Next Food Network Star »
Finally! The finale of Next Food Network Star: season 7! Are you ready to see who is going to be the already pre-determined winner of the most anti-climactic season in years? Then read on!
Quick question before we start: Why on Earth did Food Network air the “reunion” show before the finale? No one does that! That’s against, like, every unwritten reality TV rule in existence! Not cool, Food Network. Not cool at all. Go directly to jail. Do not pass go. Do not collect $200.
The show kicked off with Giada asking Vic, Susie, and Jeff to make the “best dishes of their lives” and then present them on camera. One person was going to be eliminated after the camera challenge and would not get to continue on to become the next contestant on the Price Is Right, which caused Giada got all hyper and emphatically state that “the stakes could not be higher.”
I disagree. They could definitely be higher if they spent a few minutes in a room with Duff Goldman:
SO MUCH PUN!
Jeff made an eggplant parm sandwich and talked about his father. Then, Susie fried a bunch of pork in pure lard, and talked about her father. Finally, Vic threw a bunch of seafood in a pot and talked about, well, nothing. Such a tough choice! Who should be eliminated and not go on to film their own pilot? Judges?
And just like that… VIC was eliminated from the show – just like we called last week here on FNH, folks. Food Network showed the side of his big ol’ head in the focus group, which was a dead giveaway he was the one to go.
Next up, Susie and Jeff headed to the Food Network studios to film their pilot episode. They used Anne Burrell’s set for the day, and their director was GUY FIERI. Because let’s face it: if there’s anyone you want guiding your career, it’s him. /sarcasm
Jeff was up first, and he started off a little rough out of the gate. He was so nervous he forgot his lines, and kept awkwardly saying the word “BOOM” like he was Emeril’s mentally handicapped younger cousin. It was painful to watch.
Jeff also apparently took a page from Ina Garten, and decided to come out wearing a gigantic shent with a Mr. Rogers sweater over it. Total wardrobe fail. Jeff, you’re the king of sandwiches… not of 8th grade social studies teachers. Step it up, bro!
Susie was edited to look like she did a better job with her pilot. You know, anything to try to create a little suspense for the 3 people out there who actually couldn’t decipher the ending.
Next up, the pilots were aired for a “focus group” which was comprised of all the previously eliminated contestants. Susie’s pilot was first. She mentioned her father about 9 million times (and for those of you keeping track, that’s still a few less times than Melissa d’Arabian mentioned France).
Jeff was up next. He had one funny line about adding wine to his dish. He said, “It’s time to add the vino. Add half a cup to a cup, depending on how your night is going.” Yeah. And if you’re stuck watching Next Food Network Star, you might want to go ahead and just add the whole bottle. Trust me on that one.
In the most anti-climactic reveal EVER, Jeff was named the winner of the show. Um, surprise?
Congratulations, Jeff. We look forward to mocking you for several weeks to come. And remember, we kid because we love.
Don’t feel bad, Susie. We’re sure you’ll have a wonderful career eating in parking lots across America. Best of luck to you as well.
So there you have it, FNH! As always, leave your thoughts in the comments!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Next Food Network Star Finale: And The Winner Is…
---FIRST LOOK: Next Food Network Star Season 7 Contestants
---Next Food Network Star: Episode #710 Recap (Iron Chef)
---Next Food Network Star: THE LEFTOVERS
---Next Food Network Star: Episode #707 Recap (The One Where Wolfgang Puck Was A Douche)
- Next Food Network Star