Letters To FNH »
We get a lot of colorful, idiotic, and just plain WTF e-mails here at FNH, so every month I like to share the contents of my inbox with you guys in a segment called “LETTERS TO FNH.” This is the part where YOU guys get the floor to share the stuff you saw, and voice what YOU think about the Food Network.
Here’s the July installment of inbox cheers and jeers!
Jill, I love your blog, especially when it deals with Guy. I have to tell you that I wear my sunglasses on the back of my head because that’s the only way they stay on my head. If I wear them on the top, my military-style cut doesn’t support them. It’s not b/c I’m a douche, at least I don’t think it is. Keep up the good work! -Brett
Brett, I love you for reading FNH and taking the time to send in a comment. I really do. But it is never, ever, ever okay to wear sunglasses on the back of your head. In Guy Fieri terms, it’s a one-way ticket on a train to insta-douche. This isn’t 1987, and you’re not Val Kilmer taking a break from a strenuous volleyball game on a beach in southern California. If they won’t stay on your head, take them off!
I love Food Network Humor, and read the posts in my spare time! The other day I was watching “Best Thing I Ever Ate,” and snapped this pic of Anne Burrell. -Emma
Clearly either Anne Burrell is shrinking, or she stole Sandra Lee’s favorite wine glass. The choice is yours.
Please tell me you are working on a post in reference to Extreme Chef… that had to be the absolute mot horrifically pathetic show I’ve ever seen on Food Network. -Kirk
Sorry, Kirk. I can’t even force myself to sit through an episode to write about it. I tried watching 5 minutes of an episode last month, and that was more than enough for my lifetime.
First off my boyfriend and I love your site! Have you ever watched Cupcake Wars? We sadly have and besides from the bad judges and most annoying little host have you seen the carpenters? Every episode its guys with beards and plaid shirts. EVERY TIME. There has not been one episode that the carpenter is not in a plaid shirt or clean shaven. Is this what food network thinks they look like? Ridiculous! -Samantha and Sloan
Hi S&S! I think Cupcake Wars might be the only show that’s worse than Extreme Chef. I do not watch it. If you notice, though, the “carpenters” on HGTV are all stupid pretty boys too… which is completely unrealistic and just ridiculous. True story: my father is a custom home builder, and one day a few years ago a crew from HGTV came and filmed a segment on a house he was building. It basically shut down his whole project for 2 days. Dad told me they wouldn’t let any of the “real” carpenters and construction guys anywhere near the camera, and the “construction expert” who came in was some musclehead douche who just spent 2 hours in hair and make-up. According to my father, he had NO CLUE how to use the bandsaw or the air compressor and all the “real” construction guys had to spend their afternoons teaching him how to use the equipment for the camera. Moral of the story: TV is TV, and it’s not reality. It’s some old, out of touch producer’s disillusioned idea of reality. I’m not naming names. Bob Tuschman.
Hi, I just saw this description on an episode of 30 meals – “culinary expert”???
That’s a bit of a stretch, isn’t it? Sadly, you’re a “culinary expert” in the Food Network’s eyes these days if you can make a SAMMY out of some old bread and cheese.
Hey guys, just watched the new episode of “Aarti Party.” Her enthusiasm is so fake, and with her sing-song voice, I wanted to vomit. She described eating a lychee as biting into the color pink. I can’t say that I’ve tried a solid color before, and I can’t say I ever want to. She also served a cold soup in what looked like a flower vase, making it seem like she was serving rancid milk, eww. Keep up the good work! -Michelle
Hi Michelle. Thanks for reporting on Aarti Party. I stopped DVRing it months ago because it made me feel suicidal. I see not much has changed. Also, Betty Crocker pulls that shit with foods tasting like colors too:
I just want you to know that I woke up really tired this morning b/c I was up till 2 reading your site. I love your sense of humor and how much you rag on everyone on FN. We share the same love of Nigella. However, I think you are WAAAAY off on Alex Guarnaschelli. She is insufferable. She was making potato chips actually said you should salt them right out of the oil b/c “they’re like a gang member without their posse, very vulnerable”….Honestly Jill, you mean to tell me you doesn’t make you want to reach through the tv and smack her on the forehead??? -Bryan
Bryan, I really disliked Guarnaschelli’s persona too. And then I met her. And she’s witty and engaging and nice and nothing like they edit her to be. And she sat across the table from me without physically strangling me, which I know she clearly wanted to do. Her food descriptions are a bit ridiculous at times but it’s just her. She’s passionate about food and more importantly, she’s one of the few “real chefs” on the network who really knows her shit. You’ve gotta respect that.
Do you know what REALLY bothers me about Giada? I figured it out yesterday while watching a marathon. She just feels the need to say the most obvious things. “You dip your spoon into the soup, like this.” “And then you take a bite.” OBVIOUSLY if you want to taste the soup you have to dip your spoon in it! Or, she’ll be plating something and then she will say “And then you pick it up, and you take a bite.” NO KIDDING. -Jessica
She does do that, doesn’t she. I still can’t get past the way she sing-songingly says “AAAAAAAAND!” Once you hear it, you can’t un-hear it and then it’s all you ever hear. Did that make sense?
Sandra lee is looking frat-tastic here. Who’s ready for coconut margaritas broskiiiiii! -Ian
DUDE! RAGING KEGGER AT SANDRA LEE’S LAKEHOUSE!
In this month’s issue of Maxim, they created a creature called “the Guyclops” based on Guy Fieri. The description read: “This spiky, brightly colored behemoth is so single-minded in its pursuit of off-the-hook chow, it doesn’t even need depth perception, evolving with just a single eye.” -Olivia
Hilarious. I love that ranking on Guy Fieri is now becoming more mainstream.
Sadly I just read your article about Sandra Lee which I came across while trying to find info on Sandra Lee. I will make sure never to read anything you put out again. Of course your idea of good television is probably Jersey Shore, the Kardashians,Repo Man and all the other crap that is passed off as television today. Sandra Lee has more class than you will ever even be exposed to in your lifetime, so get into another line of work because as your degeneration would say YOU SUCK AT IT. -Margie47
HAHAHAHAHAH. Best email ever. What do you have, 15 brain cells? 20? Written like a true Sandra Lee fan. I’d expect nothing less. Run along now, I hear Sandra Lee’s books are available for $.50 at Big Lots. Act now!
Hi Jill, I just saw an episode of Challenge and the competitors had to make a mythical creature out of chocolate. Throughout the challenge they had to put on a blindfold… AKA, A BRA… and a goblin would come in an hide some of their supplies. -Wendy
LOL. That’s reason #902 that I don’t watch “Challenge.” Also, that does look like a bra, albeit an awfully small bra. It must be Rachael Ray’s. Bygones.
Hey Jill, love the blog! Last night on “Anthony Bourdain’s No Reservations” he was driving down a narrow italian road and said: “The infamous road of a thousand bends, barely wide enough to accommodate two cars side by side. Which makes it very difficult for Fierri to drive his canary yellow Humvee. Me? I’m comfortable with my sexuality and I’ve got no problem with the size of my dick.” -Meaghan (lots of people sent this in but Meaghan was first!)
Bourdain has clearly been reading too much FNH!
That’s it for this month! The next installment of What’s In Our Inbox will be out at the end of August so keep your comments and pics coming!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---What’s In Our Inbox: Letters To FNH
---What’s In Our Inbox: Letters To FNH
---What’s In Our Inbox: Letters To FNH
---What’s In Our Inbox: E-mails From FNH Readers (Part 3)
---Letters To FNH
- Letters To FNH