miss that?
Yeah, Dzintra? Train wreck.
Serena? Unbelievably annoying. Tone it down a little, jeez!
Brianna? Super-hyper-mega bitch.
Paul? Just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll be going home soon.
Bob Tuschman? Relishes doling out criticism and makes me cringe at his descriptions of people’s screw-ups.
Serena is an attorney? I wonder if she goes to court and presents in front of court? You’d think she would have learned to speak slower by now. There’s a lot of public speaking in her career.
Tuschy and Susie sit there with sorrowful faces and make bitchy comments–stunned, STUNNED by what duds the contestants are. Didn’t they have a say in the process? They always act is if the personable connoisseurs who auditioned turned overnight into inept nose-pickers. I don’t believe that Dzintra wasn’t a flake in her audition, that Doreen didn’t look deer-in-the-headlights, that Paul wasn’t a mediocre cook. OWN these finalists, Food Network! You inflicted them on us.
Well said!
Yeah, and Susie with this “I don’t understand what’s going on” bit as if she had nothing to do with it. And duh, Susie, the same thing happens ever season.
BRAVO!!! Well said and so true!
Well, this show hasn’t been about finding a new FN host
since season 2. And their ratings have shown that people eat
up this contrived, drama ridded crap. They don’t give a
rat’s ass if you complain about it. They only care if you
quit watching it.
Ok, all I have to say is that if Dzintra does not go next episode, I am going to get cardboard cut-outs of the selection committee and introduce them to my frying pan. First off, it’s a little weird how she’s tried on three separate occasions to earn a spot on the show. Not only do I wonder what the selection “committee” was thinking, why didn’t she get the message after the first two times that NO ONE wants to see her on TV?! Another thing I absolutely cannot stand about her, besides the flat-out weird personality and cooking is how virtually every challenge she claims that she is at a disadvantage or that she has to cook the hardest thing. (Like when she talked about having to do the cotton candy dish). It’s pretty annoying. You’re not the only one cooking difficult food, Dzebra.
I totally agree. All of these competition shows seem to have the person that tries out over and over. And then they get on and are crazy. Dzintra’s complaining is so annoying. She is either put upon or is given the easy stuff. her comments in the Giada challenge were hilarious.
Can not STAND Dzintra and Aria! Aria is just another Rachael Ray clone, nothing new imo. Dzitzy is just a frigging fruitcake. The dude with the caramel corn should not have moved on. Totally didn’t use the ingredient properly!
This season more than others they seem to be flat out copying Top Chef. With a little project runway thrown in a la Giada doing the TIm Gunn thing.
Yes my wife and noticed the same thing, the music, the editing, even the final room is more like Top Chef. If NFNS was a term paper, they would be flunked and expelled for plagiarizing Top Chef.
Zoltar? Really? What is this shit? And did the judges have to keep invoking his name during the evaluation like he was a real person? “So Dzintra, Zoltar gave tyou cotton candy.” WTF? Does Aoltar have a line of cookware coming out at WalMart soon? Such nonsense.
After the first episode, I gave paul a pass and wanted to see what an improv/coic guy would do. Answer: epic fail. Not only was his food a copout, buthis “humor” was way off the mark. He can’t read his audience. He thiks he’s in a club where it’s OK to call females “honey” and make whiteboy cooking Asian food jokes. Seriously? This proves he doesn’t have the intelligence to think on his feet. Dzintra? How about Dzizater? Either she gets booted next week or I’ll instruct my cat to shoot me in the head. Pulled pork in an hour? Doreen are you kidding me? U desrved what you got. Tom still looks scuzzy and spastic. Aarti, self esteem is on sale at KMart this week. Get some.
I thought Paul learned how to talk to women from the old SNL sketch “Two Wild and Crazy Guys” that Steve Martin and Dan Akyroyd did (yes, this was way before the time of many readers here.)
I expected him to say “Bring on over your big American breasts to my table to eat my white boy Asian food! I am a wild and craaaazy guy!”
Yeesh, he’s gotta go.
So do almost all of them. Aarti and Herb are the only ones who don’t make me gag.
LOL, Boston Dan…I know! They kept talking about Zoltar like he was a real person…Why couldn’t they have just said, “Brad, you were given peanuts as your inspiration”, instead of recalling it as though Zoltar was a sentient being who had matched each contestant up with a circus treat?
The crowd hated Paul’s lame jokes (”Yeah! I’m a white boy cooking Asian food!), and found Dzintra to be “slow” and “awkward” (because it took what felt a lightyear for her to poke a toothpick through a single raspberry).
Lightyear = distance.
@Guido I think most of us had noticed that but we figured what Jill meant by using that expression.
I don’t know what you’re all complaining about, this show is FUNNY! LOL! Everytime Dziness started talking to herself I’d burst out laughing. And her meal? Really?
I have to say, I like Aarti, Brad and Herb. Aarti would be like a breath of fresh air on FN, totally different to what they have right now (if only she went to that self esteem sale going on at K-Mart— yes, that was a joke), Brad looks so innocent and unspoiled somehow and Herb… I just like his CPOV. If he can really make any meal into a healthy tasty dish I’m sold!
Brad… Hmm.. may not be the best chef, but there’s something very cute about him.
I’m suprised no one has flipped that table. The one that the so called judges with the superior palates sit. You know just say wtf!!? and flip it.
I have avoided this series in the past, but thought I’d spend a few minutes with the first episode and this one yesterday since it was raining and crappy out. I was right in the first place. Awful contestants, and awful judges. I actually think the judges are worse. Does anybody remember Wolfgang Puck’s show? The lamest, most inept TV chef ever, with that rictus of death frozen grin and inept patter. It actually made my ears turn red from embarrassment when he was on.
Bob and Susie are nasty, often for no good reason other than to be nasty. Giada brings to mind the priest who taught us about “vagina dentata” when I was in high school. And Bobby Flay is a dope whose opinion of himself is so high he runs around challenging people who’ve been making an item for decades with some god-awful variation to show how very upscale and trendy he is, only to get his hat handed to him more often than not.
Blech!
This show is like a massive trainwreck that had the Hindenburg and Skylab smash into it one after the other, BAM BAM.
I think that’s why I’m watching it…
I’m also getting really sick of Giadzilla’s condescending, holier-than-thou attitude toward the contestants. As if she doesn’t have a director bitch-slapping her upside the head during the taping of her show. Otherwise we’d probably see Todd in the high chair and poor Jade strapped to a valiumed polo pony. (And who the fuck names their kid Jade these days anyway????)
She was on the today show a while back with one of her regular pregnancy updates. She said something along the lines of Todd was a wasp and she didin’t want any waspy names as they were to boring. Jade is some variation of her name (Why wouldn’t it be always about her.)
Giada’s so crabby! I laughed when she talked about ‘dead air’ since she’s the QUEEN of filling it with 8 syllable aaaaaannnnnnnddddds.
Giada is “jade” in Italian. How many women name their daughter after them?? The last time I heard of someone named Jade was when Mick Jagger and his wife Bianca had their daughter back in the 70s. What an ego Giadzilla has! Love that name (Giadzilla) BTW!
I had a friend in high school named Jade, her last name was equally hippie-ish and actually was really cool.
I think I’ve figured out why the contestants are so bad. Being a finalist on the show requires that you can devote “up to 7 weeks” to filming the show, for next season, “during winter 2011.”
Who can do this? Independently wealthy people, mommies who have husbands who make enough money to support them, and unemployed losers. If they shot on some sort of realistic schedule, like in 2 weeks, lots more people could try out for the show knowing they could use some vacation time. But 7 weeks? Yikes. It might also help if they did it in the summer, at least that way it would open the field to schoolteachers and folks like that.
You nailed it. I think Jeffery from last year was def. looking forward to the gig and making money.
All these people look unemployed, come to think about it.
Paul is this season’s version of Teddy Folkman. Just a painfully unfunny son of a bitch.
I was truly disappointed with this episode. It feels so contrived. I cannot believe that these “chefs” are so uncreative, stiff, and plain boring. But, I shouldn’t be surprised because FoodTV is hardly worth watching lately. I certainly agree the fix is going to be in for Aria and Aarti…Rachael Ray probably should retire, and there isn’t an Indian cooking show on FoodTV currently.
There is an Indian show on The Cooking Channel, but it is a reshowing of a British show and there aren’t any new episodes.
I don’t think there is one on FN.
I wonder about all the people that these contestants beat out to be on the show. Could they really be that bad?
Actually, I would like to get on the show to say some very powerful cooking mission statement like, “I want to cook food so fantastic that parents will sell their children to buy it” Of course, that will never make it past the studio heads.
Then Suzy will say something like “I’m just not getting to see the real you. You need to tell us who you are.”
Yeah, that was uncomfortable…who are you, why are you here, why are you HERE!!! WHY ARE YOU HERE!!!!!
WHAT’S SO FUNNY ABOUT ME!!!!
No one’s mentioned Tushy’s LAME vest and the way he was walking around with his hand in his pocket. Nerd!
LMAO!
Tooshie is too short for the jeans and vest thing. He looked lke an animatronic Dapper Dan doll.
I agree, it seems like there’s way more cannon fooder than genuine contenders this season.
Aria, I feel, is clearly the contender. She has the holy trinity of having TV presence, a marketable brand for FN, and apparently has the culinary ability (because, with the supposedly bland meatballs that she had to make the last minute, she still was in the top four.)
Aarti is very appealing but may sabotage herself with her own lack of confidence and nerves in front of the camera. If she can get momentum, she’s the only one I can realistically see competing with Aria. Brad is a dark horse, but his TV presence is bland at best and I see no reason for FN to air a show that is sort of like Anne Burrell’s only with a bland Timberlake impersonator. Herb at least has some semblance of TV presence and a defined marketable brand for FN but doesn’t seem outstanding in any category rather than just competent across the board. Serena is the best of the rest, in that she can at least cook but can’t quite sync the TV presence. The rest are cannon fodder. Dzintra acts like what would happen if Jennifer Coolidge played a character that was a TV chef under the influence of cocaine.
The winner at the end of this whole charade will be AARTI…think about…FN has no one representing Indian food.
That’s actually what I’m hoping for. Hers is the most unique perspective, while everyone else can easily be fit into a pre-existing Food Network chef’s category.
There’s a reason there’s not a chain of P.F. Singh’s out there, because Indian food doesn’t hold giant appeal to the general population. Her show would last all of 5 episodes.
I think that’s only because Indian food looks vile. People need to taste it. There’s no way to make Indian food presentable, it all looks like puke but it’s very good food.
Samosas don’t look like crap. Naan doesn’t look like crap. Bhajis don’t look like crap. O god I need Indian food.
Sandra Lee’s ‘naan’ looks like crap. But then again that’s because it’s not naan.
Okay, not all of it looks like crap, but a lot of it does. But I’m defending Indian food, I love it! But sometimes it’s incredibly visually unappealing.
Imagine our disgust when Aarti whips that flower off her head and tosses it into a dish. Indian Flower Cookery Made Easy ~ follow Aarti into her garden and cook with what she puts in her hair. Brought to you by Head and Shoulders.
Herb and Das will win, and then will have to slug it out over the cooked spinach.
I’M GONNA KICK THE CRAP OUT OF THIS SPINACH! GET OUT OF MY WAY HERB!!!
I think I’m gonna have me some Dzinty Moore and a cake made with Dzuncan Hines cake mix and frosting.
Rev, I dzon’t think you’re giving the show the dzignity it dzeservzes. You’re dzjust dzjealous that you’re too dzumb to be on the Dznetwork. Oh, gotta go, a new episode of Dziners, Dzrive-Ins, and Dzives is on….
Dzoubtless, you’re dzeliberating about dzignity before watching the the Triple Dz is dzynomite!
Dzhundheit!
Alliteration assholes announces Aria and Aarti are aannoying.
Can anyone please explain the appeal of either of them to me? Aria needed to be beaten down after that condescending bullshit in the first challenge. It was offensive to anyone with half a brain. She’s Rachel Ray with even more chubb. What’s so great about her? I so hope this initial love-fest is a decoy to her crashing and burning and going off into the sunset with her girl-son. And Aarti? She does food videos and she’s that’s blank behind her eyes on camera? And take the damn flowers out of your hair, it’s not cute EVERY SINGLE TIME!
Food Network, I swear to Jeebus and the Spaghetti Monster I will not even consider watching a show with either of them. I will set a season pass on my Tivo (with repeats) for Amy Finley’s Dance Party featuring DJ Debbie Kimchi Lee (I swear to actual God that I will sue you for a cut of the money if you start using that, Debbie) first.
Someone even close to being a professional chef knows you can’t make pulled fucking pork in two hours. Asian Katie Holmes and her stroke face deserved to go after that brain fart.
I’m still convinced Herb or Brad wins. I still think they want a more-or-less normal dude for a show. None of the girls add anything new to the lineups.
I’m already tired of hearing how the winner is supposed to suddenly be crowned the ruler of some food empire. They’ve gotten all of ONE star out of this competition. Back up the fucking bus and find someone worthy of gently washing Wolfgang Puck’s balls before you think you have some amazing brand, Susie.
Thank you for bringing up the obvious point about Giada and criticizing nice. It was “perfect,” Jillian. Gorgeous aaaaannnnnd perfect. And did Susie teach Giada that default shit-eating half-smile we saw 40 times in her commercial, or is that a natural “yes, I really am a bitch” look?
Scruffy, I love how you write…you have me laughing here!
Nice. Perfect. Just like that. There.
And my favorite (not!) Giada expression: Look at the colors! How about looking at the colors in your hair and spending a little money to get your roots touched up?
I hate all these people. Not dislike, HATE. I hate the fact that these people were chosen from probably hundreds of thousands, and this is the best they could come up with. Watching my dog jerk off with his own mouth is more fun, and let’s just say when he’s done, the ending is MUCH more interesting. The problem is when a network like the FN makes so much money, they think everything they do is golden. Little do they know I watch FN at night when I’m trying to fall asleep.
Holy crap, thanks for that disgusting laugh, I needed that.
In terms of personality it seems the only thing accomplished by any of these people was feigning an absurd level of joy at seeing that goofball Duff Goldman enter the room. Nobody calls him the “Ace of Cakes”. They call him cakeboy. Except Bobby Flay. They’re friends. They go bra shopping together.
I really do think they need to keep an eye on Dzintra. She worries me in a way that makes me wonder if we’re going to be reading about her in the news with an arrest and a mugshot of her with a black eye after being spotted outside of ‘Butter’ licking the front windows before being abruptly hip-checked into oblivion by Alex Guarnaschelli.
Aria is another one… so saccharine like she’s hiding something. Maybe a few dead husbands in her past and a future episode of Dateline NBC outlining her arrest, trial, and convictions as well as her penchant for Fava Beans, Chiante, and Liver.
And Giada, what’s wrong with ‘nice’?
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lUZngWJeNqo
Maybe it would be best to give her what she is accustomed to and say that everything is “super” and “fabulous” like I’m sure her husband does…….
I thought the funhouse thing’s name was Dzoltar.
Bwah!
Dzuh! It’s Zoltar Dzummy! Dzidn’t you have the dzubtitles on?
I forgot to watch this time (forgot to set up Tivo) but I’m happy that Aarti made out well. I’ve been watching her youtube show and I find her really cute and charming. I hope FN doesn’t ruin her.
What is wrong with all of these people? Aarti has what appears to be a multiple personality disorder and self-destructive tendencies. Serena is completely manic (and nobody in their right mind should ever speak at that speed!) Aria acts as though she is constantly talking to toddlers. Brad is a megalomaniac with a head the size of Jupiter. Brianna is just dumb and apparently aspires to be a member of a sketchy sorority in which they strike weird poses regardless of the occasion (Brianna, you are making caramel apples. -Pose-) Das has very few brain cells and appears to be one of those people who checks himself out in any reflective surface. Paul is rude and has very little awareness of societal conventions (like not blatantly stereotyping and referring to every woman as “honey”). Tom is idiotic and furthers the stereotypes assigned to unemployed men in their mid-thirties. Then there was Doreen who couldn’t formulate a coherent sentence about her food POV, despite knowing she was on a show where there is constant harping. How dense can you be? Herb (surprisingly) is one of the more normal ones and he does push-ups randomly, leading 5 am workout sessions and randomly punches the air, while coming up with ideas like “Herb TV”. And Dzintra, poor disturbed Dzintra. She says weird things like “I want to have your babies” and “It’s like putting your egg in someone else’s womb”, maybe some issues there. And then the whole talking to herself thing. I believe that food network has some real promise with her, a show called “The Schizophrenic Chef”. I think FN needs to think about getting some psychiatric evaluations done on these people… I mean, where did they get these losers? Is America really that bad at cooking?
Gosh… you guys are tough on poor Giada! :\ I like her (save her over-use
of the word “perfect”)
You wrote “poor Giada.” OMG.
I might like her better if her name were Gziada.
The “Next Food Network Star” really should be re-titled Amateur Food Hour. At least then, it would reflect the talent featured on this show.
Am I the only one who was screaming at the TV when someone – Flay, I think it was – introduced Wolfgang Puck as “the first celebrity chef”? Apparently he forgot Julia fucking Child! Oh yeah, remember HER? Maybe it’s just me, but I consider HER to be the first real “celebrity chef.” Ffft.
Screw this show. I’m going back to watching Two Fat Ladies on the Cooking Channel. ;)
I can’t stand Dzintra, but I was a little annoyed when everyone was all, “I can’t *believe* you went to the hospital for a little something in your eye.” Um, didn’t the medic TELL her to go to the ER?
Anyway, she should’ve gone…her and “Wild and Crazy Guy” (LOL at whomever mentioned that above)
Looks like I should catch the rerun coming on in a few minutes just for entertainment and WTF’s sake! I’ve been avoiding it all week, but it looks like it could give me a dose of crazy that I’ve been missing since I haven’t been working (in the psych hospitals)!!
The show is dreadful this season. Who is picking these losers? It makes me long for the days of “Shamu” Debbie Lee!
This is two times now that i’ve landed on your website in the last four days when searching Yahoo for absolutely unrelated stuff. Kinda odd. Keep up the good blogging!