Next Food Network Star »
Next Food Network Star: Episode 7 Recap (7/25/2010)
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Oh look! Aria’s grossly over-reacting about something again! That can only mean one thing… it’s time for another episode of Next Food Network Star! Or, as it’s quickly becoming known in my house, “The awful show that’s keeping me from watching True Blood and Mad Men on time.”
Melissa d’Arabian, Next Food Network Star winner and host of the truly God-awful show Ten Dollar Dinners, was the guest judge for this week’s first challenge. She said her life has been crazy since she won the show (I guess all that bacon freezing has been keeping her busy), and then asked the finalists to create quick dinners using Kellogs cereals. This, of course, resulted in 15 minutes of footage of everyone “encrusting” a protein with crushed cereal bits as Giada looked on disparagingly.
Oh, and by the way, Giada, Jane Jetson called. She said she wants her wardrobe back.
Sadly, their camera presentations were horrendous this week. Aarti and her stupid fucking Paarti won again, but only by default because everyone else was so awful. Serena awkwardly sang O Sole Mio, Tom told a rambling story about a boy named “Little Timmy”, and Aria didn’t explain what Hopple Popple was. I still have no idea what the hell it is, but if I had to venture guess, I’d say it’s Guy Fieri’s favorite nickname for his penis.
Next, Bobby Flay met the finalists at a place called the Smog Shop, and told them they’d be throwing a dinner party for “40 super foodies.” As it turns out, that’s just California-speak for PRETENTIOUS DOUCHEBAG HIPSTERS. Get a load of the bitchy asshats who showed up for dinner and spent the next 2 hours acting like their shit didn’t stink!
The dinner guests were downright rude, unpleasant, and impossible to please. I’m sorry, but a guy with a POPPED LEATHER COLLAR AND GOLF CAP doesn’t really have much room to put anyone down, if you catch my drift. And what about the guy with the dense forest of pubic hair all over his face? How the hell did he even manage to get any food into his mouth at all? Good Lord. If that’s a “supper club,” I’d be fine eating alone every night for the rest of my life.
Anyway, Herb’s flan was burnt, Serena’s pasta was boring, and Aria’s carrot soup was nasty. Neither the judges nor the mean hipsters were impressed by their food, and the only funny moment came when Brad served his lamb chops and exclaimed: “It’s a lot more fun when you’ve got the bone sticking up.” Ain’t that the truth!
The top two performers of the night were Brad and “I Can Do No Wrong” Aarti. And on a somewhat random note, are Aarti’s boobs getting bigger every week or what? I don’t know, guys. Maybe it’s just me, but if I had torpedo breasts the size of Texas, I probably wouldn’t wrap them in skintight spandex and then accentuate them with a paisley vest from Paula Poundstone’s collection circa 1991. Brad didn’t seem to mind, though!
The bottom two performers were Tom and Serena, but ultimately, Serena was the one sent home. The bad news is, I sort of liked her for some reason. The good news is, we’ll NEVER HAVE TO HEAR GIADA OVER-ENUNCIATE HER NAME AGAIN.
What did you guys think of the episode? Boring and predictable, eh?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 8 Recap (8/1/2010)---Next Food Network Star: Episode 5 Recap (7/11/2010)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 6 Recap (7/18/2010)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 2 Recap (6/13/2010)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode 4 Recap (6/27/2010)
- Next Food Network Star
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183 Responses
So glad you caught that pic of Aria’s face. She freaks out whenever a challenge is announced. You’d think she’d get over it by now. Btw, LOVED her hurdling over the counter in the beginning. Still laughing about that one.
I love that part too! It actually slowed her down!
Loved her jumping over the counter also. :) I also liked how her claws came out and she said she hoped Aarti would crack under pressure while being the leader. Aria had seemed so sweet and self-confident before, but now she comes off as an insecure brat who’s relying on the failure of others to continue on instead of relying the confidence of her own skills. With her 2 bad dishes and awkward and rude interruption of Aartie, I thought she should’ve gone home.
Isn’t it amazing that Aria was the benevolent earth mother in the first episode or two when she was the frontrunner? And now she’s plotting and sniping about others’ weaknesses. She looked pissy and stunned when the judges called her out. I would love to see her sliding across that table in super slo-mo.
I think the changes in personalities for some of the people is the result of FN editing the 24 hours of time down to 42 minutes and selecting what they want to show us.
agreed, it’s all about the dramallama.
The description of that picture is spot on! ROFL
Agreed on the over-pronunciation of Serena’s name, that has been driving me CRAZY! But then, Giada, over-pronounces everything even remotely tied to Italy…but be what keeps her mouth looking wide enough to drive a semi through…
But did you notice that Serena, who seemed like a huge Giada wannabe was constantly doing a similar thing whenever she said Giada’s name it was always Jaaaaaaa Daaaaa, as if she were trying to say “See how cool I am, I am Italian and Jaaaaa Dahhhhh is my heeee roooo
I think she just doesn’t speak English very well…In fact I am positive of that.
I kind of disliked Serena due to a strange combination of crazy and boring. I still like Aarti, even if she mostly just nervously makes Indian food. Even with Bal Arneson, I feel there is a good spot for a fun Indian cook.
I love your douchey hipster comments! They made me wonder wtf FN is up to nowadays…
I liked the irony of Serena getting flack for making pasta all the time, while the judges’ pet Aarti only makes curry. Hey, Aarti, try any of the other 1000 dishes in Indian cuisine next time.
I like Brad, even though he has a brain meltdown every time he tries public speaking. But if you’re going to be a celebrity chef, I think it’s more important to actually MAKE GOOD FOOD first, and then use speaking coaches and teleprompters and a thousand takes to make your shows. Choosing celebrity chefs based solely on charisma is how we get cooks like Rachael Ray dishing out crap with a smile.
And is it me, or does Giada have freakishly short upper arms?
I do agree with that. Occasionally I remember a spinach type dish or something, but it is a lot of rice and curries. I honestly just wish that she would show she can make something outside of Indian cuisine though! Or some serious fusion or something.
Yeah, I like Brad too. Even though he has odd confused things coming out of his mouth at times, the judges seem to think he is real/personable, so I’d be curious to see his whole spiel and see what he is like.
Technical merit definitely needs to be stressed more. Inconsistency like that of Herb’s cooking (although I love the healthy approach) needs to go, whereas I feel Serena could have clung on to making good, albeit boring Italian dishes for another week if her meal hadn’t been so ill received. Does overcooked flan really beat blah pasta (although how it represented LA I’m not sure.)
Agreed, seems Aarti can do no wrong. She’s flopped twice but wins anyway. I think fnh is right about Aarti winning this already, cause of a blip by the fn’s website. An Indian making Indian food is creative and innovative? Haven’
t seen her come out of the box at all with anything but curry dishes. What about ppl that hate curry, they are out there. Serena should have beat herb and tom. Their foods really sucked and so did their so called presentations. If I wanted to hear spanish I would watch telemundo.
“But if you’re going to be a celebrity chef, I think it’s more important to actually MAKE GOOD FOOD first, and then use speaking coaches and teleprompters and a thousand takes to make your shows. Choosing celebrity chefs based solely on charisma is how we get cooks like Rachael Ray dishing out crap with a smile.”
Thank you, thank you, THANK YOU, Polly! I couldn’t have said it better. Speaking coaches and teleprompters can always help with the delivery, but there’s no substitute for good cooking.
@atdleft and @Polly, I respectfully disagree. I believe it is much more difficult to deliver a coherent verbal message to a camera / audience than it is to prepare “good food.”
Really, cooking a tasty dish isn’t THAT hard. My kids knew how to spice-rub a lamb chop and grill at 10 years old.
But if you’ve ever sat through a college-level speech class before, you’ll know public speaking is truly a challenge. And even more so for these FN “stars” who have to answer media and audience questions on the fly at festivals.
Televisions studios do not have the time and resources to do a 1000 takes. You get one, maybe two shots at any one particular step of a 30-minute program. There are, on the other hand, half a dozen people on set to prepare each stage of the dish food stylists to make it look pretty.
The FN studios, for example, schedule two 60-minute shows or three to four 30-minute shows in one 8-hour day of shooting.
Nope, I’d take a radio DJ or television news caster who doesn’t know how to cook on NFNS over a brilliant chef who can’t put two words together any day.
I agree with Lana. Being able to speak well in public is a rare skill. And it’s painful when people do it poorly. Case in point: Sandra Lee.
Polly, Giada’s forearms freak me out. But not more than the fact that her head is the widest part of her whole body.
Bless her heart…
Someone needs to ‘shop Giada’s head onto a tyrannosaurus body.
Once again, FNH hits the nail on the head!
The worst part was the “Supper Party”. If I had to dine with a group of 40 whiny, stuck-up hipsters, I’d rather eat from the rat-infested dumpsters behind McDonald’s (and the company would be better too)
I agree with You Fire, The Dinner club members looked like the same group of “stoners” that were at the food truck episode. For the life of me I dont get How they keep giving Herb chance after chance. He was terrible last night and he has sucked since his first appearence! Herb presentation was, WTF!! He screwed up the flan, and he seemed, well, “Zombie like” and the Dinner club stoners, adored that! What do I know? I thought I missed something.
The judges told Dzintra that she wasn’t comfortable in her own skin, but that description applies totally to Herb. He just seems so lost and confused. First he was Mr. Healthy Eating, then the Energy Chef, and when he was bombing out he grapsed at this straw that the judges offered of being the Latin Chef, and then he couldn’t make flan. But the “foodies” were impressed that he could speak Spanish? In LA? Wow, what a talent. He’s really the teflon contestant, he screws up one or both of the challenges every week but still sticks around. When he and Paul were screaming at each other in the lunch truck it was like a bad Saturday Night Live skit. Please send him home already. At least Dzintra was entertaining.
Think about it though. If you were a super-foodie, would you be hanging out with the cast of TNFNS?
No. But I might jump at the chance to hang with Flay and two FN exec’s, if for no other reason, then to give them a piece of my mind (however small THAT may be! *wink*)
I agree that Serena was one of my favorites. She seemed down to earth and not super over the top like Dzintra or Paul. I wanted to see her do well too even though I was expecting her to go home this week because we haven’t seen Aria’s boy-girl yet. I was hoping Aria would have gone home this week. She was being a Dzintra stealing the spotlight from Aarti.
Yeah, she probably could have executed her ‘knocking down Aarti’ plan a lot better. The people left make me miss Dzintra’s brand of crazy though. :( I will never forget that Dzintra wants all of our babies!
I loved Dzintra smacking herself on the head, saying “Think, Dzintra, think!”. I was hoping her show would be called “Cook, Dznintra, Cook!”
Dzizzy must have been channeling Lola Heatherton.
“I LOVE you, Bob Tuschman, I want to BEAR YOUR CHILDREN. HAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAAHAAAAAAA!!!”
So Aria is a conniving backstabbing gamer, huh? (interrupting Aarti) File that one under who’da thunk.
And why do you suppose Melissa wasn’t invited to the supper club? The 40 Foodies wouldn’t take her seriously? *snap!*
I’m surprised Jillian didn’t bring up Aria’s interruption. It was SO stupid, and she seriously sounded like a Chihuahua barking, and that was the second time she did that, especially to Aarti. When Aarti gets her show, she’s definitely not going to have Aria on as a “friend” to help her cook.
As for Melissa, her inclusion was so random and awkward. Why did she have to be there? Is FN starting to think that they’re paying her too much, and want to make her work a little harder? Did they want to remind everyone that she has a show on the off chance that someone might watch it? There was no point to her. Heheh. Yeah.
Dzintra went home in part for shushing Aria, but it was clear that Aria was planning to completely monopolize what was supposed to be a team presentation. This episode just confirmed what a rude, self-centered person Aria really is, under that fake venner of niceness. She was probably an overweight kid, who had to be nice to everyone to be accepted but was full of secret anger and resentments.
Brad seems like a cool guy and I’m rooting for him, but man I totally would not be against Aarti winning just for the chance to see those puppies week after week.
I agree. Nothing wrong with Texas-torpedoes, Miss Jillian.
yeah i love women who weigh 250lbs. puke.
I’m with Gregg, though boobs aren’t my thing, personally. From a purely aesthetic perspective, her girls would be a helluva lot more appealing if the whole package did not resemble a fireplug.
I actually do love women who weigh 250 lbs. So, fire away Aarti! =)
LOL Gregg.
You can go to hell,Gregg.
What was with Giada and Melissa in practically the same dress?
I’m so sick of Aria. Loved the blow up doll!!! She’s like the kid who sits in front of the class and raises her hand all the time and gets upset when she gets a “B” and jealous if anybody does better than her. I really thought she’d be the one to go tonight for being boring.
Couldn’t stand the group of “foodies”
Aarti is so obviously the teacher’s pet. You can see Suzie drool all over her because she can sell a whole new assortment of ethnic cooking crap with Aarti’s picture on it.
Hate the mood lighting on the show.
You know, I was thinking a couple of seasons ago when they got rid of the audience voting element, they were gonna use this show as a way of bringing in people of other ethnicities, regardless of how well they did on the show, and then use them as puppets to bring in new audiences. Then I realized that the Food Network people aren’t smart enough to conspire. The only thing for which they’re using this show is to demonstrate why they hire people like Aida—all applicants are completely inept. Some people just have better teeth or a nicer racks, so they go straight through to having their own show.
Food Fan, RIGHT ON about Aria! My sentiments exactly! I swear she thought she was the front runner and winner before the show even started. Stuck up bitch.
I think the shows producers need to take a look at themselves…the contestants arent the problem, the show needs a facelift, the same old corny challenges, predictable editing, its simply losing its edge.
The flow of the show might have worked a couple years ago but its getting too staged and its just not fun to watch.
Its quite sad to watch…and i always have to change the channel when Herb is about to present, its that embarrasing.
I couldn’t agree more with this comment. Even the flashy new Kitchen that they created this year did not really add anything to the show. After all, they do so little actual cooking in it. Sending them to Whole Foods every week and having them cook at some random off-site place is just like watching Top Chef with inept participants.
I suppose there are only so many challenges one can come up with, but if they could come up with a more interesting format instead of just copying another show they might save this thing.
I feel like Serena should have went home last week, I didnt notice until they said it on the show, but she has made pasta every single week and shes seriously fucking annoying.
Not sure about that, especially because I remember her cooking steak and empanadas, but Aarti on the other hand has made consistently curry for everyone. But she is the teacher’s pet.
Aria needs to go home. It’s especially annoying how she’s still painting herself as a frontrunner with Aarti when she has had what, like three absolutely terrible episodes? Also, Tom should have gone home this week instead of Serena. Serena at least made good food, even if it was boring. Tom just waves his hands around and sounds like Seth Rogen.
You will never turn me against Aarti, FNH!! I fell in love with her on Goodbite and I will never let go. Plus her blog is totally unironically adorable.
Aria just isn’t very bright, I’m afraid. I think she lags all the other contestants by at least 20 IQ points, and she doesn’t stand much of a chance.
that doll won’t sell girls.
a serena one may. or brianna.
but no one’s buying the aria doll.
I’d buy it.
But I am pretty lonely.
The Serena Blow up doll would go head to head with Claire Robinson!
I want an Alex Guarnaschelli doll so I can experience Plateau Bum for the first time.
Seriously, this is only a contest to see who goes home next. They are all that bad. Serena made me cringe. Aria turned evil (which at least made her slightly interesting) but she has this god-awful, phony tendency to ROLL her eyes up to heaven when she starts talking or when she eats (or frankly, even before it hits her mouth) like…”OMG can you believe it?!?”. It’s so fake.
Tom the wooly mammoth lumbered around this week, crashing and bashing everything around him, including his chances in this competition. Gah!!! Little Timmy!! Huh?
Brad is boring. He takes off the hat next week. Going for the glamour, I suppose. His eyes are dead, yes? Like a fish at the market. Perhaps like a Rice Crispy encrusted tuna. “He made this in 20 minutes?” Yeah, Bob. He shredded cucumbers and rare tuna takes like 2 minutes to make. Bob is too easily impressed.
Glad at least Suze called Aria out. But her pre-school teacher expression never changed. She is souless, that one.
Don’t forget all it took was home made pomegranate syrup to make to make the Big Tush swoon.
Give Herb an “Instant cup of noodles”, to feed Bob Tushie next week and he will have a Foodnetwork show! As for Aria, she is such a gargoyle,Omg!
Wan’t it Bobby who was sooooooo impressed with that? But whatever, it was silly. She put juice in a pan. I’m home sick today been watching FN all day on my couch…today even Rachel Ray made a homemade sauce by using *GASP* a real pomegrante?
BTW…Aunt Sandy made whipped cream today–with CREAM!!!
Grillin it is awsome today…Jeffery from last season is on.
I kinda sorta was rooting for Serena, just because her mere existence in the universe seemed to piss off Miss Authentic Italia so much.
You just know she was doing a happy dance yelling Y-EESSS.
Um…interesting shoes there, Giada.
They kinda look like something you find hanging next to the Ace bandages and the support hose at the pharmacy.
You noticed them, too, did you? I saw them, but didn’t really know what to say about them. I think you nailed it with your comment about ACE bandages.
Those are the most hideous things I’ve ever seen on feet.
I love that you mentioned Aria’s Beejay face and Giada’s weird dress. I was totally riffing on both while I watched this with my husband.
I am getting seriously sick of Aria and her fakey enthusiasm and the way she always sounds like she is teaching a preschool class. I hated adults like that when I was a kid, and I don’t like them now either.
I hope Aarti wins, her and Brad are the only ones I can stand to watch for more than 30 seconds.
True, the foodies were a little insufferable, but most of them are the chefs and/or owners of some of the hottest and best restaurants in LA, so they do know what they’re talking about. The only one I had a real problem with was the blonde lady at the end of the table who I THINK is the one who runs this schmancy group, and as far as I know, her only credentials are a strong background in Evite.
I’ve loved Aarti from the start, I just wish I wasn’t privy to her precious lack of confidence. She’s the only one whose show I’d actually watch on the FN, but the more I see how utterly shocked she is whenever she does something right, the less inclined I am to listen to her as a host of something. Where’s the authority?
I *used* to like Aria, but man, what a bitch-kitty she turned out to be this episode! I like that she was called out for her shitty attitude.
“Bitch-kitty” – ahaha I lol’d.
I could not help wondering..if the Foodies are so serious about food, what the hell are they doing lowering themselves to be on this show? If they want serious food find a contest that uses serious ingredients, serious tools and serious challenges. Stay away from the serious “marketing” contest.
I was wondering that, too. I mean, presumably BobSuzeCo. told them what they were going to be attending, so I can’t imagine that they expected the food to be too good. Maybe they just wanted the face time on TV screens across America?
That said, the lot of them still struck me as insufferable twits.
Maybe they’re all trying to suck up to Bob for future exposure on the network?
How the hell do you get the title a FOODIE? What qualifies you to be one?
Put on a flat hat and act like you eat snails balls.
LMAO
heh nice :)
“Bitch stole my dress!”
I LOL’d until I passed out…then I came to and LOL’d some more!
That was pretty much my favorite comment, too.
that was a classic…thanks Jillian!
I hope Brad wins, if only because I think he’s cute. Is that bad?
All things considered I think it counts for a lot. So no it is not bad.
Amen.
Can we get an animated gif of Aria scaling the table from the beginning of the episode?
Since she is so fat that must have been hard!
That’s what made it must see TV!
A must see would have been her landing on her ass on the floor.
I was quite surprised that she didn’t. (land on her ass on the floor, that is). She certainly had all the grace of a drunken hippo.
Hands down, best part of the show.
I couldn’t find my old post where I said it, but I’ve long contended that the FN powers that be look for that annoying “FN personality type” early on in the NFNS competition, and then bend their judgements in the favor of that contestant! I knew that D’Arabian hag was gonna win out over Jeffrey, because Jeffrey wasn’t that typical annoying FN personality, and she is!
And I still don’t understand how they let D’Arabian get away with lies, because there can be no dispute, that during the competition, she was making herself out to be a struggling wife and mother who didn’t have two pennies to rub together to buy anything or go anywhere! If she said it once she said it 50 times! Now on her show, she regularly talks about trips to Paris, or when she lived in Paris. What happened to her being poor???
She was a power attorney for the Disney corporation with a wait staff and nanny (i.e. just your regular working mom.
Wow, I wish I was D’Arabian “poor”!!! I could really use a wait staff and nanny. Heck, throw in someone to type comments for me, too. Put it on Melissa D’s tab.
She also said that she was poor growing up but then mentioned learning Spanish from her maid, and on the show where they cooked on a Navy ship she said her mother was an Admiral. Huh? But she grew up in Arizona, where there are lots of navy bases?? Did any FN staffer ever check out her stories? After the debacle with JAG’s fake military career, you think FN would have been nervous about another potential “star” with such a fluid idea of the truth.
Totally awesome recap!
Boy, those hipster doofuses (doofi?) were exceedingly annoying. So jaded, so world weary, so legendary in their own minds, oh so cool.
Serena did deserve to go, though. Next to go will be a boy just to achieve symmetry–Tom?
Interesting that Herb is now Latin Boy…how can you be passionate about your culinary POV if you’re willing to abandon it at the drop of a hat?
And I’m actually OK with Aarti cooking “curry”–Indian is her POV. No one else at FN cooks curry, while RR and Little Big Head got the pasta beat covered already, and Melissa has, um, potatoes? But I’ve said before, Aarti could at least use some different names for it…
“hipster(doofi?)”
I need to borrow that, Ina Garten DaVida!
And if she really calls her show Aarti Party I will puke.
Did anyone else notice the weird striping on the back of Bobby’s jacket when he was at the supper club? It looked like he sat against something that had just been painted a la that Mentos commercial from the 90s.
Didn’t catch that, but I did notice the bright white stiching on his lapels! OY!
OMG!! Yes, it was distracting. Looked like it was stiched with fishing line.
It looked like it was in the middle of being tailored and had the basting stitches still in it.
About the suit—it was done by a contestant on the “Sewing Stars Network” new show “Tailoring Impossible”. The contestant ran out of time before he could complete the sewing, and Monsieur Bobby had to walk the runway with the chalk marks still on his suit….
I hate this show, but I love Brad. He is a truly adorable man, like a cuter and less douchey version of Justin Timberlake. I just wish he’d lose that dumb hat.
The hat is there to cover a receding hairline and/or bald spot.
He said at the beginning of the series that the hat was his grandfather’s and has sentimental value, so I doubt it is going anywhere.
I LOVED the blatant product placement!
LOL, I agree!
No worse than Top Chef and the Glad Family of Products, stored in the Toyota Pantrymobile (R)
At least that’s better than the Sienna ad campaign of Swagger Mobile and (skeezy) “Daddy Like” >shudder<
These recaps are a thousand times better than the show.
Aria has revealed her true self and I was hoping she and her over-the-top mugging would be gone this week. Get rid of her!
How does Tom hang on week after week? He’s always just kind of there. His dish looked soggy and revolting.
My husband hates Brad because he wears a hat indoors, one of his pet peeves. He always asks if Hat Boy got emininated.
Herb, ask not for whom the bells tolls…
I like Tom. He and Aarti are the only ones whose shows I would watch.
Hopple Popple = Guy Fieri’s favorite nickname for his penis *dies*
I don’t care if Aarti makes curry on every episode; she’s adorable and far more pleasant to watch than Herb “I want to pamp YOU ap” or Aria the 5′ realistic latex lady. Plus, she will never ever show me a new way to cook a freaking hamburger, and on FB, I appreciate that.
NO CHIPOTELAYS WILL BE HARMED IN MAKING AARTI THE NFNS. ;)
It looked like Bobby’s jacket still had the chalk lines on it from the tailors.
I’m really convinced that this isn’t so much a show to find a new ‘Food Network Star’ but a way to get cheap food prep for Bob and Suzie’s dinner parties.
I mean, really, how often is a Food Network cook going to have to whip up 40,60 or 100 servings of something on short notice, then present it with no preparation? Sure they do it on Dinner Impossible, but I’ve never seen Emeril or Giada pull it off.
Paul, sorry you mentioned Dinner Impossible. While not THE most annoying program on FN, it is more so than NFNS. It is almost as bad as Iron Chef America and the phony Chairman.
I haven’t seen Dinner Impossible since Robert left, then came back. I was wondering how many times they can do a show where they say: “We’ll never make the time limit”, only to come through in the end.
Their scripts are almost as predictable as a Dora the Explorer episode.
That is one of the very few shows that my husband and I enjoyed watching together on FN until Robert left. Michael Symon certainly didn’t do the job! (My husband just doesn’t like him at all.) After Robert came back, it lost something in the transitions. Every now and then, we watch the last 30 mins. as a fill-in before our local news comes on.
Glad you notice Bobby’s terrible suit too. That was awful.
Based on the Hopple Popple comment, I actually spent a moment last night conjuring up a name for a Guy Fieri porn (except it’d be acted by some lookalike with 800 lbs. of hair product in and he’d be called GUY FIERY). Boners, Drive-Ins and Vaginas. You’re welcome, America. (Also, Sandra Lee’s Semi-Homemade Porn, Who Would Brian Boitano Do, and another that I forget–probably better that way)
“Who Would Brian Boitano Do” ?
Bobby Deen.
I nearly spat out my Diet Coke (haters gonna hate) at that one. Well done, stoup, well done.
+1, stoup!
Emma, come one, don’t you have something for the Neelys?
Ron Jeremy would be a perfect Guy Fieri.
Hipster douchebags doesn’t even begin to describe it. Those dinner “guests” were so dreadful they made the contestants look positively charming.
Shouldn’t the hipsters be on Top Chef instead of TNFNS? I wonder how much FN is paying them, Wolfgang Puck, and Eva Longoria to appear on that crapfest?
Although Mz Eva claims ‘her recipes’ are on the menu at Beso, does anyone believe it’s not Todd English’s restaurant, menu and management? Eva’s just the latest bored Holly’celeb to ‘join’ a restaurant. She’s being sued over their Vegas location.
Since FN is now dedicated to hiring ‘accessible home cooks’, then Eva fits right in. She tells her private chef to make guacamole and he does…and then she can claim it’s ‘her’ recipe. LOL
I am SO glad I do not watch this show. I don’t think it’s all about showing why they hire people like Aida, though. I think it’s to create drama for ratings, period. Look at how they treat the cooks. Look at the impossible things they want them to create. Look at all the pauses and negativity they use to try to escalate any stress, emotion or conflict. None of this has anything to do with being a food tv cook. It is total suckville imo!
Did you catch the comment about being a team player as a must for being a FN Star? Most of their ‘stars’ don’t work together (except for the forced togetherness on the holiday shows) so what’s with the ‘team player’ necessity?
D’Arabian is a trainwreck and a (french) snob, so I laughed OUT LOUD when she said Tom was ‘borderline insulting’, really Melissa? And you aren’t? Please….
Giada honey, spend some money (we know you got some) and have someone -with taste- dress you.
Thank God we don’t have to listen to Sedayyyyyyyyna say rrheeee-ccoatt-ttuhh anymore and talk with her hands!
I almost puked when she fake-cried at the end for getting voted off. How do you say “gag me” in Italiano?
Aria really screwed herself last night.
Herb is definitely bi-polar.
Tom is just a mess.
Ahti’s Pahti and Brad in the final.
How do you say “gag me” in Italiano?
O Gaggo Mio!
Thanks. I’ll be using that!
Well played, DaVida, well played! LOL
I wasnt’ sad to see Serena go. Her dishes seemed “okay” but geez…between her accent and her 500mile/minute speech, I couldn’t understand a word that bitch said! If you can’t slow the fuck down without slipping into a studdering tailspin, ya need to go. Buh-bye.
I don’t like Aarti, and I don’t care how big her tits are. Her lack of confidence and the fact that she ONLY cooks Indian food doesn’t make me wanna tune in if (when) she wins. I wanna see variety with the dishes prepared, and she ain’t it. She’d make a good “guest cook” for some of the other shows who were doing an Indian week or something. And her stupid-ass “Aarti Party” theme triggers an automatic eye-roll that I can’t help.
Tom’s slovenly appearance makes me not trust anything he prepares. I imagine him cooking and a roach scuttles across the counter and he just keeps on cooking because he doesn’t give a shit. Dude? Get a fucking haircut, tuck your “who farted?” shirt in, and at least PRETEND like you’ve bathed today.
Aria? Meh. She’s just not particularly interesting. I’d be just as entertained watching the new “Meow Mix” commercial. Cook something exciting, don’t show me fucking CARROT SOUP!
I like Herb. Yeah, he’s kinda spazzy at times, and his energy can be over the top. But I like his approach of making healthier food that still tastes good. I’m all about comfort foods, but I like being able to eat without feeling guilty, and his would have been a show I would have gone to for ideas…but I seriously don’t see him winning.
My vote is for Brad. He’s pleasant to look at, has a sense of humor, and shows enough variety in his dishes that I’d feel like I would tune in to see what he’s up to.
“…her stupid-ass ‘Aarti Party’ theme triggers an automatic eye-roll that I can’t help. ”
You’re not alone there, James. Given that she wins this thing, I really hope her eventual show is NOT called Aarti Party. I don’t think it will be, as I don’t think the winner has too much input as to what their show will be called, though goodness knows I could be wrong.
LOL…”tuck in your ‘Who Farted?’ shirt”…I love it! That is Tom in a nutshell.
I like Herb, too, but last night it seemed as if he suddenly abandoned his “healthy eating” approach and turned into the male version of “Mexican Made Easy.” I was really disappointed.
I agree with a lot of this – Herb’s healthier approach to comfort foods would be awesome, but also really difficult if not impossible to actually pull off. Now that he seems to have gone Latin though, I think his days are numbered. I like Brad but I’m afraid he doesn’t have the camera presence they want.
Aarti I’m not really sure about. Maybe with some coaching and good plan for a show that does something more than curries she could pull it off, but I could also see her show being a trainwreck like D’Arabians.
I can’t get over how much Food Network has ripped off from Top Chef. Week after week, it has become more obvious, from the two-part challenge structure, to the line of chefs before a table of three judges at the end, to calling the room they wait in at the end the “stew room”. I think Bravo has a legitimate claim for infringment, except they probably stole the idea from someone else.
And now, next week it looks like we’ll see the family visit, straight out of Survivor!
FN wins the prize for stealing other channels’ ideas. They can’t come up with anything original.
Their newest lineup is truly awful: Cupcake War, 24-Hour Restaurant War, Kid In A Candy War, Food Truck War. Meh.
(Chopped and Good Eats repeats are FN’s only saving grace, at this point.)
Another wonderfully spot-on review, Jillian. From Aria’s sex-doll face (I had the same thought as I was watching the show) to the “pretentious douchebag hipsters” foodies you called it all right. I thought Aria was going to get the axe for sure, but I can’t say I’m too sorry to see Serena gone.
Aria, with her over-exaggerated expressions, seems like a character lifted from the cartoon show Chowder. She’d fit right in with the denizens of Marzipan City.
“Aria, with her over-exaggerated expressions, seems like a character lifted from the cartoon show Chowder. She’d fit right in with the denizens of Marzipan City.”
YES! I concur, Ray. My kids watch that cartoon all the time and I’d like to know exactly what the creators/writers are smoking!!
Has Aria even won anything since the first week? The judges were so desperately grateful then because she was the only one not to completely freeze up in front of the camera. Her food looks like crap and I was LMAO when she was giving Aarti the jealous evil side eye. She may be this season’s 11th hour Debbie Lee, someone to enjoy hating.
Man, this season blows.
However, I thought Tom’s camera presentation was hilarious. It had a definite edge of satire of the whole stupid challenge (maybe subconscious on Tom’s part).
“So little Timmy’s got baseball practice tonight, and you’ve only got 20 minutes …” My wife and I cracked up at that. Then at the end of the time he just walked off shaking his head with a goofy grin. It was great.
One of the judges said “it was almost like you were insulting the process” or something like that. Yes it was! :)
Like someone said here the other day, Tom needs a show themed around Stoner Snacks that airs at 3:30 a.m. “Who’s hungry!”
I’d watch.
I would totally watch Stoner Snacks with Tom.
“Today we’ll be making festive Dorito and beef jerky appetizers, followed by a jar of peanut butter, and for desert? Just wait until you try a few dozen of these Nutty Bars!”
Onion dip, man…and Dr Pepper, or “what goes well with White Castle sliders?” and “I hope 7-11 has Milanos!”
I like it. The stoner demo is highly underserved, and given the state of the world today I think they are a large group.
I would totally watch Stoner Snacks, too!
Oh, the things he could whip up with Ramen noodles, pizza rolls and canned frosting! LOL
Aria cutting off Aarti was just cattiness at it’s best. She really needs to go, I hate that bitch. She’s so stuck on herself and seems to believe she is better than everyone else. Get the fuck over yourself!
Aarti I actually don’t mind, she seems really cute and down to earth and I would watch her show. I think she needs to work on her confidence though.
I think Brad is a cutie and I would watch his show as well. He can obviously cook, he just needs to be more comfortable with himself in front of the camera.
Herb is meh. Too inconsistent for me.
Tom is the same way. Don’t get a great vibe from him.
Serena was cute I enjoyed her on the show but she did just need to go. Her cooking was way too narrow minded and she just couldn’t control that speed chatter. Not good for a show.
This is the funniest re-cap yet! I love it — especially “Hopple Popple”!
And YES, I FUCKING HATED THOSE PRETENTIOUS CHODES AT THE DINNER PARTY. I wanted to punch every single one of them in their “I’m so cool because I make myself appear very unkempt — take THAT society!” hipster faces.
And I’m totally with Tom making fun of the camera challenge. Seriously, I’m getting so tired of this “I’m a busy mom, and I need something quick, easy, and delicious for my vast hoard of soccer brats!” bullshit. HOW MANY SHOWS have there been devoted entirely to this concept at this point? GAH!
THIS. I wish the hipsters had been around to taste the busy-mom cereal-encrusted fuckwittery.
On another note, if I were one of those judges, I would have been unthinkably embarrassed to have been sitting at that table with the hipsters. Think about it: that nasty-ass food was being served by the contestants of a cooking competition, all of whom have been allowed, by those very judges, to survive 7 weeks in said competition. The only people whose food didn’t completely suck were Brad and Aarti. Tuschman and Fogelson must have been dying.
Oh!!! So you mean those Foodie folk really weren’t a bunch of losers and assorted vagrants,that FN gave a free meal and liquor,maybe a couple of bucks to pose. I’m scratching my head. I am thinking back to the clown that said that carrot soup was not “carroty” I have lost all respect for this Food Network!
Everytime I hear the phrase “Aarti Party” (although I’m sure she spells it Paarti) I want to go on a violent rampage and punch anything Food Network related. It’s the worst phrase EVER!
doesn’t matter what she calls it, TPTB will change it anyway.
One thing that bugged me during the first challenge were the handful of references to “working moms” and relating to mom, as if there are no working dads who cook for their kids. I know most of the time it’s a mom cooking meals, but my father cooked for us all the time when I was growing up. Small thing, but it does annoy. As if dads don’t want to learn a few tips, too.
Who isn’t putting money on Brad and Aarti as the final two? I’d watch their shows. They’re both likable and have shown they have the chops as chefs and on-camera. FNH is hi-larious, but I don’t know how well I’d do given three minutes to prepare a gourmet meal and 14 seconds to deliver it on-camera. Do they even get to rehearse?
Go back and watch Bobby Flay on old episodes of “Hot Off the Grill.” He was so surly and antisocial they needed Jacqui Malouf (remember her?) as a co-host to humanize him, prompt him to explain what he was doing, and interact with the live audience. And Bobby had been a TV chef at that point for the better part of a decade. If FN had made him jump through these silly TNFNS hoops, he would have failed miserably.
I agree, FilmTurtle. While we have a fairly traditional house in the sense that my husband “wins” the bread and I cook it, he still occasionally cooks for our daughter, and appreciates ways to make things easier/faster/cleaner… maybe moreso BECAUSE he isn’t in the kitchen as often as I am. Personally, I’m always a little annoyed by the parental references in general, as if people only eat if they’ve reproduce.
I hated Bobby Flay on his old grill shows and even earlier ICA eps. It took Throwdown to convince me that maybe he wasn’t the biggest most egotistical douche on the planet. My husband I have talked about this though, with the possible exception of the Iron Chefs (and a lot of those hoops are staged), I don’t know of ANY of the FN chefs that could win this show.
We kinda liked Bobby when he was Grillin and Chillin with Jack Somebody (who was a good ole boy dressed in overalls, IIRC).
They all sucked in the beginning…Emeril looked embalmed on his first show.
“Emeril looked embalmed on his first show.”
LMAO!! Ina Garten DaVida…you CRACK ME UP on here!!
I just saw Jeffrey Saad on Flay’s grill show and he too was better than he had been on NFNS–more relaxed, explained the food well, smiled appropriately (not forced grinning like so many). It takes practice and exposure.
Bobby costared with Jack McDavid. Jack has a place in Philadelphia, I believe.
As a father who frequently did the cooking when my son was little, I’m also tired of all Mom BS. It was one of the things I couldn’t stand last year about Melissa D’Arabian. I think it was in the final challenge where she just flat out said she was wanted to do a TV show for Moms. So I guess FN decided that the soccer Mom demographic was what counted, and screw men or single women.
You can look at this show as a Kafka short story.
Paul figured it out, that he wasn’t allowed to win. He came up with a valid concept, but he wasn’t low key, like Guy Fierei and Adam Richman.
The leeches Bob Mantush and Susie Creemcheez had the verdict in the minds before this started.
Tom seems to be a loose cannon. Maybe he is the one to ask those two high powered corporate FN exectives, “so what the fuck do you want anyway???”
“Susie Creemcheez”
LOL!
Nice Frank Zappa reference, Rev!
There were so many things wrong with last night’s episode…cooking with Fruit Loops? Ya, Bobby and Giada do that everyday WTF! But the worst offense that popped out to me was with the douchebag “foodies.”
I’m new as a poster here, so let me confess…I am a total food/wine snob, when appropriate. I say “when appropriate” b/c I am the first one to agree to go to a dive and eat a greasey cheeseburger, disco fries and drink a beer, but when I am ‘dining’ I expect everything to be just right(i.e. I WILL judge you if you don’t know how to properly butter your bread if there are tableclothes and a $100+ tab involve with the meal LOL)
I was offended when the ‘foodies’ allowed the cork to be put back into their red wine. I believe you can legally be killed for this offense in Napa, France or Italy. If you’re going to be a snob…own it…embrace it…decant your fucking wine (or at least keep the bottle open so it can get a breath.)
Mkay. And I *will* judge YOU if you call yourself any kind of snob about anything, but have less mastery of the english language than a ten year old immigrant. Spend less time judging food and more time learning to spell simple words.
Okay – I can appreciate that Food Network gets that times are tough for many people. But Kellogg’s Cereal contests? What could they possibly expect? Moreover – is THIS what you want your last winner to present??? HORRIBLE!
The Foodies: What a gross collection of GRADE C starf***ers who’ll do anything to be in front of the camera. I’m sorry – but taking food criticism from guys who wear skinny pants is a bit like like taking exercise and dieting tips from Aretha Franklin.
This episode was a “fail” – with the exception of Serena’s elimination. She started out cute and her food looked great. But as time progressed she got whiney and her food became predictable, a’la Giada. This is proof that cute and bubbly can only get you so far in life. This was a good call. Really – all the selection committee had to do was imagine what it would be like to work with Serena.
Aarti’s food looks great – but like Serena, I feel like she runs the same risk of becoming stale. She needs a change-up (but must avoid Aria’s stupid pigs-in-a-blanket/fried prawn foible and Serena’s ridiculous and embarrassing gondolier singing). She could win this and if she does, I won’t tune in – clearly she’s given it her all and has peaked.
The Guys: Herb is way to emotional (I couldn’t work with him). Tom generally puts out good food (he failed this week)and you have to give him credit for taking risks and attempting to show more dimension. Brad – just warming up it appears. I would tune in to his show – food looks great and I don’t think he would be obnoxious to watch. The network desperately needs a “nice guy.” (Bobby seems arrogant and Guy and Duff are too old for carrying on like skateboarding street rats). The soccer mom theme is dead for me. “Budget this” and “time saving that” is BORING and in some cases, downright disgusting (Kwanzaa cake, anyone?).
Los Angeles Boy said: “The soccer mom theme is dead for me. “Budget this” and “time saving that” is BORING and in some cases, downright disgusting”
Agreed!! I’m getting tired of watching Food Network and having someone show me how to make grilled cheese “exciting”. I think I’m smart enough to figure out how to put a slice of grilled tomato on a sandwich and mix ginger ale and grape juice to make an “exciting cocktail”.
I watch Food Network because I want to see something interesting…something challenging!! I may never make cheesecake from scratch or a crown roast, but the way Alton Brown shows you, I may consider it. That’s what I like about Food Network. It inspires me to want to try and make things that I never thought I’d be able to make. Watching Sandra Lee, Melissa D’Arabian, or Claire Robinson is too boring. Zzzzzz!!!
I know a way to make a grilled cheese exciting, but I wouldn’t be allowed to show it on TV. 8^)
AArti will win and get a show about Indian food at 9:30 tuesday morning. She may show up occasionally for holiday shows or whatever. Brad won’t win but he will show up on Chefs vs. Cities or some damn thing. The rest will just go away.
Is it me? Or does Bob want to have his bisquits buttered by Herb? He gushes like a school girl around Herb, even when Herb has another nervous breakdown.
Aria – The overachieving “fat girl” we all detested in junior high school. Nothing interesting here.
Serena – Good riddance to bad grubbish!
Brad – Likeable and his food looks great. Needs more of a backbone. His biggest mistake was letting that pushy cow, Aria, drive that godawful food truck menu. Burgers and hot dogs on the beach – now there’s a stretch…
Tom – I’d love to smoke a bowl and hang out in a well stocked kitchen with this guy – but would the rest of America?
Herb – A paragon of “Girly Man.” Girls like him though.
Aarti – Annoying. The “I’m an innocent girl from the old world” routine is getting old. Curry this, curry that, unruly hair, and that queasy smile all add up to unlikeable.
“Tom – I’d love to smoke a bowl and hang out in a well stocked kitchen with this guy – but would the rest of America?”
LMAO!!
I don’t give a crap about TNFNS, but I would watch it if it was filmed the way Jillian writes about it…including dialogue. It would be the most popular show on television.
Smog Shop? More like Smug Shop.
All I have to say about Aria is “Woof.”
Kitchen AIDS is definitely right about Bob having a hard-on for Herb. He needs to check into the hospital for an erection that is going on 7 weeks.
Count me as another vote in favor of a stoner cooking show for Tom.
Guess I’m a freak, but I really liked Serena’s looks and accent.
Aria: thinks she’s the next Melissa d’Arabian but is actually a cross between Debbie Lee (although Aria is NOT KOREAN) and Hermione Granger. I assumed from the get-go that we were being set up for a final showdown between Aria and Aarti but now, I would be surprised to see her finish higher than third.
Tom: I mostly like him, but I can’t say I’ve been overly impressed with any of his food. The one thing that he has going for him is that he can talk to a camera without looking like a deer in headlights (Brad) or a special ed teacher (Aria.) Might sneak into third if Aria continues to fail to impress.
Herb: Although I actually like the Latin Herb better than Energy Chef Herb… he’s too inconsistent and all over the place.
Aarti: I have to assume she’s going to win this. She’s had the fewest food-related missteps, she is consistently likeable in front of the camera, and seems to balance everything they seem to want. I do wonder if Indian cuisine is a bit too narrow for a FN show that would go on for years, but I like her enough to want to see what she could do.
Brad: Totally in agreement with the posters above: a man in his twenties who is never without his hat is a man who is wildly insecure about going bald. That being said, I think he has greatly improved in terms of stage presence… he does not look scared in front of the cameras now. I think at this point, he is almost certainly going to be the runner-up barring some sort of spectacular endgame meltdown on the part of Aarti and her raging lack of self-esteem, but will probably be kept on reserve Adam Gertler-style to host a show at some point in the future.
Serena: Please, like Giada wanted a younger, hotter, woman who specializes in Italian food? Add to that the fact that she was nearly impossible to understand and her food was, apparently, underwhelming… she lasted as long as should have.
All I can wonder at that point, is why Aria hasn’t gone home!!! If any other contestant showed this much inconsistency, they would’ve been well out of the door. As far as the other contestants go…I’m bored with Aarti already, I like Tom (although I feel he doesn’t have much of a chance on FN) and Serena’s time had come, despite my like for her. I’m rooting for Brad and Herb.
I have seen the future. The two finalists are Herb and Aarti. Tom will face the chopping block next week.
“Tom – I’d love to smoke a bowl and hang out in a well stocked kitchen with this guy – but would the rest of America?”
LOL. This is a perfect description!
Well I think I’ll wake up in the morning and cook up a batch of Sugar Frosted Flakes and liverwurst! I’m going to call it “Poopy Dookey”. I’ll send the recipe to Sandra Lee, to put on her table scape.
Judging from the looks of Aunt Sandy’s “tablescapes”, someone already laid a “Poopy Dookey” on them.
Maybe Duzintra knew something about ARIA!!! that no one else did…that she’s a nasty backstabbing leech…
Maybe Dzintra was depicted in a way that was totally unfair because Aria HAS BEEN A BACKSTABBING LEECH all along? You can see she is jealous of Aarti for the success and Serena for the the looks. She must have been upset that Dzintra was slender and fit while in her late forties!
Yeah. Because all chubby/fat women are completelt jealous of skinny women. They are all so envious of the protruding bones, and feel an all-consuming self-loathing as they watch those hungry bitches eat lettuce leaves. My God! That *must* be aria’s motive, she’s jealous of their waistlines!
Or, um, she could just be a total bitch, regardless of whether or not her fellow contestants can fit a in a bikini without looking like a cabbage patch wearing barbie’s thong.
I’m soooo not into this show this year. I’ve enjoyed it in the past, and there was always someone I rooted for. I don’t like anyone on it this year and the challenges are so stupid. The only reason I’m watching it now is so I can look forward to the scenes from the FNH Recap and laugh!
I think Aarti is going to win because they already have pro chefs who teach you how to cook (Bobby Flay, Anne Burrell, etc.), so Brad is nothing new; they have home cooks coming out their ears, so Aria is nothing new; they have an every-guy slob (Guy…), so forget what’s-his-name… I knew Serena wouldn’t make it–they have Giada, they don’t need another Italian show.
Aarti has Indian food, which is pretty varied (as varied as the Tex-Mex that Bobby does or the Italian that Giada does, and they do not have an Indian food chef. Her food is nearly always good, she’s cute and perky and works on camera. She’ll do as well or better than Melissa D’Arabian (what do they get? a 3-year-contract?). Brad might get a show, too, or a job in the test kitchen.
I like Aarti, but what she cooks is just Westernized fusion, just like any of Food Network’s. No chili powder, tamarind, dal, and so on. Brown sugar instead of jaggery… It’s nice that she at least uses fresh spices. There is nothing wrong with this kind of food, especially if it is good and it’s on an American TV show. But it’s not “Indian” food.
OK…. So about these camera challenges…. Why do they freak out about being on camera and say they struggle so much being on camera, when anytime they get interviewed on the show, they seem to have no trouble at all speaking on camera?
Right — I had a similar thought. Every time we’ve seen these people, they have been on camera.
They’re not being tested or judged when they’re just sitting down for a (presumably) informal interview segment. Plus, I imagine the environment is quite different, too. Nor are they working or demonstrating anything. Anyway, that’s just my guess.
I’m somewhat more baffled as to why these nimrods don’t practice their presentations before they give them. I guess time is short on some of these, but there have been others wherein they had a good amount of advance notice, but it looks like all they did was scribble notes on their wrists a few moments before going on as way of preparation.
Aria looks like Divine without makeup.
I still don’t understand why Giada and Melissa wore basically the same dress. Was it a ploy to subconsciously make contestants think that if they win, they’ll be at the same level as Giada?
Fun facts about a few of the featured “super foodies.” The gentleman with the remarkably full beard and the guy sitting next to Bobby Flay used to have a show on Food Network. Anybody remember “Two Dudes Catering?’ That’s them. John Shook and Vinny Dotolo. Also fun trivia: Ben Ford of Ford’s Filling Station (featured in this episode saying a few snarky remarks) won a Food Network Challenge making sandwiches. His father is Harrison Ford. Han Solo’s son makes sandwiches (albeit tasty ones).
Huh. Well that definitely explains why a “foodie” would take part in this crappy show- they aren’t “foodies” at all, just burn-listed FN “personalities.”
Is Brad a redhead? This has really been bothering me, I must know.
I believe Brad is a “ginger”! He’s so adorable:D….”Lot more fun with the bone sticking up!”
I cant stand Aarti (do no wrong). when she was put in the position of being the team leader, but did virtually nothing, they never even brought up the fact that she was in that position during the evaluation. anyone else they would have ripped to shreds! can everyone say CURRY??