We get a lot of colorful, idiotic, and just plain WTF e-mails here at FNH, so every month I like to share the contents of my inbox with you guys in a segment called “LETTERS TO FNH.”  This is the part where YOU guys get the floor to share the stuff you saw, and voice what YOU think about the Food Network.

Here’s the August installment of inbox cheers and jeers!

I caught a picture of a Sandra Lee book at Borders and chuckled at the price tag placement. -BW

Equally as funny: the notion that someone would pay $4.99 for that book.

I had to rewind the tv a few times while watching Secrets of a Restaurant Chef. Everyone i show this to says “Did she say what i think she just said?” haha! -Samantha

You’ve gotta love Anne Burrell! Also, this reminds me of one of my favorite Damn You Autocorrect entries of all time:

Being the Harry Potter fan that I am, I saw the new movie the day it came out. And in the almost opening scene, something rather curious caught my eye and it distracted me from the rest of the movie. Harry Potter is wearing a denim shent. Granted, Daniel Radcliffe is a short and not fat young man playing what is supposed to be a seventeen year old and does not have a thing for good vanilla and the Hamptons and gay men (well, we don’t know about that last one.). However, wearing a shent is fashion suicide (akin to using bad vanilla), and it ruined the rest of the movie for me. And none of my friends understood or cared when I tried to explain how awful it is that he is wearing a shent. A denim shent. To what is the world coming? -Sarah

Ina Garten is such a trendsetting fashionista!

Hey Jill,

I am a faithful Opie & Anthony listener (8 years now) & while I’m sure that says a lot about me, they had the douche canoe Guy Fieri on yesterday’s show. While this was just the radio, I felt compelled to share the “highlights” of the segment. While I prayed to God that the boys would slam him, they didn’t because he was feeding them & I’m sure they truly have no idea what a jacknut he is.

1. O & A pointed out that Ferry’s chef’s had actually been at the Siruis/XM studios since 4 a.m. while Ferry himself showed up at 8

2. Fieri made an alcoholic drink for them. When Jimmy Norton (stand up comic) said he couldn’t drink alcohol & could he have a non alcoholic version, Ferry laughed at him & said “Why would you want that?” Oh I don’t know, maybe because Jimmy is 20 years sober! He kept asking for a non alcohol version & Ferry continually ignored the request UNTIL his own son said he wanted one too.

3. He was pushing his product line (GASP!!!) of sausages (snicker) & BBQ sauces being sold at Costco’s, Sam’s Clubs, etc. Also, mentioned that he was opening up another restaurant for a total of 6.

4. He pushed a new show on in January which is a celebrity cook off show called Guy Vs Rachael or some shit. Further proof that FN continues it’s piss poor broadcasting with shows only a lobotomy patient could enjoy & even that’s insulting to lobotomy patients everywhere. Some of the “celebrities” appearing on said crapfest include people you’ve either never heard of or thought were washed up long ago such as Taylor Dane. Taylor Dane?? She wasn’t even relevant in the 80′s when she was supposedly famous. Seriously – for fuck’s sake, Taylor Dane is who FN chose to be part of a CELEBRITY cook off show? The others are so “famous” I can’t even remember their names.

So basically his chef’s showed up at 4 a.m., did all the cooking & the only thing he actually made was the alcoholic beverages. Yes, truly his a great chef. And we have a new show to look forward`to on FNH, if you can actually make it through viewing it, God knows I won’t. -Jennifer

Food Network is to food what MTV is to music. Also, Taylor Dayne? REALLY? I loved “Prove Your Love” in 1989 as much as the next girl, but if that’s the best “celebrity” they can dig up, the show is going to be hilariously awful!

You have all these chiefs Great Chiefs cooking from a to z but leaving out D for diebates, what can you suggest cooking for diebates people with low carbs. Thank you for looking at this request. -Jane

There you have it, ladies and gentlemen. The intelligence level of your average Food Network watcher. Let this be a lesson to you, though, eat right or you may develop DIEBATES.

I love your page and thought you might get a kick out of how Geoffrey Zakarian described eating rare to raw shrimp. -Andy

Sounds like a rejected scene from “Lord of the Flies.”

I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed/posted on this but next time you watch barefoot contessa listen to the background music when she goes shopping. Is it just me or is that the same backing track as Cee-Lo’s “Fuck You”? -Anderson

YES. I just saw an episode of her making salmon over a muzak version of Cee-Lo Green’s “Fuck You.” I think it’s a message to all of us.

Hi Jillian-
I’m sitting watching Giada, and am absolutely flabbergasted. I am shocked, insulted, and awestruck at the stupidity of this moment. Giada is currently cooking waffles… from a mix. No embellishments, no special ingredients, just the mix. She added eggs, water, and vegetable oil to powdered waffle mix. And to add to the insult, she explained why you’re supposed to use vegetable oil in the mix. You know why you have to use vegetable oil in the mix, Giada? Because the
back of the box told us to. The back of the box that you are currently sneakily reading between shots of you drooling over boxed waffle mix.

Either Food Network is out of ideas or the focus market has dropped 50 IQ points. -Jenny

But Todd loves pre-packaged waffles after a day of “paddle surfing” in the ocean with his totally heterosexual (wink, wink) male friends! Seriously, I saw that episode too and apparently there are people out there who need Giada to teach them how to follow a recipe. Stay tuned next week when she goes over the complexities of boxed brownies.

I know you don’t normally cover cooking channel, but RR got a new kitchen set on her show today. No pantry that I’ve seen so far, no 20-ingredient carries, not even opening the fridge. She barely does any of the prep work – it’s just like the camera cuts away, cuts back, and there are three piles of diced veggies. Kind of phoning in her show, don’t you think? -Michelle

Unfortunately, cablevision subscribers don’t get Cooking Channel (which is ridiculous, because cablevision and Food Network/Cooking Channel are all NY based) so I can’t watch. However, Rachael’s been phoning it in on 30 Minute Meals for months (years?) so it doesn’t surprise me to hear she’s doing it there too. Poor Rachael. Spread thinner than the butter atop Giada’s boxed waffles.

Hey Jill, Just thought you’d like this. -Michelle H

Thanks for all the letters and pics, guys! That’s it for this month – keep the emails coming and you may be featured here next month!

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