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If Food Network Shows Had Honest Titles
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If Food Network Shows Had Honest Titles
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“The Great Find Tyler A Stylist Race”
“5 Close-ups Of A Gorgeous Woman Eating” -Claire Robinson
“30 Ridiculous Faces with Rachael Ray”
“There’s No Way That Shit Only Costs $10 with Melissa D’Arabian”
“Adam Gertler’s Consolation Prize”
“Yawn, Another Bobby Deen Episode” with Paula Deen
“The Best Sex Face I Ever Made”
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We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
59 Responses
Nicely done. :)
Claire Gorgeous? Really? She looks like she should be dragging a plow! Not seein’ it.
Me either. At best she’s average, but in that picture she looks downright goofy.
Shes hands down the hottest thing on the Food Network.
I agree. The phrase “why the long face?” comes to mind LOL.
I think she’s the most gorgeous woman I’ve ever seen in my life. To each their own.
Wouldn’t go as far as Dave there, but I do think that she’s super hot.
I’d let her hum on my hoagie, but she’s not gorgeous. She is cute at best. Mouth is her best attribute. Good embouchere.
I think she’s beautiful, personally.
So much debate…
I could stand her if she would just get that mouth under control. Seriously, constant gape is not attractive!
Agreed Julia. When she ‘tastes’ her food (which consists of her shoveling in a whole serving with a serving-sized spoon with an opportune camera angle highlighting her blow job mouth) I’m done. Where’s FN’s ‘hot’ dude for us? Just my opinion.
@ Chris: THANK YOU!!! I’d give anybody who says this woman is hot $1,000 to STOP saying it! (If I had the money, of course, but I don’t).
I am with you all – I cannot even watch Claire… she is so annoying MAJOR! Now I can watch annoying in small doses, Rachael, Anne, Paula to name a few… but Claire… she tops off the annoying meter for me and she is scary fugly!
Yeah, I don’t get the gorgeous comments, at all. She has a cartoonish, Dr. Seussian look to me. The mouth is scary.
I would kill my own mother with a broken lawn chair to be with her. SO sexy.
I agree. She’s kinda cute, the way the last girl in the club right before closing time is cute, but I certainly wouldn’t call her gorgeous.
Her bottom lip reminds me of “Bubba” from Forrest Gump.
“Shrimp Creole, shrimp and grits, fried shrimp….”
WOW, lots of debate! I never meant to say she is unattractive. But I think sometimes we throw the word “gorgeous” around too lightly. And she still kinda looks like a horse…..
I wrote “gorgeous” because, personally, I think she’s gorgeous. And I definitely don’t throw that word around.
That’s the thing with beauty – it’s definitely, as they say, in the eye of the beholder.
I agree Jillian! To each their own. Didn`t mean to offend your choice of adjectives. So can we agree that she’s a “Gorgeous Filly”?
Too funny! What is up with Tyler, he looks like a nerd who just stepped out of the 1950s.
he looks lame. like something out of a buddy holly video.
HAHA. Spot on!
First thing I did was look for a pocket protector.
Wow. Just wow. Tyler must not ever want to have sex again if he dresses like that regularly.
You nailed it. Tyler Florence looks like a gigantic toolbag, Best Thing I Ever Ate is just a 30 minute foodgasm, and Paula’s Best Dishes has turned into a Deen family reunion.
And I think Claire is hot, in that photo, on TV, any time. FOr reals.
Oh Ben, I think YOU’RE hot, in that photo, if you were on TV, any time (you were looking at me naked) For reals. Hugs, your harmless stalker squirrel.
LMAO “your harmless stalker squirrel” – that just made my day.
Squirrel, you still have the hots for Ben?! That’s one serious crash there!
I think Ben may have to start his own fan club pretty soon :P
I agree. I will join ASAP.
How can you not think Ben is just precious. I would sop him up with a biscuit!! Hehehe. But I do promise you Ben, I will never be like that crazy Alton Brown stalker chick, jeezus, I just don’t have that much time, energy, or money. LOL!
I’m married.
I’m married too. Just cause you’re on a diet doesn’t mean you can’t look at the menu. ;-)
Awesome post, Jillian!
How about Faarti Paarti with Pepto chasers.
i agree that claires a beautiful woman, and that she has major DSL haha
Seriously how is Claire Robinson hot? Cute maybe, but not in no way hot or gorgeous. Aida is way hotter. She’s my girl crush.
Hilarious! And I myself am also in the “Claire is gorgeous” camp.
Claire’s the reason I started watching Challenge again. I mean, Keegan Whatever is not as pleasant to look to at ;-)
Ha! And Claire is the reason I avoid Food Challenge now like the plague. She’s hyper annoying and phony. As I’m a hetero female, she has no physical appeal for me at all. Not even for a girl crush. Whoever called her Dr. Seussian is right. Very exaggerated features and a bj mouth. Guess the latter is what appeals to some.
Ditto for me. I can’t stomach her ridiculous whispering & blatantly obvious comments that are completely unnecessary. They don’t need a “color commentator” on challenges – we have eyes. At least Keegan has a pastry background & stayed out of their way. Claire is just damn annoying.
You forgot “In Bed with the Neely’s”.
hahah
But I think Graham Kerr is the king of (and probably originator of) the close-up foodgasm.
YES! YESS! YYEESSS – OH GAWD, YESSSSSSSSSSSS!
(he is)
LOL! Well played, well played.
Claire Robinson is pretty until she starts talking – her voice and mannerisms are incredibly, painfully annoying. She has ruined Challenge (one of the few entertaining FN shows, at least when they are doing candy or cakes) for me completely, thanks to her obnoxious voice and inane commentary.
Tyflo must have drawn the short straw to host this show and I’m glad. The stylist for the show seems as if they’re trying to dress him for ‘Hee Haw’. Nice receding hairline. He’s a twit.
OMG, I’m laughing so hard I can’t breathe at this comment! HEE HAW. HAHAHAHA
I think Tyler is trying to look like a hipster, but he just looks like he raided Norm Abram’s closet. Plus, most hipsters aren’t fat and can pull off the tight clothing.
How about one for Alton Brown – “I’m Smarter Than You’ll Ever Be – Starring Alton Brown” OR “I’m The Only Reason People Watch Food Network”
Or how about “Win Alton Brown’s Money,” which begs the question if you were to put AB head-to-head against Ben Stein in a battle of brains, who would win?
Good question–I really don’t know. Depends on the questions, I suppose, since I’m not sure their areas of expertise overlap that much.
How about “(You can’t really eat most of this stuff, but that’s okay because it’s mostly just padding for) COCKTAIL TIME WITH SANDRA LEE”?
I think Claire is very beautiful, but I think Giada is gorgeous even with her horse smile.
This post is awesome. I agree with the other commenters, Tyler has GOT to lose that stylist. If it’s him dressing himself, dear God, I feel sorry for him and his virginity.
Don’t know why Artie, the winner of NSNS was allowed on the stage with that red dress? Didn’t anyone look at her first?
Also, all the commercials of her show are just full of bouncing breasts. So inappropriate for a cooking show! No way would I watch her, even though I did watch the contest to the end. Just as bad, was the one that thought she was sexy. Horrible in that one dress. I stopped watching Giada for that reason. Even though she is beautiful and a good cook, her appearance is very distracting. however, this Artie is much worse.
I don’t recall any bouncing breast commercials, I suspect though short of wearing Xena-like armor when boobs get to be that size the laws of physics seem to be exaggerated.
This was good…except I totally disagree about Claire Robinson being “gorgeous”! She’s ok as long as she keeps that HUGE gaping mouth of hers closed, but the second she opens it, I’m waiting for the set to cave in.
Unfortunately, her mule-like mouth is open 99% of the time so I don’t have high hopes for her current set lasting long.