Ina Garten »

Yet Another Ridiculous Food Network Recipe: Ina Garten’s ROAST BACON
Posted by Jillian Madison

Last week, we introduced the world to Rachael Ray’s ridiculous microwave bacon recipe. The story got picked up by everyone from the hilarious Michael K a D-Listed to the crew at Huffington Post, and it was actually the most popular recipe on the Food Network while all the Thanksgiving shows were airing. The recipe now has 205 hilarious comments – proving you guys really are some hysterical MOFO’s.

So now that we’ve all mastered Rachael Ray’s microwave bacon… brace yourselves, because I have another challenge for you: Ina Garten’s ROAST BACON.

All I can say is, thank God I found this recipe because I’ve been trying to cook my bacon with a blow torch all this time. I had no idea you could just put it into the oven like that. Thanks, Food Network! Next time, though, please try to simplify it a little more because I don’t know if I can handle all those steps. Preheating my oven? AND setting a timer at the same time? THE HORROR!



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---The Most Ridiculous Food Network “Recipe” Of All Time
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: MICROWAVE POPCORN
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Aromatherapy Hot Towels
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Rachael Ray’s Ham Steaks
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Rachael Ray’s Store-Bought Pound Cake

    80 Responses

  1. Chris says:

    How is this network still around?!

    • Christian Groff says:

      Yeah, I think the Food Network is jumping the shark now that most of their good stuff is on Cooking Channel. Ugh. Anyway see the last episode of the Next Iron Chef… I can’t spoil it here in case Jillian recaps it, but ugh! My worst fears are reality! :(

      I think they need to go one more season of runs, then kill Iron Chef America and try to do something different. If they kick out Cora… ugh…

      Sorry, I’m just ticked off at the lot of the judges and I needed to rant. Please, Jillian, mock Episode 7 of this freak show with all your heart or I’ll do it for you!

    • Lemon says:

      Dont watch?

      • Kelley says:

        Don’t watch?! WHAT?! And miss the greatests comedy shows on television right now? Are you mad?!

        If I may make a suggestion: Don’t read. :)

  2. Judith says:

    OMG! This is just too much! Will this work on non-applewood smoked bacon? Is it thick or thin cut bacon? What kind of paper towels should I use, el cheapo store brand or expensive premium brand? It looks like I’m going to have to give up bacon!

  3. Eyeris says:

    I can’t handle this. Slow down. 15-20 minutes? That’s a huge range. Which is it?

  4. Dan says:

    HELP! I don’t have paper towels at home but really would like some bacon. Can I use toilet tissue instead?

  5. Dave says:

    I can’t believe people need a recipe on how to cook bacon in the oven. What is wrong with this world.

  6. Dave says:

    Way to copy the back of the Oscar Mayer Bacon package , change the type of bacon in an attempt to cover your tracks and call it a recipe.

  7. Lady says:

    I was just going to make cheese and crackers, but I decided to test my the boundaries of my culinary skills….

    I was overwhelmed! The paper towels, the arranging, the preheating…TOO MUCH!

    Sticking with eating peanut butter out of the jar.

  8. Amber says:

    Do I have to use good paper towels?

  9. Lana says:

    You guys are way ahead of me on this. I’m not EVEN to the paper towel stage.

    Which is it?!? 8 … or … 10 … slices of bacon. HELP!

    • Lana says:

      Oh yeah! And I forgot to ask. Is it ok if the bacon overlaps? Cuz Rachael’s recipe said not to overlap, and this one doesn’t say … so ….. basically I’m totally f*cked here ….

      Maybe I can write in to “Ask Ina?”

  10. PANICKING! The timer just went off on my oven and I’m not sure how many paper towels I need to use. HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    • Also HOW LONG DOES THE BACON NEED TO DRY??????

      • Amber says:

        Take a deep breath. Walk out to your garden and harvest 3 winter squash and a gallon of good parsley to make soup for your friend that owns the local specialty pet rock store. When you come back inside, your bacon will be perfectly dry. If you don’t have a garden, make a peanut butter and jelly with the volume turned up. How easy is that?

  11. RigaToni says:

    Those punks at FN took “late night bacon” off their most popular list!

    The little box that tells you the most popular recipes USED to start with “Late Night Bacon” followed by the Mac n cheese, Alton’s turkey, etc.

    Mysteriously, today the Late Night Bacon recipe is gone.

    Is it still on the FN site?

  12. I feel like such a troll but had to post a review this time.

  13. old john says:

    I’m sitting here munching down some roasted bacon anxiously awaiting Bobby Flay to teach me how to cook it on the grill. Mine keeps falling between the grates.

    It would also be nice if Sandra Lee chimed in and let me know which kind of bacon to put in my ice cube trays, so I can make some bacon cocktails.

  14. Kelley says:

    This Network is just too weird!

    Okay, so first we get Robin Miller’s recipe for carrot salad… it was complicated enough as far as recipes go but they had to take us a step further to Rachael’s Late Night Bacon…

    As to not leave fruit aside, Rachael also came up with a Pineapple Wedges recipe http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/rachael-ray/pineapple-wedges-recipe/index.html but see… this is were sh*t starts getting real strange: this “recipe” is every bit as complicated as Rach’s Late Night Bacon but this one says: “Method courtesy of Rachael Ray”! As if buying a pineapple and following this recipe wasn’t hard enough, now we have to start calling it a METHOD?

    Hehe… all joking aside, this Network is really scrapping the bottom of the barrel. It isn’t hard to create a little section for tips and methods and stuff. Why call it recipe? Its so pathetic…

  15. Ron says:

    Thank You Ina….now that I know you can cook bacon in the oven, I don’t have to use my car’s exhaust system anymore!
    Sure the bacon draped nicely over the exhaust pipes, but it was a bitch and a half putting the car on ramps and climbing under the fucking thing every time my kids wanted bacon!
    What would we do without the FN…seriously?

  16. Ron says:

    Now if only the FN would tackle buttered bread, because my trowel keeps ripping the shit out of it!

    • Hookerbot says:

      Paula Deen’s buttered bread:

      1 slice white bread
      1 stick butter

      place butter on bread. Roll to wrap bread around butter. Eat like a burrito.

      I should work for FN.

  17. NepEnut says:

    The only way this recipe could be more complicated is if you added Alton Brown to the mix. You know he’d have you build some kind of contraption to dry-age the bacon before you do all that horrifically challenging work of putting it on a sheet pan and baking it in the oven.

    And screw microwave and oven bacon. I use the Force to cook my bacon. Saves so much time!

    • Laura says:

      Dude, I’m using the Force to cook everything from now on. Definately the only way to show off to all your gay dinner guests. Also, environmentally friendly!

  18. Daria says:

    I feel so old fashioned, I just cook my bacon in a skillet. I know it works perfectly in an oven, but I don’t want all that grease splattered around in there.

    • johnmc says:

      Grease doesn’t splatter around the oven when you bake it. The splatters are caused by the heat attacking the bacon from the bottom. Trust me on this one, I cook a *lot* of bacon.

      • Daria says:

        Well I’ll be damned, I will try this next time I cook bacon. And if I totally forget how to do it, I know Ina’s recipe will be waiting there on FN! (just kidding of course)

  19. johnmc says:

    Why bother drying it? You’re soaking up the best bit with the paper towels. Mmmmm bacon grease.

  20. mingpicket says:

    What if I don’t have an oven? Can I do this in a toaster oven?

  21. Ferd Berfle says:

    Of course, it has to be GOOD apple wood centre cut smoked bacon, not that run-of-the mill apple wood centre cut smoked bacon you might find outside of the Hamptons.

    And don’t even think of using center cut bacon. Only centre cut will do!

  22. Rev Dr E Buzz says:

    Looks to me like they are hit trolling…

    Cheap bastards…damn you Tooshman!!!

  23. Hooli-Gin says:

    I am REALLY trying not to get busted for slacking at work by bursting out laughing but you guys are making it WAY too hard!!!!!

    And.I.AM.BEYOND.WORDS! Holy HELL!

  24. Marky Mark says:

    I frickin burned myself removing it from the oven ’cause I didn’t KNOW you should use oven mitts!

    My doctor was all up in my grill saying how stupid I was, but I was like, “nuh uh! Ina Garten didn’t tell me I needed to! It’s just bacon Doc!” I screamed.

    Then he rectally checked my temperature and sent me home.

    Siiggghhh…why do all my Ina Garten recipes turn out the same way?

  25. Justin says:

    You may try setting your timer to 20-25 minutes BEFORE you start preparing to cook the bacon. This should ease some of the initial panic

  26. Brent-O says:

    It’s hard to argue with FN’s logic on this one. If they think people are stupid enough to mistake Guy Fieri and Sandra Lee for real chefs, they probably think the average viewer looks at a plate of bacon, asks “What’s this?” and starts banging it against their head.

  27. queen says:

    Did they say if its Beef bacon? cuz the last time i checked Ina is jewish and jewish do not eat pork.

  28. Teague says:

    My head is spinning first they tell us to use the microwave now they’re telling us to use the oven! Smoked bacon or regular bacon!!

    MAKE THEM STOP!!!

  29. JF says:

    Does anyone have Brian Regan’s recipe for heating Poptarts? I can’t find it on the Food Network site…something about toasters…

    • Jenn says:

      Open package, insert into toaster VERTICALLY…oooooohhhhhhh (insert Bryan Regan face here)……. he also says the box has microwave directions, like 3 seconds I think. Maybe the FN will post that recipe next, method courtesy of Bryan Regan!

      Now, I’m going to go hang bacon from my forehead cuz I am a dullard & have no idea what to do with the stuff. A little peanut butter makes a great glue for it. I only wish all these dang animals wouldn’t follow me around whenever I wear it.

  30. Angela says:

    I suppose “centRE” cut bacon is better than lowly center cut.

  31. Pots and Pains says:

    I am soooo excited. When I read this recipe, I was in the dumps because I do not have an oven, or a toaster oven…or even a toaster. I was beginning to think I would never enjoy the deliciousness of Ina’s Roasted Bacon. But then….ta-da….I remembered I had a straightening iron I use on my hair everyday. IT WORKED! Delish. Thanks Ina.

    (ps how do I now get the grease out of my hair? Do you have a recipe for that one?)

  32. FatCat says:

    What is the deal with these bacon “recipes”? Are people that perplexed about cooking it?

    and, those teeny tiny photos of the chefs are so hilarious. Ina looks exactly like Andy Milonakis here

  33. Ryan says:

    Either Ina is secretly English, a copy editor failed to noticed she inverted the r and e in center, or she’s a femme-douche.

    Also, I’ve had applewood smoked bacon. . . it tastes like bacon. . . let’s all save us a few column inches and just say bacon.

    • Marky Mark says:

      Ha!!!! Femme-douche!!! I’m going around work saying that today! My newest bestest word!

      :-)

    • Ferd Berfle says:

      It doesn’t really matter how it tastes. The key thing is paying $15 or more for a pound of bacon, preferably at a butcher shop where they’ll wrap it in paper. Only unsophisticated people buy the stuff in plastic packages. They don’t even have bacon in plastic packages in the Hamptons.

  34. Ron says:

    Thank InaGartenDavida….much easier on the manifold and I was able to check my oil while I was waiting for my bacon to be done!

  35. Ron says:

    What do you get when you take rich, pretentious Food network execs hiring rich pretentious FN hosts, then ask them to relate to middle and lower middle class audiences that watch them? That’s right………..
    BACON “RECIPES”!

  36. Fia says:

    I think it’s great that Food Network offers these little tips (sometimes I’ve been known to flake out and Google how long to cook bacon for in the oven vs. the microwave, just because I don’t make bacon very often!) but I think that presenting them as recipes and attributing them to personalities like Rachael and Ina is just ridiculous. I’m positive people were nuking bacon in the middle of the night before Rachael came up with it, and Ina’s certainly not the first to think of using a baking sheet in the oven.

  37. MARYT says:

    OK how about bacon cooked in the microwave? aha! now that’s tricky :)

  38. Paula Deen’s bacon recipe is out there somewhere:

    Ingredidents:

    8-10 slices of bacon and/or ham hock
    1 lb. butter
    1 Carton of Virginia Slims

    Directions:

    Light a Virginia Slim.

    Roll bacon in butter.

    Consume.

  39. Cathy B says:

    I actually heard Paula Deen say she deep fries her bacon!

  40. KT says:

    How easy is that? *giggle*

  41. Joey says:

    Thank GOD for this recipe. All this time I’ve just been laying it in the sun for a week.

  42. Kristina says:

    My husband just asked me if he needed to use the good vanilla for this recipe.

  43. Tarsha says:

    I tried to make Ina’s recipe for roast bacon, and it just didnt turn out right! I kept wondering what happened i followed the directions step by step..and then it hit me! i didnt have a “GOOD” oven or a “GOOD” sheet pan, and not to mention the dollar store paper towels that I used! So i am running out to get all the “Good” things I need for this recipe! I will master this!

  44. Minette says:

    If you think this is elementary, check out the “recipe” for Salted Water for Boiling (I kid you not) on Epicurious, especially the reader comments. You’ll be entertained for an hour.

  45. RAH07890 says:

    I always thought I had to use my toaster. Now wonder my toaster always dies!

Post your comments


FNH DISCLOSURE and PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2014 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved