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Worst Food Network “Tip” Of All Time?
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I don’t know why, but I follow Food Network on Twitter. I guess I keep hoping they will say something interesting or enlightening, but they just keep letting me down. Take yesterday, for example. I cringed and held my tongue when I read this “tip” on how to make an Italian dinner from their Twitter feed:
Make it Italian night: Order takeout pizza and pick up a bottle of prosecco. #FoodNetworkMagazine #champagne tip
A Domino’s pizza and a $9 bottle of sparkling wine now qualifies as an Italian night? I don’t know if that’s funny, or just sad.
I just checked my Twitter feed again, and found another special tip from Food Network. This time, I just couldn’t remain silent.
I think the only appropriate response here is: WHATCHU TALKIN’ BOUT, WILLIS? Who’s writing their Twitter feed these days, Sandra Lee?
Not only is that the tackiest fucking thing I’ve ever heard in my life, but it’s also the stupidest. Do you know how many bottles of liquid soap it would take to fill a 750-ml bottle of wine? A lot. Also, the little plastic soap-sucker-upper straw (technical term) that’s attached to the pump is only a few inches long, so you’d have to keep the champagne bottle full of soap the whole time.
It’s shit like this, Food Network!
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54 Responses
I have come to expect nothing worth anything from FN. They passed funny awhile ago and are just sad, pathetic and stupid.And yet – just when you think they can’t get any more ridiculous they can lower the bar even farther down. I need a cooking channel to teach me how to call for takeout. What’s next? For a quick no fuss dinner -go to a restaurant and then come home?
fucking brilliant!
If I had that in my house my friends would think I was certifiable.
the proseco is a classy touch…and the bottle would make a nice soap dispenser…
Geez, Prosecco? Really? Ugh.
Pshh, don’t act like such a snob. Prosecco is the #1 sparkling wine served in Italy. When I traveled there, EVERYONE was drinking it (the Italians especially).
Prosecco is a classy touch… to a pizza?! And the bottle would make a nice SOAP dispenser?! Really? Hehehehehe… You’re kidding right?
Right?!
have a new england clam bake! but use imitation crab meat, tater tots and frozen corn niblets-to be enjoyed with a pbr.
Make it a Mexican night!
Order from Taco Bell & pick up a bottle of Jose Cuervo!
LOL I’m coming to your party!
Let’s make it a Hillbilly night!
Hardened toothpaste dinner mints, Sweet Sue Canned Whole Chicken, Armour Pork Brains in Milk Gravy and Tang.
That is Sandra Lee night at our house.
Hah!
Yummy! I never would have thought of that.
Hmmm…
glass bottle + slippery soap + wet hands = ?
…granite countertop…enamel sink…tile floor..
Exactly what I was thinking InaGD. A wine bottle as a soap dispenser is just asking for a sink full of glass shards and lots of hand and wrist boo-boos.
Jill, I know you said you don’t get the Cooking Channel, but (as has been stated), I really do believe that the the Cooking Channel was created for those of us who used to love how Food Network used to be.
Since they can put the real stuff on CH, they don’t care about FN anymore. They realize that most people in this country only care about trash-TV, so that’s who they’re marketing it toward now.
It’s truly sad, but I definitely put the blame on the people in this country. Jersey Shore, American Idol, John and Kate, etc. etc. etc. – These shows should NOT be popular at all. The people who watch this crap are the ones who are responsible for all the other ‘crap’ on TV by fully supporting it.
And tell them kids to get off my yard too!!!
Just kidding…fully support what he just said. :-)
I concur completely. The only cooking shows I watch anymore are on Cooking Channel, although their new shows from this month look pretty bad, and reruns of Julia Child on PBS.
I do still watch Alton Brown on occasion, although usually on youtube instead of actually tuning into FN. I just ignore his awful skits and styrofoam props and pay attention to what he says instead. I was very proud that his pumpkin pie episode encouraged us to not use anything canned, because pumpkin pie recipes from even famous pastry chefs usually have canned pumpkin and condensed milk. It was nice to see that someone on FN doesn’t think opening a can of pineapple equals cooking a great summer dessert.
Hoo boy! You’re missing out on the treat that is the Food Network Magazine.
There’s a regular feature in the mag – how to use a certain ingredient in 30-31 different ways, depending on the month. September was apple a day, etc. January’s item is champagne and so, so relate-able. I had almost run out of ways to use Champagne every day!
And then they also had a February page with 28 ways to eat chocolate every day.
Like I needed more suggestions, assholes.
This has me cracking up! How impractical a giant champagne bottle is as a soap dispenser, and tacky as well. It is so sad that the channel that was supposed to teach us how to cook is now telling us to order take out pizza. They have to know how ridiculous this is and that they are just giving fuel for this website?
ROFLMAO!!!!!!
Not to defend the stupid drivel coming through the tweeting idiots, but the spout they are talking about isn’t the pump kind but the kind you would use on a liquor bottle. For some dumb reason, there was a fad in the mid 90′s to put your dish soap in a fancy glass bottle and then use a liquor pour spout as the topper. It was the dumbest idea ever as it took forever for the soap to come out and the potential for dropping the glass bottle if you needed to add more soap.
you have martha stewart to thank for that fad. it was one of her”good things”
That icy bitch ruins everything.
I still haven’t forgiven her for what she did to Jadite.
PITA – Yeah, the same recommendation was used for cooking oil of various kinds. The potential for catastrophic results was the same, only with the added bonus of a half gallon of oil on your kitchen floor. I’m sure FN will suggest that next month for the empty bottle of wine from Valentine’s Day (“you can keep the memory of that special evening alive…”)
I’m not defending Food Network, as I have given up on their recipes, posts, shows, etc. for a long while now. Your site is the only connection I have to that channel anymore. But just to offer some clarity..
I’ve seen wine bottles used as dish soap, not hand soap dispensers. My stepmother uses old Dolce wine bottles that are too nice to throw away. The bottle stopper they are talking about is the kind specifically for large bottles, and can be seen on large bottles of olive oil. It can handle and properly dispense thicker dish soap. I think that’s what they’re referring to. I’m not saying that shit doesn’t get slippery, but it works.
http://www.mypopcornmachine.com/pour-spout-sampler-nybe-pour-10-sampler.html
http://www.klwines.com/detail.asp?sku=1052637&cid=TPV-Googlebase
Thank you. Sometimes the nitpicking around here is just as dumb as FN’s recipes or special tips.
I’m not saying that I’d use a champagne bottle for a soap dispenser, but the humor of this post is lost to ignorance. :P
Then don’t read the comments, Superior Snot.
Errr, I was commenting about the post itself, and was in fact agreeing with Vanessa’s commentary…but thanks, Diane! :P
Yes, I get that you were agreeing with Vanessa’s post.
What I got from your post:
“Sometimes the nitpicking around here is just as dumb as FN’s recipes or special tips.
I’m not saying that I’d use a champagne bottle for a soap dispenser, but the humor of this post is lost to ignorance.”
is that you believe we are nitpicky and ignorant, hence my suggestion that you not read the comments.
I…think I see what’s going on here. Diane, I assure you, my comment was not directed at any of the fine comments that show up on the sometimes entertaining FNH site. Rather, I was critiquing and grousing about Jillian’s post. “Around here” referred to the website, not the comments. Sorry for the confusion. You’re a lovely person, even if you went right into insulting me.
Just watch, you’ll see it on Aunt Sandy’s tablescape next week.
Really, Food Network? Order pizza and pick up some prosecco? How about popping in the 1972 classic, The Exorcist as well… it has strong references to the Roman Catholic church, headquartered in Italy. Presto! Even more Italian! Plus, you can watch green barf spew across the screen – just delightful to go along with the nasty takeout pizza.
Or, put in The Godfather, one and two. not the third one though, that was just terrible. Even more Italian atmosphere…
Use an empty champagne bottle as a urinal; just put one end of a catheter in your bladder, the other in the bottle! #FoodNetworkMagazine #champagne tip
ROFL, Lana
I’d rather watch the episode of “Sopranos” and have some Montepulciano D’Abruzzo. But that’s just me.
And the fact that you like The Sopranos, aka the #1 most hated show by Italians, only makes your snobbery worse, since it sounds like you’re trying to be Italian…
I would rather fettucine fagioli and mascarpone
and some linguine al forno carbonara con resquiat.
But that’s just me.
Really? So why are RR, Giada, etc always yakking about “…no need to go out for dinner or order in. You can make something delicioius and healthful (HATE that word!) in no time!!”
Whatever.
The only thing missing from the FN instructions? Turn the channel to “The Jersey Shore” to complete your Italian Night extravagannnzzzaaaaah!
That made me Lol.
Loling hard; I take great offense to Italian night! How dare they make a mockery of my culture!
You want Italian culture mockery, two words:
Guy.Fieri
http://www.epicportions.com/2010/08/31/more-reasons-to-hate-guy-fieri/
There is no such thing as a “good tip” from a FN host!
For example: Since she’s been on the air Rachael Ray has been passing off the myth that you should never wash mushrooms…. as a fact.
If you used Raytard’s logic, you would never be able to use dried mushrooms, because there would be no way to rehydrate them!
Every time I see a FN host do a meaningless wipe job on a mushroom with a towel, I cringe and Jacques Pepin weeps.
Alton Brown even addressed the mushroom washing myth on one of his shows.
Despite all the forced bonhomie, I don’t think the FN “personalities” hang out together much.
Defending this tip as a sane and usable tip is all well and good until somebody shatters a metatarsal.
Maybe this works for a small bottle from, say, olive oil.. but not a three pound, tall glass bottle. Have you even ever had a champagne or prosecco bottle? jeez.
Ugh! If you’re going to suggest going out and buying food for Italian night, at least be a *little* creative. Pizza, really? My tip would’ve been to hit up an Italian specialty store and get some stuff for an antipasto – marinated olives, fresh mozzarella, roasted peppers, prosciutto, etc. My family’s done that plenty of times for Sunday dinners. Of course, I’m spoiled because I live in NYC and there are several great Italian specialty shops.
And yeah, the champagne bottle tweet made me raise an eyebrow when I saw it too. Could not figure out how exactly that would work, lol.
Heck, I live in a fishing town nowhere near New York and my local Stop and Shop has all of those things you mentioned.
My mom uses a wine bottle with a liquor pour spout thing for her dish soap. She also did that for her oils and anything remotely liquid. It is annoying to even look at.
make it a soul food night – pick up an order of Popeye’s Chicken and two 40 oz of Colt 45, works every time!