Letters To FNH »
The FNH inbox has been blowing up about an annoying Chopped: Halloween contestant named Tess Middlebrook. I haven’t been watching the series, so I have no idea what you guys are talking about. But FNH reader Jenn included one of Middlebrook’s videos along with her email, and frankly, it made my soul blacken and die a little.
Take it away, Jenn:
Not sure if you’ve been watching the “Chopped Halloween” episodes , but the reason that one of the episodes was so terrible (to me) was because of Tess Middlebrook. The young, blonde chick who thinks she’s the next Lucille Ball. The thing is – she made me cringe from the second she opened her mouth. She’s so PAINFULLY unfunny that for the first time I actually rooted for someone (her) to get chopped first so I wouldn’t have to watch her for more than one round. I was OFFENDED by her desperate attempts at humor. The judges made a side comment about her childish screaming during one round (“stirring up fear” or something like that) – but how did they let her complete disrespect for the ingredients slip by? Her hideous “stress” noises that sound like a wounded buffalo? Walking into the ‘stew room’ and whining “Make it stop!”
She also does an “impression” of a black chicken. I’m sure you can only imagine what that looked like (hint: she attempted to cluck in a “rapping” fashion whatever the HELL that means) but you should have SEEN Ted Allen’s face.
She has some Youtube videos (which she plugs on Chopped). I had to watch it – if only because I’m some sort of a masochist – and it is just DESPERATELY not funny. I’ve never seen anything like it. Doing some really terrible accents and chopping shit up on a cutting board qualifies you as a “comic?” Jesus.
Wow. Just, wow.
I could NOT sit through the video. I tried, but I just couldn’t. I’m not that strong.
Like other people have noted in the YouTube comments, her title “Cooking with Schizophrenia” is wrong. She should consider renaming her show “Cooking with Multiple Personality Disorder.” Or better yet, “mumbling with obnoxious accents that no one wants to listen to.”
GET IT TOGETHER, TESS. GET IT TOGETHER.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Chopped All Stars: Round 3
---Aaron Sanchez Is Probably Not The Sharpest Knife In The Drawer
---Chopped All-Stars: The Finale
---DOUCHEBAG OVERLOAD: The 16 Guy Fieri-est Halloween Costumes
---Chopped All Stars Recap: Anne Burrell, Claire Robinson, Duff Goldman, & Robert Irvine
- Letters To FNH