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Aarti’s Already Planning On Becoming A Brand Whore
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Aarti Army, rejoice! Your messiah already has “a plan” on how she’s going to flood the market with a bunch of crap with her face on it – or so she cockily said in a recent interview with the Houston Chronicle:
We’re sure you do, Aarti. We’re sure you do. Thanks for yet another reminder that selling shit is what Next Food Network Star – and Food Network in general – is all about. Personally, I just love the word “baby” thrown in there, too. It adds the perfect amount of calculated arrogance, don’t you think?
We thought we’d help Aarti out by coming up with a few products she could easily put her name on when Fogelson is ready to kick her “plan” into action:
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Aarti, Husby, And The Pioneer Woman---Aarti At Verizon
---Best Episode Of Aarti Party Ever!
---Advice Fogelson Meme: Part 2
---FNH OPEN THREAD: Aarti Party Premiere
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57 Responses
I think she needs her own TO-MAH-TOE sauce too!
Great idea! I’ll work on one and add it to the post.
don’t forget to make it curry flavored
I had a bottle of curry ketchup, a German brand, in my fridge for a while…
How aanoying is thaat?
You left out the line of “Aarti Paarti Douche” eagerly supplied by her husby.
Oh, gads. With each passing day, I wish more than ever that Tom or Brad had won the competition. Or even Herb, much as it surprises me to say it. BUT…. Food Network isn’t about cooks or cooking. Maybe it was at one time in the misty past, but not anymore. As you say, it’s all about selling shit.
Oh, and I’d add “Bombay Sloppy Joes” on that bottle of Pepto-Abysmal somewhere. Perhaps under the “symptoms” list.
I miss Tom and Brad. Aarti is yet another Food Network personality laying on the perky and giggles, coming up with cutsie-pie names (“Huggy Buggy Bread Pudding”? Gag me) and trotting out a sketchy husband. I think Tuschman’s been trying to find a new Rachael Ray ever since Melissa d’Arabian.
At this point, I’m wishing I could watch Bob Tuschman spend 30 minutes microwaving various Healthy Choice entrees in place of Aarti’s cooking show.
what about Aarti’s paarti hats and paarti favors?
For her own line of Taablescaapes! ;)
No one would ever do such an terrible job as Sandra if they tried.
You surely mean Aarti paartu haats and paarti faavors!
I was reading this on my break and laughed out loud. I do not watch the weekend shows, I would hope they might have brought back a baking show, Gale Gand was fun to watch. I watch chopped, challenge, and Alton. I even DVR those. So, no product pushing on me.
The Food Network has lost all of the panache that it had years ago.
Seriously, if I need a recipe, I will see what Alton offers, and that is about it. There are other sites that I rely on much more.
Keep up the good work FNH I am spreading your site to everyone..
Love the weight of the toh-mah-toe sauce, 6 lb, 10 oz (106 oz). Will that be marketed to hairy Indian guys for bathing? Yum!
I hadn’t noticed the weight on the can. Very funny.
Whenever we discuss Aarti, we must use proper spelling. Aafter aall, she’s the next FN staar who waants to become aa “braand” aand should be treaated aaccordingly. So dump some caardomom into whaatever you’re cooking! Maake it Indiaan! Hooraay!
No joke, reading that gave me a headache. lol.
I wonder if Aarti (spelled that way) is even her real first name? Creative spelling, or totally made-up because it works cleverly in the “branding” process?
Well, apparently, the name DOES exist; whether it’s her given name or she just took it, I can’t say.
Aarti
A Hindu Ritual in which A light wick is offered to God “Aa” means towards and “rati” means “highest love for God”
Meaning is from the Sankrit language. Aarti is also the name for a Hindu ceremony performed in which lights made from camphor soaked wicks are offered to one or more deities two or three times daily. It is also the name for the devotional song that is sung during this ritual.
Her name is Aarti, she is very pretty and intelligent.
Well thanks for info – I did not know all that.
But, even still, wouldn’t it be Aarati then and not pronounced like the rhymey ARTEY?
I’m thinking like Guy’s name being altered from Ferry to the far-more-marketable and clever Fieri?
And, yes, Aarti IS pretty. She wouldn’t be on TV if she weren’t, eh ;)
She is kinds pretty but intelligent, I don’t think so. No intelligent woman would marry that… that… thing!
Aarti is a popular Indian name and that is the usual spelling. It doesn’t rhyme with “Party” though. The “t” is a soft ‘t’ not a hard one but I’m not surprised Americans mispronounce it because that’s an uncommon sound in English.
Funny that this is a Hindu name and she is Catholic.
I bet that’s not even her husby, or he was prolly someone she needed to be able to stay in the USA. i cannot stand that she think she is the shite, using “baby” AS IF she is on that kind of freindly basis with us. sheesh! well, remember on TNFNS, how one of the judges kept on saying the word “branding” …
well this is what happens when the president Brook Adams of Food network decides we need a FRIEND when watching the cooking shows, rather than a straight up cooking show where you actually learn something.
I’m of Indian descent and from what I’ve seen her food is pretty much an openhanded slap in the mouth to Indian food. Watch her make semi-homemade naan bread next by buying tortilla flat bread and adding whatever Indian spice is close at hand.
Tyler Florence once made gharam masala on Food 911, we tried his version and it was really great.
…just saying…
Naan from tortillaas? My heaad is spinning.
Don’t forget the line of hair accessories!
..made from vegetables and fruit? Or a book: Fresh Vegetable Indian-Inspired Hair Garnishes
Pepto Abysmal! LOL Love that.
Aarti Adult Diapers for the impending Mumbai Mudslide Fallout.
Aarti Sequeira for Dummies series of books:
-”How to marry a monumental douchebag”
-”How to gain and lose an accent in 5 seconds flat”
-”How to decorate fist broken doors with flowers”
-”How to add cumin to everything and call it Indian”
-”How to film a food video while showing your filthy house”
….
I’m just cuious if you know Jillian, how are her ratings? Have people even watched her few episodes? I never know how to find that stuff out.
I have no idea either. The Food Network keeps that stuff hush hush.
I tried to watch it on Sunday but could not make it through. This dishes did not sound awful, but she is.
Eat. Giggle. Repeat. ..
Please, I’m a grown ass man and if food network is not smart enough to create a tag line that does not sound ridiculous to 1/2 of the population then they are just doing it wrong.
I couldn’t either! Her menu didn’t interest me in the least. I love pistachios, but is she going to use them in a dish/dishes she prepares every week?!
Judging by her FN ‘reviews’, her 2nd show was significantly LESS watched than her first. 2nd show’s main dish (I Ain’t Chicken Chicken) caused a lot of fire alarms to go off, and I guess Ugly Duckling Salad and Huggy Buggy Bread Pudding didn’t tempt many followers.
Her ridiculous recipe names drive me CRAZY! It’s not cute, it’s loony. Does she think her audience is a bunch of toddlers? What’s wrong with “Orange-Cardamom Chicken,” “Celeriac Salad,” and “Coconut-Fig Bread Pudding?”
Polly, ITA. I’d totally be interested in trying “Coconut Fig Bread Pudding”, but Huggy Buggy?? Not so much.
I recognize these cutesy names from her internet show stuff. You would think they could come up with some new recipes for FN? I mean really, FN took her show name, the graphics from her blog, the actual recipes, everything and just put it in a new set. I bet this is why she won, she already had a cooking show format and the followers as well and FN just bought it all out. FN is clearly out of ideas.
Hah, I just read the “I Ain’t Chicken Chicken” reviews. No duh your chicken is going to smoke if you put it in a 500 degree oven, along with anything else that might be burnt on in there if you haven’t cleaned it in a while. Some of these FN reviewers are just so clueless. FN is infamous for having incorrect recipes.
Just catching glimpses of her show reminds me to DVR everything cooking related on PBS on Sat or “Create” just any old time…that’s some real cooking. Only a sell for good cookbooks allowed.
aarti’s flower punch-hole fillers…
How about a line of Spackle-related products for those pesky punch marks in the door?
That is what her line of silk flowers is for!
Maybe she should come out with a line do-it-yourself bird taxidermy kits too.
If no one watches, no one buys her crap, and everyone ignores her…she’ll just go away. God, I hope she goes away.
Amen.
There seems to be a certain lovefest going on for her at another site (not FN)that frankly I don’t understand. People snarking are in the minority. This woman is so fake and full of herself it’s disgusting.
What people are home on Sunday at noon to watch this show? Sundays are the mecca of the week. Ensconced in jammies, making waffles, or pancakes, etc., reading the newspaper and then venturing outdoors for a shopping trip or a visit with family or friends. My TV stays off – we enjoy our own banter to fill the morning hours.
Just sayin’………..
No me…I lay around like a fatcat all Sunday. I’m bound to swatch her show, even just out of sheer disgust/bordem/amazement that they put it on.
You know i can’t believe I was rooting for her to win once. That was before I met Charly Manson, aka her hubby
Sunday is my free day so I usually curl up on the couch after church with a good book while the tv plays in the background (usually the FN or something similar that I can “watch” without taking too much attention away from my book). So far I’ve managed to catch all of her shows, and frankly she has yet to make a food item that has not made me scratch my head and go “wtf?”. I honestly don’t get her show. According to what I have seen, I can call my home made chai “Indian Chai” because it contains cardomom. I can similarly call my Santa-Fe chicken recipe “Indian Chicken” because it contains cumin. WTH? I’m not a big fan of Indian food but I have had it many many times at the home of the Hindu couple I used to work for back in the early 90′s and I have a good idea of what such food looks and tastes like. Nothing Aarti has made so far resembles any Indian food that I have ever seen (or would want to eat). I also don’t believe for one minute that the woman and her family actually eat stuff like she presents on the show, so what’s the point of it? I would much rather watch a show featuring authentic Indian food.
Calling something Indian just because you’ve thrown cardamom or cumin into it reminds me of something done by a local idiot of my acquaintance. He submitted recipes to the newspaper’s cookbook competition. They all consisted of adding store-bought salsa to traditional recipes so that he could call them “Mexican” this or that.
Her shows are on Sundays at noon? Seriously? Doesn’t she feel that creates a conflict among her viewers between watching her show and going to church? I realize this is the age of DVR, but you just can’t assume all of your viewing audience has that technology, and I wouldv’e thought she’d be a little more adamant that her show not be on the Sabbath, her being so ostentatiously devout and all.
If you read the Huffington article, you’ll know why herlastname is Porteguese
Gawd. I’m not sure wether to laugh or cry, because you know this crap is coming soon to a Kohls/Target near you.
I cannot believe I actually liked her for about 75% of the competition. The more I read about her, her husby, her recipes, and her antics to become famous before FN entered their lives, the sicker I get. They must had done some mighty fine editing of the footage they shot for TNFNS to make her look like the best of the bunch.
Oh, and based on her post win coverage, I’m thinking the “I’m SOOOOO insecure!!” thing was all an act
But, come-on guys, she feels so frail in front of the camera. Wasn’t that her mantra when she tried to appear equal with all the other contestants who were NOT promised a show. This is disgusting. Rachel makes oval pans to use on round stove-top grates. Can’t wait to see what the flower girl pushes. None of it will be in my kitchen.