Earlier this week, Serious Eats told us that Paula Deen will soon be launching her own line of… wait for it… FRUITS AND VEGETABLES. The news made me feel every emotion from shock and confusion to anger and resentment. Does BROCCOLI need a spokesperson? And even if it did, shouldn’t it be Jillian Michaels or Demi Moore or some world-renowned nutritionist? Shouldn’t it be just about ANYONE but Paula Deen, who is, quite frankly, the LAST person I think of when I think of vegetables? The woman all but built her career on putting hamburgers on donuts and eating raw butter because it made her simple folk audience giggle, and now she’s pulling this vegetable shit under the beguiling guise of “wanting Americans to eat better?”  Yeah, I’m so sure.

It seems like every day, Paula Deen is putting her face on another product or endorsing another company, and this FRUIT & VEGETABLE thing made me realize just how out of hand it has gotten through the years. It literally feels like there are people sitting around a table in a boardroom trying to think what they can get away with putting her face on next.

This post will be a growing list of all the products Paula Deen endorses, or sells under the Paula Deen brand. If you know of a product not on this list, please drop us an email and we’ll add it.

In March of 2010, Paula got her own line of Serta mattresses which are currently priced between $799 to $1,499.

Paula launched her furniture line in 2009. She’s selling beds, benches, dressers, mirrors, nightstands, upholstery, dining tables, chairs, cabinets, occasionals, consoles, and even that infamous “recipe writing desk.”

Don’t forget, Paula Deen has her own signature eyeglasses, wristwatches, hats, mugs, necklaces, insulated tote bags, bracelets, checkbook covers, gift baskets, grocery shopping check lists, playing cards, and aprons too.

Aside from her restaurants, Paula actually has her own buffets at casinos like Horseshoe in Indiana and Harrash’s in Tunica.

In May 2010, Paula partnered with Michaels craft stores to launch her own line of paper products. This is basically a bunch of crap that has “Hey Y’all” written on it. She’s currently selling tins, cupcake liners, coupon organizers, recipe boxes, recipe cards, gift tags, magnets, treat bags, stationary, and oh so much more.

Yes, Paula is actually RENTING OUT A HOUSE in Georgia, for $2,000-$3,000 a week. Apparently she’s a real estate maven now, too.

In 2008, Paula signed an exclusive contract with Kaleen Rugs to create her own line of signature rugs. They’re currently sold everywhere from Amazon to Sears.

What doesn’t Paula have her name on? She’s got her own pots and pans, batter bowls, wooden spoons, salt boxes, spatulas, prep bowls, cast iron skillets, stock pots, crock pots, griddles, percolators, colanders, loaf pans, cutting boards, pie boards, salad bowls, measuring cups, knife sets, rolling pins, BUTTER WARMERS, paper towel holders, pie dishes, cutter sets, muffin pans, springform pans, fluted mold pans, hoecake pans, cookie sheets, cookbook holders, spoon rests, travel mugs, napkin holders, and yes – even her own Paula Deen signature cast iron snowman mold.

According to PaulaDeen.com, Paula has her own biscuit mix, hoecake mix, spices, seafood dip, cheese straws, marsh mud cookies, butt rub, house seasoning, silly salt, bbq sauces, dressings, nutty brittle, peach preserve, fig preserve, mac& cheese, grilling sauces, hot sauce, steak sauce, peanuts, marinades, ground coffees, snack mixes, moppin’ sauce, and party mix. Don’t forget her husband Captain Michael has his own line of coffee, too.

She also sells her own stuffed crab, crabcakes, wild wing pork shanks, catfish rollups, cowboy-cut rib eye steaks, pork loin, salmon rollups, and ham sausage.

Paula Deen has her own line of baked goods at Wal-Mart, where she sells Original Gooey Butter Cakes, Apple Crunch Top Pies, Dark Rum Pecan Pies, and Old Fashioned Fudge Pies. (Regular FNH readers will no doubt recall the hundreds of e-mails we fielded from people who were revolted by the hideousness of the Paula Deen pies they purchased at Wal-Mart.) She sells a litany of other cakes and cookies on her website as well.

In June of 09, Paula launched her own line of nuts with B Lloyds. She calls them “the most wonderful nuts you’ve ever put in your mouth.” I don’t know about that, Paula.

In 2010, Paula Deen was a spokesperson for Philadelphia cream cheese and launched the “Real Women of Philadelphia” contest.

Paula has been shilling for Smithfield for years, and even famously got hit in the face by a frozen Smithfield ham back in 2009.

At this rate, y’all, could a series of Paula Deen designer toilets really be that far behind?

Are we missing something? Leave it in the comments or email me and we’ll add it to the list.

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