Alex Guarnaschelli »
A Sensual Reading of Alex Guarnaschelli’s Tweets: Part 2
Published on: July 29, 2010 – 2:23 pm by Michelle Madison 
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If you follow @guarnaschelli on Twitter, you know the woman’s descriptive food tweets border on porn. And thus, the idea for this feature was born. We originally recorded the audio for the Food Network Humor Podcast, but here’s part 2 again – set to video – for those who may have missed it. Enjoy!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---VIDEO: A Sensual Reading Of Alex Guarnaschelli’s Tweets---A Heartwarming Selection Of Alex Guaranschelli’s Most Fattening Tweets
---Okay – What Do You All Think Of Alex Guarnaschelli?
---Food Network Humor Podcast: Episode 3
---Food Network Humor Podcast: Episode 4
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
How could she have NEVER eaten at KFC until recently? Or, worse, how could she have NEVER EATEN at Whities?! WTF?
Well, I’ve never had White Castle, but then I am not a fan of onions in my burgers.
I don’t even know what Whities is!
As for KFC… plausible… I’ve probably only eaten 2 dozen times in my life.
Also, her mother was a well known cook in the culinary circles, I doubt they went to fast food places much as a kid. :)
White Castle? You’ve at least seen the movie, right? I mean, I LOVE WHITE CASTLE, and the closest one is a 7 hour drive.
Oh it’s White Castle. I know White Castle since I grew up in Metro Detroit. They still have them there. We never went there because they were dangerous. It’s the only fast food place that I’ve known to this day to have security guards.
Alex Guarnaschelli is a bush pig and bush pigs eat KFC.
She is obviously trying to misinform her adoring public to think she doesn’t eat mass market food and she is now being called out.
We don’t believe you Chef Nasty. You probably know the secret 11 herbs and spices better than the Colonel did.
“Alex Guarnaschelli is a bush pig”
Bwahahahahahahahahaha!! (Very scary visual, though.)
Her bucket list is eating a White Castle burger? I can die now.
I was going to ask the same thing!
It’s like someone saying they’ve never eaten McDonald’s. I mean, I know it’s barely food, but it’s tasty.
I haven’t eaten at McDonald’s since I worked there in college. My particular job was cleaning the shake machine. I was grossed out to discover that nothing in it I recognized as food. If that slop was what they fed to their customers under the guise of “milkshakes”, what ELSE was going out? I’m scared to eat there, and I haven’t since. That was 11 years ago.
I live in the Boston area and there have been radio commercials for Panera Bread recently and I swear it is Alex sensually describing their new sandwiches. Has anyone else heard it?
You nailed the irritating “to me” clause she uses so often. It’s one thing to say it, another to write it down. (But I actually like her food).
Love, love, love this blog!
That woman loves food (especially unhealthy food) way too much. I sometimes watch Food Network when I’m getting ready to go to class, and a few days ago I caught an episode of Alex’s Day Off at 8:30 am central time. Now, I’m trying to be healthy, so here I was, eating a bowl of Kashi with skim milk and strawberries for breakfast. Alex promptly began to taunt me by cooking eggs in bacon grease, topping olive oil-soaked potatoes with an entire wheel of Camembert cheese, and frying donuts. It was completely “ridiculous,” as she would say. Now, I’m all for the occasional food porn, but Alex takes it a little farther than I think anyone should.
I saw that episode. Who am I kidding, I DVR it. And that cheese/potato thing look HOrrendous.
Now, I love cheese, and I love potoatoes, and together they taste like magical faeries making sweet sweet love. But I would pass on that.
I would like to point out that she does say (in nearly every episode like this) that that style of cooking is for rare occasions.
Like Lucky Penny Day and Left-Handed Day and Talk Like a Pirate Day and Square Dance Day and…
Crap! When was Left-Handed Day???
I don’t believe for one fuckin second that she makes her ice cream sodas with chocolate chips and espresso, she’s just trying to sound as pretentious as humanly possible!
She seems to take in 20,000 calories a day, so I’m not surprised at all that “choco” craving.
Aunt Sandy alert – you said expresso.
I was thinking the same thing. Bet it’s an easter egg for all us regulars. ;)
Can someone fill me in on what an easter egg is?
Thanks
An easter egg is an irregularity/anomaly/inside joke that is spotted by fans of a particular genre. It is most commonly used in regards to films. An example would be if a character is wearing tan pants throughout one scene and then suddenly appears wearing blue pants with no mention of having changed clothes. It has also come to mean extra features on DVDs and video games for fans “in the know”.
The term originated with the film “The Rocky Horror Picture Show” when the cast was celebrating Easter and left Easter eggs around the set. Not all of them were found, and so some of them can be seen in the final film release.
I actually said it on purpose. I suppose the joke was lost in translation, guys.
I visit the blog daily and I love you both, but Michelle definitely has the better voice for this sort of thing.
@ludwig Perhaps that’s true. I definitely have a hard time feigning lust over things like currants and Kentucky Fried Chicken.
No I didn’t….I said espresso!
Think they were referring to Jill/Michelle, 86.
OOps…sorry….I’m a dick…… I’m getting so touchy in my old age!
Very nice followup. I think you missed an opportunity by leaving the ‘juicy’ bit out of the currants one. I loved that you sounded harsh with the tomatoes lol.
The pictures were definitely very good as well :)
I arrived
Hahaha, these make my day.
Did you say ‘expresso’ on purpose instead of espresso à la Sandra Lee?
I have no idea who she is and don’t care. I can’t stand it when people try to talk about food in a sexy (or sensual) way – like on the chocolate commercials… ‘Are you eating it or rubbing it on yourself?’ It literally makes me sick.
How the hell are you on this website and don’t know who she is??? There’s a button called “play.” If it’s that gross….. well…. don’t click it.
Bacon pulsating? That’s exactly what Alex said her slab bacon was doing in her frig before she cooked it — on a recent show. My bacon never pulsated, not even in the freezer like Melissa’s.
I think “Bacon” was a metaphor for a certain part of the female anatomy, as she was so aroused by the mere thought of that pork fat touching her lips….
Did one of you seriously say ‘expresso’? Other than that, this was incredible. Now you need to read them in Anne Burrell’s “Brown Food Tastes Good” voices.
See Jillian’s reply up-page. It was said that way on purpose, being a humor blog and all. ;)
I’d love to hear a growling version — good idea, Luna. :)
I’m convinced that Alex G. is writing those ridiculous tweets just so we can make fun of her. Who writes about food like that? Seriously! I’m embarrassed FOR her.
Mooooooo. I think this cow is pretty plump enough. Let’s send her to the slaughter house so we don’t have to see her ever again.
lmao!!! That was great…..I mean I love food but I’m not IN LOVE with food like Alex appears to be….
yikes!
I just wish she would say “It’s my only day off FROM the restaurant.” Not “AT” the restaurant, that does not make sense…