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The Most Ridiculous Food Network “Recipe” Of All Time
Posted by Jillian Madison

I’ve been noticing a lot of pointless recipes on the Food Network’s website lately (Robin Miler’s carrot ginger salad anyone?) but this one really takes the cake. Ladies and gentlemen, behold: RACHAEL RAY’S LATE NIGHT BACON RECIPE:

That’s right! Are you ready for your ingredient list? Here we go. You’ll need….. brace yourselves……… BACON!

Once you have your bacon, you have to rip off 2 pieces of paper towel (not 1, not 3), and place them on a microwave safe plate. But hold on. Here’s where it gets tricky. You then have to carefully arrange the bacon slices so they don’t overlap! MOVE SLOWLY WHILE PERFORMING THIS DELICATE PROCEDURE.  You may find holding your breath will help you hold your hand steadier. /end sarcasm

Seriously? A recipe for MICROWAVE BACON? Is this a joke? Are we being punked? I don’t know how this made it onto the Food Network’s website, but I’m glad it did because some of the user reviews are hilarious:

“Made this. I crossed the strips and experienced total prosciuttic reversal. My hunger increased exponentially and every sodium molecule in my kitchen exploded at the speed of light.” -written by Fooley

“I just realized that maybe I can even heat up “sammys” in the microwave. All this time I thought it was to store stuff!” -written by Jamie

“This is BRILLIANT. I bet you could microwave things like soup, too. You just put it in there and it cooks. Amazing.” -written by srseeker

“My bacon kept overlapping. I will not be remaking.” -written by simdude

Simdude… hold your breath while arranging the bacon on the plate next time. Good luck. And may the force be with you.



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Yet Another Ridiculous Food Network Recipe: Ina Garten’s ROAST BACON
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Aromatherapy Hot Towels
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: MICROWAVE POPCORN
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Rachael Ray’s Ham Steaks
---RIDICULOUS FOOD NETWORK RECIPE OF THE WEEK: Dark Chocolate As A Snack

    127 Responses

  1. Julie says:

    Wait! I use “select-a-size” paper towels. Do I need regular sized ones? Could I use two halves to make a whole or would that cause issues? The stress is just too much!!! Arrrg….

    • Laura says:

      Wow, good question. Have you tried emailing FN to see if they can help you? Maybe the grunts there can check with Ms. R’s assistant cause you don’t end up in the fetal postion at Thanksgiving. Keep us posted. haha

    • Plumpy says:

      But, but, but with Rach’s Puttanesca NotSagne Jerk Turkey Bloody Johnny Cheesy Mac MakinBacon Grampy Emmuel “You Won’t Be Single For Long” 52 Ingredient Sammie Slider the recipe calls for bacon cooked in the oven. Golly, now I’m all confused. Do I cook it in the microwave or do I use the oven?

  2. Lana says:

    I, for one, am glad this recipe is posted on FoodNetwork. com.

    You see, I already knew how to microwave SIX (6) slices of bacon; it was the EIGHT (8) slices of bacon that had me stumped.

    Thx Rach!

  3. Ferd Berfle says:

    Wait, I messed up. What was the ingredient again?

  4. JF says:

    Ugh, and overlapping should be one word. Is this for real? Even better, in the screen shot are “Recipes Like This”, including fried creamed corn and garlic and herbed peas and green beans. Let’s try “Recipes That Actually Require Work and Earned the Title of Recipe”…even though fried creamed corn sounds horrifying, it probably involves cooking!

  5. Daria says:

    Oh man some of the RR suck-ups rated it 5 stars and thanked her for the recipe. They didn’t know they could microwave bacon, dur!!

  6. Frank says:

    The Food Network: Empowering home cooks since 1993

  7. Oveta says:

    6-13 seconds isnt going to cook bacon. Even the precooked kind has to be reheated for longer than that. wtf?

  8. Steve says:

    I realize the pretty much every Wretched Ray disciple is a mouth-breathing in-breeder, but are they really this dumb?

  9. Dana Zee says:

    I actually much prefer Paula Deen’s microwave bacon recipe. It only calls for 1 paper towel, so the bacon is much greasier.

  10. boke1 says:

    Does RR also have a recipe for tap water? I can never get it right!

  11. Paul says:

    They must think people really don’t know how to cook. I mean Wow, you gotta be an idiot to not know how to cook bacon.

  12. ron says:

    Well…add this to the list of other lies my older brother told me about sex, when I was an impressionable teenager, because he said that “makin bacon” involved my penis and a vagina….nothing about a microwave and paper towels!!

    • Steve says:

      Ron wins the internet

      • Ron says:

        Why thank you Steve! As the new owner of the internet, please remove all mention of Snookie, tablescapes, stoup, figure friendly anything, the term “y’all, any word with an L for Sandra Lee to abuse! Furthermore……..let it be known that from this moment forward, anyone signing onto Food Network .com will be directed automatically to the site:
        “MILF Love Anal!l”

    • Connie's Red Crotch between 2 paper towels says:

      Yeah, but do we really want to see how Rachael Ray is “makin’ bacon” at home with John “Roger Rabbit for Halloween” – Ray?

  13. MsFoodie says:

    Wow. That’s almost as stupid as she is. Almost. The comments are totally worth the idiocy of this “recipe” though.

  14. oh_come_on says:

    Surprised she didn’t have instructions for opening the package and washing your hands after handling the bacon.

    • kwalk says:

      I think that’s because you’re supposed to microwave the bacon while its still in the package. And you never wash your hands after handling bacon.

  15. jmsiv says:

    I like my bacon in the morning. Can you use this recipe in the morning as well?

  16. Jenn says:

    I like my bacon on top of other stuff – can I still use this recipe? I’m so confused.

  17. Laura says:

    “Recipes” like this are the reason I was ready to kill a woman who called in when I was working the customer service desk for an appliance retailer. She called in and flipped on me one day because our service department told her it would be about a week before someone could come out to service her over the range microwave. I actually asked her if she had a functioning stove, and she told me that she never used it, she only ever used her microwave. These types of things make we weep for humanity.

  18. Amy says:

    Ellie Krieger has a recipe in her “So Easy” cook book for-”Salad Presto”
    She literally instructs people to open a bag of prewashed salad and put vinegar and oil on it.
    I guess I am qualified to write my own cook book based on this bs…

  19. LaLa says:

    How late is late? Can I make this at 8pm? 10pm? It’s not nearly specific enough for me!

  20. H.C. says:

    I’m surprised the instructions didn’t require Viva paper towels.

  21. Leslie says:

    I love the reviews! They should hang out here at FNH!

  22. Laura says:

    I loved how Rachael kept saying on her show over the weekend how very healthy mac-n-cheese it and that it is loaded with calcium. On what planet is mac-n-cheese very healthy. But then again she uses more EVOO (extra virgin olive oil) in one meal that sould be use in a week. Figure friendly my ass.

  23. Zoe says:

    Next week she rocks the world with “Early Morning Popcorn.”

    Ingredients:
    1 Bag popcorn

    Instructions:
    Microwave on high for 2 1/2- 3 minutes.

    Visionary.

    • AbacoPeach says:

      Why hit all those buttons? Just push the “POPCORN” button on the microwave…

      • Zoe says:

        I don’t have one of those buttons. We’re rustic like that.

        If I wanted to really rough it, I could get all Jiffy-Poppin’. Burned popcorn for everyone.

  24. THE Holly says:

    Fooley, the Ghostbusters review was pure genius.

  25. BOO says:

    That’s jus’ crazy. Everyone knows you fry up bacon in a cast iron skillet so you have the fat leftover to make hashbrowns, fried eggs, or even cornbread. How wasteful!!!!!

  26. WesternLady says:

    This will never, ever, EVER topple the Kwanzaa Cake. Not. Happening. In. My. Lifetime.

  27. FatCat says:

    Is this recipe too complicated for her?

    Pickles:

    Ingredients: pickles.

    Instructions: Open one jar of pickles.

    Wait my brain is going to explode!!!!

  28. Finger Foodie says:

    Do you have to freeze the bacon before you place it on the paper towels?

    (crickets chirping)

    Too funny. What the hell is wrong with the people at FN??

  29. Bella says:

    If this were Ina’s recipe, she would insist on GOOD bacon.

  30. Derp says:

    I just wish she’d show me how to use this toaster contraption!

  31. FatCat says:

    Look at the “recipes like this” next to it: “Mama’s Fried Creamed Corn.”

    {*runs to puke*}

  32. Mark H88 says:

    I’m absolutely in love with Ray Ray, but this really is ridiculous. I’d never let my love for her say anything good about this.

    The FN should really make a “Quick Tips” section if they want to start putting these so called ‘recipes’ on their site. I mean the list of ingredients is only 1 ingredient. Can that still be, technically, called a recipe???

    • AbacoPeach says:

      Of course not, “Quick Tips” would make too much sense!

    • potty mouth princess says:

      This “recipe” has been on the FN site for years. I’m amazed that a)it hasn’t been removed or b)FN is allowing the snarkage to remain. I don’t think I’ve ever made a post there that survived.

      And dude, get over the RayRay thing. She’s a disgusting fat pig.

  33. reneedog says:

    I’m so confused!!!!!! Is this recipe for thinly sliced bacon or for thickly sliced bacon???????
    I’m afraid I’ll get a rejection slip from my microwave if I use the wrong thickness!!!!
    And what brand of paper towels do I use?????
    I’m soooo stressed out!!!!

  34. coffee-n-toast says:

    I can’t believe no one has commented on the range of cooking time… six to thirteen minutes??? Way to narrow it down, Ray-Ray!

  35. Sam says:

    Wow, that was stupid, thats not even a recipe!. I can cook bacon for that long in a skillet, thanks for continuing to dumb down America FN

  36. Emily says:

    This is what she does after hours?

    Why does she need 4 servings?

  37. Jason says:

    Jesus H. – EIGHT slices of bacon for a late night snack? Eesh..

  38. Tazmen in Cali says:

    =O seriously??? wow, no words. no words….

  39. jennylola says:

    i simply had to comment on the fn site. this is too good to be true. so simple! so easy, rr, you have done us all such a favor with this recipe! jesus…..

  40. jennylola says:

    and, in case anyone wanted to expand on their rr recipes…here’s a nifty list of all the cookbooks rr has been lucky enough to have published! it baffles the mind..
    30-Minute Meals, 30-Minute Meals 2, 30-Minute Meals: Get Togethers, Comfort Foods, Veggie Meals, The Open House Cookbook, Cooking Round The Clock Rachael Ray 30-Minute Meals, Cooking Rocks! Rachael Ray 30-Minute Meals for Kids, Rachael Ray Best Eats In Town On $40 A Day, Rachael Ray 30-Minute Get Real Meals, Rachael Ray 365: No Repeats A Year of Deliciously Different Dinners, Express Lane Meals, 2-4-6-8: Great Meals for Couples or Crowds, Just in Time: All-New 30-Minute Meal, plus Super-Fast 15-Minute Meals and Slow It Down 60-Minute Meals and Yum-o! The Family Cookbook

  41. Old71 says:

    Typical of Rachel Ray’s whole style just another pile of slopped together pile of phony bullshit.

    • Txan says:

      Rivaled only by Sandra Lee’s store-bought cheap stuff poured on top of other store-bought cheap stuff, while overdressed in tacky clothes, which coordinate with cheezy tacky table settings!

  42. Teague says:

    Technically is it really a recipe if it only has one ingredient?

  43. Diane says:

    6 – 13 minutes? WTF?

  44. Oxy-Geek says:

    It’s simpler than one i found on allrecipes.com… take one store bought pie shell, take 1 can pumpkin pie filling. put filling in shell, bake for 20 minutes, pass off as homemade pie.

    sad

  45. Best comment:
    “One misprint: It should say “Put in microwave WHILE high, because that’s the only way this recipe is useful.”

  46. Freezezzy says:

    So when it says to “put in the microwave on high”, does that mean I need to put it on top of some kind of platform (like an inverted bowl), or that I need to actually be high?

  47. Rootietoot says:

    In their defense, I know people who really do need such explicit instructions. They’re 11 yr old boys, but still…

  48. Daria says:

    You guys have been hard at work I see. There are lots of new “reviews” since 11/8.

  49. Rachel says:

    So many new comments on FN, You guys are hysterical.

  50. Honeybee says:

    I guess I don’t get to eat Late Night Bacon since I don’t have a microwave…….

  51. Val says:

    Congratulations FNH on making Late-Night Bacon Food Network’s Most Popular!!

    http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/programdaily/0,,FOOD_32078__EST,00.html

  52. DerekLutz says:

    6-13 minutes? If it takes 13 minutes to cook bacon, your bacon is frozen solid or your microwave is broken.

    5-6 minutes tops. Great recipe though, she’s underpaid.

  53. Chris says:

    I didn’t have bacon so I substituted slices of deli ham. We ran out of paper towels, so I used saran wrap.

    It tasted like crap. This recipe sucks.

  54. [...] Food Network Humor » The Most Ridiculous Food Network “Recipe” Of All Time. [...]

  55. Erynnn says:

    I tried this out but I found the bacon just that little too crispy, I think 4 – 7 minute on high should be enough to get that really delicious smokey flavour, it also takes less time so you can practice your other favourite recipes like cut a pieceof cheese and make your favourite cup-o-soup.

  56. Harley says:

    But wait do I have to eat the bacon all by itself or can I use it again now that its warm for say….a BLT? or is that too friggin healthy! ya know using vegetables in my overcooked fat bacon! Oh wait I forgot she threw in those 4 paper towels to eat up all the fat so ill have dry rubberized hot bacon to gnaw through yayyyyyy *vomits on RachelRay*

  57. kwalk says:

    What’s bacon?

  58. Angela says:

    Really I can do better.
    What you need: bacon, paper towels, and 2 saved healthy choice plates.
    1st you wash the bacon.
    2nd pat if off with a paper towel.
    3rd place the bacon in one of the HC plates. Cover the bacon with the other plate.
    4th Microwave, when finished drain the fat from the plate, pat off remaining fat off the bacon with paper towel and serve.

  59. Ray Jay says:

    How do I alter this recipe if I want to eat bacon during the day or at night but not late at night?

  60. I am flummoxed says:

    Ok, please help me here, I cannot seem to keep the handle down on my microwave. Every 2 minutes it pops up and the bacon flies out onto the floor…What am I doing wrong???? I even turned the dial all the way to 7 and it still pops up after 3 minutes. This is going to take forever…

  61. J-Man says:

    Next up — Sandra Lee shows you how to make Semi-Homemade Ice!

  62. Cali Reef says:

    This is a Great Recipe or actually a Technique! The one thing she left out , and I feel the most important, is be very careful not to burn your fingers on the Doobie you just smoked.

  63. Spaghett says:

    84 years later a 100-year-old woman named Rose DeWitt Bukator tells the story to her granddaughter Lizzy Calvert, Brock Lovett, Lewis Bodine, Bobby Buell, and Anatoly Mikailavich on the Keldysh about her life set in April 10th 1912, on a ship called Titanic when young Rose boards the departing ship with the upper-class passengers and her mother, Ruth DeWitt Bukater, and her fiancé, Caledon Cal Hockley. Meanwhile, a drifter and artist named Jack Dawson and his best friend Fabrizio De Rossi win third-class tickets to the ship in a game. And she explains the whole story from departure until the death of Titanic on its first and last voyage April 15th, 1912 at 2:20 in the morning.

  64. BABY SPAGHETTI SAUCE says:

    soft yet firm, much like a chicken breast.

  65. chiaros says:

    Well, FN has changed the nuking time to 4-6 min.

    Guess they got too many telephone calls from very upset people about trying to eat hard crumbly pieces of black stuff that tasted funny…

  66. [...] other news, Rachael Ray posts a “recipe” for cooking bacon in the microwave. The McRib sandwich – who eats this crap? Eric took my old smoker out for a run. Salume [...]

  67. jo says:

    All those calling RR a fat pig are clearly haters. If YOU had an awesome “recipe” for microwaving bacon wouldn’t you want to share it with all of humanity via the internet that you clearly rule? RR! Brush these haters off!

  68. [...] The most ridiculous Food Network recipe of all time. The recipe reviews make this one a winner. [...]

  69. Erynnn says:

    I set my alarm to wake up for late night bacon but I slept through it. I’ll try again tonight

  70. MissMidget says:

    CRAP! I mistakenly used 9 PIECES OF BACON AND TOTALLY RUINED THE RECIPE!!! Goes to show… Follow the exact directions if you want perfection. I feel like SUCH A FAILURE! :(

  71. [...] the whole house with the usual smell of hot buttered popcorn, it did indeed smell like we were microwaving bacon for a late night BLT. Then we took it out of the microwave, cautiously optimistic at the results [...]

  72. [...] 2. See how unoriginal some of the hosts actually are. [...]

  73. Paul J says:

    The only thing I found ridiculous was it’s low score. Only 3 out of 5 stars???

  74. ailsa says:

    and goes without saying but eating the paper towels increases the GI and fibre content

  75. [...] Li, i like butter, bacon, and cheese. Late night bacon. Can double as late morning bacon:http://foodnetworkhumor.com/2010…Enjoy the comments as well :)This answer .Please specify the necessary improvements. Edit Link [...]

  76. Lynda Brechtbill says:

    Some of my bacon touched, & overlapped!! My microwave exploded!!!

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