Next Food Network Star »
Another week, another predictable episode of Next Food Network Star!
This week, the final four battled it out in Kitchen Stadium. Jeff, Susie, Marybeth, and Vic Vegas… excuse me, Vic MO, competed in two head-to-head battles under the ever-watchful eye of Alton Brown.
Eliminated contestants Whitney, Chris, Penny, and Jyll were back to help. They acted as sous chefs for the finalists, and generally didn’t get much camera time. Of course, Marybeth got her arch-nemesis Penny as her sous chef. Never would have seen that coming!
Marybeth and Vic competed head to head first in battle rack of lamb. While they cooked, Jeff and Susie acted as commentators and fielded questions from Alton.
Alton asked Susie to explain the difference between green and white asparagus. Susie replied that the green variety was more bitter, and more “FIBER-IER.” Wow. You see, folks? You really DO learn something every day by watching Food Network. Personally, I would have been all, “DUH, ALTON, ONE IS GREEN AND ONE IS WHITE.” But that’s just me.
Meanwhile, at the judging table, Fogelson and Giada were snickering at Susie behind her back like jealous schoolgirls. Fogelson insinuated that Susie fell back on being a ditsy slut when she didn’t know the answer to a question, and Giada shook her head in complete agreement. Right. Because Giada NEVER falls back on being a ditsy slut when she doesn’t know the answer to a question. I forgot. Moving on.
Next, Alton asked Jeff what ingredients he would showcase in his Umami dish, and Jeff didn’t miss a beat. He suggested fish sauce, and jokingly said he “didn’t want to give all of his secrets away” because it “was a competition.” The camera then panned to a blushing Fogelson, who sheepishly stated how “good” and “cute” he was. If you looked carefully, you could actually see the drool pooling up around the corners of her mouth.
After tasting, the judges said Marybeth’s lamb was overcooked and underseasoned. They also noted that Vic’s fries were disgusting and horribly overcooked, which – as far as I’m concerned – automatically makes him eligible for the “fry guy” position at Bobby’s Burger Palace.
Next up, Susie and Jeff went head to head in battle lobster. This was… in a word… boring. Jeff made three sandwiches, but didn’t use his own mayonnaise. And much to Giada’s chagrin, he didn’t even squeeze any lemon in it! THE HORROR!
Meanwhile, Alton asked Marybeth what a bisque was. After 5 minutes of rambling, she ultimately stated it was “a thick, cushy little bed that you’d wanna sleep in for a week.” Alton’s reply was the funniest moment of the episode:
Cut to a commercial break, which gave Food Network the opportunity to run perhaps the stupidest commercial in the history of commercials: some bald dude from HGTV telling us all what paint colors embodied the finalists’ personalities. You guys, Marybeth is a yellow and Vic is a purple. I hope that knowledge helps you sleep easier tonight.
At judging, the double standards continued. Tuschman praised Jeff for sticking with his sandwich concept from day one, but five seconds earlier gloated over Vic’s sudden and overnight “growth” into Mama’s Boy. Also, Giada told Marybeth she was worried that people at home wouldn’t be able to make her dishes. You know, kinda like Giada’s Royal Wedding sous chef team couldn’t make HER chicken dish, so she had to swap it out to lasagna at the last minute.
The bottom two chefs of the evening were Marybeth and Jeff, and in a move that surprised exactly NO ONE, Marybeth was eliminated from the competition.
The finale is NEXT WEEK! We did it, guys! Guy Fieri shows up, just to make us cringe one more time, and “mentors” the final on-camera challenge. One contestant will be eliminated, and then the final 2 will go on to compete for the next “already predetermined before the episodes started filming” Food Network “star.”
SPOILER ALERT – Stop reading here if you really care about the outcome of this BS…
In true Food Network fashion, the imbeciles they have working over there spoiled the results of the totally predictable final 2 by showing THIS person sitting in the “focus group” of ex-contestants (nicely spotted by FNH reader Sara):
So next week, Vic gets eliminated and Susie and Jeff compete for the title. I’m saying Jeff is going to win. You heard it here first!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Next Food Network Star: Episode #709 Recap (The Worst Roast Ever)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode #707 Recap (The One Where Wolfgang Puck Was A Douche)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode #708 Recap (Ina Garten/Rachael Ray)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode #706 Recap (Food Trucks)
---Next Food Network Star: Episode #701 Recap
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