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Sandra Lee’s Renaissance Halloween Costumes
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OMG! OMG! OMG! The long-awaited Halloween episode of Semi-Homemade aired today, and it was every bit as craptastic as we dreamed it would be. The episode had a loser-y Renaissance theme (which isn’t nearly as interesting as a celebrity theme, but whatever) and Sandra dressed up as a bunch of people we were forced to read about in 7th grade Social Studies. Fun!
The food Sandra prepared looked truly scary, and each outfit she donned was tackier than the last. First, she dressed up as Maid Marian, Robin Hood’s baby mama back in the 16th century. They filmed the segment in the middle of the woods, which made it feel sort of authentic. To keep it period-specific, Sandra incorporated all of Maid Marian’s favorites: APPLEWOOD RUB, PRE-CHOPPED GARLIC, “YE-OLDE COOLERS”, and ZIPLOC BAGS.
Next, Sandy dressed up as Robin Hood and cooked some “steak on a stick” dish. The segment was pretty boring, except for the part where she handled raw meat and then “washed” her hands in a bowl of water. Then, she reminded us to be careful, because “the grill is hot.” Yeah. You could tell Aunt Sandy just wanted to say screw it and start making some cocktails instead:
In the next segment, shit really started to get weird. Sandra dressed up as the “queen of the fairies” and kicked things off by reciting the most ridiculous lines I’ve ever heard IN MY LIFE. “I possess the fantastical and fanciful powers over every magical being,” she said. “My job is to protect them, and while my folly of ferries frolic with the fireflies over the frond in the dusky twilight sets in on everything, it’s my job to create a harmonious combination of sweet treats and delightful drinks.” Umm, yeah. Sounds like someone escaped the asylum on a day pass.
For dessert, she bought a frozen cheesecake (at the “fairy grocery store”), cut it up, and stuck huge FEATHERS in each piece. She then sprinkled edible glitter on each slice and called it a day. I’m not sure how that qualifies as 30% homemade, but whatever. Sandra Lee doesn’t care about math so why should we!
Next up, she made a “queen fairy cocktail” with huge plastic glasses she got… yep, you guessed it… at the fairy craft store. She used almost an entire bottle of cream, vanilla vodka, and white chocolate liqueur on TWO cocktails… and then garnished the drinks with huge, hideous fake feathers. I guess nothing says “happy Halloween” like choking on plumage!
Oh, and also, her breasts looked like duckpin bowling balls.
Finally, she dressed up as a Cher fortune teller, whatever the hell that is. She made a “crystal ball martini” with a ball of ice, and closed the show with a tablescape that Food Network will probably value at $58,000 for the upcoming auction.
And that brought this season’s disappointing Halloween episode of Semi-Homemade to an end. What did you think of the show, FNH? Would you rather have seen her dress up as celebrities like she’s done in the past?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Details About Sandra Lee’s 2010 Halloween Show---Sandra Lee’s Halloween Costumes
---5 People Sandra Lee SHOULD Have Dressed Up As For Halloween
---Sandra Lee’s Halloween Costumes: A Photo Journey
---FNH RECAP: Sandra Lee’s 2011 Halloween Show
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82 Responses
Where is the Queen Elizabeth costume? That’s when she abused the entire staff of the New York Renaissance Faire by having them stare at her in direct sunlight. On the plus side, I now have video footage to blackmail my friends who worked the fair this summer.
My favorite part was her “joust” where she went from having a big old beer gut and no hair to a huge rack and tons of hair. That poor horse will never be the same.
So you know, I actually work at New York Renaissance Faire and the guy they picked to joust for good ol’ Aunt Sandy is actually quite thin and lanky, which is why he jousted for her. If you paid attention, you would’ve also noticed his small blond curls poking out of the rear of the helmet.
Did someone TP the set?
I was thinking the same thing.
I was going to ask the same thing. And I was going to congratulate whoever did it.
She’s reason enough not to vote for her bedmate Andy Cuomo. How could you trust his judgment to govern the state?
I’m originally from New York – born in Wastechester, lived for a while on Lawn Guy Land. Got outta there quite a while back. – escaped to a golf course life in South Flori-duh.
In my years in NY, I saw some of the political animals in NY do some seriously moronic things. Getting into relationships with ‘somewhat already famous’ people to help themselves get more exposure ranks up there with the ‘most ut’ of stoooooopid.
Hell, for all I know Andy and Sandy could be really into each other and ‘connect’ as one person……… But I almost feel sorry for Mr. Cuomo and the only things I know about the guy is that his dad was Governor when I was there and not many people liked his old man all that much.
I would rather vote for tablescape-boy than bestiality-porn skeeve.
Jillian, you forgot to mention the “fairy microwave” that she used to nuke the white chocolate she put on the cheesecake… This episode was so horrendous, it totally made my day…
Regardless of how lame, there was one moment that struck me as brilliant. It was when she was dressed as Cher and said something like, “Would you like to see some more magic?” Then she made a coy hand gesture tossing her hair (wig) over her shoulder that I thought was so Cher like.
All in all, I giggled through the whole thing. Especially at those HUGE fairy cocktails. Damn, she could wipe out the entire fairy nation with one drink.
Aunt Sandy did not dissppoint! I recorded it so I wouldn’t miss this much anticipated annual event. I LMFA off throughout the show. And when she was dressed like Cher the fortune teller, she did that tongue-in-cheek thingy before flipping her hair over her shoulder. A very bad impression of Cher. Why am I not surprised?
I havent seen this show yet…but it seems like its an instant CLASSIC.. too funny!
I love watching Aunt Sandy — just when you think she can’t possibly get any more batshit insane, she proves you wrong.
The fairy queen segment was my favorite (in that it was the worst). Between the feathers in the drinks, and the store-bought cheesecake feather glitter pops, and her saying things like “fairy microwave,” it was just hilarious! And what was she smoking when she decided that crazy “dusky twilight” intro speech was a good idea?! I love how she kept referring to her “powers.” What powers are those, Sandra? An iron stomach and a 16% blood alcohol content?
I haven’t seen this years craptacular show yet but now I can’t wait! OMG – how wrong is it that I am looking forward to the train wreck?? : )
Am I blinded by all the fairy dust or does she have something white on her boobs?
She definitely had shimmer powder on her boobs. Awesome.
Stupid question….I”m watching this farce now, but my question is a REAL cooking question. I always heard you are supposed to dump the extra marinade after you finish marinading poultry? If that is true, why did she put it in a pan? Just askin’
You heard correctly. The answer is she’s an idiot who has convinced the Food Network otherwise.
You are supposed to dump it, simply because it had raw chicken in it. She cooked the hell out of that shit and reduced it by half, so it should be OK.
As long as you bring the marinade to a temperature of 165F you can use it. That’s the safe cooking temperature for chicken. If she boiled the hell out of it and reduced it, it definitely surpassed 165F.
That was by far the most nauseatingly preposterous spectacle that I have ever witnessed on FN (and that’s saying something). Is this woman serious?
WOW…I was salivating for this post. I stumbled onto this show earlier today and could not believe my eyes. Glitter boobs and the biggest freaking cocktails I have ever seen. Most people in my family would be bombed after one drink! I think she has finally snapped.
Did anyone else notice her voice sounded weird when she was making the steak rolls? It was normal during the other segments. Well as normal as it gets for Aunt Sandy.
I noticed that too… like the mic was underneath something…
“This was basically me and my friends as we watched the show”
Jillian, I love your humor, but if you are going to dedicate several websites that poke fun at basic English……….It’s MY FRIENDS AND I.
Also, Craptastic is the name of my beer pong team, so high five!
Actually, it’s “me and my friends” or “my friends and me.”
Time for a grammar lesson: remove the word MY FRIENDS. What would you say?
“This was ME watching the show” or “This was I watching the show” —
Get it? :)
rightio felix, I was gonna use the same language lesson.
If you are most Americans, you would say, “This was me.” If you know that a predicate nominative takes the–wait for it–nominative case, you would say, “This was I.”
We now return you to your regularly scheduled snark, already in progress.
who the hell says either one of those things?
The subject of the sentence is “This.” The object of the sentence is “my friends and me.” Hence, Jillian was correct, unless you don’t subscribe to basical grammatical structures.
Simply put, if you are the object, refer to yourself as “me.” If you are the subject, refer to yourself as “I.”
grammergirl, er, I mean Jillian, you’re my heroine.
mine too!!
What the shit??
The fairy bit had me in hysterics just reading about it. I’ve GOT to watch this episode. Feathers as a garnish? Eww..
I actually liked the candles on the tablescape. And the dice, and the chargers. But that was it. And this tablescape isn’t going up for auction, I checked because I thought this one might actually make a decent amount of money, but of course the one time Sandra picks a few little accessories that are semi-cute, they’re not even going to try and make a buck off her $15,000 tablescape.
I don’t know if it was a new episode or not, but at 7AM today, there was A Semi-Homemade Halloween with Sandra Lee. It featured Aunt Sandy and Tyler Florence making crap in a “haunted” mansion. That was also worth watching, just because Aunt Sandy made lollipops. I kept hoping for the sugar to splash and burn her.
Seriously, though, I think there was a little tension in the room between Aunt Sandy and Tyler. The banter reminded me of Aarti Paarty and the douchebag last week.
P.S. if you all didn’t catch it, it’s on again tomorrow (Monday). Set your DVRs!
My favorite recipe were the petit fours. Buy a cheesecake & a pumpkin pie. Scrape out the insides. Mix with cream. Fill in a cookie shell. Eat. Vomit.
In the fairy costume, is that really an inch-wide tanline on her boobs? Is Aunt Sandy really still wearing inch-wide bikini tops at her age and degree of droopage?
I think that’s glitter. Which is still disturbing because it draws attention straight to her shiny, squished implants.
Isn’t it, though? Other than strippers, who spreads glitter on their breasts?
It was only semi-insane this year, gotta say. Oh, Aunt Sandy. I liked her better when she was clueless about her OCD.
On a positive note, the outdoor setting and more natural lighting are FAR more flattering to her features than the new retina-searing lighting scheme of her set. Her features were softer in this episode and far less tranny-plastic-fantastic.
Costumes were typically over the top, which I expected. She tossed in a nod to her gays, I’m sure, with the Cher/Dark Lady get-up.
That hu-uuu-uge creamy cocktail with plumage…? It ought to come with a business card for a local cab company. Jesus.
I was shocked during the grilling bit when she basted the chicken and turkey legs with the salmonella marinade. Wow, did FN quality control slip up on that one.
Also, she was grilling with flammable material and strings hanging from her forearms and wrists. Good thing that lake was nearby in case she burst into flame. Yeesh.
The cheesecake “popsicles” don’t exactly fit the 70/30 formula, no, but it seemed like a decent idea I might actually try (but without the triple helping of sugar with the edible candy).
Side note: Jillian, did you catch the premiere of “Dessert First” today? It was passable, but MY GOD the host’s nervous giggling was NONSTOP. If you thought Aarti was bad, be prepared… She also pulls Aunt Sandy’s trick of breathlessly beginning a sentence as if she’s been laughing helplessly. It’s supposed to come off as convivial, I guess, but just reads smarmy.
The “Dessert First” host is a Laugh Talker. Tuschman should nip the annoying laugh-talking right in the bud. It sounds more like a deranged nervous tick than any kind of perky personality trait. I have been waiting for a good baking show on FN and this is what we get? Bring back Gale Gand.
A “Laugh Talker,” that’s perfect. Thank you for the Seinfeldian description. Couldn’t think of one when I wrote that comment… Laugh-talking puts my teeth on edge now. Ugh.
Agreed about Gale Gand, just saw her guest-judge “Top Chef Just Desserts” and realized I totally miss her show. (“Sugar Rush” with whatisname wasn’t terrible, just boring.)
I wish Gale Gand too. But she isn’t a flaming asshole so she doesn’t fit the current FN chef profile.
P.S. I might actually look online for those molds to create one big ice cube ball for martinis, etc. That was something I hadn’t seen before. Surprised FN hasn’t jumped on the chance to market that yet.
You can use balloons too; just cut the balloon off once it’s frozen and rinse the ice ball to get the balloon coating off. They’ll have a little flat spot but they’re crazy cheap.
Hmm, good idea about the balloons. Thanks. I may try an experiment this weekend.
I didn’t see the show, but it seems as though she’s slipped to 50% “food”, 50% cocktails? Meat, cheesecake, and 2 cocktails? FN needs to recognize a gem when they have one – forget the food, let’s see Aunt Sandy do a bar crawl once a week in different cities. Like an unfunny Dave Attell. I would watch religiously.
im totally in for an Insomniac style Sandra Lee show
I want to see THAT show!
If I’m not mistaken, she ripped off the russipe for the cheesecake. I have seen that done many times on the FN.
I can’t remember who did the frozen cheesecake thing first, but the one I saw was a frozen cheesecake that was scooped out with a melon baller. The balls of chesecake were dipped in different toppings, caramel, chocolate, etc. It may have been a Pauler recipe.
They actually sell that frozen cheesecake on a stick AT the Renaissance Fair. They have regular or Godiva chocolate cheesecake, and they dip in in more Godiva chocolate, like upscale Magic Shell. One of the best things I’ve ever eaten. In my life.
I’m wondering if Aunt Sandy didn’t have one of her minions do a little shopping before the show.
I thought The Queen of the Faeries was Tori Amos?
I thought it was Ina!
LOL Tori is my God(dess)
WHO DOES THIS CRAZY PERSON SLEEP WITH TO GET A SHOW
wtf is the purpose of all this? isn’t it supposed to be a cooking show? and why does her hair start on the top of her skull? did she pull half of it out by accident or something? she’s half bald.
I can’t stand any SL show so my primary exposure to her is the many many MANY FN promos for her various…efforts.
So I ask everyone…WTF is the deal with her face? It looks spackled. Or discount Botoxed.
Okay I’m jealous. LOVE your name….wish Ida thought of it :D :D :D
thanks! :)
I just love how she always winds up looking like a drag queen.
my thoughts exactly…
queen of the fairies?? more like contestant in the Miss Gay USA pageant.
It was like a bad accident…I didn’t want to see but could not look away…it was truly horrible…
OMG OMG OMG! My favorite part was the DEAD STUFFED BLACK CAT on her tablescape. Are you freaking kidding? bwahahahahahahahahaha!
Queen of the Fairies? I thought my friend Dennis was this :D and that cocktail made me want to HURL.
Jill, these screenshots are priceless. I’m reading this in the library, and I literally just snorted cause this recap is hilarious. Now I have to go watch the real thing.
Go to Hairstare.com if you really want to see some crazy celebrity hair do’s
I was flicking through the channels and saw this for about 20 seconds before my head exploded.
My friend and I were watching these to see the OTT costumes, and we couldn’t believe how HUGE those cocktails were! Not gonna lie, though–the “merry men” skewers she made looked kinda good. And I thought it was kinda cute how she was still able to become Cher (she said something like “Dark Lady” Cher Gypsy)…and the hair flip was hilarious. Could’ve done without most everything else, though.
This crazy bat-shit bitch- took a whole bottle of her stoopid pills, can I just tell ya.
I feel so sorry for old New York.
First hand: the chicken and turkey legs handed to Little John and Friar Tuck were undercooked slightly, the marinade was awful.
FYI.
Total classic.. I can’t wait to see this crap again. She’s gone to new heights of insanity. I think her Cher impression is hilariously wack. And now Fortune-teller Cher?? lolololol
It’s so crazy its so entertaining
[...] have your name on them, but everything else about you is…well, apparently, batshit crazy. Check out this recap of her 2010 Halloween episode. You have to get to the near-end, where she states she is the queen of the fairies. I kid you [...]
Well, our first clue that this was going to be a disaster was the fact that some of this footage was shot on 9/11. They poled that barge down the pond THREE times, for about 2 seconds of footage!!!
Both the steak-on-a-stake and the frozen cheesecake are available at the faire, but our recipes are better! (For one, our cheesecake is not drizzled, but dunked in dark chocolate!!!)
My pics from the day can be found at:
http://www.flickr.com/photos/robpivarnik/sets/72157624949600188/
It was fun to see my friends interact with her, though. If you didn’t catch it, it airs again on Tuesday, 10/26, at 2 pm EST.
Oh my lord. She actually says, “Fairies love their vodka.” Why yes girlfriend they do. They certainly do. :D :D :D :D
“Nothing says Happy Halloween like choking on plumage”
Seriously ROFLMAO.
WTF is WRONG with this woman? Besides the fact that she’s a raging alcoholic, that is…
Those costumes are a godawful mishmash of godawfulness.
I wonder if Donatella would try to eat the feather garnishes.
I would say this is more of a dark ages theme, then a renaissance episode, because renaissance means “rebirth” and this is definitely not a rebirth.
Real white ostrich feathers..
Life plucking 2 or three times before the bird is big enough for slaughter or the feather quality goes down.
The scars left from the forcible plucking(imagine someone ripping your hair out by the handfull) are ‘decorative’ on the ostrich leather.
Also done for getting feathers for your fluffy blankets, rip them out in chunks from the birds and if you rip off some skin too, doesn´t matter.
Just sew the wound close again, no need for painkillers or a vet (just needle and yarn) and sometimes you break a leg or wing..but hey, the feathers are so much more worth than a single bird