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Introducing Rachael Ray Lunch Totes
Published on: July 29, 2010 – 11:54 am by Jillian Madison 
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This just in from the land of the Food Network marketing machine: Rachael Ray just launched her very own line of lunch totes. She thinks they’re “fun” because they’re shaped like vegetables. We, on the other hand, think they’re EFFING HIDEOUS.
These nasty little things were first spotted by FNH reader Patti, who wrote in and shared the following witty retort:
Really?! Rachael Ray Fun Lunch Totes?! What the holy hell is this? Who is the demographic they were shooting for? “Do you miss being made fun of for being a total nerd in the lunch room like you did years ago when you were a kid? If you said yes, than this is the lunchbox for you! Take your leftover “stoup” to work in this classy Artichoke lunch tote… for only $18.95!”
What is so much “fun” about an artichoke, Rachael? Please explain the fun to me if you expect me buy a veggie shaped lunchbox.
What’s next, Douche Bag Guy Fieri lunch totes in the shape of sunglasses? Aunt Sandy’s liquor bottle shaped lunch tote? Paula’s butter stick lunch tote?
I don’t see what’s so “fun” about these things, either. They’re the complete opposite of fun. They’re LAME AND LOSER-Y. Frankly, if I saw an adult with a tomato lunch tote, I wouldn’t smile. I’d be terrified. I’d think they were prematurely released from a padded cell somewhere, and I would fear for my life.
The sad thing is, I can actually see some of the Food Network mediawhores releasing products like Patti suggested. Paula Deen butter totes. Sandra Lee alcohol totes. Nothing would shock me anymore. All I know is this: The second Giada releases a breast-shaped thermos, I’m moving to Outer Mongolia.
That, and I would not be caught DEAD with a Rachael Ray artichoke lunch tote.
(Thanks for the tip, Patti!)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Introducing The World’s First Rachael Ray / Martha Stewart Painting---Is This The Corniest Rachael Ray Photo Of All Time?
---Rachael Ray Lunches Coming To A School Near You (Seriously)
---Rachael Ray’s Ultimate Carry
---Fantastic Album Cover Lunches
THIS WEEK: Ina Garten's "beginner" recipes, new Food Network shows starting in September, thumbing through an issue of Semi-Homemade magazine, Rachael Ray's daytime talk show, Aarti's "accountability group", Claire Robinson on Big Daddy's House, another sensual reading of Alex Guarnaschelli's tweets, sink or swim voicemail, and much more.
One word: Fug-ly!
I’m loathe to admit this, but I think they are adorable for an elementary schooler!
I don’t know about that. I can imagine the poor child getting beat up for carrying something that ugly.
I was thinking the same thing!
I work in an elementary school and none of our kids would be caught dead carrying something like this – and who pays $20 for something for their kids to lose?
No way, Katie! I worked in an elementary school while I was in college. Kids are even more cruel now than they were when I was a kid.
If anyone over the age of 6 showed up with this thing, they would be made fun of, bastardized, and lambasted for the rest of their school years.
Sad but true!
Jillian, any kid who brought one of those to school would end up being shoved in a locker. These “fun” totes should come with a parental warning.
I was beat over the head with my own Trapper Keeper. Not true. I was beat up for owning one though.
NOT THE PATTI WHO WROTE THE RUDE LETTER. I TO THINK THEY R CUTE. VERY CUTE..
Yeah. Cute like Troll Dolls, rainbow leg warmers and Danny Bonaduce.
*blech*
Yeah, that letter was soooooo rude. *eyeroll* Thicker skin is in!
Yes, we know you’re not the Patti who wrote the (not at all) “rude” letter…because THAT Patti can actually spell and knows when *not* to use Caps Lock.
(I agree with you, MsFoodie!)
I am “that Patti” and thanks to DFM and Ms. Foodie for defending my honor, and my grammer!
*grammar, Patti
No one should do this to their child.
Any kid bringing them to school would get whipped like a Grand Canyon mule.
Pshh, yeah right.. can you say over-exaggeration? Unless your kid is already getting bullied, no one would touch them. They must have some nasty classmates if bringing a slightly strange LB to school would make them violent.
I brought freaking tofu cake to school as a kid and still had loads of friends. Even when my mom dressed me like an abominable blueberry snowman in the winter, no one picked on me.
Remember -that is the same child who will choose your Nursing Home one day.
Back in my day, I could picture kids bringing something like this to kindergarten, and everyone would have thought it was so cool. But now, kids are much meaner than they used to be, and are made to be “hip” and “cool” as opposed to cute.
OMG – these might be the ugliest lunch totes EVER!!! As a grown-up, I would rather take my lunch to work in my old Barbie lunch box from 1st grade than these hideous totes.
At least you got a Barbie lunch box – my parents got me a Waltons Family lunch box!! Can you freakin believe that? That thing never left my house EVER. What kills me is they got my little sister a cool Josie and the Pussycats lunch box. And my Mom was a middle school teacher!!!! Still don’t know what I did to deserve that. This post brought that all rushing back *shudder*.
I think you may win worst lunch box. I thought I had it bad with a Casper one. I brought it to school only once and the teasing went on for quite a while.
What the Guy Fieri lunch tote should look like: http://whateves.com/wordpress/wp-content/uploads/2008/02/douche1.jpg
Snort! Too funny!
Also coming your way….. the Ina Shent Lunch Tote, the Aunt Raffie Giant Mole Lunch Tote, the Bobby Flay Chipotle Chili Lunch Tote and last, but not least, the Melissa D’Arabian Horses Head Lunch Tote (teeth sold separately).
The ongoing greed of Scripps and FN is becoming reprehensible.
Some day, 50 years from now, in a university classroom, Susie Fogelson and Asswipe Tuschman will be case studies on how not to be branding gurus.
Yes, my personal style is…. eggplant! Such a glamorous looking veggie. I’ll be the envy of office.
Why does a bag have to be “fun”? What is fun about these? Perhaps you get together with others who have them and throw together a make-believe salad by cutting them up into bits?
As for kids, yeah. Other than preschoolers, I can’t imagine any kids would be caught dead with these. But, I’ll admit I’m a bit out of touch with the lunch-carriers of elementary school kids. I assume it’s still boxes with the latest cartoon characters, movies and pop stars.
Is there NOTHING these people won’t market??? Insane…. next thing they will market? TABLESCAPES. “Buy yours now, only $1999.99 plus a bottle of “good” vodka! Barfworthy curtains and matching kitchen mixers sold separately!”
You know those pop-up 3-d cards? Imagine how much fun it would be to have them table-sized…just open the card and VOILA! Tablescape!
LOL!
Hush, Ina GDV! You are giving Susie Creamcheese ideas! LOL!!
These look like they’d be marketed on QVC or HSN where people will buy anything. I can see misguided aunts or grandmothers thinking… oh my daughter (niece) watches the FNC so she’d probably like this – I’ll get her one for Christmas.
How much shit does Food Network need to market to their sheep? Those are so ugly, I feel bad for any child that is forced to carry it. The eggplant looks like a kidney!
I thought it was a mis-shapen beet at first.
My son would never carry one of these at school…..not because of teasing but because he would have no desire to carry around a huge artichoke (neither would I). Plain lunchboxes are functional and much cheaper.
Yeah these things look totally impractical as it would not be easy to stuff your lunch into an eggplant shaped lunch bag. What were they thinking?
$18.95 for those?!
The only people who will buy these are the ones who dropped $50 on a RR garbage bowl.
Not $50, Kohl’s always has them on sale for half off! A mere $25 for a garbage bowl…such a deal!
Just wanted to let everyone know.. Big Lots has Paula Deen cookware on sale…Hurry before it is all gone.. LOL
If you ask me, the eggplant-shaped one looks more like a jockstrap. Definitely not interested in carrying lunch around in a PURPLE JOCKSTRAP!
OMG, the eggplant kinda DOES look like a jockstrap! Now THAT’s funny. Can you imagine the conversations?
“Hey James, what’s that on your back?”
“Oh, this is my jockstrap lunchbox.”
I’m warped enough to do it…saying it with a straight face might be tricky, though.
LOL
They should stuff each these hideous totes with several pairs of fruit of the loom. That way your kids will have fresh undies after theirs get torn from their bodies by the wedgie patrol!
LOL…
I think I’ll stay with the old brown bag. I don’t need lunch to be that much fun.
I’m pretty sure that a line of Sandra Lee alcohol totes would be my dream come true. I’d collect ‘em like Beanie Babies.
Unbelievable! 19 bucks for a veggie shaped lunch tote? These things reek of Susie Medusa Fogelson’s merchandising “genius”. Who The Eff would buy one of these things? I think Gypsy was right. The same loser-dogs who actually paid money for a garbage bowl. This network is now officially shameless.
Is that really true? She “sells” a garbage bowl? I thought that was just somebody snarking on all the junk she keeps schlepping. I am flabbergasted by this.
I kind of like the tomato, it reminds me of those old pincushions shaped like tomatoes. The eggplant is just sad, though. And the artichoke…meh. I could see people who like sweatshirts with kittens on them being ALL OVER these!
That’s exactly what I was thinking! I actually have some of those, but how much do these “fun” boxes hold? An apple and wtf is that… pencils? The kidney jockstrap looks like it has a banana in it and some ketchup. The artichoke- I have no idea. Are they even insulated?
Maybe you just fill them up with raw meat and pour some EVOO and chicken stock in them and then proceed to touch every handle, surface and utensil in your entire kitchen. That would be fun!
Seriously though, the ribbons look like they’d fray or come off in a day or two and how the hell does the tomato even close? Too funny how they actually have to tell you what vegetable it’s supposed to be.
Aunt Sandy already has a “lunch box” for her alcohol — that’s what the paper sack is for that they wrap it in at the Liquor Store!
Man, what they won’t try to sell these days!
So they are made of cloth and look to have a very tight fit.
Oh those will be fun to clean when you kid pudding spilled all inside.
Slow day at FNH?
oh and I forgot to add, I think the most hideous thing of all about this ad is her stupid evil fake perky smile in the top corner. It’s like she’s saying, “Hey kids, buy these now! Daddy needs a new hooker!” I’ve never wanted to use anyone’s image as a dartboard this much before.
The could be re-purposed as barf-bags . . .
wow. wtf? really really ugly & stupid
I thought they were cute, too. I emailed the link to my 12 year old to see if these would qualify for getting an elementary school kid beat up or not. most kids have plain insulated bags these days – few carried anything with characters or anything on them (except for the ironically hip emo types that would sport their moms’ old metal hello kitty lunch boxes from the 80s, sames kids/moms that have made the twilight dynasty financially lucrative).
response from my kid:
ya kids would get “bullied to death”
I totally dig them in a quirky kind of way. Well, the artichoke one, the others are slightly retarded. I would rock it at my lunch table. Not for more than 5 bucks, though. I’m not that quirky.
I thought I liked the artichoke until I took a good look at it, Lizzy. It looks like an assemblage of trucker caps — really cheap trucker caps. LOL!!
They don’t exactly look durable either. If it wasn’t for the text in the ad and the comments here, I wouldn’t have known the eggplant one was an eggplant.
Same here. I spent at least three minutes trying to figure out what in the devil the purple one was until I looked up and saw the descriptions :P
I’m suddenly missing my H.R.Puffinstuff lunch box from way back. Now that way cooler than an artichoke. That’s real licensing!
Do they come with a thermos for EVOO?
This is what happens when somebody like RR has an idea, or adopts someone else’s idea..they are surrounded by buttkissing “yes” people. Nobody has the brains or balls to speak up and say “that’s stupid”, and so we are treated to $18.95 tomato lunch carriers. The good thing is that nobody will actually buy any of these..
I think they’ll be liquidated at Big Lots in time for Christmas. LOL!
Right next to the Pauler cookware they are advertising, I’m sure.
First thought: Sure fire way to get your ass kicked.
Second thought: I bet you could design a slew of tablescapes around those things.
Don’t give Aunt Sandy any ideas…please!
This must be the modern-day equivalent of a “kick me” sign.
Good grief.
You forgot one….A lunch tote in the shape of Giada’s….oh nevermind.
The Artichoke looks like my 10th grade bathing cap from swim class in 1972.
I actually want that artichoke one :(
They kind of reminded me of bento boxes at first look. Then I looked closer and they look pretty cheaply made. Yea, I know some bento boxes are as well, but they are only $4-8.
The idea of it is cute for a little kid, but if you think any parent is going to spend 20 bucks (probably plus shipping) for something like that for their 5 year old who will just destroy it and want something else next year, you’re crazy.
I’m a vegan and think they’re cute! I’d own them all just for the hell of it. lol
Not saying I’d PAY for them, but if someone were to get them for me or something I’d be cool with it.
*shrugs*
my roommate just walked by as i was looking at this and said, “awww, how cute!” WTF?! move out, now!
I’m really, really, really, really sorry that I have to say this, but them things is so cute! Want!
Shoot me now.
I needto qualify my statement, though, and say I love them for MYSELF. I would never ask a poor child to carry one of those into schoo.
$18.95 Veggie Lunch Tote
$32,452.00 4 years of therapy for my child
Come on do the math!