Guy Fieri »

How To Open A Bottle Of Wine Like A Classless Moron, By Guy Fieri
Posted by Jillian Madison

    57 Responses

  1. Jill (not Jillian) says:

    Niiiiiice. Think of the germs on that bottle and therefore going into the food.

  2. Jamie says:

    I feel bad for the cork. Poor thing was in his MOUTH for heavens sake. eeeewwwww

  3. Jacque says:

    He’s obviously used to cooking with canned or box wine.

  4. Dan says:

    This guy does everything like a classless moron.

  5. YouKnowWhoIAM says:

    When the cameras stopped rolling, he compared the size of the cork to the size of his John Thomas. Guess which was bigger?

    • Diane says:

      I hope he had a microscope so he could actually see his ‘John Thomas’.
      And a crane to lift up that beer gut.

    • April says:

      LOL! “John Thomas!” With your kind permission, this will be my epithet for the peen from now on. I’ll use it with peen, alternately, because peen also makes me laugh.

  6. Eyeris says:

    I’ve got $50 on the cork!

  7. pork says:

    is he for real?

  8. oh_come_on says:

    Does RachRay have a handy-dandy orange cork screw for sale?

  9. CherryRose says:

    “Does RachRay have a handy-dandy orange cork screw for sale?”

    I’m not aware of one yet, but she’ll have one out before it, thanks to your suggestion! LOL!

  10. CherryRose says:

    @Jillian: Thanks for the fab screenshots; I needed a good laugh today. “Classless Moron” is perfect for this airhead.

  11. Daria says:

    a picture is worth a thousand words

  12. Byrdie says:

    Add Ferry to the list, along with Pauler Poopy, that money doesn’t buy class.

    What a moron is right.

  13. oh_come_on says:

    Speaking of class-less (and off subject) Melissa M’mommy FN ‘fans’ are belly-aching in her recipe review section about ‘where is she, why isn’t she on today, information please FN……….’


  14. jmsiv says:

    Why you miserable cork-soaker!

    Roman Moroni- Johnny Dangerously

  15. Byrdie says:

    Oh Come On, color me stupid, but I can never find the FN blog since NFNS/Bob’s Blog shut down. I did find Mommy Dearest’s recipes(looked at those for weekly tally on how many comments were posted PRIOR to the airing of the show), and I’m scratching my head on why there are 192 responses to her vinegarette (“I couldn’t believe how Melissa’s secret ingredient of soy sauce could make such a difference and it was super simple!”) (Gag me) So, my question is where on FN are these comments posted?

  16. DesignerJeans says:

    Neanderthal Ferry.

  17. Sandra says:


  18. CherryRose says:

    “I’m not aware of one yet, but she’ll have one out before it, thanks to your suggestion! LOL!”

    I’ve got to stop typing so fast that the site can’t keep up! LOL! I thought I said “before you know it”!

  19. WAHOO WILLIE says:

    Nice. It was not enough that I never see anyone wash their hands, now Guy is slobbering on my wine…..

  20. Kwazy says:

    Epic. Extreme. Next up–watch Fieri smash an empty diced pimento can on his forehead. Boo ya!

  21. Ferd says:

    Guido’s so low rent.

  22. FROG LEGS says:

    O M G! I have never been moooore turned on!

  23. *Di* says:

    Guy probably just wanted to be sure that he himself got to drink all the wine ;)

    Of course, Kleetus & Co. are probably accustomed to ingesting Guy’s cooties, so . . .

  24. Alex says:

    Accidental Tooth Extraction – “Now that’s money!”

  25. Invisible Man says:

    Haha! He managed to make himself look cross-eyed in the third pic!

  26. Barb says:

    I’d like to see him try that with champagne.

  27. Is that the manly way of opening a wine bottle?

  28. Melissa D'umbass says:

    Come on Ferry, lean forward just a little bit more so your hair can catch fire!

  29. sierraskyesmom says:

    Just another reason why I think Ferry is FN’s DB of the year. (Don’t worry, Bobby – you’re a close second)

  30. Olive Loahf says:

    The Al Bundy of FNTV and he’s slobbering all the way to the bank.

  31. Sarah says:

    Real classy. You know your TV “network” has gone to seed and is just another low budget cable station when you allow no talent idiots like Guy Ferry to be your voice. And let him try and pretend to everyone he is Italian. Like we believe him.

  32. Chris says:

    What’s sad is that he seems proud of it, like he just came up with a cure for baldness. Pathetic.

  33. Since I own two Pontiac FIEROs, and ZERO bottles of hair gel, in all fairness I feel that I must recuse myself from this discussion.
    Carry on.

  34. moose says:

    i love you jillian! your posts are always right on!

  35. Alex says:

    @FootLongSausage: Too bad GM pulled the plug on the Fiero when it was getting really good. I hope that Food Network would do the same with Fieri, since he’s never been good, and won’t be. Ever.

  36. whiskers says:

    Thank you for all the anti-Guy-Douchebag entries.
    I will be making a monetary contribution at the first of the month. This is an important domain and we should all be sure the lovely owners can keep up the Guy-jokes.

    God Bless this site. *waving flag and playing that obnoxious song lee Greenwood song*

  37. coffee-n-toast says:

    This boob has multiple restaurants and television shows. HOW am I not more successful? ARRGGHH!

  38. Jason Reichert says:

    My six year old daughter can figure out the correct way to do that AND find a cork opener at the FN studios faster than Ferry could.

  39. Patrick says:

    To see how to open a bottle of wine and a bottle of champagne like a boss, go on Hulu and see Alton Brown’s appearance on the Jimmy Fallon show.

  40. Deaner says:

    Am I the only one surprised that Guy actually used wine that has a cork? I figured him to be a screw-top man all the way.

  41. CityBoy says:

    Classless Moron, Neanderthal, any sort of qualifier is really unnecessary when it comes to Guy Ferry. Seriously, you only need to say his name and we already know you’re talking about a Classless Moron and a Neanderthal.

    As to one post above, no, you’re not the only one that is surprised that he was using corked wine. I am surprised he’s not using Franzia, to be quite frank about it.

  42. Kev says:

    I hope that wine wasn’t made by homosexuals or else Guy’s going to be pissed.

  43. Diane says:

    Yeah Ferry, just what we need; MORE greasy loser cooties in the food. >:(

  44. Kev says:

    Not only would Nigella demonstrate how to properly uncork a bottle of wine, she would do so in a manner that would give me an erection.

  45. Pat says:

    Anything Nigella does would give anyone an erection. And I’m not even male.

  46. Beth says:

    I still find RRay about 10,000x more annoying than Guy, regardless of his low-class habits. She’s worse.

  47. Mike says:

    Guy Ferry is a fucktard.

    That is all.

  48. TheOtherGuy says:

    Yeah, cuz this is nothing like Anne Burrell double-dipping in her food when she cooks it. In fact, if she opened wine this way: GENIUS!!!

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