Duff Goldman/Mary Alice »
Food Network Scraping Bottom Of Barrel With New Duff Goldman Show “Sugar High”
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News broke yesterday that Duff Goldman is going to be starring in a new Food Network show called… SUGAR HIGH. According to the press release, it’s 6 episode of Duff taking a “cross-country trek to capture the sweet secrets and tasty techniques that keep the cookies from crumbling in the top bakeries around the nation.”
I say, and with all caps for emphasis, ANOTHER SHOW ABOUT SOMEONE TRAVELING AROUND AND EATING? SERIOUSLY? LIKE THERE AREN’T ENOUGH OF THOSE? AND LIKE ANYONE REALLY WANTS TO WATCH UNCLE FESTER UP THERE SHOVING HIS FACE WITH FRIED DOUGH IN A FUCKING PARKING LOT? THAT NOW QUALIFIES AS COMPELLING TELEVISION? REALLY?
If “Sugar High” sounds familiar, that’s because Food Network already ran the exact same show a few years ago… only it was called SUGAR RUSH, and it starred Warren Brown. I guess he didn’t properly foodgasm into the camera or draw in enough of Food Network’s treasured “caveman” demographic or something. But talk about scraping the bottom of the barrel! Now they’re not stealing shows from other networks – they’re just rehashing their own old crap! The horror! Not to mention they’re also still running “Kid in a Candy Store”, “Unwrapped”, “Unique Sweets”, and the other countless shows about candy and baking.
If you’re looking for further proof this show is going to be horrendous, look no further than the moronic show titles: “Chillin’ with Chocolate”, “Phreakin’ Phenomenal!”, and “Something Old, Something Bold, and Something Rock’n’Roll!” If the show gets renewed, we can certainly look forward to shows titled: “Losin’ Thousands Of Brain Cells” and “Is That A Cannoli In Goldman’s Pants Or Is He Just Happy To See Me?”
The “show” starts in August. Stay tuned to FNH for updates.
(Sidebar: when I first started FNH almost 3 years ago, everything on Food Network seemed funny. Now, the whole network just sort of feels pathetic. Am I right?)
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---The 10 Most Annoying Screengrabs From Duff Goldman’s “Sugar High” Commercial---Duff Goldman Films Least Enthused Cooking Segment In Food Network History (w/ Video)
---Photo: A Young Duff Goldman
---Duff Goldman Gets Pwned On Oprah Winfrey
---Duff Goldman In Hawaii
- Duff Goldman/Mary Alice
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95 Responses
How is this different than “Kid in a Candy Store”? Other than with that fat idiot Duff.
I wish I could be put in charge of Food Network, even if just for a day. The people running that network are completely fucking incompetent.
I could not agree more. I used to be a huge fan of Food Network. No more. What are these people thinking??
You’re right. The entire network and everything on it (Alton Brown excepted, and Ann Burrell) has slumped into a pitiful parody of what it used to be.
Anybody know why they stopped airing new episodes of Good Eats? I only reason I still have the 0.0001 percent of respect for the food network is because of him. I’ve tried so many of his recipes and they all worked for me. Anybody ever see a recipe of his featured on Jillian’s “worst recipe of the week”? Food network should be putting AB on so many more shows. I rest my case.
Alton ended Good Eats. He announced it in May.
OH NO!! I did not know that! Hell, I hate it, it’s the only thing my husband and I watch. I hate the rest of those assholes, but I do like Ann B. Alton came to the Gulf Coast recently and I hear he was the nicest person ever. Food writers and critics say he was the BEST.
The Food Network has fallen into the same trap MTV has.When MTV started it was truly Music Television.All they aired was music videos 24/7.Now it’s just a bunch of shitty reality shows catering to brain-dead teenagers.Food Network is in the middle of the same kind of transformation…from a network that used to focus on one thing,cooking,to one that panders to a younger and dumber demographic.I guess that’s where the money is.
What a GREAT comparison, Nubb! I, too, remember when MTV actually played music videos (hence the network name MUSIC Television). The Food Network has really gotten away from cooking shows and has gone in another direction altogether. Such a shame!
Agreed, Nubb.
A yes, the good ole days with Martha Quinn on Mtv. As, far as the food network, I only care about Alton Brown.
I used the Internet Archive Wayback Machine to look at the Food Network’s old website from 1999(it was called http://www.foodtv.com back then),the year I started watching FN.It lists only two competitive cooking shows and no traveling-chef-eats-everything shows.Most of the shows were of the instructional type hosted by real chefs.Those were the days.
http://wayback.archive.org/web/
The MBAs and marketing “geniuses” get hold of success, then kill that which made it successful. Happens all the time.
Who needs creativity when you have spreadsheets that PROVE you can make money by appealing to a young male demographic?
Stupid.
So how much more weight will Duff gain by eating a bunch of refined sugar and carbs for this show?
Now if they could get a serious show on there featuring gluten free cooking I’m sure many people would be interested in that.
I would watch a show featuring gluten free cooking in a heartbeat. I’m always looking for new ideas ways to cook for myself.
Yes! I keep wondering when FN is going to feature a gluten free chef! I think if someone had that as their point of view for Food Network Star it would actually be interesting and of value!
I agree that a gluten free show is a great idea – but you have to remember that a gluten free NFNS point-of-view would never fly, because most Kellogg’s products aren’t gluten free, and it’s all about that product placement!! *eye roll*
I am diabetic so what about the choices out there? Duff Goldman could use some sugar free treats! He is about as exciting as watching glue dry!
Please no!! Whoever is in charge of programing at FN should be pink slipped immediately.
It’s an effing joke.
If one of the bakeries on the show makes a fondant-covered styrofoam cake and tricks Duffus into eating it, i’d watch the fuck out of that.
Thanks for pointing this out, Jillian. Put quite simply, this network has created nothing but nauseating gimmicky hosts(not to be confused with actual “chefs”), mass produced costly products with someone’s endorsement slapped on it, and a smorgasbord of reality television/contest shows that display not only the obliviousness of the participants, but the severe God complexes of all the “judges.” They have double dipped every idea they’ve ever had and now they are just scraping the bottoms of their overpriced cookware. I can’t watch Food Network anymore. Not even for a recipe.
FN is floundering right now. They’re just showing reruns of every show where people actually *cook* (and show them only during the day), and filling prime-time with asinine competitions and depictions of disgusting hosts stuffing their faces. Thank god for PBS, where the cooks not only know what they’re doing (Lidia! America’s Test Kitchen!) but the network wants you to learn how to cook, too.
Agreed. I left most of my PBS favorites for the FN when they first started. America’s Test Kitchen got me back.
ATK is just so freaking awesome. I have been cooking for almost 30 years, and I learn something new on ATK almost every episode. THAT’S what a cooking show is all about!
I HATE that fat one with lots of make up that does the cakes. I couldn’t tell you the name of it at gunpoint, but she she is dreadful.
I remember years ago when Food Network was actually watchable. They had actual chefs instead of primped douchebags, and you could learn a thing or two from watching them. Too bad all their programming now seems to be aimed at either brain-dead sheep or socialite retards who don’t even do their own cooking.
OK, I guess because Duff is in this show FN somehow thinks people will be clamoring to watch it……NOT! They won’t be able to reach for their remote fast enough.
Duff nauseates me and watching him stuff his face would give me the dry heaves.
FN seems to get off on airing programs which show fat slobs stuffing their faces. So, I can’t say this greatly surprises me.
However, I would totally watch Geof Manthorne go around the country eating doughnuts, because watching the bakery owners react to his nearly-in-a-coma demeanor would be hilarious.
He made Ace of Cakes worth watching. He had this whole stoner persona but was secretly a genius.
FN needs a major overhaul. There’s way too many shows, and way too many shows about the same damn thing.
The only things worth watching on prime time are Chopped and ICA, and barely at that. They’re even stuffing the ICA panel full of annoying entertainers who know nothing about food.
Oh, now I get it. It’s a network about nothing.
As someone who works during the day, I wasn’t even aware they still ran actual cooking shows until I was home sick earlier this year.
I can’t decide if it’s better or worse that they’re rehashing their own old shit now instead of stealing and dressing up other networks’ old shit.
And to think, not that long ago I was horrified when optimum almost lost the FN due a contract battle. Wow, I should have recognized a blessing in disguise.
the only difference between those shows and this is that this one will probably have more stoner jokes. sigh.
(Sidebar: when I first started FNH almost 3 years ago, everything on Food Network funny. Now, the whole network just sort of feels pathetic. Am I right?)
I think you’re missing a verb there in the first sentence.
But you’re right.
Wow Plasticlobster, what are you a grammar nazi? Go somewhere else with your “corrections”.
I am so agreeing with Nadine. (that is not correct grammar either and I’m an English and Speech major). I just said it to piss somebody off.
The Food Network is pretty shitty, it is true. Shittier than it used to be. For that reason, this site tends to be pretty weak. It’s kind of like The Comics Curmudgeon, making the same point about the subject’s lameness over and over. Except that on this site, Guy Feiri is Mary Worth.
Seriously, FN started out as respectable and enjoyable, then it because hilarious and mockable a few years ago, and now it’s just depressing and repulsive.
Also, I really think FN is confused about Duff. I watched Ace of Cakes for the same reason a lot of people did… his funny little ironic hipster friends (although I know a lot of folks here hate them). Duff was pretty much the WORST part about Ace of Cakes.
Glad I’m not the only one. His ironic hipster friends were the only reason I watched!
I always got a laugh out of whatsherface (the receptionist/office manager) yearning for the bar across the street.
You are right.It’s fucking pathetic.
Send your donation to your local PBS affiliate if you want to view quality culinary programming. It’s that simple.
The poster who compared MTV to FN is spot on. I used to enjoy MTV. I’m a musician, and I liked to watch music videos. I actually saw the very first video ever broadcast on MTV, LOL!
Sadly, MTV is no longer about music and FN is no longer about cooking. I used to enjoy watching FN, and I also learned stuff, too. Not no more.
I also used to like HGTV. There were several great gardening programs, and a bunch of mediocre ones, and also shows on making your home more comfortable/stylish, etc. Now they should just take the “G” out of HGTV. Or re-name it HTV.
It’s really sad that these networks started out with good ideas, and some truly excellent shows…and them dumbed them down and dumbed them down in order to pursue the almighty $$$. I guess that’s why I like Alton and Anne so much..they assume their viewers have at least half a brain.
I think I have the answer to this one… and it explains why your favorite douche-bag is still on… Tuschman is whacking it since he seems to have a fetish for disgusting looking men shoving huge amounts of food into their mouths.. it is the common thred among this latest crop of crap!
Not too long ago I was subjected to a FN ” special” where they were going over the history of the chanel, some of the prior chefs, the start of some of their current ” stars” (you know, before Paula had a fake accent and Giada didn’t have a horse smile and did’t mispronounce everything), and some of the ” great new shows”. Made it painfully obvious to everyone but FN management how far they’ve fallen, all summarized on a half hour.
I actually really enjoyed Sugar Rush. I like Warren Brown, and I loved the way he would go out, see a few things, and then go on to teach us, the viewers at home, how to recreate what we saw.
My God, he is ugly. He is possibly the ugliest person on TV right now.
You know, in all seriousness….this network has declined so much over the past few years that I am absolutely shocked that the powers that be haven’t been canned yet.
It’s all about the personalities anymore. Their programming has nothing really to do with cooking being in the forefront and for educating their viewer on a genuine level. FN is underestimating the level of intelligence of many of it’s viewers. Instead they are relying on gimmicks, short term results, die hard fans who will buy what (for ex) R. Ray (garbage bowl) is schilling, amongst others.
I tried to watch the “Next FN Idiot” but I only lasted one episode. It’s a joke. I want to learn about cooking and I can do that without some douche trying to face fuck the camera. Truthfully, I think I have learned more by perusing the FNH boards than watching their shows as of late. PBS def has better shows along with some of the folks on the Cooking channel. Hopefully they don’t get ass raped by Susie and weasel face…Bob…and in turn are forced to conform to the likes of the cartoonish dimwits that have overtaken FN.
Okay. Rant over.
Its a patronizing channel now. Home cooks don’t start as great cooks – but we can become really excellent if we cook over and over and learn stuff along the way. FN has starting assuming, however, that we are idiots. I almost threw my drink last time I saw NFNS and they tasked them to take “complicated” dishes and “simplify them for the home cook.” That makes me so angry – because a home cook could make all those things! They just need some time and practice. But FN has basically told us, again and again, that we are too dumb to make things that are 100% homemade, anything with more than 5 ingrediants, ect. ect. They are patronizing us at this stage, and I think people are starting to realize it.
So, so true. PBS, here I come.
By the way, I was truly happy when Ming Tsai didn’t win the Next Iron Chef “competition”. He is good right where he is, imo.
What’s a ‘Food Artist’ to do, though, once Cake Boss – I mean, er, Ass of – sorry! – ACE of Cakes has finally run its course and he couldn’t cook his way out of the first round on Chopped All-Stars? I mean, the guy has to stay relevant somehow to keep his Food Network Star status. Or not. Maybe later he could do a follow-up programme called Sugar Coma…
Wait. Hold on. Tuesday we’re leaving town and will probably eat in three different towns that day. Then the next day we’ll probably eat in at least two different towns. And on the way back from our destination, we’ll probably take three days and eat in about nine different towns.
Who do I call to pitch this as a show called “Eating on the Way” on Food Network?
it depends, Brook. How obnoxious can you be on those food stops? Are you willing to shove large quantities of food in your mouth and talk with food in your mouth? Do you have any douchy gestures or phrases you can use?
‘Cause otherwise your option is bitchiness, mispronunciation, the “O” face, and cleavage.
No one is going to mention that the name of the show is “Sugar HIGH”, and it stars Duff? Really?
I know! I kind of think it’s a little humorous on the part of whoever came up with that name. At least FN acknowledges that the world views Duff as not much more than an overweight pothead with a television camera. That being said, the show sounds completely overdone and pointless.
I was thinking the exact same thing!
FN is so bad now that I actually went back to, wait for it, COOKBOOKS (and not any written by anyone who is affiliated with FN). I learned to cook from Julia Child’s “Mastering the Art of French Cooking,” which showed me that things do not have to be “simplified for the home cook.” Honestly, now, a lot of cook books break down the fundamentals and show you how to do them and take lots of pictures. I’m not vegan, but Veganomicon is a great book for learning to cook lots of different veggies and grains and beans and different techniques.
From now on, until FN brings back real cooking shows, I’m sticking with books.
Tuschman is going to turn you in to the House Un-American Activities Committee for that. Books? Are you some kind of Pinko? AMERICANS SHOVE VAST CHUNKS OF MEAT INTO THEIR GAPING MAWS AND THEY LOVE IT.
If anyone knows anything about shoving meat into their mouths, it would be the Bob “Push, push, in the” Tuschman.
Hmmmm…. a show about traveling around the country eating stuff, hosted by a “hipster chef” with a goatee, and featuring faux-edgy episode titles. Sounds familiar somehow.
Wherever in the world does FN get their new, original, creative ideas???
“Sidebar: when I first started FNH almost 3 years ago, everything on Food Network seemed funny. Now, the whole network just sort of feels pathetic. Am I right?”
Well….. duh! ‘Course you’re right!
I don’t know… I think the network is in free-fall and they’re acting out of desperation, grasping at whatever straws they can. At the same time, they refuse to entertain a serious change of direction or listen to pitches for truly creative shows. Same crap, different day, and they think it’s going to save their plummeting ratings. Um… no.
contrary to this article unwrapped is not all about sweets and sugar and should not be lumped in with all those shit programs mentioned. i hate to be a white night but unwrapped is a great fucking show
I hate Unwrapped. It would make me happy if Marc Summers went back to Double Dare where he belongs.
I actually enjoy watching Unwrapped too, I just wish someone other than Marc Summers narrarated it. I find his way of pausing while speaking incredibly annoying
Just wait until Ree Drummond’s show airs…
Seriously- the Pioneer Woman? I haven’t watched a show on FN (‘cept for Food Network Star) in a long time, but sure would give her show a shot.
Why bother with the ‘Sugar’ part of the title? Or how about naming it, “I’ve Got Serious Munchies” and it could showcase Duff (and his crew) hitting different convenience stores or fast food places that stay open at night. We can watch them giggle and eat outrageous amounts of junk food. It can be kind of like ‘Man vs. Food’ on weed.
Not sure what’s with all the Duff hate. I’ve always liked him. He seems like one of the few people on the network (along with Alton and Bobby) who isn’t forcing a fake caricature persona on us.
It’s true that Duff isn’t shoving a fake caricature persona on us. It just so happens that his personality, no matter how genuine, just isn’t interesting. I don’t hate the guy or his show, but I do ask myself what entertainment value I’m supposed to be getting from them. Duff isn’t unwatchable because he’s an asshole or anything, he’s unwatchable because he’s boring.
he’s nasty. I couldn’t even watch him when he baked a cake for 30 Rock, which I adore.
I lost the Food Network channel sometime in 2009 when my cable company removed it from the ‘Basic’ lineup. I thought I would have withdrawal symptoms but the truth is…the caliber of the shows has been going downhill.
Reminds me of what we see in food blogging. Some of the most popular sites offer simplistic fare…going for the massive numbers of people who can’t really cook. Seems FN is going after the same demographic. Nice to know I’m still not missing them much!
Yeah, we’ll know FN has truly hit bottom when we see a new “FN2″ channel, which’ll have cooking shows with real chefs who make things human beings would actually put in their mouths voluntarily.
Instead of “FN2″ they could call it something like “ABFN”, as I just realized all the chefs who are tolerable on FN all have the initials AB…think about it.
you mean cooking channel? it’s actually not that bad. except for the “crossover” shows, featuring one of your big FN stars. Those are terrible. Does anyone really need to see ol’ “manboobs” flay making brunch?
I could think of 20 more interesting shows and markets Food Network is missing in! Sometimes you need to toss market research and just do…asshole…really SUGAR HIGH…hey wait
I wonder if they will use the song SUGAR HIGH from:
Empire Records (1995)
“SugarHigh”
Performed by Coyote Shivers
LOL Renee Zellweger can sing it
Awesome…one of my FAVORITE movies!!!
Goddamnit. I knew I would slit my wrist one day, but wasn’t exactly sure what would cause it. WELL HERE YA FUCKIN’ GO. Duff is soooo repulsive. Just nasty, nastiness going on with that Elmer Fudd fucked the Planet of the Apes chick and some how they were able to reproduce bullshit. Really Food Network? I must drink heavily, run meself a hot bath and find the sharpest razor known to man.
I am so out of like with the Food Network it’s sad. I am heartbroken about losing Alton Brown and Good Eats which was the last great thing this pile-o-shit network put out. I do like Anne Burrell but her Cookie Monster voice throws me off at times. I used to love to watch but it’s just so…meh now it’ unbelievable. I watch Create (PBS) or local PBS programming for cooking shows now. Guy Ferry was the beginning of the end.
I didn’t know Alton wasn’t continuing Good Eats until I read it on here and I’m just crushed.
I agree that Food Network is quickly going the way of MTV. In fact, there’s already too much similarity between the two networks:
1) MTV used to be about music videos. At their height, they featured all types of music…then they began focusing on heavy metal and reality shows, and their ratings dipped. Food Network used to be about food and cooking, and is now heading towards reality show and traveling/eating host programming. It’s my understanding that their ratings are indeed falling fast.
2) When MTV realized it had irreparably damaged its brand, they created VH1 as an alternative “sister” network and began offering (surprise!) music videos. Last year, Food Network created Cooking Channel as an alternative “sister” network and began offering (surprise!) cooking shows.
3) Now that VH1 is no longer playing music videos, MTV has further segmented its programming into MTV2, MTV Tr3s, MTV Hits, and MTV Jams. It’s only a matter of time before even Cooking Channel completely changes its focus. I guess we should look forward to Food Network 2, Food Network Caliente, Food Network Drinks, and Food Network Munchies.
Duff Goldman = Disgusting, Lazy, Untalented, Annoyingly Constantly Laughing, Ugly, Fat and Boring.
The perfect FN host! Maybe they should give him a few more shows similar to Booby Flay and Guy Ferry. Who needs Alton Brown when the world has Duff getting high and giggling on TV!
I agree. I doubt he can even make cakes, the way his employees do everything (I’ve only seen him build structures and drive). I truly lost all respect for him now.
That clown has a head that looks like a trailer hitch in Flavortown.
They have WAY too many shows showing people traveling around and eating things. That’s why I was so excited about Cooking Channel, although I don’t think I get it on cable since I moved a few weeks ago. Anyway, though, Cooking Channel seems like it’s slowly being taken over by that kind of thing anyway, just like FN was several years back.
For all the shows about people eating baked goods, I wish they would have shows about how to bake things. I know they have that show called something with Dessert in the title, but that woman looks so annoying I haven’t actually seen it. That seems like the only baking show they’ve had since Gale Gand, and while I like her and her cookbooks, she was kind of awkward on camera. So unless they ever manage to fill that void, I’ll be watching a lot of Baking With Julia reruns on PBS and Martha Bakes! on the Hallmark channel (I’m not a huge Martha fan, but that show has lots of good instruction and she’s not that annoying on it).
What I don’t understand is how Scripps can make one channel so awful (FN) and another one so good (Cooking Channel). If you hate FN and have access to CC, you should absolutely watch CC. They have actual cooking shows and in great variety (French, Italian, Chinese, Indian and lots more). And they’re not dumbed down shows for the “home chef.”
Why can’t they air the same kind of stuff on FN????
And don’t even get my get me started on FN’s primetime crap. The only thing I’ve ever watched is NFNS, and that’s purely because of it’s trainwreck appeal and Jillian’s hilarious recaps.
I can’t quite figure out the insistence on TFN finding a spot for the Ace of Styrofoam. He’s kind of unclean loking, his styrof, um, cakes, aren’t that great with most of the characters looking like Fisher Price Little People and I’ve never actually seen him cook anything palatable.
Did his shop close down after someone choked on a dowel or screw and they want to keep him employed because they feel sorry for him?
many posters have said FN likes fat white guys who can act like a douche, if that’s the case can I have a show I need the money? Back on topic yeah FN has jumped the shark. There are a few shows left worth watching but mostly it is a joke. I can’t stand duff and won’t watch this show.
“Something Old, Something Bold, and Something Rock’n’Roll”
What, did they run out of apostrophes or somethin’?
The ONLY shows “ABOUT SOMEONE TRAVELING AROUND AND EATING” worth watching are ones starring Anthony Bourdain. I love that guy, such a douche bag!
Don’t be shy. Tell us how you really feel!
Duff Goldman is a fink and a shitheel.
Idea: How about a new show about actual cooking instead of another fat white guy stuffing his face?
Has anyone else noticed how the Ass of Cock’s facial hair runs all the way up to his lower eyelids? What the hell?