Twitter Conversations »
I love Twitter. Without it, how would we learn behind-the-scenes facts about Kitchen Stadium, what Anne Burrell’s new tattoos look like, or that thousands of idiots thought Giada De Laurentiis was pregnant because her belly EVER SO SLIGHTLY popped out of her Victoria Beckham dress when she served the Royals earlier this year:
Uh, obviously you’re not pregnant, Giada. What do you weigh, 72 pounds? If you had any less flesh on your bones, you’d be the crypt keeper.
But enough about Giada. There’s a new trend on the horizon… a trend that is driving everyone absolutely insane: BEGGING FOR RETWEETS.
People of the world, STOP ASKING CELEBRITIES TO RETWEET STUPID, MUNDANE SHIT FROM YOUR LIVES. And celebrities of the world, STOP OBLIGING THESE PEOPLE!
The phrase “Can I get a RT” should be banished from Twitter. Whatever happened to the days when people simply retweeted interesting, helpful things without being begged to do so? Believe me when I say no one cares that your sister-in-law’s baby claps her hands every time Sandra Lee comes on the TV, or that the kid who cuts your lawn’s grandfather’s kitten has an upcoming birthday. Enough!
Hundreds of you have written in to FNH to complain about this, so I used Twitter’s search tool and compiled the 10 most obnoxious things fans actually asked celebrity chefs to retweet:
10. @paula_deen Can I get an RT and a plug for my food podcast It’s my 33rd birthday
[My reply: Why would Paula Deen promote some assclown she's never heard of?]
9. @TylerFlorence I learned 2 cook bcause of you! Its my birthday & all I want is a little tweet PLEASE
[My reply: Let me guess, you live alone in your mother's basement and never got invited to prom?]
8. @mariobatali can I get a RT of my spinach ricotta calzone http://t.co/bsrv36O
[My reply: No. No you can't. And do you know why? Because no one is impressed by or even remotely cares about your stupid spinach ricotta calzone.]
7. @GDeLaurentiis Your SO beautiful inside and out !! How about a shout out to a pisan !
[My reply: How about you learn the basics of grammar first?]
6. @GuyFieri My friend Leslie is a huge fan and she’s got a bday on thurs. Can I get a shout out to her from you? XOXO
[My reply: If she loves Guy Fieri that much, buy her a fucking cookbook instead of using YOUR twitter account to get HER a shout out.]
5. @chefanneburrell It’s my mothers birthday and she loooooves you and your awesome hair. Can she get a retweet?????
[My reply: Sorry, no. If only you used a few more ooooooooo's.]
4. @GuyFieri can I get an RT just made a group of orphans some jalapeno cheesy blasters
[My reply: It's not nice to be cruel to orphaned children.]
3. @GDeLaurentiis I bought some of your knives today! they are soo awesome!! :) can I get a RT?
[My reply: You got soo ripped off!]
2. @chefanneburrell I hate 2 spread my sorrow, but in late stages of HepC, really sick, but u ALWAYS can make me smile. Plz retweet?
[My reply: Great. Thanks. My grandmother died 3 years ago. Maybe we could talk about that next.]
1. @GDeLaurentiis My son Christopher turns 2 today. He kicked in my belly every time he heard ur voice. Can I get a RT?
[My reply: Your baby was kicking because he wanted you to change the channel.]
If the day ever comes when I have to reach out on Twitter and get a patronizing birthday validation from some celebrity stranger I’ve never met, take me out back and stick a fork in me – because I’m done.
Now can I get a RT on this article please?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Stupidest Tweets To Celebrity Chefs: Part 1
---Food Network Chefs Are Horrible At Twitter
---…And You Thought Giada’s Lemon Bars Were Gross?
---Dear Paula Deen, Please Stop Selling Your Nasty Pies At Wal-Mart
---Happy Birthday To Anne Burrell
- Twitter Conversations