Guy Fieri »

Guy Fieri Is Now An Expert On Dieting
Posted by Jillian Madison

In case you missed it, Guy Fieri was just on Extra offering DIET ADVICE:

You know what? I’ll gladly listen to Guy Fieri’s weight-loss tips – just as soon as he loses the extra 60-80 pounds he’s packing. Until then, he should really stick to what he knows best: dishing up corny one-liners and close-up shots of grease and cheese-whiz dripping down the side of his face.

(Thanks for the tip, JRubino!)



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Corny Jokes With Guy Fieri
---Guy Fieri On David Letterman, Again
---Ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Week: Guy Fieri Sweatbands
---The Guy Fieri Cake
---DOUCHEBAG OVERLOAD: The 16 Guy Fieri-est Halloween Costumes

    71 Responses

  1. Silvio says:

    Another ridiculous piece from The FN Kabuki Turd Circus.

  2. BOD says:

    What’s next – cost saving tips from Ina Garten?

    Use only the cheap vanilla!

  3. Ray says:

    “You don’t have to eat a whole cheeseburger, just take a piece of the cheeseburger”…. says the man-child slob who stuffs and shovels food into his mouth as if it’s the first meal he’s devoured in ages, and last meal he will eat for months.

    • Mark H88 says:

      Exactly!! This man has that “hunch” card which shows you how to stand and hold your arms in order to cram a greasy sandwich into your fat face without getting juice all over your shirt :/

    • Ina Garten DaVida says:

      He didn’t say a SMALL piece of the cheeseburger.

      • Mark H88 says:

        or how many “pieces” LOL

      • Mark H88 says:

        That reminds me of the episode of Roseanne when she yells at her mom for driving drunk.

        Her mom says “I only had *one* glass” and Roseanne replies: “It doesn’t count as one glass if you refill it 10 times!!” LOL

  4. milkshake says:

    His advice is correct, though. At least he’s not advising people, Dr. Adkins-like, to eat a bunch of bacon and avoid oatmeal, or buy into some kind of bullshit weight-loss program, or drink a bunch of Slimfast or something.

    • Pishposh says:

      No one’s saying his advice isn’t sound, just that he’s a hypocritical idiot for trying to sound like a healthy eating maven when he so clearly doesn’t follow his own advice. Maybe he should lose the belly (and not via Photoshop) and stop making shows that celebrate the nasty, greasy food that caused more than two-thirds of Americans to become overweight before giving diet advice.

      P.S. “Just take a piece of the cheeseburger” doesn’t qualify when each bite he takes of those oversized slabs of Grade-F meat is the size of a standard hamburger. And then he turns to the camera, grease oozing out of his mouth and into his chin pubes, proudly showing America the half-eaten food both in his mouth and smashed between his paws and rambling some nonsensical catchphrase to try to convince the viewer that it’s appetizing. UGH. On the other hand, maybe he really is trying to get America healthy again, if just by traumatizing everyone into never eating again.

    • FuryOfFirestorm says:

      Guy has helped me lose weight- everytime I see him jam his greasy maw with food and spew chunks of food at the camera, I throw up my last eaten meal. A few more episodes of DDD, and i’ll be ready for swimsuit season!

  5. Ferd Berfle says:

    What should we do with the rest of the cheeseburger, Guy? Isn’t that sort of wasteful?

    • JF says:

      I also need some more tips on exactly how to “take a piece of the cheeseburger”. This sounds like an awkward maneuver. Should I take actual bites or just rip my food apart with my hands?

  6. robby says:

    well, i don’t know about you all, but, have you EVER seen him finish ANYTHING on his shows?

    must be how he keeps his figure….

    • Erica says:

      I’m ashamed to admit this, but I read an interview somewhere with him (not the story in the last edition of FN Magazine – somewhere else). He said that he only eats a few bites of everything. Oh, and that he exercises.

      These bites of food, however, have not been kind. He’s such a tool.

      • vinylchild says:

        You’re right – in the last issue of Fn magazine (don’t ask how I know!) he mentioned how he “juices” to keep slim. Nothing like high-sugar, high-calorie juice “smoothies” to stave off hunger and stay “thin” LOL

    • huh1111 says:

      His producers do not let him take more than three bites of anything on DDD. That way they can keep things moving and Ferry does not fill up one one thing.

  7. John says:

    You can quickly shed a pound or two by ditching your pinky rings.

  8. Silvio says:

    Maybe he and Adam Richman and Tom Pizzica can collaborate on a fitness and eating right book ? Christ, there is enough village idiots in the country that would buy it.

  9. Sue says:

    While his advice is “sound”, it’s nothing new. Dietitians have been saying the same thing for, oh, about 90 years now!

    And oh yeah, *I*’m gonna take dieting advice from someone who is so obviously overweight? Yeah, FN, I don’t think so! Put Ferry on a show about dieting and losing weight, and get him to shed some pounds and stop stuffing his fat face, and THEN I *might* take him (and you) seriously.

    Till then, I’m gonna eat my entire (veggie) burger, thankyouverymuch!

    • Bob says:

      He should team up with Ellie Krieger. That would make for an interesting show.

    • Guy's Girth says:

      “Put Ferry on a show about dieting and losing weight”

      He’d be a natural on The Biggest Loser, in more ways than one.

      • NepEnut says:

        I was gonna say – they should do a ‘celebrity chef’ version of Biggest Loser with Ferry, Adam Richman, Mario Batali, Ina, and we can throw Bobby Flay in for good measure. He could stand to lose a little weight off that ego of his….

  10. Rev Dr E Buzz says:

    Photoshop and a Bill Shatner girdle.

    The secret to Guy’s success.

  11. Ava says:

    I’ve said this before but it bears repeating. I can’t stand Guy…but do watch that nonsensical show he’s in for the simple fact that I am certain it’s only a matter of time before he actually explodes from the amount of food he shoves in his mouth. Sort of like that girl on Willy Wonka does after she eats the gum….

    Diet advice? Yes, Guy…you should take that diet advice….

  12. Pat says:

    When Rachael Ray was doing $40 a Day, I couldn’t believe how much food she would pack into breakfast, lunch and dinner. There’s no way I’d eat that much in a day, $40 or not. I’d love to know what happens to TV food that doesn’t get finished.

  13. Annicka says:

    I’ve been a vegetarian for 7 years. Guy giving diet advice is akin to me hosting a grilling show.

    • Gnomestress says:

      There are plenty of things that are delicious on the grill that are vegetarian. Mmm…grilled zucchini!

  14. C.K. says:

    Taking diet advice from Guy Fieri is like taking advice on how to be a vegan from Colonel Sanders.

  15. emjeff says:

    Celebrities crack me up. Why do they always have advice for us “little people” while their own lives are such messes? I would no sooner taking dieting advice from a fat lard-ass like Guy Ferry than I would take parenting advice from Lindsay Lohan’s mom…

  16. MARTIN says:

    By the way, Jillian is exactly right when she says that Guy Ferry is 60-80 lbs overweight.

    FYI – According to Guy Ferry’s fan website: “Guy is 5 feet 10 inches tall and weighs 210-225 pounds.” According to what I have read, a 5’10″ person with a “large frame” should weigh 158-180. Hence he is about 50 pounds overweight (technically classified as obese). I am being generous granting him a large frame. If you classify him as having a medium frame, he is about 70-80 lbs overweight.

    Thank you Jillian for making me laugh today. The notion of Ferry dispensing this kind of advice is extremely hilarious. I think maybe Ferry is eating the WHOLE cheeseburger.

    • PunkBunny says:

      I hate that BMI bullshit. I’m pregnant now, but before I was pregnant, I was 175 and really skinny. I’m 5’6″ by the way. I’m just a thick muscle-y girl but at 175 I was classified as overweight, nearly obese. A body builder would be classified as obese by BMI standards. It’s not a perfect system.

      Guy Ferry is a fat pig tho. I’m not sticking up for him at all.

      • quakenaked says:

        The BMI is actually complete crockery if you’re not slim built. And even when you are, it can still cause trouble. I’m 5’2″, was 103 pounds post-walking pneumonia, and I had the doc tell me that I was perfectly healthy. Because the BMI said so and the 15 pounds I’d lost in two weeks totally weren’t related to my sudden sickly frame and lack of energy. I found a new doc.

        That being said, I’d say he’s probably a pretty big guy at good weight. The square sort of barrel-chested guy who, even when he’s in shape, can still be mistaken for chubby. And that being said, he’s overweight. I don’t know if I’d say obese, as I can’t tell with those shirts he wears and don’t want to see him without one because I hate his whole being with the power of a thousand suns, but he needs to lose weight. There is a definite belly going on, and it’s all made from food that’s made primarily of things that make your heart explode.

  17. ds says:

    He’s starting to look old,eh?

  18. dollop says:

    So when he says at least 4 days of exercise, um…. Was there more? Cuz I work out at least 4 days a year, and it’s never done me much good.

  19. Jimbo says:

    Guy FERRY is such a tool that him being an expert on weight loss is laughable.

    I, myself , happen to be in the middle of losing weight myself. I go out for walks twice a day for a total of 2.5 to 3 hours and I also use an ab roller for 15-20 minutes a day. I’ve lost 5 poiunds so far and dropped a waist size. I eat fish, chicken and little red meat which I’m sure will be sad news to the douchbag of Food Network. Mr. FERRY idea of eating a cheeseburgh by taking off a piece is laughable considering that he didn’t even mentioned a piece. Now I have tried Boca burgers in place of the real thing. Now with some pickles and low sugar/low sodium ketchup, they taste good.

    Mr FERRY would do himself a favor a leave the dieting advice to experts like the other Jillian, you know, Michaels.

    • PunkBunny says:

      You’ll drop it in no time sticking to that plan! Oddly enough, I lost 30 pounds when I worked at Burger King. I ate there all the time (my favorite was the fried chicken sandwich with cheese and bacon. Mmmmm msg!) but I walked a mile to work, I was on my feet all day, and then I walked a mile back to my apartment.

  20. HotLikeSauce says:

    I love your commentary. You are funny as hell and this website is a gem!!

  21. Doughboy says:

    Thanks for the advice Guy, thats MONEY!

    Can’t wait to tell all the peeps in FLAV-A-TOWN!

  22. Deaner says:

    As Kevin James once said – “Never take dieting advice from someone who’s a whole lot fatter than you.”

  23. Diane says:

    Errr…that’s a bit like Casey Anthony giving parenting advice.

  24. Twitchycolt says:

    “At least 4 days of exercise”

    By the looks of it, Guy’s already put in his four days.

  25. Marion in Savannah says:

    I most especially love #3, the Awareness advice, where we’re told to “sow it down.” That has GOT to be the best typo of all time!

  26. Jan_el says:

    Who just eats a “piece” of a cheeseburger?

    • Ray says:

      Indeed. I’m wondering, as I believe others have mentioned as well, if he advocates just throwing the rest away. After all, day-old cheeseburger might not be all that palatable. C’mon kids, take a bite and toss the remaining 80%! (Maybe 10% or 5% if they’re doing a “Guy Ferry” -size bite.)

  27. Disco Stain says:

    At first glance I thought it said “Guy Fieri Is Now An Expert on Dating”. I’m not sure which would be more terrifying…

  28. RR's pompoms says:

    Yep, I’m gonna take dieting advice from someone who takes bites of everything in site, has a 3 tone beard, a coupla chins and beady little eyes. And that’s just for starters.

  29. Ky Eater says:

    Well, you know the camera does add pounds and Guy has one of those fireplug builds that makes him look fat. I doubt that he’s obese, but I agree he could stand to lose a couple of dozen pounds.

    My weight loss advice is shorter and it worked for me:
    Eat what you want, just cut back on the portion size.
    Move around more – get exercise.

    I lost 4 dress sizes that way.

  30. JalapenoGrande says:

    Does he even know how to do a jumping jack??

  31. Jake says:

    He’s a perfect source of diet advice.

    Seriously, any of you ever eat at one of his restaurants or cooked one of his recipes? That shit will make you never want to eat again, thereby GUARANTEEING weight loss.

    (can’t believe I’m the first one to say that!)

    Or, just watch his show and the resulting urge to vomit will make you an instant bulemic!

  32. Kelley says:

    That’s money.

  33. deelaem says:

    Hey now, remember how he loves to eat things “on a flip-flop”? I’m sure flip-flops are low-cal!

  34. MJ says:

    He’s such an asshole. I live across the bay from Mobile, Alabama and he came down here with the Diner’s Dive show and went to a few places, and I actually like these restaurants. I tried to watch the episode and he said “y’all” worse than Pauler. That guy from Man vs Food is coming back- He’s already been down here. I may go just to take some great pictures for you all. They both gross me out.

  35. G M G says:

    seriously…..its like the blind leading the blind

  36. Kathy says:

    Wth only lard *sses on food network? Only Claire and Giada are small. Claire looks like a crack addict and Giada looks like a Smurfette. Lolllllll

  37. GuyFieriisabigfatpig says:

    Guy Fieri can’t possibly dish out dieting advice anymore than, and I use this term Very loosely, “Dr” Phil. That’s positively laughable. He’s a big fat pig. Anyone notice how Ina Garten, when she’s doing shows around Christmas time, says “Happy Holidays” to people. God forbid should she say Merry Christmas. She’s just as fat as he Guy is, and she seems depressed underneath all of her black outfits since that’s all she wears. They never show her whole fat body. These rich fat people think they’re experts on dieting? Puhleeeeeeeeeze! Give me a break! That’s tantamount to me trying to give Michael Phelps swimming lessons! LOL

Post your comments


FNH DISCLOSURE and PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2014 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved