NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.
How To Open A Bottle Of Wine Like A Classless Moron, By Guy Fieri
---VIDEO: Sandra Lee Opening A Champagne Bottle
---VIDEO: Rachael Ray Taking 39 Seconds To Empty 1 Bottle Of Oil Into A Pan
---Pics From The 2010 NYC Wine & Food Fest
---Rachael Ray At The South Beach Wine and Food Festival
Guy Fieri »
How To Open A Bottle Of Wine Like A Classless Moron, By Guy Fieri
 |
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---Open Letter To Guy Fieri---VIDEO: Sandra Lee Opening A Champagne Bottle
---VIDEO: Rachael Ray Taking 39 Seconds To Empty 1 Bottle Of Oil Into A Pan
---Pics From The 2010 NYC Wine & Food Fest
---Rachael Ray At The South Beach Wine and Food Festival
- Guy Fieri
Filed Under
Post your comments
HELP US PAY THE BILLS!
If you enjoy the content on Food Network Humor and would like to help me pay the website bills, please use the "donate" option below. Any amount is greatly appreciated.
Thank you! -Jill
Categories
- Best Of FNH (92)
- Closed Captions (20)
- FN on Facebook (5)
- FNH Google Search Terms (6)
- FNH Interviews (1)
- FNH Podcast (20)
- FNH Voicemails (1)
- Food Fight (5)
- Food Network Hosts (857)
- Aaron McCargo Jr (13)
- Adam Gertler (2)
- Aida Mollenkamp (6)
- Alex Guarnaschelli (5)
- Alton Brown (29)
- Anne Burrell (30)
- Bobby Flay (41)
- Claire Robinson (10)
- Dave Lieberman (1)
- Duff Goldman/Mary Alice (30)
- Giada De Laurentiis (66)
- Guy Fieri (150)
- Ina Garten (78)
- Ingrid Hoffman (2)
- Paula Deen (139)
- Rachael Ray (112)
- Sandra Lee (144)
- Sunny Anderson (7)
- The Neelys (4)
- Tyler Florence (13)
- Foodie of the Week (1)
- General: Food Humor (107)
- General: Food Network (485)
- Letters To FNH (33)
- Lists (33)
- New Rules (3)
- Next Food Network Star (80)
- Next Iron Chef (18)
- Numbers in the News (2)
- Open Thread (6)
- Reader Submitted Posts (28)
- SHOW SWAP (1)
- Things We Hate (11)
- Twitter Conversations (35)
- Uncategorized (1)
- Worst Cooks In America (7)
LEGAL DISCLAIMER / DISCLOSURE/PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
57 Responses
Niiiiiice. Think of the germs on that bottle and therefore going into the food.
Eck! I was thinking the same thing smh
I feel bad for the cork. Poor thing was in his MOUTH for heavens sake. eeeewwwww
He’s obviously used to cooking with canned or box wine.
This guy does everything like a classless moron.
When the cameras stopped rolling, he compared the size of the cork to the size of his John Thomas. Guess which was bigger?
I hope he had a microscope so he could actually see his ‘John Thomas’.
And a crane to lift up that beer gut.
LOL! “John Thomas!” With your kind permission, this will be my epithet for the peen from now on. I’ll use it with peen, alternately, because peen also makes me laugh.
I’ve got $50 on the cork!
is he for real?
Does RachRay have a handy-dandy orange cork screw for sale?
“Does RachRay have a handy-dandy orange cork screw for sale?”
I’m not aware of one yet, but she’ll have one out before it, thanks to your suggestion! LOL!
@Jillian: Thanks for the fab screenshots; I needed a good laugh today. “Classless Moron” is perfect for this airhead.
a picture is worth a thousand words
Add Ferry to the list, along with Pauler Poopy, that money doesn’t buy class.
What a moron is right.
Speaking of class-less (and off subject) Melissa M’mommy FN ‘fans’ are belly-aching in her recipe review section about ‘where is she, why isn’t she on today, information please FN……….’
Hilarious!
Why you miserable cork-soaker!
Roman Moroni- Johnny Dangerously
Great lines in that movie!
Oh Come On, color me stupid, but I can never find the FN blog since NFNS/Bob’s Blog shut down. I did find Mommy Dearest’s recipes(looked at those for weekly tally on how many comments were posted PRIOR to the airing of the show), and I’m scratching my head on why there are 192 responses to her vinegarette (“I couldn’t believe how Melissa’s secret ingredient of soy sauce could make such a difference and it was super simple!”) (Gag me) So, my question is where on FN are these comments posted?
Neanderthal Ferry.
No need for the qualifier.
Attractive.
“I’m not aware of one yet, but she’ll have one out before it, thanks to your suggestion! LOL!”
I’ve got to stop typing so fast that the site can’t keep up! LOL! I thought I said “before you know it”!
Nice. It was not enough that I never see anyone wash their hands, now Guy is slobbering on my wine…..
Epic. Extreme. Next up–watch Fieri smash an empty diced pimento can on his forehead. Boo ya!
Guido’s so low rent.
O M G! I have never been moooore turned on!
Guy probably just wanted to be sure that he himself got to drink all the wine ;)
Of course, Kleetus & Co. are probably accustomed to ingesting Guy’s cooties, so . . .
Accidental Tooth Extraction – “Now that’s money!”
Haha! He managed to make himself look cross-eyed in the third pic!
I’d like to see him try that with champagne.
Is that the manly way of opening a wine bottle?
Come on Ferry, lean forward just a little bit more so your hair can catch fire!
Just another reason why I think Ferry is FN’s DB of the year. (Don’t worry, Bobby – you’re a close second)
Funny!
The Al Bundy of FNTV and he’s slobbering all the way to the bank.
Real classy. You know your TV “network” has gone to seed and is just another low budget cable station when you allow no talent idiots like Guy Ferry to be your voice. And let him try and pretend to everyone he is Italian. Like we believe him.
What’s sad is that he seems proud of it, like he just came up with a cure for baldness. Pathetic.
Since I own two Pontiac FIEROs, and ZERO bottles of hair gel, in all fairness I feel that I must recuse myself from this discussion.
Carry on.
i love you jillian! your posts are always right on!
@FootLongSausage: Too bad GM pulled the plug on the Fiero when it was getting really good. I hope that Food Network would do the same with Fieri, since he’s never been good, and won’t be. Ever.
Thank you for all the anti-Guy-Douchebag entries.
I will be making a monetary contribution at the first of the month. This is an important domain and we should all be sure the lovely owners can keep up the Guy-jokes.
God Bless this site. *waving flag and playing that obnoxious song lee Greenwood song*
This boob has multiple restaurants and television shows. HOW am I not more successful? ARRGGHH!
My six year old daughter can figure out the correct way to do that AND find a cork opener at the FN studios faster than Ferry could.
To see how to open a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne like a boss, go on Hulu and see Alton Brown’s appearance on the Jimmy Fallon show.
Your comment is invalid. Alton Brown does everything like a boss. :-)
Am I the only one surprised that Guy actually used wine that has a cork? I figured him to be a screw-top man all the way.
Screw tops are still too classy for Guy. Nope, he’s a box man.
Classless Moron, Neanderthal, any sort of qualifier is really unnecessary when it comes to Guy Ferry. Seriously, you only need to say his name and we already know you’re talking about a Classless Moron and a Neanderthal.
As to one post above, no, you’re not the only one that is surprised that he was using corked wine. I am surprised he’s not using Franzia, to be quite frank about it.
I hope that wine wasn’t made by homosexuals or else Guy’s going to be pissed.
They stomped the grapes themselves, meaning Ferry has to worry about wine made by gay man feet.
Yeah Ferry, just what we need; MORE greasy loser cooties in the food. >:(
Not only would Nigella demonstrate how to properly uncork a bottle of wine, she would do so in a manner that would give me an erection.
Anything Nigella does would give anyone an erection. And I’m not even male.
I still find RRay about 10,000x more annoying than Guy, regardless of his low-class habits. She’s worse.
Guy Ferry is a fucktard.
That is all.
Yeah, cuz this is nothing like Anne Burrell double-dipping in her food when she cooks it. In fact, if she opened wine this way: GENIUS!!!