Ina Garten »
This is ridiculous. There are 11 people in front of me, and this line hasn’t moved in 5 minutes. Who’s up there working the register? One of those stupid Deen boys? Jesus. I’m never gonna make it home in time. My Chefography viewing party starts at 7, and I didn’t even harvest the wheat for my banana bread yet. Steven and Michael are gonna be at my house any minute, and they’re gonna start having fun without me. Hmm… maybe I should move to that line over there, behind the guy with the… wait… is that guy buying NUTS IN A JAR? Forget it. I’m staying in this line. I’m not standing behind anyone buying NUTS IN A JAR.
It’s Africa hot in here. Would it kill them to put on the air conditioner? Maybe I shouldn’t have worn this denim shirt. It’s too heavy. God, what is that smell? Is it me? No, it’s definitely not me. It’s gotta be that bearded hippie in the plaid shirt over there perusing the organic patchouli. Hey buddy, would it kill you to take a shower? There’s probably a family of birds living in that nest you call hair. (nervous giggle)
….aaaand, the line still hasn’t moved. I feel like I’m waiting to ride Space Mountain. Jeffrey loves Space Mountain. Wait, why am I here wasting my time again? I need an assistant to do this stuff for me. I’m Ina frickin’ Garten for Christ’s sake. Oh, how lovely. That woman just coughed all over me. So not only am I going to be late, but I’m going to contract Swine Flu.
Why is that pimple-faced high school dropout employee in the Hawaiian shirt ringing that stupid bell again? Oh, only one ring this time. I bet that means, “These lines are so long because every moron here is buying three buck chuck.” Yelch. I wouldn’t feed three buck chuck to my mailman’s dog. Why is this place so crowded now anyway? It’s 2:30! Don’t people play golf anymore???
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Paula Deen Launching Designer Paper Products Line
---Paula Deen Getting Her Own Line Of Serta Mattresses
---Inner Monologue Of A Piece Of Garlic On Giada’s Counter
---Emeril Has His Own Line Of Canned Meals For Kids?!
---Giada Launching Kitchen Gear Line At Target
- Ina Garten