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Top 10 Tackiest Sandra Lee Tablescapes Of All Time
Posted by Jillian Madison

To get you in the mood for the new season of Semi-Homemade, which premieres this weekend on the Food Network, here are 10 of Sandra Lee’s ugliest, craziest, most WTF tablescapes:
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Dizzying and distracting

sandra lee ugly tablescape
Nothing gets the appetite going like black and white polka-dots and bold vertical stripes! This doesn’t make me want to eat anything, except a box of dramamine.

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Scary and somber

sandra lee ugly tablescape
The episode was called “Midnight Musical.” For who? Count Dracula? There were FIVE hideous black beaded chandelabras, as Sandra called them, hanging over a table that was covered in black cloth and black silk flowers. Unless you’re decorating Stevie Nicks’ funeral, I wouldn’t recommend trying this in the near future. Your friends might have you committed.

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An Explosion Of Hideousness

sandra lee ugly tablescape
For this terrifying tablescape, Aunt Drunky amateurishly applied edible gold leaf to some poor pieces of fruit, threw them in the ugliest goblets she could find, and called it a day. Oh, and the  purple thing with the elastic band around the top of it is Aunt Drunky’s white trash version of a Fabergé egg. What a total fail.

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Boots on the table

sandra lee ugly tablescape
Sandra took her nieces’ and nephews’s boots, put flowers in them, and used them as a centerpiece. GROSS. Who wants to stare at shoes on their table? I know I don’t. What a total disaster. At least if you don’t poke your eye out from one of the umbrella wires she conveniently placed at eye-level, you can look forward to getting E. coli from remnant bacteria on the sole of Brycer’s boot. Thanks, Sandra!

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Bird nests, cages, and twigs? Really?

sandra lee ugly tablescape
Does it get tackier than this? Birdcages, branches, and bead-encrusted birds nests? Sorry, but I don’t need that creepy blue bird vacantly staring at me while I’m trying to eat dinner in the .0000007 cubic centimeters of table space Sandra allotted to me. “And could you please pass me the pepp….. OUCH! GOD DAMN IT! I JUST SLICED OPEN MY ENTIRE ARM ON THAT #!%$*#* BRANCH!” Great idea, Sandra!

.

Ugly x Infinity

sandra lee ugly tablescape
Oh, look! More black and white! More chandelabras! More elementary school art class crafts! Yuck.

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Scariest dolls ever

sandra lee ugly tablescape
No wonder those kids are playing in the back corner of the room. They don’t want to be anywhere near those TERRIFYING MUTANT DOLLS. In what dark corner of hell did she find those things? And why does the one all the way on the right have more heaving cleavage than Christina Hendricks?

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Dolly Parton, rejoice!

sandra lee ugly tablescape

First, she covered the table with cheap, smelly denim fabric and left the edges unhemmed to achieve that authentic, hillbilly look. Next, she threw more tacky sequin strips all over the table. She then used replicas of J-Lo’s wedding ring as napkin holders. And here’s where things got really scary: she CUT THE BACK POCKETS OUT OF SALVATION ARMY JEANS AND USED THEM AS LITTLE POUCHES TO HOLD THE SILVERWARE. Who the hell would want their silverware touching a denim product that some unidentified nasty person spent the last 20 years farting on? I feel ill just thinking about it.

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Faces in strange places

sandra lee ugly tablescape
Not sure which element I hate most:  the creepy faces hanging on the wall, the disturbing face on Sandra’s shirt, or the ridiculous Kleenex tree on the table.

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Why, God, Why

sandra lee ugly tablescape
Like Sandra says at the end of every show: always keep it simple. So at your next dinner party, simply cover a chair in gold spraypaint, flowers, and vines, bolt it to your table, and use it as a centerpiece. Your guests will love how easily they can communicate with each other. Let us know how that works out for you!



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Sandra Lee’s Denim and Diamonds Tablescape
---Sandra Lee’s Tablescapes Are Up For Auction
---Anthony Bourdain Blogs About Run-In With Sandra Lee
---OPEN THREAD: Is this Sandra Lee’s Ugliest Christmas Tree Yet?
---Sandra Lee Regressing Back To Her Old Color Coordinated Ways

    155 Responses

  1. Nancy says:

    As hideous as these tablescapes are, I can see the reasoning…it’s a diversion tactic to camouflage the appearance of the food.

    • Flyingroo says:

      …coz nothing can camouflage the taste of it!!!

      • Annicka says:

        Oh my god, that must be why there’s a cocktail time (aside the obvious)! Nothing but a mouthful of vodka can wash away the taste of her revolting food!

    • atdleft says:

      Well yes, we all know the food sucks… But really, the tableSCARES just make Semi Edible Shit all that much worse IMHO. Really, who does this to a dining room?

    • Sue says:

      I think your all just jealous (and mean spirited) because Sandra is so thin and cute. Love most of her tablescapes….a little over the top, but good inspiration:)

      • pita says:

        Nope. I don’t want to be that skinny so I’m not jealous of that. Not jealous of her looks either. Her tablescapes are just hideous and more likely to end in some sort of disfiguring accident than any sort of conversation. At best you can pick one or two ideas from one of her table scapes to use for a child’s party. I really can’t see doing all of that for an adult party unless you want to get weird looks from your guests.

      • Snarkling says:

        Actually, I think “your” jealous because we can speak English. :)

      • Ina Garten DaVida says:

        “a LITTLE over the top”?

        Honey, the top is 30,000 feet below.

        She’s over the top of Mt Everest.

        And the day I find that spending $100 at Michael’s for beads and craft materials to decorate a table is a good idea will be the day I voluntarily sign a power of attorney to my son, as I clearly cannot make my own decisions anymore.

      • Summer says:

        Oh, Sue. Dear, sweet, innocent Sue. Please, use spell check before you decide you want to share your opinions on the internet. Having said that? She’s one layer of skin away from being Cryptkeeper Barbie. There is nothing to be jealous of.

      • conspiracy theory! says:

        omg do you think sue IS sandra?

        do you think sandra (or any of the other chefs) ever check out this site?

        i would love to know what they think!

        • Elysianladie says:

          FN chefs visit this site frequently, many support this site while others like Gay Ferry and T-Lo Flo hate it to the bone.

          A few even donated to FNH.

      • Frankie P says:

        I agree with Sue :-) Most of you act as if you have really tasted Sandra’s food!! I’ve made some of her semi-homeade dishes and they turned out delicious and not costing me a fortune to prepare :-)

  2. emptysky1969 says:

    The fact of the matter is that with any list you make (top restaurants, artists, songs, etc.) there are some that don’t deserve to be on the list. But with Aunt Sandy and her tablescapes, ALL of them deserve to be on the list!

    • Leelee says:

      AMEN! And by the way, who sits at these tables? I want to “scape” from them everytime I see ‘em – I sure as heck don’t want to scapt to them…why, oh why do they continue to exist? Hideous is about all I got to say about them….

    • Sandra lee is a alcoholic. she probably gets everyone wasted then feed them the shit thàt she makes. I will never eat her nasty shit. I will never buy any of her shit she try’s to sell. She’s a disgusting cheap ass son of a bitch. I personally think she has autism

  3. jvwalt says:

    Hey, I see potential for a Sandra Lee spinoff competition show, “Trash With Cash.” Take teams of trailer-park folks, give ‘em unlimited budgets, take ‘em to a Dollar Store, and turn ‘em loose! The most Sandraesque tablescape wins! Guaranteed ratings gold.

    Otherwise, I’m just trying to imagine formal dinners at the New York Governor’s Mansion after Cuomo wins the election.

    • Ferd Berfle says:

      There are lots of reasons not to elect Cuomo, but that has to be the biggest one. She’ll turn the governor’s mansion into a tacky mess of “chandelabras,” fake paper flowers, clothing used as table decor, eggstract-enhanced Cool Whip, Kwaanza cakes and tanker trucks full of vodka.

      • cowpoke says:

        In all seriousness, I think it says alot about him that he is even with this piece of trash. She’s such a beast in real life, can you imagine the abuse the staff at the Governors Mansion will be forced to take from her?

    • Michele says:

      haha Trash with Cash? I’d totally watch that

    • Diane says:

      “Trash with Cash” BRILLIANT!! :D

  4. lin says:

    The second one is my favorite: around here we refer to it as the “Funeral in a Bordello” episode.

  5. JT says:

    I have no idea how she continues to have a show. Her tabl-escapes give me vertigo. She elevates tacky to a new level. I can’t even watch her show because 1) her food sucks and 2) her constantly changing background makes me unsettled and angry and 3) her tabl-escapes really make me want to escape. Who in the world likes this? Who?

  6. Ray says:

    Oh, great, now I got a killer migraine.

  7. Silvio says:

    Why isn’t this show carried on the Comedy Network ? Anyone who attemps any tablescape of her’s has a serious drug problem.

    • EdgarGraham says:

      No, I don’t think we should group in druggies with Sandra’s retardery, it’s in a league (below sea level) all of it’s own. I blame society for allowing this to continue to happen. She even makes alcoholics look like rocket scientists compared to the crap she tries to pass off as food. I mean, I cook food as a hobby/passion type thing and I’m no great chef but for the love of god I could not imagine forcing someone to eat what she th rows together. I think she prints out Wal-Mart’s product list and throws dart at it to decide what happens in an episode. Juat a theory.

  8. hairball says:

    I will have what she has had!!!! Do they sell it legally?

    • atdleft says:

      Only in Amsterdam…

      • joolz says:

        sorry buddy, but no. i’ve smoked a lot of pot. i’ve smoked a lot of different varieties of pot, including some that would be right at home in amsterdam. i’ve never smoked anything that would make aunt sandy’s “funeral in a bordello” (good one!), or any other for that matter, tablescape OR her food look good.

  9. Annicka says:

    The chair is my favorite. I can’t even imagine what was going through her head when she came up with the idea to put a chair ON the table. Maybe she had a guest she doesn’t like (someone who’s honest about her food and comes along for the sheer comedy that is a Sandra Lee dinner party) so she put it there so they couldn’t see each other.

    • qwertygirl says:

      This one was on just last week and I thought, “WTF? Aren’t the guests supposed to be able to see OVER the centerpiece? A CHAIR?”

  10. Miss Paula says:

    These are great!!!! Looks like she re-used one of those hideous black “chandalabras” in the “Italian Slow Cooking” episode. And those dolls give me the creeps. I bet the prop room is full of her crap.

    • SaraCVT says:

      I finally figured it out…she’s a hoarder… That’s how she can have so much stuff, and why she drinks so much. It all makes sense now…

      • atdleft says:

        So why won’t TLC send a crew to her house? I bet they’d find some of the most frightening hoarding one’s ever seen!

        Hey, maybe Aunt Sandy knows where Big Foot hides and what happened to Jimmy Hoffa… ;-)

      • SaraCVT says:

        You have to ask for help…and I’m willing to bet Aunt Sandy doesn’t think she has any sort of problem whatsoever.

  11. MsFoodie says:

    She’s such an asshole, lol. Who in their right mind does shit like that for their dining room? Tacky is right! How did she ever get renewed for yet another season? FN needs a massive overhaul.

    • Fia says:

      They’re too busy cashing in on the type of person who think Scamdra and her ilk are the bee’s knees to realize that the rest of us might have disposable income to throw at them, too, if they’d only quit choking us with this sort of crap.

      • Patrick says:

        I’m pretty sure they’re targeting the type of person who watches the show to laugh at how bad it is.

  12. Kocinera says:

    *dies* This is seriously the funniest (and most disturbing) thing I’ve ever seen!! By far, the dolls are my favorite…although they may end up giving me nightmares tonight.

  13. Melissa says:

    Everything in me hates Sandra Lee, but there’s a cake recipe of hers I live by because it’s so amazing (but I think I found it through the FN website cause the show is unwatchable). I’ll just continue to avoid the tablescapes at all costs.

    • Fia says:

      I’m having a hard time imagining a Sandra Lee cake recipe, other than “buy a boxed mix, don’t follow the package instructions, add a bunch of unnecessary crap, and throw it away because you’ve rendered it inedible.”

  14. Stephy says:

    She’s creative, I’ll give her that. But who really wants or needs a “tablescape” is what I would like to know. I know that when I’m eating, I don’t want to have to reach around everything just to be able to eat. And what about conversation? I can’t have a conversation with the person sitting across from me with all that shit in the way. It’s just weird and kinda stupid, really.

    You know what cracks me up, though? She’s always on about saving money on this and saving money on that because it was premade. Then she takes the money she saved and she buys half of Michael’s in one go. Where is the logic?

    • Oveta says:

      Those are on two different shows. On semi-homemade she hardly ever talks about saving money.

      • cowpoke says:

        Her opening lines on semi-homemade are about saving time and money. You don’t save time or money buying pre-made food and how much money and time are spent on those tablescares? She is a disgrace to the human race.

    • SaraCVT says:

      Who said Aunt Sandy was into LOGIC, anyway?

    • Mark H88 says:

      She definitely is creative and I hope to God that people don’t actually do this stuff for real, but only take the “ideas” she gives and do something a little less “out there”.

      And as far as who would do such a thing? I imagine it would have to be yuppie housewives who throw dinner parties in the mid-afternoon for all of their other housewife friends.

      I mean, any normal person (with a real job) isn’t so bored with life that they need to make dinner, somehow, more exciting with some crazy carnival theme.

    • Kathy says:

      Funny thing is that some of her “shortcuts” are more expensive than if you made it from scratch and you’re probably only saving anywhere from seconds to a few minutes by taking her shortcuts.

  15. chris says:

    ha hahahahahaha , that is the funniest thing i have ever seen on the internet, heaving cleavage bahahabahahah!!!

  16. Jess says:

    The face one was probably the most disturbing, IMHO.

  17. Teague says:

    Just so many to chose from to get just ten.

  18. Nancy says:

    Does the denim tablescape qualify as “vesticular denimcide” ? Maybe Aunt Sandy should get together with Aarti’s husby. Or maybe that’s already old news. LOL

  19. lizzylafosse says:

    The “Anniversary Party” episode seriously confuses me, even more so than her tablescapes usually do. When the hell is these people’s anniversary? There’s Easter eggs and red/gold Christmassy-looking fruit all at once. What a mess. It looks like the calendar threw up all over the table.

    • wannabechef says:

      I saw this episode yesterday, and this tablescape was her gift to her friends for their wedding. I would cry if my rich friend gave me the gift of ugly, tacky crap for my wedding.

      • Kathy says:

        Throw in Aunt Sandy’s “No Bake Love Cake” and you’ll have a friendship so damaged, no amount of time can heal that wound.

      • SaraCVT says:

        Why would you invite her to your wedding, anyway? You’d have to know there’s a really good chance she’d either present you with something incredibly hideous or get insanely drunk.

        Or both.

  20. Veganista says:

    …And after filming, when the lowly intern was putting the dolls in storage, they all simultaneously re-animated. Lowly intern was never seen again, but mysteriously, another doll appeared.

  21. Amber K says:

    What in the world? Somebody is seriously drunk over there. Someone that’s not just her! Somebody has to approve this stuff, right?

    • Daria says:

      I’ve often wondered the same thing. I wonder what the execs at FN truly think. Do they all really laugh at her behind her back and know that her show is so crazy and outlandish that is the only reason people watch it? It must have decent ratings since she has been around so long.

      I’ve thought about DVR’ing her new season just to see what crazy stuff she does, but I don’t know if I can stomach watching her shows, even if I did fast forward through most of it.

      • cowpoke says:

        During an interview Brooke Johnson said she hired Sandra Lee for the working mom trying to get everything done. Sandra Lee had something different to offer. She’s different alright and in my opinion, Brooke Johnson looks and talks like she’s been on one long continuous drug and booze bender since Woodstock.

      • GreenJeans says:

        How would a working mom ever have time to get any of this crap done?

      • Polly says:

        My mother was a working mother (full 8 hour days) but that just meant that the whole family pitched in to make completely-homemade meals without relying on the crap she uses. It taught us latch-key kids how to cook and kept us out of trouble (because we’d get it if mom came home and our part of dinner wasn’t started).

        Or maybe the “semi-” part means to take all the pre-made store junk and mix it all together in the back of a trucker’s cabin, a single tear rolling down the old trucker’s face when he (or she) realizes that it just ain’t the same as good ol’ home-cookin’ with love.

  22. Kathy says:

    Remember kids, this is what vodka does to your brain.

  23. Snark Lady of the Sith says:

    I am awe-inspired by the sheer dementedness that went into those things. She’s like a vodka fueled Martha Stewart from the Bizarro Planet.

  24. nikkibot says:

    the all black one makes me want to don my old fishnets and spike bracelets from high school and invite all my goth friends over for a ridiculous tea party. and by “tea” i mean whiskey and after several pots we smash the crap out of the entire tablescape.

    that is the only one i find slightly tolerable for that reason only. the rest made me puke in my mouth.

  25. Lori says:

    The “April Showers” one is kinda cute…if the boots are brand new, never worn (these look as such) and if don’t put so many up there…think just one of the larger ones or a few of the smaller one. The rest? Yuk!

    • Flyingroo says:

      They are new, she always buys all the stuff, although she tries to make it sound cheap just because she buys mostlt from Michael’s – I guess we are supposed to use all income just to entertain!

      With the boots, she went for a cottage shabby chic style, she could have achieved that by using some nice buckets, even spray painted – anything would be better than those boots.

      It’s not even her own idea, I’ve seen boots used like vases in an interior design magazine years ago (those were yellow)

  26. Matthew says:

    I am going to have to drink after seeing all those tacky tablescapes. I know someone that did one with leather and BDSM themes that was much better.

  27. froglegs says:

    The very first one looks like the images that a recovering stroke victim has to focus on during rehab!

  28. Chris says:

    Do people watch her shows and say, “Yes, that is just the tablescape I need for Uncle Henry’s birthday party!”

    I mean, seriously, do people actually do this kind of shit at home? If so, who are these people?

  29. Cori says:

    One word. Woah.

  30. Cori says:

    Isn’t her show supposed to be about saving money/doing things cheaply? How the hell would buying all this shit for a tablescape be cheap??

  31. Ai says:

    I busted out laughing so damn hard. Then I remembered that all this crap is real, and that there are people stupid enough to try it, and I became sad. A fucking chair on the table… I don’t even… Thank goodness I haven’t seen most of those episodes.

  32. anjarew says:

    Sandra Lee is fucked up.

  33. stoup says:

    She must love the color black. It shows up quite a bit in her tablescapes. I watched one over the weekend where she glued white and black dice together to use as placecard holders for Polaroids, and had these weird 1940′s photos of people on black and white glass plates. UGLY! And random!
    (I think it was the same episode where she glued caramel corn onto KitKats using melted chocolate and caramel sauce.
    Diabetic coma, anyone? Bleccchht!)

  34. Lauren says:

    After seeing the Fairy Princess tablescape, I have one thing to ask…

    How many of y’all have watched any of the Puppet Master movies?

  35. MNLisaB says:

    Just imagine what she could do to the Governor’s mansion, positively boggles the mind.

    Bulging neck cords and bony clavicle= not a good thing

  36. Hookerbot says:

    Good god, I saw the first one and got vertigo instantly, and then I saw the dolls and the faces and now I’m pretty sure I’m trapped in some Lovecraftian nightmare world full of denim and black plastic.

  37. Mara says:

    Thanks, I always like to start the weekend off with a good laugh!

  38. Bonzy22 says:

    jfc. you can only say WTF. that’s all you think

  39. FatCat says:

    Awesome job–these *have* to be the ugliest, freakiish top ten indeed! And that’s saying a lot!

    Those dolls will haunt me…Sandra Lee frequently gives me nightmares. I can’t forget how she once defaced, dismembered and defiled an angel food cake…

  40. fxtech says:

    What a tool! The “Scary and Somber” tablescape, looks like a set for an Evanescence video shoot.

    Also, those man hands in the pic for the “Dolly Parton Rejoice” pics makes the hairs on the back of my neck stand straight up.

  41. Neuf says:

    So the money you save on her semi-homemade meals that even a dog would turn his nose up at is spent on all this crap for the table. How does one even eat at the table with all the junk on it? It looks like one of those tables at the store with all the reduced items – “The shit we can’t get rid of sale”

  42. Anon says:

    Oh geez, what’s the episode for the creepy faces one? I’m sure to look it up for anytime I want to deprive myself of sleep.

    • cowpoke says:

      I think it’s the retro show with the creepy faces but I’m not 100% sure. But, for tablescare number 11 on September 16th you will see the International Show in which old Sandy has little globes hanging from the ceiling all over the place.It’s pretty bad. Of course, she puts her twisted spin on foods from around those globes resulting in the usual insult to the rest of the world.Anyone who enjoys seeing this hack at her worst will enjoy this show and not be disappointed.

  43. Michele says:

    oh my god.

  44. Lux says:

    Hey, don’t diss the Salvation Army. They’ve got some pretty cool clothes for cheap as hell.

  45. Coast0385 says:

    oh i saw the ping pong one labor day when they had her SCARE-A-THON oops i mean marathon. With those kids that were looking at her like “Oh no Aunt Sandra has been in the happy time cabinet again”. She was totally wasted to say the least.

  46. Lara says:

    Perhaps all the centerpieces cluttering the tables are a blessing in disguise, so that her guests aren’t forced to look at or converse with the increasingly drunk Sandra Lee for their (probably disgusting) dinner.

  47. Diane says:

    So I’m guessing that this is why she does the cheap ingredient ‘russipies’. Even tacky shit adds up when you buy it for EVERY meal and totally overdo it.

  48. kross says:

    I can’t believe that SNL doesn’t spoof her on their show. Can you imagine what they can do with one of her tablescapes
    and a bottle of vodka? Then invite Pauler over for dinner!

  49. Katie says:

    If I remember correctly, on the Pagoda Passion episode, her cucumber cocktail was SO bad that even Sandra had a hard time choking it down. Her face was absolutely hysterical. I watched it in slow motion several times because it was so damn funny. If anyone has that episode tivo-ed, check it out. You won’t be disappointed!

  50. Danielle says:

    I don’t normally take the time out to comment on things, but this was too funny NOT to comment on! Literally laughed out loud..between Jill’s humor and Sandra Lee’s ridiculous tablescape ideas, it’s hard not to! Those tablescapes look like ruuucipes for a dinner DISASTER!

  51. vegout says:

    OMG!! Thank you, thank you, thank you for showing the CHAIR IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TABLE Dangerscape!! I was telling my family about it and they didn’t believe it (Hello?? Ever watch Aunt Sandy…?) but now I have proof! She’s out of her mind, and I have to ask why SNL hasn’t jumped all over this one yet…

    • CaliCook85 says:

      [QUOTE]She’s out of her mind, and I have to ask why SNL hasn’t jumped all over this one yet…[/QUOTE]

      I don’t know why SNL hasn’t parodied her yet, but they should and I’m waiting for the day they do. I can see Kristen Wiig doing this (Wiig already plays mentally deranged women, be they recurring characters, one-shots, or female celebrities. This should be no problem).

  52. Cassandra says:

    Where the hell does she store all her tablescape shit.. thats a lot of plastic containers filled with BS.

  53. Cookie says:

    The thing is, there may be one or two interesting seeds of an idea but they get this whole over blown tacky gilded treatment totally losing any kind of quiant original thought. I like the idea of having a modest branch with a bird’s nest and maybe some moss and flowers, sort of Victorian feel, but holy cow she’s got a forest on that table! Ug. I’m glad she’s back ;)….let the snarking begin!

  54. Schmitty says:

    Makes you wonder what tablescape ideas she rejected at the staff writer’s meetings?

  55. [...] cutesy holiday-themed cookies and cupcakes and whatnot and Sandra Lee’s nauseating tablescapes have always sort of repulsed [...]

  56. [...] not loathe The Food Network’s Sandra Lee more, I knew my first step was creating a memorable tablescape to fit with my dinner theme. Sh!t, I need a dinner theme! I pondered. I brainstormed. I thought [...]

  57. Lemon says:

    The FNH recap of the episode in their own words had me howling in laughter, seriously, my sides hurt.. awesome

  58. [...] connotation of a Sara Lee tablescape, pleasepleasepleaseplease let me enlighten you by going here.) I actually really covet these designs called The Midas Collection, how [...]

  59. [...] and some of the thinly sliced pears that I had used for the Christmas Eve centerpiece (NOT a tablescape, people.  Never a tablescape.)  PK tip: For my quesadillas (even the “normal” ones [...]

  60. [...] simple (can I call this a) tablescape, with our free whisks. I love free [...]

  61. [...] not saying I’m going to be heading to the craft store to make glittery place cards for a “tablescape” a la Sandra Lee. I don’t think Marion Cunningham would approve of that sort of over the top [...]

  62. [...] away from having a Sandra Lee-esque tablescape, and since I can’t stand her tablescapes (click here to see what I’m talking about), all the vessels went back in the cupboard and the grapefruit are now just piled on my [...]

  63. Ava says:

    I think they become more “elaborate” the more she drinks. Besides, if you were to go to one of her parties, you’d not notice because she’d have you wasted with just one sip. That’s the point of “cocktail hour”, with Aunt Sandy, yes?

  64. Lisa says:

    LOL at the Kleenex tree. The dolls are scary but I hate the black tablescapes the most. They are so dreary and belong in a haunted house. When I saw the blue tablescape, I was like, oh that’s not so bad, until I read the description and realized it was denim. HA HA HA HA!!!! GROSS!

  65. Patrick says:

    I think the garden party one should have been on here. Neon green and pink paper flowers dangling precariously over candles and everything else whiter than an Apple ad. It burned my retinas looking at it.

  66. Hobbygourmet says:

    I thought the Adams Family is coming over!… I don’t feel so good anymore. Have to lay down for a while. -
    I hope I wake up…

  67. Sharon says:

    I really love it when non-Texan women use variations of the word “tacky”. It is a word that we us here in the Lone Star State that describes the lowest of the low… the olnly thin g worse than being called “Tacky.” is to add “Bless your heart.” As in,

    “Bless your heart, you are tacky, Sandra Lee.”

    Thank you for this post it was so good, bless your heart.

  68. Chuckers says:

    I love how she often mentions that you can save time AND MONEY making her russipies. I guess the $2.50 you save on the food help to make you feel better when you spend $300-$400 on fugly pieces for disgusting tablescape that you’ll never use again.
    Well, that is if you haven’t already blown the $2.50 on cheap booze.

  69. RR's Pompoms says:

    I never got the much adoo about tablescapes and have to whack myself upside the head to think she negotiated this part into the show when Food Network first approached her. And the faces she makes explaining the how to’s are a wee bit over the top, although I guess it makes sense given cocktail time preceeded this part of the show. Wonder if the Gov mansion has become tablescape hell.

  70. [...] But a nice alternative. With a bonus! No tablescapes! [...]

  71. [...] to use this word but I love my tablescape.  It’s definitely not as tacky as the majority of Sandra Lee’s normal [...]

  72. Charles says:

    How are bird cages similar to pagodas?

  73. [...] were no cocktails or tablescapes involved, but I’m pretty sure Sandra would’ve been [...]

  74. [...] show "Semi-Homemade," we'd actually watch. And not just to crack wise about your tablescapes. [The [...]

  75. Raisedright says:

    So sorry for your comments. Too bad you didn’t get to grow up with people that taught good old fashioned hospitality and a nice dressed up table. How many times have you eaten out this month? Thought so. Actually monthly we have 200 to 1200 ladies that have luncheons that love a lot of creativity. Yes, you have to be artistic and creative to appreciate design and colors, shapes, etc. Actually, the black chandeliers are VERY classy and used a lot in designs now. Sorry, but come on! Know what you are talking about before you cut down something because you are cynical and don’t know the art of entertaining for a dinner party.

    • LauraS says:

      There’s difference between having a nice table setting for a group of friends, and making it look like Dollar Tree barfed on the table. I don’t know how somebody could set at those “tablescapes” and be able to converse with others without being completely distracted and overwhelmed by all the crap on the table.

  76. MerryCurie says:

    I don’t really see anything wrong with using denim fabric as a tablecloth, but at least hem the thing. As for the salvation army jeans, provided she actually WASHED them, I think it’s relatively clever. The rest of these seem that if you turn the volume down from 11 to about 2 or 3 you’d actually have a nice centerpiece.

    That said, I can’t stand her myself.

    • Diane says:

      I so agree, Merrycurie. SOME of the things would be fine if there were just about 90% less of them.

      Except for those dolls…scary, scary dolls.

    • noo says:

      the denim thing is something that i find quite gross, it reminds me of a show where 2 guys find denim under a bridge and boil it before they wear it :D while it was funny on the show, the idea turns me off completely!

  77. Diane says:

    Yep, said it before and I’ll say it again: Less is more, Aunt Drunky.

  78. Kim says:

    One of my favorite comments by Ina Garten had to be directed at Aunt Sandy, when Ina said something to the effect that “elaborate tablescapes make her crazy” – and there was a definite mocking to the way she said “tablescapes” – then proceeded to do a simple, casual, and very tasteful table-setting.

    I’m really looking forward to the new season and checking in here afterwards. It’s far funnier than any sitcom.

  79. Megan says:

    That was the hardest and longest I’ve laughed at a blog post, probably, ever.

  80. Phoebe says:

    Ugh. Someone in her production crew really likes the color black and shitty, cheap crafts.

  81. Chopped Liver says:

    The whole time I was reading this, I was HOPING that the chair in the middle of the table would appear somewhere in the list.

    Happy to see it’s at #1 – right where it belongs.

  82. bananacat says:

    I just had an epiphany! Sandra Lee should join up with Quaker Factory to expand their ridiculously gaudy clothes into decorations. It would provide the world with so much laughter.

  83. CJM says:

    I’m astonished that the list is narrowed to JUST ten!

  84. KitsuneHana says:

    …. Is it sad that I kinda like the somber one…. With a little tweaking and toning down it could actually be cool, especially for a Halloween party.

  85. BreeBreeTM says:

    i actually thought the April Showers one was cute. i like the colors.
    the others just… no.

  86. [...] to future deployments of her new hot glue gun, after a very successful first project. Apparently Andrew Cuomo’s inane tablescape-creating girlfriend on the Food Network is onto something with her hot glue gun obsession. It’s [...]

  87. [...] without butter, cream, the most costly shellfish and bacon can’t possibly be worthy of any celebration’s tablescape. Bull, I [...]

  88. Teche says:

    I’d like to see any of you do better. I sense a little jealousy here. Her whole point is creativity, not to try and break the bank. I’m anxiously awaiting each and every one of your displays(as if). Too busy bring ugy and negative, as usual.

  89. [...] for food, Sandra Lee cartwheels, backflips, somersaults, and then handsprings way past that line onto one of her crappy “tablescapes.“ Don’t worry, she stuck the landing. But seriously, she has no business being on the [...]

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