Sandra Lee »
Sure, there are people out there who legitimately adore Sandra Lee and watch her to learn what magic they can whip up using seasoning packets, car tires, and chicken wire. But the reality is 90 out of 100 people only watch Sandra Lee to see what crime against humanity she’s going to commit next. So if you’re one of those 10 Sandra Lee fans, go ahead and scoot your Semi-idiotic butt right on over to Food Network’s website because this isn’t a blog for you. The other 90? Stick around, because we’ll be posting the most asinine, most ridiculous, most “illegal-in-17-states” things from each new episode of Semi-Homemade. Here are the highlights from the somewhat boring Season 14 premiere, called Garden Fresh:
Food Network called it “technicolor” – we called it “migraine inducing.” There is such a thing as TOO BRIGHT, and this is it. What sort of crazy person has clear plastic on the back of their kitchen cabinets? And can’t they fix the color saturation? Those raw game hens looked like they just finished an overnight bath in a radioactive liquid. Psst… guys… it’s time to turn it down a notch… OR TEN.
You’re looking at a plate of blanched broccoli, slathered in a mixture of yogurt, cream cheese, and onion soup mix. On what planet would this taste good? And why ruin fresh broccoli with this nasty onion-y mess? It didn’t even look like real food; it looked like something you’d see growing next to a molten lollipop river in Willy Wonka’s chocolate factory.
What the hell was this hot mess supposed to be? A tablescape created by a 4 year old girl for her upcoming birthday party? Those plastic plates and cups didn’t even look like dollar store material; they looked like leftover promotional materials from Disney’s last princess movie. The tissue paper pom poms dangling from the ceiling just cheapened the look even more, and screamed “let’s party, we’re at our high school junior prom.” Exactly how drunk was Sandra when she came up with this? Inquiring minds need to know.
Sandra Lee usually opens every show by bursting onto the set and pretending to choke back a fake laugh, like she just heard the FUNNIEST JOKE EVER. It was especially annoying and noticeable on this week’s episode. Here’s a brief video clip:
What could possibly have been that funny? Did Bobby Flay just fart off camera or something?
The “behind the scenes” footage at the end of the show was equally as lame. I was looking forward to some bloopers, but we instead got 4 seconds of Sandra Lee holding a video camera. Sadly, it wasn’t even semi-interesting.
Hopefully episode 2 will be more interesting, because the premiere just felt like a boring, brighter episode of Money Saving Meals with a tablescape thrown in for good measure. Razzle dazzle? I certainly didn’t see any of it, did you?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Brycer’s Birthday Party: Just The Crazy Stuff [Semi-Homemade]
---Semi-Homemade Season 14 Press Release
---A Closer Look At A Semi-Homemade Show Intro
---FIRST LOOK: Upcoming Semi-Homemade “Homecoming Tailgate” Episode
---Semi-Homemade: I Miss The Old Days
- Sandra Lee