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Laugh Of The Day: Clueless Guy Fieri PR People Asking FNH To Promote His Products
Posted by Jillian Madison

If you’re new here, welcome. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jillian Madison. I like puppies, long walks on the beach, and making fun of Guy Fieri.

In fact, making fun of Guy Fieri is something we do fairly regularly here on FNH – and that is grossly apparent even after only the most cursory glance at this blog.  That’s why it is absolutely hilarious to me that not one… but *TWO* separate people working PR for Guy Fieri have recently reached out to me asking me to RECOMMEND AND/OR HELP THEM PROMOTE GUY FIERI PRODUCTS HERE.

I know, hilarious, right?

Here are the details. Their names have been omitted to spare them the public humiliation, even though a stupid mistake like this probably makes them quite worthy of it.

Clueless PR Person #1:


On March 23, a self-proclaimed “social media specialist” from Ergo, the makers of Guy Fieri’s ugly Knuckle Sandwich knives, wrote us an email all but begging us to help them “get out the word” about Fieri’s “awesome knives.” He offered to send knives for us to “test” but since I didn’t want those things in my house, I just ignored the email.

On March 31, he wrote back – again – so I bit and asked which knives they wanted me to test. He immediately sent me back a link to Fieri’s full product line (I could sense the foam building up around the corners of his mouth) and asked me which item I was interested in. Not wanting to be greedy, I went with one of the lower-priced items: the $55 Knuckle Sandwich 5.5″ Santoku Chopper with Criss-Cross Crusher ( I just lost about 200 brain cells typing that). I emailed him back with my selection, but on April 6th, he wrote me back and said:

Jillian – I am waiting to hear from the marketing/pr guys. They’re not sure about this because your site is pretty negative on Guy Fieri. Let me followup and find out what they decided.

WELL NO SHIT, SHERLOCK. Shouldn’t you, oh, I don’t know, have realized that before emailing me like a lunatic for the past week?

Sadly, the douche never followed up. So on April 13, I wrote him again:

Are you still “waiting to hear back?” Where are your marketing guys, in Outer Mongolia? You’re not being a very good “social media specialist.”

Alas, he never replied. I spent the next several weeks in the fetal position, violently weeping whist rocking my body back and forth.

Clueless PR Person #2:


On June 10, I got an email from a PR rep asking me to “partner with them” to promote Fieri’s stupid new cookbook:

Hi Jill, we’d like to work with you to help promote an offer we are promoting for Guy Fieri. We’ll be selling hardcover copies of his new cookbook paired with a free Guy Fieri squeeze bottle on our website I was wondering if FNH would be interested in partnering with us to promote the offer or helping us get the word out? I’d like to reach as many foodies and Guy Fieri fans as possible.

Well, if you’d like to reach as many Guy Fieri fans as possible, you’re at the wrong website, darlin’. Actually, you’re probably on the wrong PLANET, but that’s beside the point.

I fired off the following email in response:

I’m sorry, but no, we don’t offer free promotion to anyone. Also, out of curiosity, why would you even ask me to promote Guy Fieri? That’s pretty ballsy. Have you ever even read my blog? Are you aware that I publicly regard him as one of the biggest shit stains on the sole of society’s shoe?

Sadly, they never wrote back. Once again, I had to find the strength and courage to not drive my car off the nearest cliff.

Frankly, there are only two possible reasons why Guy Fieri PR people would ask FOOD NETWORK HUMOR to promote something for them:

1) THEY’RE STUPID
or 2) THEY’RE DESPERATE

Or maybe it’s 3) ALL OF THE ABOVE.



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Guy Fieri and Mario Batali Start Fake Food Feud To Promote Charity Event
---Guy Fieri Knuckle Sandwich Knives
---Why People Hate Guy Fieri
---Guy Fieri Doesn’t Know Where To Sell His Knuckle Sandwich “Knifes”
---NBC Kicks Off “Minute To Win It” Promotion With Series Of Obnoxious Guy Fieri Photos

    76 Responses

  1. qwertygirl says:

    Clearly the quality of Guy’s PR people is on a par with the rest of everything about him.

  2. Suzette says:

    Take a bow, Jillian. That was hilarious.

  3. Lizzy says:

    Thanks I needed a laugh today. Begging is about
    all you can do if your product is c..p!:)

  4. B says:

    Well I saw they are selling his knives at 50% off at the FN store. Desperate indeed.

  5. steph says:

    hahahaha. oh how sad. google search fail.

  6. Your NameLiz says:

    HERP DERP.
    I bet it was Ferry who thought it was a good idea to use the end of your knife to bang on something.

  7. stonelotus says:

    I’m gravely disappointed. You could have reeled them in like a Nigerian scammer.

  8. ChrisEW says:

    That knife looks awful. It’s Fieri, so I didn’t expect to like it, but it looks even worse than I expected. Who would seriously use that?

    • Davegeek says:

      If I was still running a kitchen I might get one and make whoever screwed up something big use for their shift. You know, like a badge of shame.

      • Skats says:

        I was thinking the same thing. Why waste the sharpness of a Wusthof on potatoes when you can dull this thing for 50% off.

    • Ray says:

      Clearly people who want to make food which is OFF DA HOOK!!!!!

  9. johnny says:

    You should’ve accepted the cookbook. You’d easily have 10 more posts worth of hilarious commentary!

    • LauraS says:

      I agree. That book must be a gold mine of stupid pictures and catch phrases…Jillian could use it on slow days, or as a weekly feature. On the other hand that would mean she has to look at that God awful “Ferry in 3D” photo. That’s a mean thing to ask her to do, now that I think of it.

  10. Amo says:

    I hope they have paid you for this article, as their original goal of getting out the word on these awesome knives and cookbook has been achieved. I for one was (quite happily I might add) unaware of their existence, but my life has been changed forever.

  11. Richard S. says:

    Jillian,

    My brother turned me on to your blog last year! You’re an absolute scream!!

    I’d never noticed the “FieTTy” thing until reading it here. Now it’s like fingernails on a chalkboard!

    Keep up the good work!

  12. Silvio says:

    ” as one of the biggest shit stains on the sole of society’s shoe ”

    Hall of Fame classic line.

  13. Eurodancemix says:

    Actually the “criss-cross crusher” is a great idea for quickly smashing a garlic clove without having garlic all over the knife blade. That’s smart and clever.

    However…I’m pretty sure that Guy didn’t think of that himself and that these knives were designed by committee to appeal to his target audience. I can’t see Guy sitting there designing the knife handles and the blade embellishments. Not his style.

    • Rjarena says:

      I think the design is his, it is the only thing his big fat greasy douche ringed fingers can fit around.

    • Surly Duff says:

      Actually the “criss-cross crusher” is a great idea for quickly smashing a garlic clove without having garlic all over the knife blade. That’s smart and clever.

      Yes, very clever to create a tool that forces a person to point the sharp, pointy end of the knife up towards his eye while he bangs the handle down with force onto a board. You, and Fieri, have not thought this through very well. Unless you have a strong desire to be a one-eyed pirate.

      Good luck with your upcoming Darwin award, one-eye.

      • VC says:

        Surly: My stomach hurts so much from laughing at your comments that I had to move away from my computer for a while.

      • Eurodancemix says:

        Um, I think you’re the one that hasn’t thought this through. When using a knife, or any kitchen utensil/tool/appliance, do you usually work with your face immediately above the object? No? Ok, then, then idea of piercing one’s eye while crushing garlic is idiotic and your argument is invalid.

        • LadyFiona says:

          Eye poking is not what immediately crossed my mind, but another danger indeed!

          My first thought at seeing this hideous contraption was having a slippery hand from olive oil, butter, chicken grease, etc and trying to use that “criss-cross catastrophe” to crack open a garlic clove, the recoil from the handle hitting a hard surface causing your hand to slide UP the knife and slice your hand to kingdom come.

  14. Diane says:

    That knife looks like something Ferry would use to clean the crust out from under his nails once a year.

    Vomit worthy.

    • Ray says:

      Well, as long as he’s doing his yearly grooming, it should also come with a squeegee accessory for sloughing off all the grease on his skin. I pity the person assigned such a task, though.

  15. JF says:

    I cringed at “free Guy Fieri squeeze bottle” – really? Recipes I can get for free online (should I ever lose my mind and actually want them) and a plastic squeeze bottle worth next to nothing (3-pk for $1.65 on Amazon, though they don’t have Guy’s “ugly tattoo” design). His people are really scraping at the bottom of the barrel.

  16. BBopper says:

    KNUCKLE SANDWICH?
    ARE YOU F….

    I’m turning the knife ass end up and plunging it right into his wide open yap.

    I Crush YOU Ferry!

  17. TennisAce says:

    Unfortunately Jillian, I think you just provided them with more promotion of Guy Fieri than you ever intended. Now everyone who visits your site, and I am sure there are a lot of folks, know that Guy Fieri not only has knives but he has a cookbook as well.

    In any event I doubt that anyone who visits this site on a regular basis (raises hands) will ever buy anything remotely related to Guy Fieri, but you know as well as I do that not everyone makes smart decisions in life.

    • I thought about that, but since I’ve already talked about his knives and his shitty cookbook on this blog I didn’t think mentioning them again was any huge deal. Sure, even a negative mention is publicity, and I’m aware of that, but calling his staff out for being idiots made it worth it to me.

    • Aeon says:

      Came in to post pretty much exactly this.

    • Mark H88 says:

      Bah, who cares. If you’re not going to make fun of something, for fear that you may be raising awareness of it at the same time, then why bother writing this blog?

  18. ED says:

    Aren’t “foodies” and “Guy Fieri fans” mutually exclusive groups?

  19. Fuzzie says:

    I am not an expert on knives, but the knuckle sandwich knifes look more like prison shivs attached to toothbrush handles than celebrity chef knives. I don’t think I want to purchase those creepy things.

    • Rjarena says:

      If you think about it, the are the opposite of the Ken Onion knives designed for Alton Brown. I see much carpel syndrome in their future…that is of course assuming that someone would 1, buy them, and 2, use them more than once!

  20. Sue Z says:

    “I am waiting to hear from the marketing/pr …. Let me followup and find out what they decided”

    translation:: “My supervisor and HR here at Ergo has put me on written notice for being such an idiot to ask you in the first place”

  21. loldouche says:

    This is like O.J. Simpson trying to get free ad space on the KKK website.

  22. VZG says:

    Now I’m really disappointed I didn’t get the internet marketing position I applied for… since it’s apparently as easy as “Google search, throw out crap to the first e-mail address you see, DONE.”

    I can do that, AND I can read!

  23. Lisa says:

    But you could have had a SQUEEZE BOTTLE! What’s wrong with you???

    • jmadison says:

      goddammit, i really wanted to see that squeeze bottle.. maybe it’s shaped like him and you can get it to squirt BBQ sauce out of whatever hole you choose. Or mayo. :)

      • Fia says:

        After reading this comment, I will now suffer nightmares for a week, picturing a Guy Ferry-shaped bottle oozing mayonnaise from ANY hole in its body.

  24. Robby says:

    no, no, no, No, NO!!!!!!!!

    perfect opportunity to get free schwag.

    perfect opportunity to come up with clever ways to
    destroy said free schwag. will it hold up to, say, an angle grinder? or how much weight can it support before the blade breaks from the tang?

    perfect opportunity to string along and demonstrate the moronic efforts of the PR crew to spread such filth (well, further than you have already!)

    that cookbook is 416 pages long, that’s at least 208 suggestions from fans of FNH to do with a page torn from Guy Fieri’s cook book!!!

    you need to try to get those offers back!!!

  25. FatCat says:

    The 2nd email is so badly written, is this person for real? Maybe it’s Feetetee reaching out himself in desperate disguise.

    And the words “Guy Fieri squeeze bottle” should never be used in the same sentence.

  26. Hai says:

    Guy Fieri IS his own PR person.

  27. Erin says:

    I’m sure they made a mistake in naming the knives. Should be “knuckle dragger”, not “sandwich”

  28. noo says:

    Classic case of “if you can’t beat them join them”!!! what an ass

  29. Caps Nut says:

    That’s pretty funny, about a week after I “retired” my blog (stick my handle into a Google search) with a farewell post, I got an e-mail from a guy who wanted to swap links and I still get similar requests.

    There’s even a link request in the comment section of my farewell post…

    So I can tell you that these aren’t going away anytime soon Jillian. Who knows, maybe you will eventually get a Guy Fieri squeeze bottle and knife set!

  30. Mike says:

    It doesn’t matter to the PR people if you love or hate the guy. They were successful in their efforts. You devoted all this space to him. It’s gonna make people want to see if this guy is really as bad as you say. In other words, they played you like a fiddle. Congrats!

  31. Rev Dr E Buzz says:

    Is guy actually a chef or a cook or anything?

    He strikes me as a personality conceived to sell shit, not actually a well-rounded serious chef.

    That said, some of the places and dives he goes to I want to go to.

    But just not when he is there.

    Money.

    • Ray says:

      “He strikes me as a personality conceived to sell shit, not actually a well-rounded serious chef.”

      And there we have the Cliffs’ Notes* version of The Food Network. :)

      *hmmmm do these even still exist? Yes, I be old.

  32. Johny Pinga says:

    I hate him with the raw unadultereated passion of one thousand HOT SUNS!!!!! Ferry is nothing but a media whore! He won the NFNS and blew up just a little, and all of a sudden he is being crammed down our throughts at every turn by FN. If any of thier so called talent has one………and I mean ONE iota of success, all of a sudden they are on at least 17 different shows. Then we become wayyyyyyy oversaturated with these people. And it seems like like Doucheman and Co. take any annoying trait or habit they have and say…….HMmmmmmmm……Yeah! Do that ALOT more. At least once every other sentence. So while I am sure that Guy is in firm touch with his inner Douche, I can also see where these people have coaxed it out of him more and more. I’m sitting here racking my brain, trying to think of a semi-likeable personality on there to no avail. Anyway……..yeah……..fuck Guy Ferri. Right in the pooper with razor wire!

    • Hobbygourmet says:

      You don’t like him, do you?

    • AtlGlamBabe34 says:

      Tell us how you really feel! I agree more than words can possibly express, and am tired of them filling every nook and cranny of the schedule with Fieri. He is killing Food Network, can’t they see that?

  33. Keith Lee says:

    “Are you aware that I publicly regard him as one of the biggest shit stains on the sole of society’s shoe?”

    Will you marry me!!???? You’re the best! These are the only websites that make me laugh!!!

  34. Mary Lou says:

    I don’t know if anyone has seen the show “Anna & Kristina’s Grocery Bag” – OWN conviently runs it at 6 and 6:30 am Eastern time – they are 2 friends who evaluate cookbooks and test recipes from them. On their 3rd season, they did Ferry’s “Diners, Drive-Ins, and Dive” cookbook. It was 22 minutes of laughs – they really panned it. They always invite a guest, usually a chef, to evaluate some recipes they made. For this episode, they brought in Brian Boitano – hilarity ensued.

  35. Teague says:

    I can only imagine what you must have been thinking (other than WTF) when you got these two emails. It would have been a good time to buy a lottery ticket.

  36. Abe says:

    This was hilarious! BUT, Ferry’s knives and how not to cook book got the publicity they wanted as this is now featured front and center on your web page.

    I guess negative publicity is better than no publicity at all as I could swear I saw both items on the unwanted…I mean clearance tables at Big Lots recently.

    Maybe they’re having to cancel production of his kinves and cookbook, like his live tours, due to “scheduling conflicts”.

    Abe

  37. alittleconfused says:

    I like your website, and share the same hatred against Guy, but if I am not mistaken, you DID just promote these items.. even by talking negatively about them. Some SCHMUCK will go and look into buying these items because they saw it on FNH. Just sayin’

  38. Corning, NY says:

    Does the squeeze bottle come with the douche nozzle or is that sold separately?

  39. Your Name Here says:

    ” I’d like to reach as many foodies and Guy Fieri fans as possible.” because obviously – these are not the same people.

    It really looks bad on Guy, even more, that his PR firm (whom I’m sure he has nothing to do with) can’t remember contacting you the last time and thinking they wouldn’t want to work with you? Just adds to his douchy-ness.

    We really need to get a campaign together to up AB’s Twitter #’s, too..or challenge Guy’s fans to a scrabble contest :)

  40. Jax says:

    “Well, if you’d like to reach as many Guy Fieri fans as possible, you’re at the wrong website, darlin’. Actually, you’re probably on the wrong PLANET, but that’s beside the point.”

    The wrong PLANET!? Ohhh man what a burn what a burn! It’s like, people who like Guy Fieri must be from Pluto or something, and they’re so stupid they don’t even know that Pluto isn’t a real planet!

    This article is badly written and the author has no sense of humor.

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