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Guy Fieri Is The New Face Of Ritz Crackers
Posted by Jillian Madison

I used to like the Ritz family of crackers… that is, until they made the horrific mistake of hiring Guy Ferry as a spokesperson to pump up sales leading into the Super Bowl. The big game is weeks away, but there’s already an obnoxious new commercial on TV which features Guy riding up in a small penis cracker-wagon and serving up gross things like “Ritz cheesesteak sliders” to pretty people at a fake tailgating party. A whopping 85 people on Facebook liked the video, so yeah! Uh, way to go, Ritz!

Here’s the thing, and correct me if I’m wrong: men don’t buy Wheat Thins and Triscuits, or make pretty little finger sandwiches out of Ritz crackers to eat while watching a football game. Women do that shit.  And since most women slam their legs shut and instantaneously feel the urge to vomit upon the sight of Guy Fieri’s face, he certainly isn’t looking like the right choice to sell the Ritz brand.

Ritz is spending a lot of money on this campaign, too. An FNH reader named Kristin just spotted this lovely little cardboard display at her local Wal-Mart – complete with Guy’s lame little signature. “Put me off Triscuits for a week,” she said.

That is truly hideous. This Super Bowl, I think I’ll be opting for the Keeblers. Your mileage may vary.

Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---We All Want TO BLOW YOU UP, Fieri
---Things That Exist: A Guy Fieri Face Trivet
---Guy Fieri At The Celebrity Beach Bowl
---New Food Network Nintendo DS Games
---UPDATE: Guy Fieri Definitely, Positively Hosting “Perfect 10″ on NBC

    94 Responses

  1. chefcatt says:

    IMO it’s a step up from Rachael Ray’s gaping maw they used to use.

    • Ferd Berfle says:

      Yeah, that’s a tough one. If they put Guy’s fugly face on the box, I won’t buy it. My spouse prefers this type of cracker, though, so I may just get the store brand of buttery round crackers and put them in an old Ritz box. No one needs to know.

    • PeteC94 says:

      I don’t want to have to look at either one of them but if I had to choose between the two I would pick RayRay over Ferry any day. At least she’s easy on the eyes.

    • Mid Mod Tom says:

      Maybe! I’m glad the first comment reminded us that 3 sides of each Nabisco brand cracker had Rachael’s face on it. I buy Nabisco products (not because Food Network personalities whore them out), but it was a challenge to add them to my shopping cart when RR was all over the boxes

  2. Allen says:

    Ugh. Every time I see Diners, Drive-Ins I turn the channel. He is so irritating, I don’t know why he’s still on t.v.

    • George Bluth says:

      I actually really like that show, despite the fact that he hosts it. He basically has the best job in the world, going around and eating in very down to earth places. From the ones that I’ve also been to, they do find some great places to eat too.

      Now, if they’d like to replace Fieri, that’d be ok with me. I’m available, and I’m much less flashy. Food Network, call me!

  3. john says:

    GF could be a good, effective TV host if he’d just cut down on the overacting and the catchphrases. He actually does know food & cooking, and his staff finds a lot of good eateries, it’s just hard to tell through all the static he throws off.

    However, it’s clear that he’s decided to go in the opposite direction: make himself as big and flashy as possible, and cash in as much as he can before his 15 minutes are up. It’s a shame, really.

    • agakitchen says:

      I agree, he can cook, use a knife and even speak from experience but that whole whoreing himself out makes it hard to watch. Still I’ll take him and his bad persona over irrelevant recipes and the complete lack of technique you get from most of these jokers. ( is this where I am supposed to call him a douche?)

    • Cupcake says:

      I have to take issue with the “he can cook” aspect. Have you ever been to his restaurants? They are truly terrible (Johnny Garlic’s and Tex Wasabi’s). I’m not trying to say this for dramatic effect – but just an appropriate comparison: they make Applebee’s look good. I live in Santa Rosa and have eaten at each multiple times (not my choice after the first couple of visits). Just awful. It’s sad – you want to see a local guy doing well. He does well at branding himself and marketing his image – but not his food.

  4. RigaToni says:

    MY local Wal-Mart also has Ferry yelling douchey things at you if you trip the motion sensor when you go by. I couldnt’ understand what he was saying, and certainly didn’t want to go back and find out.

    I just grabbed my phone thinking I had pocket-dialed it and someone was speaking at me through my phone. After eliminating my and my husband’s phone as the culprit, I realized my husband was standing in front of the motion sensor while I was looking.

    We walked away BRISKLY. We bought no Ritz.

    BTW my football party menu plans for the weekend include: wings, chips and salsa, ribs, sliders, quesadillas and various flavors of popcorn. Not little freakin’ hors douvres.

  5. I love Ritz crackers, but I actually refused to buy them when they had RayRay on the box. Guess I’ll be going Ritzless once again.

    • Cayenne says:

      You can go Ritzless or just contact the company (there should be an 800 # on the box) and tell them that you are now going Ritzless because of douchebag. The Ritz police, as Emeril would say, will not check your pantry.

  6. Kristy says:

    I can’t stop laughing at ‘small penis cracker-wagon’!

    • Cameron says:

      That has got to be one of the best descriptions of Guy Ferry’s ride ever… so many meanings in those four words lulz!

    • Angel says:

      I cannot stop laughing at that phrase either. I have to find a place to use that sometime. It’s perfect for a lot of the overcompensating vehicles the rednecks drive around here.

      Best, and keep on blogging.

  7. TS says:

    That’s nothing. I was walking down the cracker aisle the other day, and there was a little motion sensor thing attached to the shelves that played a Guy Fieri recording about Ritz Crackers when anyone walked by.

  8. Silvio says:

    ” since most women slam their legs shut and instantaneously feel the urge to vomit upon the sight of Guy Fieri’s face “.

    That’s a Hall of Fame comment.

  9. Teague says:

    Does seem like an odd choice for a spokesperson. Guess they want to make the brand more ‘manly’. Aarti would have been a better choice to do that.

  10. Bill says:

    C’mon Jillian! Who are you kidding? You know you wouldn’t kick Ferry outta bed for eatin’ (Ritz) crackers!! Sorry, I just couldn’t resist.

  11. Chickety China, the Chinese Chicken says:

    oh crap. Is nothing sacred anymore? Can’t you just leave my Ritz alone? Can’t they bring back Andy Griffith as the spokesman? He’s still around, right?

  12. orchidgal says:

    Not only that, but you can enter a contest through Ritz and win $20,000 and a dinner with Guy Fieti himself! I think you’d need the $20 G’s to spend on therapy to recover from dining with him.

  13. Lana says:

    Ritz paid for Fieri and his Kronies to go to the SB in Miami last year. I can only assume they’re doing the same this year, and it’s all a money-f*ck-fest between ‘em.

  14. Alek says:

    When you going to post the ep recap 2 from Worst Cooks In America?

  15. NepEnut says:

    I really wonder if he likes what he sees when he looks in the mirror. If it’s just an act for cash, I kind of pity him. Nobody should have to be that annoying and look that disgusting to put food on the table. I don’t think he’d be half as obnoxious if he got rid of the stupid bleach-blonde hair. Some people can pull that look off – but I don’t know if anyone ever told him that he can’t….he really can’t…

    I’m so glad I don’t buy Ritz crackers. They’re tasty, but I’d rather spend my money on something else. Especially something that doesn’t have an annoying douchebag as a spokesperson.

    Multi-grain crackers from Trader Joe’s anyone?

    • Ray says:

      Love the TJ’s multi-grain crackers, Nepenut.

    • Hakuna Fritatta says:

      Take heart, Ritz lovers! At my local groshry store (sic) in the Mexican aisle there is a product called Sabrosas. They are made by a company called Gamesas. They taste just like Ritz and as an added advantage, they cost about half of the Nabisco product. I seriously doubt that either Guy Fatass or Roachie will be signing on with them any time soon.

  16. Kristyn says:

    Oh Jesus.

  17. Michael says:

    Oh, God. I ate Ritz crackers just this morning. I have to go throw up. This asshole is like Miley Cyrus, he just won’t seem to go away.

  18. Alex says:

    I’m just disappointed there’s no flame-printed shirt in sight…..

  19. Bonzy22 says:

    why. just. how do these effin doosh-bags keep getting gigs? fffuuu

  20. Keyser Soze says:

    God, i hate this fucking douche.

  21. Krista says:

    Slam their legs shut…hilarious!! Thanks, I needed that laugh today!

  22. THE Holly says:

    This is surely one for the books. If I could find the books after wading around through all the pseudo-homespun sliced ham jewelry are you kidding me bullshit that Paula Deen shills. I’m also, sadly, reminded of when Alton pimped Miller Lite. That one never made sense to me either.

    • Xploder says:

      Miller Lite is a disgrace to beer lovers everywhere. Just take a real bottle of beer, pour out half of it and then fill it back up with tap water. There! All finished!

  23. Ray says:

    Brings whole new, utterly horrifying images to mind when the old slogan, “Everything tastes better when it sits on a Ritz” pops into one’s head.

  24. ltrain says:

    looks like only people who like this video on facebook were actually in the video. hahahahahaha! LOSERS!

  25. Kevin says:

    At least he’s actually wearing his sunglasses on the right side of his head this time.

    RItz Sliders, are you kidding me? Even if I wasn’t 110 percent sure they’re nasty, who would be caught dead MAKING those things? I don’t know about you guys, but if one of my buddies served up Ritz Sliders he’d get kicked out of the house.

  26. CEQ says:

    I don’t know whats worse, that video, or the people on facebook commenting on how cool he is.

  27. C.K. says:

    “men don’t buy Wheat Thins and Triscuits, or make pretty little finger sandwiches out of Ritz crackers to eat while watching a football game.”

    I couldn’t agree with you more. I have never had those for the Superbowl. Ritz marketing failed on so many levels.

  28. Diane says:

    As long as he’s associated with them, they ought to call them Shitz crackers.

  29. drew says:

    what a douchebag

  30. Mystie says:

    Have you seen the FN logo where they stick his hair on top? Whenever they have a promo for one of his shows, they have the logo with a silhouette of his stupid spiky hair on top. Makes me want to throw something at the TV.

  31. Tiffany says:

    I’m ecstatic about the displays. They have on in our grocery store that talks every time you go near it. The fact that I now feel physically ill every time I go near the cookie/cracker aisle should really help my weight loss goals.

  32. [...] like classical… I think it uses Violin… you know that music that would come on when a guy is sitting on a couch next to a fire place in a robe and smoking a pipe…. Lol i know this is [...]

  33. PeteC94 says:

    The Nabisco execs need to take a quick trip through their local Big Lots and Dollar Generals to see the truth worth of any endorsement by FN “chefs”.

    • Plumpy says:

      Nabisco/Kraft’s use of FN goofballs to promote its products is just one reason why I’m weaning myself off Triscuits.

  34. Debbie Gooden says:

    I like Guy Fieri. I think he is real and it appears he is definitely a family man. I sincerely enjoy his shows especially when he includes his son Hunter. He describes the food so well that I want to try it. I don’t understand all the negativity I just read about him. I think he brings energy to his shows.

    • Diane says:

      May God go with you, Debbie.

    • Bellossom Ranger says:

      You’re one in a minority, Debbie. I am also a fan of Guy but I can see where all the hate comes from – he’s loud, obnoxious, and a man-cave man. It’s no wonder people have problems with him, especially women who think he’s a stereotypical douchebag who would try to get in their pants and won’t put the toilet seat down. Yeah, I think most of the hatred comes from women. :(

  35. Kayla Hurst says:

    I love Ritz crackers, but they have a time and a place (namely sitting below a nice chunk of bologna and cheese a la ghetto lunchables!) . Have you seen this recipe? There’s a million ingredients! Why it fuck’s beard would I put boneless beef ribeye on top of a Ritz cracker?

    Here’s some fois gras on a greasy paper plate! Bon Appetite!

  36. [...] Fieri is adding to his TV resumé a job as Ritz’s official truck driver and over-tanned face of all things [...]

  37. john says:

    Remember the old Ritz Mock Apple Pie recipe? That’s just crying out for a Sandra Lee endorsement.

  38. Eris says:

    He reminds me of my ex father in law. I think he is a creepy, overstated, and fake California douchebag too. Maybe they should have a bromance.

  39. Mary says:

    If everyone wants an alternative to Ritz, I like Keebler’s Town House crackers. And THEY don’t have any annoying FN spokespeople. Just cute little elves! :)

  40. boke1 says:

    The Wienermobile, maybe, but this Ritz cart? If Andy Griffith was dead he’d be rolling over in his grave.

  41. Derp says:

    Why don’t they just make a vinegar and water flavored cracker and be done with it?!?!

  42. Blag says:

    Well, shoot. Now I have a terrible craving for Ritz crackers. Do they come in a Tabasco flavor?

  43. Suz says:

    Oh, God…thankfully I’m stocked up on Triscuits for a few months.
    I think that was what really sent me over the edge w/ RR.

  44. R-Man says:

    I think it’s a little dramatic to stop eating Ritz crackers just because Fieri is the spokesperson.

    • Ray says:

      Generally speaking, I agree. If you really like a certain product, a douche of a spokesperson shouldn’t put you off it. However, if I went to pick up a box o’ Ritz (or Triscuits, or Wheat Thins) and I saw this idiot’s visage grimacing down at me in all its douchey glory, I’d immediately be put off buying the product. Much the same reaction I’d have if Ben and Jerry’s adopted an evil clown mascot to sell its ice cream. Also, as pointed out by others, if a viable alternative exists, I’ll buy it before contributing to Nabisco’s slovenly mascot of choice at the moment.

  45. Linda says:

    To be honest, I prefer Keebler crackers over Nabisco’s any day. I usually buy store-brand Wheat Thin, Triscuit, and Ritz type crackers anyway, so I can’t boycott over Nabisco using Guy to hawk their wares. But I’m very tempted to let them know of my feelings!

  46. Reens says:

    Saw my first one (and hopefully last) yesterday. Giggled at what a bad choice Ritz made somehow thinking that Guy was good for promotions, then flipped the channel. Hey, I love Ritz. They’re nice and buttery and salty. However now I shall think that that nice buttery grease comes from his hair, and I hope the packages start including free sunglasses to wear on the back of your head.

  47. Hannah says:

    I actually e-mailed Nabisco to let them know what idiots they are, in case they didn’t notice before. I’m sure they’ll notice from their drop in sales. This is amazing to me. Fiere? Seriously? Only FN sucks him off, I’m pretty sure everyone else despise him Shame. I really liked Ritz…

  48. Southern Illinoisan says:

    Next it will be Pauler bellowing YA’ALL at the Land o’ Lakes case and Aunt Sandy slurring next to the Smirnoffs.

    This motion sensor marketing tool MUST be disabled in all stores post-haste. Suit up everyone, stop by the hard ware section on your way to the cracker aisle and grab a hammer.

  49. Justin says:

    But Jillian, he’s holding a box of crackers up BETWEEN two other boxes of crackers! Respect!

  50. Divefan says:

    Search the FN recipe database for ‘ritz crackers’. You’ll get a nice, greasy selection of options that goes perfectly with Mr. Ferry. Kraft Velveeta dip, anyone?
    Now, where did I put that Pepto ….

  51. Treazure says:

    Tripped the motion sensor as I was passing through the cracker aisle. Literally screamed and scared a few people. I ran away embarrassed and hating GF’s voice even more. (And I didn’t think that was possible.)

  52. Sickys3 says:

    Hmmmm. What to serve my drunk friends at this year’s Super Bowl Party? Grilled brats, rye bread pizzas, chili dip, slow-smoked brisket, li’l weiners, White Castle dip? Hell no, I’m serving Ritz and Wheat Thins.
    Thank you, Gay Ferry and Ritz.

  53. Person says:

    God I hate guy FERRY!!!
    Ok so I just wanted to say something completely not relating to this boat (ferry) but can you please make more blogs about dave lieberman, I mean i just hate that guy and i really want to laugh at him and your the only one who could make that happen!!

  54. Person says:

    this guy literally disgusts me!!
    evrytime he takes a bite of whatever hes eating the food just spreads all over his face like his face is the toast and the food is the jam.
    worst part is when he laughs at his own jokes… noone laughs with him…

  55. I like guy’s truck. Where could I get it in diecast? Thanks, Rusty

  56. Hakuna Fritatta says:

    I won’t even buy Ritz anymore. Instead I go through the Latino aisle of my local Mega Lo Mart and get a product called Sabrosas. I think the brand is Gamesas. The taste is quite a bit like Ritz but they are quite a bit cheaper.

  57. GuyFieriBlows says:

    Raise your game!! By buying wheat thins!!

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