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Is Rachael Ray’s Santoku Rocker The Ugliest Knife Of All Time?
---The World’s Ugliest Tattoo: Rachael Ray
---Guy Fieri Knuckle Sandwich Knives
---Guy Fieri vs A Rock
---Laugh Of The Day: Clueless Guy Fieri PR People Asking FNH To Promote His Products
Rachael Ray »
Is Rachael Ray’s Santoku Rocker The Ugliest Knife Of All Time?
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In a word, yes.

Ugh! It’s hideous! It looks like something astronauts would use to gather rock specimens on the moon. I’ll take a HUGE PASS.
This thing almost (almost!) makes Guy Fieri’s knives look good!
(Thanks for the email, Kathy!)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Rachael Ray Yum-O Ugg Boots---The World’s Ugliest Tattoo: Rachael Ray
---Guy Fieri Knuckle Sandwich Knives
---Guy Fieri vs A Rock
---Laugh Of The Day: Clueless Guy Fieri PR People Asking FNH To Promote His Products
- Rachael Ray
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We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved








THIS WEEK: Another tailgating weekend! Alex G's onion rings, an awful slow cooker experience, Ina & Jeffrey Garten's lame steak throwdown, Jennifer Hudson's annoying Weight Watchers commercial, Restaurant Impossible's cheap makeovers, and more.





75 Responses
Even funnier considering she sloppily jackhammers though food rather than rocks. Please tell me that price is $30 something and not $300 something.
Was $39.95-Now $29.99
Looks like something a Klingon would wield.
LMAO!
OMG! You may have something there, Jay. Maybe Ray Ray didn’t get botox: maybe she is slowing reverting to her original Klingon face as the alien plastic surgery breaks down over time.
So of course she would design a knife only a Klngon would love.
Actually looks like the knife the alien abductees used on me in 1997, hmm… actually, now that I think of it, Bob Tushy looks a helluva lot like an alien!!
I hate it cause its orange…but really compared to Guy’s knives it almost makes sense.
Ugh, hideous. And strange.
Sorry, Jillian, I have to disagree. I’d buy two Rachael Ray knives before I’d even THINK about buying a Guy Fieri knife. They are WAY more hideous.
agreed, it may be ugly. But at least it doesn’t have flames on the handle!
Actually the silicone handles on the Furi knives are excellent.
Didn`t “Conan the Barbarian” wield one of these?
Haha, I think Sylvester Stallone used it in CLIFF HANGER.
nope it was the evil dude in Cobra!!
What home cook is going to get wrist fatigue anyway?
Seriously. How much chopping do you have to do to get wrist fatigue?
Ha ha! Sounds like a perfect opening for a stupid infomercial.
I bet Gina Neely gets wrist fatigue in the kitchen all the time. But it probably has very little to do with her choice of cutlery.
30 bucks for a gimmicky knife that probably blows? Not interested in adding to RR’s and FN’s profits.
The best thing I ever did was take a cooking knife skills class through my parks and recreation. The class was 25 bucks and what I learned was invaluable. Surprisingly, you can get by with everything you need to do with a knife in a kitchen with just a couple of good quality knifes and that doesn’t necessarily mean expensive ones either.
It’s a cleaver with some metal missing. FAIL
WTF is that? What’s the point of it?
Oh yeah, that’s right. It’s to sucker unsuspecting FN viewers into parting with their $29.99 (+ $6.95 shipping & handling).
Now how long must we wait before FN & Furi release their “Aarti Paarti” knife collection (with extra special floral themed handles!)?
I give it two uses before the handle slips off. Will someone stop making excuses (I read crap like: “maybe I did something wrong” when the paint peels off the cast iron pans after one use) and just SUE THE BITCH FOR EVERYTHING SHE’S GOT
Seriously. And speaking of, I see the “maybe I did something wrong” comments ALL OVER recipes on the FoodNet website. It seems like a lot of people who post that comment actually follow the recipe, as expected and as most people tend to do when trying a new recipe, but it wasn’t troubleshooted enough times in the FN Kitchen for errors and consistency. If you ask me, they love to shit out any kind of horrible recipe in order to post it as content on their website – and in their cookbooks – nowadays. I feel especially bad for the people who get excited to try a new recipe from the site, go out of their way to buy all of the ingredients, and then end up with slop on a plate. :(
Hence, the now infamous “carrot salad” from Robin Miller.
I give it two uses before the handle slips off. Will someone stop making excuses (I read crap like: “maybe I did something wrong” when the paint peels off the cast iron pans after one use) and just SUE THE BITCH FOR EVERYTHING SHE’S GOT if they injure themselves using that moronic POS knife.
Please and thank you.
I believe “Santoku” is Japanese for “Sandrunk”
I don’t think any of RayRay’s recipes would promote wrist fatigue, unless it’s from a can opener.
I bet that knife is great at cutting open bags of shredded carrots.
That’s a good picture of her. How did they make her look so thin? Is making her look like that a lie? I believe it’s called having smoke blown up your ass.
RR’s Rocker Knife = GB
What the fuck kind of knife is that? It looks like a Native American tomahawk, or a weapon that a serial killer would love to use.
My husband and I were at Kohl’s the other night and we happened to be in the area where they sell cookware. My husband mumbled something about Food Network. I told him stay away from that high priced crap. I did kind of browse over the RR section. There were two pans packaged together (supposedly a super saver, yeah right!). I picked it up and told my husband to hold it. I told him that one of my Calphalon pans weigh more than RR’s two!
Isn’t she always saying how she hates kitchen gadgets? She sure has become the queen of the crap. What the hell is a mopine? And just why do I need to spend 20.00 on a garbage bowl when a sack that is going to be tossed anyway will work? I did, however, find one of her orange knives at Khols for 12.00, marked down from 70.00 something. It’s a good heavy knife and does chop very well.
That’s the ugliest knife I have ever seen and I agree with a former poster…it looks like the handle will eventually give out long before the blade does. Piece of crap!
And her GB….that’s gotta be the biggest scam RR has got going on. There are thousands and thousands of people who’ve gone out and bought that plastic GB. Personally, I’d be embarrassed for anyone to see it in my kitchen, the same goes for any of her orange handled cookware.
I have a GB, it’s called a a regular bowl I get from my cabinet. And when I don’t do that, hey guess what? I use the trashcan! Genius, I know.
RR has truly become the queen of crap!
She’s selling those things? Why not just move the trash can close to the counter and toss in the junk when the cutting board gets too crowded? I can understand a garbage bowl if you’re filming a show so you don’t detract from the cooking every five minutes to throw something away, but your average home cook doesn’t need an extra dish to clean for the sake of having middle man between the board and the can.
I saw a melamine bowl in the same type of splotchy pattern as RR’s GB at a store, but when I walked by, I saw that it was one of Paula Deen’s products. Oh, Pawler, really! I don’t know who is more comical?
That’s my thought exactly. The GB is more of a prop for the TV show. It is unnecessary if you aren’t filming in your kitchen. LOL
But on the other hand, can you really blame someone for buying one? It’s no different than buying a prop sword from Lord of the Rings, or a prop Light Saber (or Storm trooper helmet) from Star Wars.
It looks more like a boomerang than a knife.
My computer is fairly old (I don’t subscribe to the belief that you have to buy the very newest model as long as it does what you want it to), so it doesn’t load the whole page immediately. I just saw the headline immediately and thought to myself “I have to disagree; I don’t care WHAT a knife looks like, it’s whether it’s sharp that counts.”
Then I saw it.
What does it matter what a knife looks like? I don’t get it.
You’re paying $30 for ONE knife. If this were a set, I could understand it not looking very nice, but if you’re shelling out $30 for one knife, it should look damn good.
Also, design is one of the most important parts of a knife. If there’s a section of the blade missing at the back end AND there’s no support for the portion still there, any bit of stress on the back end could start to bend the knife in.
The only feasible design for that kind of a blade is a for a diving knife: http://www.cozumelscubarepair.com/images/products/low/knifes/knife3.jpg
The indentation is designed so that you can hook onto a line, pull, and tear it (diving knives are used to cut lines to untangle ships from docks). Even if Rachel’s knife WAS a diving knife, it’d still suck.
GOOD knives cost waaaay more than $30 a pop. That’s trivial for a GOOD knife.
I wasn’t calling it a good knife, I said that if you’re paying $30 for a knife it better LOOK good. If you’re paying $80 – $100 for a knife it better be a damn good knife.
30$ is nothing, a good knife should cost more than 100$.
Again, I said LOOK good, not that $30 should be a good QUALITY knife.
But regardless, even if this were more expensive and was supposed to be a QUALITY knife, I still wouldn’t buy it because the design isn’t practical for cooking, it’s practical for sailing.
Though this would be a horrible diving knife.
I don’t care how ugly it is, but it really doesn’t look like a good knife to use. It looks as though you wouldn’t really have control over it, rocking it back and forth.
Had to change my handle when I saw this piece of turd…..Seriously….30 bucks for something that looks like a prop out of Avatar??? Run for the hills and spend your money anyplace else but FN….yikes!!
OMG LOL Without having seen this post, I was making omeltets this morning and rocking my knife back and forth on the veggies to make them smaller. While doing so, I was thinking about these contraptions sold on FN and how I’ve really long ago outgrown the “knowledge” taught on the station. That probably explains why I haven’t watched but maybe five times or less in the last two years.
If you really feel the need to buy something because you can’t quite figure out how to rock a regular old knife back and forth, go buy a mezzaluna, either single or doublehandled. At least that has other uses as well. Then again, the people that buy this crap, plus that thing that hangs off the side of the pot on the stove (hello, accidentally getting caught on THAT and having the whole pot go off the stovetop) are only interested in the latest piece of garbage that will do nothing to improve their cooking skills.
It looks like it’s supposed to double up duty as both a santoku (my favorite in the kitchen) and an Alaskan Ulu knife – very handy for mincing.
Here’s the problem with “multi-taskers” – none of the functions will ever function as well as the original tool.
Yes, I just posted something similar right below this post.
It’s got a blade like a headsman’s axe…but is only 8 inches long.
So, I guess it’s designed for executing hamsters?
…only if you’re going to marinate them in EVOO and toss their heads in your GB…
Why is her color orange anyway? Think that knife would carve a great big pumpkin head with her joker grin for Halloween?
It’s RayRay’s favorite color. That says a little something about her personality…
Why don’t I see Ray Ray actually using her branded knives on her show? Have I missed those episodes?
Btw, I caught “30 Minute Meals” this morning and it really did seem like she was just phoning it in. Her excessive enthusiasm for hackneyed “recipes” used to be annoying, but I actually miss it now… At least that was more watchable than Ray Ray faking a smile and barely interested in even talking during the show.
Not only is it ugly, but why is she holding it like a pencil in the picture?
It looks like……an ice skate!
OMG! Did anyone check on Brian Boitano? I’m sure that Ray Ray pulled these off his feet and stuck a handle on them and is selling them to the gullible public!
Or a coconut opener…
Exactly what Mr. leaf and I said to each other! :)
Did anyone else notice that in the ad the blade is perched precariously over RR’s head?
It reminds me of a gulper eel.
They’re really creepy.
Maybe it is functional (I don’t know) – but it IS damn ugly.
I worry about the functionality – the hollow area that you’re pressing down upon. Won’t it fail?
It seems the minute any one of these food stars that come out of nowhere get any sort of notarity or show they immediately capitalize on the books and kitchen gagets. They do not care if it works or not just as long as they can whore their names and get it out there for people to run to buy. They try to rake in the money from every source they can. It is shamefull to watch. Last thing in need is a Racheal Ray anything, LOL I would sooner go to my local grocery store and but a can of Wolf Gang Pucks soup! Yummy go home and gag n choke that canned crap, LOL
Tacky, tacky tacky. Spend $100 on a GREAT knife instead of being a rube and buying this gimmicky crap. “Wrist fatigue”? Seriously?
Longer chop length? The hell? Why not just have a longer knife. Not to mention that handle, and that awkward space below it is designed for improper handling of the knife (aka not pinch grip.) Also, santokus barely rock, look how low the knife tip is, if you want something to rock, get a chef knife. Lastly, thank God they spelled santoku right, I can’t stand the people who say ‘santuko’.
All of Ray Ray’s cooking shit looks like it’s been inspired by Gumby. Bright colors, over accentuated handles and such. They look like they’ve been made out of Floam or something.
Let’s discuss marketing – do you think that RR gives a stoup-shit if that knife lasts more than 30 minutes? It’s priced to sell to people who have no knife skills and who think she has some knowledge about kitchen equipment. And the whole purpose is to help her make huge quantities of money. Do you really want to contribute to that?? Really?? Holy Hell, people!
Loved the comment. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
$30 is a lot for a dangerous beer bottle-opener, which is what that POS is ;-)
BETTER CALL INA GARTEN AND ASK HER IF SHE THINKS IT’S A GOOD KNIFE
ANSWER: no
it looks useful to me. I don’t think it’s ugly. it’s only 8 inches, and I find when I use knives that size sometimes my hand gets between the handle and the board. but this one would avoid that issue.
Lmao @ the huge can opener comment!! It really looks like that!! Smh @rr she so trifiling!
Those knives are horrifying.
*sorry, better link:
http://www.formaggiokitchen.com/shop/images/mezzaluna%20bufalo.jpg