Letters To FNH »
We get a lot of colorful, idiotic, and just plain WTF e-mails here at FNH, so every few months I like to share the contents of my inbox with you guys in a segment called “LETTERS TO FNH.” Here are 11 more letters for this latest installment of inbox cheers and jeers!
1) You do not want to know how much I hate this website. If I ever meet a Food Network chef I’ll show then this website. So watch out idiots. Please reply I want to know why you do this, to these people. They’ve never done anything to you. -Emily
No, Emily! Please do not show this website to a Food Network chef! ANYTHING BUT THAT!
2) Hi FNH. I happened to be at Wal-Mart yesterday and I saw the Duff Goldman Blue Bunny ice cream line in the freezer section. My husband was morbidly curious as to what they tasted like, so we tried the I Do I Do Wedding Cake flavor. Now, the Blue Bunny website says that it is supposed to taste like “the marriage of sweet buttercream frosting flavored ice cream and white cake pieces all wrapped up in delicate ribbons of raspberry sauce.” What we decided is that it tasted more like the really fatty, cloyingly sweet icing found on cheap grocery store cakes. The cake part was soggy and spongy, and the raspberry swirl was more like colored corn syrup with artificial raspberry flavoring. For the nearly $6 we spent on that ice cream, we could have gotten some Ciao Bella or Ben and Jerry’s that was actually NOT disgusting. -Jenna
Jenna, I’m really sorry your Blue Bunny ice cream was nasty. Perhaps in the future you’ll think twice about buying frozen edibles from a grown man who signs his name with a heart.
3) Dear FNH, Please make a posting of Scott Conant’s ridiculously tight suit jackets. He can barely move his arms. It looks like Chris Farley in Tommy Boy doing the “fat guy in a little coat” bit. I’ve never seen such unnatural dress for a tv personality. -Kenneth
Never noticed it. Perhaps that’s because I make it a point to not watch shows that feature actual moving video footage of Scott Conant.
4) Jillian, I just witnessed the creepiest and most disgusting episode of Triple D, called BBQ & MORE. At one point, Guy FERRY actually said: “that was so good, I am going to need to shampoo my goatee.” That was probably the grossest thing I have ever heard on a food show. If you get a chance to view this program (I am advising you not to, or just for sheer curiosity), make sure to have a pen and paper to write down the worst moments (I wish I would have). -Jake
Jake, that does sound horrific. However, I’m in favor of anything that actually gets him to wash his nasty, crusty goatee. That thing looks like it hasn’t seen soap and water since the Reagan administration.
5) I don’t know if you can do anything with it, but I grabbed this lovely image of Ray-Ray over-pronouncing the word “cheese” during the opening segment of the “30 Minute Meals” episode “Never Had It So Good,” broadcast June 11. -Ed
Take it down a notch, Ray-Ray. For real. You’re at a 9. We need you at a 2.
6) I watched the Nate Berkus show with Aaron on the show. He cooked fried okra and served a dipping sauce but the recipe was not given on the air nor was it on the Berkus web site. Please send it to me or tell me where I can find it. Thank you so much, Diana.
Does it say “NATE BERKUS INFORMATIONAL WEBSITE” at the top of this page? BISH PLEASE!
7) Hi Jill, I work for Disney and was appalled by a recent announcement on our company homepage that Sandra Lee just signed a multi-book deal with our publishing house Hyperion. ARE YOU KIDDING?! The drunk of the Food Network getting a bigger opportunity to sell her semi-homemade jokes of a meal? Why do we keep encouraging these mediocre people?! Gah!!! -anonymous
Hyperion published my book Damn You Autocorrect! That means I actually have something in common with Sandra Lee! THE HORROR!
8) Just look at this awful thing-rachael made this on an old episode of 30 min meals, a big wedge of iceberg with cocktail sauce mixed with mayo and tiny shrimp all over it..if she were on next foodnetwork star now as a contender there’s no way the judges would go for this slop! -Beth
Ew. That looks neither Yum-o nor Delish. DO NOT WANT.
9) Jill, two locations of “Soul Daddy”, the restaurant Bobby Flay and the creepy pedo-looking guy from Chipotle picked as America’s Next Great Restaurant, have closed after only two months. The NYC location closed on 6/14 and the LA location closed 6/15. FAIL. -Troy
I’m not surprised! The show got awful ratings, and people hate gimmicks almost as much as people in Savannah hate Paula Deen.
10) If I ever saw this in a skillet, I’d head for the hills. Seriously. If nothing else is worthy of a second take, the Phantom Sandra in the oil certainly is. -Ali
The stuff nightmares are made of!
11) Do you know how I would go about pitching a new food show idea? -M Lavoie
Yeah. I do. First, you come up with a really shitty idea, and/or an idea that’s already been done 25 times before. Then, you start blogging about it. Then, you start shooting videos of yourself blogging about it. Then, you just start E-MAILING RANDOM STRANGERS ON THE INTERNET LOOKING FOR ADVICE until eventually Susie Fogelson responds to you and decides if your face would look good on a jar of marinara.
Good luck with that.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---What’s In Our Inbox: Letters To FNH
---What’s In Our Inbox: Letters To FNH
---What’s In Our Inbox: Letters To FNH
---What’s In My Inbox: A Rant About Cupcake Wars
---Aaaaand, Here We Go Again (More Letters To FNH)
- Letters To FNH