What do you get when you mix an unjustifiably overly-hyped show and a host with an accent that waivers in and out with a sprinkle of of cardamom and a logo that looks like it was created for the Juno sequel? Why, it’s an episode of Aarti Party, of course!
On the premiere episode, Aarti threw a totally fake party for her totally fake friends who never even bothered to stop by. Maybe they were busy. Maybe they were scared of her creepy-looking husband. We may never know. But here’s the thing: Aarti Party wasn’t good. It wasn’t bad. It wasn’t interesting or enlightening or fun or awful or wretched. IT WAS JUST TERRIBLY BORING. Ten minutes of the show felt like 10 hours, and by the 15 minute mark, I literally felt like I had just chased down a box of Benadryl with a bottle of cheap red wine.
Aarti held her own as a host, but yet still managed to be incredibly annoying. She spent her half hour sprinkling seasonings on things and condescendingly talking to the audience, two must-have skills for all Food Network hosts. “Sugar is sweet,” she exclaimed, like she was talking to an audience that just arrived here from Planet Clueless. “And you can dip your fruit in your vinaigrette to taste it!” Wow, really Aarti? And to think all this time I’ve just been awkwardly sticking my whole fist in!
(This just in: lemons are sour! That’s a revelation! Quick, somebody call Fox News!)
When she wasn’t talking to us like we were 5 years old, or nervously giggling to herself like a cracked out Indian version of Ina Garten, Aarti was pointlessly blabbering on about what “Indians” like. “Indians use toh-mah-tos a lot – almost as much as Italians use them,” she said. Um, last I checked, LOTS of cultures use tomato sauce in their cooking, so why mention it at all? She also dropped the bomb that that “Indians love sweets and desserts.” What’s the implication? That Swedes and Greeks and the French don’t? Because I’ve got one cheesecake lovin’ fat Frenchman living next door to me who would beg to differ.
Sadly, her food didn’t look good, either. She made Bombay Sloppy Joes, which were basically just Turkey Manwiches with some cumin and masala flavors added in a weak attempt to Indianize the recipe. She also added pistachios “for a nice crunch”, which just seemed completely asinine to us. Who wants to bite into something crunchy while eating a sloppy Joe? Oh well. At least there’s that EXPLOSION OF CUMIN to look forward to!
Her set was yucky looking, too. Everything was orange and red, the whole place looked like it reeked of patchouli, and I’m pretty sure the 70s flowers on the back wall were sketched directly from Carol Brady’s favorite dress. Worst of all, however, were the HIDEOUS drawings on the wall next to the pantry, that look like they were scribbled by a cranky toddler. The one on the bottom was especially gross looking, and totally looked like the Ebola virus when viewed under the microscope. YUM!
Finally, what was up with the Nickelodeon-esque animations? Do any of us tuning into the Food Network really need to see Aarti interacting with a ripped off version of the Twitter bird?
Bottom line: I wasn’t into the food, found myself distracted by the ugly set, was bored to tears by Aarti’s commentary, and LOATHED HER PHONY GIGGLING. And if I had to hear her say “toh-mah-toe” one more time, I was going to scream. You say TOH-MAH-TOE, I say AHH-NOY-ING.
After watching the show, you’re left feeling cold and unsatisfied and lonely, and with the realization that Aarti and her husband are nothing more than media whores who spent months posting videos of themselves on YouTube in the hopes of being discovered… and Aarti Party was only born because the Food Network was desperate enough to bite. You don’t get the feeling that she has any real knowledge of Indian cooking, and sadly, she’s already coming across as just another overly produced Food Network phony.
I will definitely be RSVP’ing to Aarti’s Party with a “NO FREAKIN’ THANKS.”
Your mileage may vary.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---FNH OPEN THREAD: Aarti Party Premiere
---Best Episode Of Aarti Party Ever!
---Aarti At Verizon
---Will Work For Food: Premiere Episode Review
---Aarti Party Theme Song Previously Used For DUMPSTER SERVICE Bagster