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If you missed tonight’s episode of Chopped All-Stars, search your TV listings for another airing and record it immediately! It was the most entertaining hour of programming on the Food Network in years, and featured Anne Burrell, Duff Goldman, Claire Robinson, and Robert Irvine going head to head to win money for their favorite charities.
For the appetizer round, the mystery baskets contained teething biscuits, hot peppers, raspberries, and canned haggis. Alex Guarnaschelli hilariously called them “baskets of cruelty,” and the look on Anne Burrell’s face summed the ingredients up quite nicely:
If you don’t know what haggis is, it’s basically organ meat blended up with oats, onions, and spices. Or, according to Anne Burrell:
The real chefs immediately got to work with the difficult ingredients. Duff, however, spent the next several minutes gagging, choking, and fighting back vomit. Either he didn’t like the smell of the haggis, or he just pictured Bob Tuschman naked. We may never know.
Halfway through the appetizer round, Anne Burrell got hot oil in her right eye. Did she bitch and moan and run off to the ER like these little whimps on Top Chef (we’re looking at you, Jamie Lauren)? No! She sucked it up and continued cooking like a pro. She said, “I’d stick something in my other eye before I would quit.”
Anne made haggis flatbread pizza, which the judges loved. Robert made something I forgot about already, Claire made haggis meatballs, and Duff made… this:
Duff was chopped first, and rightfully so. Run along now Duff, back to your little bakery where your hipster friends are eagerly waiting for you.
The entree round was just as difficult. The mystery baskets contained venison, gooseberry preserves, fruit rings cereal, and dulse (which I’ve actually had the misfortune of tasting. On its own, dulse is a gross red sea algae that tastes like a distinct mixture of dirt, tobacco, and ASS.)
Claire was actually happy to see the fruit rings cereal, but Anne wasn’t.
Yes, Anne, but tell us how you really feel!
Irvine cooked like a messy slob in this round, and it ended up hurting him. He dropped the glazed carrots he spent 20 minutes making. In the end, though, the judges chopped Claire because her venison was raw as hell – and because she only plated the meat on 2 of her 3 dishes. Too bad, so sad.
It came down to the old rivals Anne and Robert for the dessert round, and the mystery basket held ladyfingers, fennel, almond paste, and root beer jelly beans. Robert made a pot de creme, while Anne brilliantly melted the jelly beans down in some cream, and turned it into an ice cream. In the end, it was a tough decision, but the judges ultimately chopped Robert and gave the win to Chef Anne… a fierce competitor I’d never want to go up against – and a true bad ass in the kitchen.
And the award for the funniest line of the night goes to… ANNE BURRELL, for hilariously and truthfully declaring: “Duff makes cake; I make real food.” I DIE. How long until that winds up on a t-shirt somewhere?
Funniest moment of the show also goes to Anne Burrell, for running away from Ted Allen’s annoying interview during the appetizer round to tend to her food:
What did you guys think of the show? What was your favorite moment?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Chopped All-Stars: The Finale
---Anne Burrell, Robert Irvine, and Alex Guarnaschelli Will Compete To Become The Next Iron Chef
---The Claire Robinson Blow-Up Doll v3.0
---Robert Irvine Bleaches Hair After Losing “Worst Cooks”
---Chopped All Stars: Round 3
- General: Food Network