Next Iron Chef »
And then there were 8!
This week, the finalists headed to the historic Orpheum theater in LA to meet up with Alton Brown:
Whoops, that’s not what happened. Let me try that again:
There we go! Much better. Anyway, the chefs settled into their seats and Alton gave a little history lesson on the Orpheum Theater. Then, the lights lowered, and the tacky yellow curtains rose. Movie time! What was playing at the Orpheum that night?
Damn it. That’s not right either. Apologies. Lots of technical difficulties here on FNH tonight. Let me try that one more time:
Ah yes. There we go. Sadly, a porno about threesomes wasn’t playing that night. It was just the Chairman yapping on and on about, well, nothing.
After the chefs finished watching some super up-close footage of his sweaty face, Alton explained the details of the first challenge. Tonight was all about ingenuity, as the gang had to transform disgusting movie candies into two dishes. And since Guarnaschelli won last week, she picked her candy first (she chose chocolate raisins) and assigned the rest of the candies to the other chefs.
So, who got what? Alex was nice to her buddy Anne and gave her root beer because she “wanted her to shine.” Meanwhile, Falkner got chocolate malt balls, Hughes got popcorn, Chiarello got gummy candies, Zakarian got cinnamon candy, Samuelsson got chocolate caramels, and Macmillan got sour patch kids.
And the award for “most obnoxious, pretentious comment of the night” once again went to Michael Chiarello for exclaiming: “Gummy candies? That’s a silly ingredient for a chef like me to work with.” Ohhhhhhh. A chef like you. So wait, let’s back up a minute. Gummy bears are a no-no, but shilling for MARIE CALLENDER’S MICROWAVABLE PASTA BOWLS is totally cool? Oh, okay. Got it.
I really hope Chiarello is a nice guy in real life, because on TV, he just kinda comes off as a jerk.
Anyway, since this is supposedly a cooking competition, the chefs got down to business and cooked for a few minutes. Blah, blah, blah. The only highlight came when Zakarian spent 8 years trying to work his Cuisinart. Apparently, he has 7 fireplaces in his home – but nary a food processor to be found. Such a shame.
And now, the judging! The best performers of the night were Burrell, Zakarian, and Falkner. The judges loved Anne’s root beer enhanced quail and root beer spice cake, but ultimately, Elizabeth Falkner was named the winner of the challenge. In fact, Judy Joo proudly proclaimed that Falkner… and I quote… “GAVE HER HER FIRST FOODGASM.”
The funniest part of the show was Anne Burrell’s facial reaction to Judy’s “foodgasm” comment:
I’m sorry, but I don’t want to know about Judy Joo’s orgasms, foodgasms, or any other kind of JOO-GASMS. I just don’t.
And while I’m at it, WHO THE F IS JUDY JOO ANYWAY? Does anyone who isn’t totally obsessed with the world of food even have a clue? I googled her and found out she’s an ex-professional banker who suddenly quit the business world to become a chef. And now she’s cooking at a Playboy Club in the UK and judging 10 people who are some of the finest chefs on the planet? Oh, okay. Just checking.
The bottom two performers were just like I called ‘em on Twitter: Beau Macmillan and Chuck Hugues. They went head to head in a 30-minute TOFU battle. Beau made a trio of tofu (never a good idea, because it gives the judges too much to criticize and compare) and Chuck made a crispy silken tofu.
In the end, CHUCK HUGHES went home.
And now there are 7. Next week, more stuff happens, more stuff is cooked, and another person is sent home.
That’s all she wrote! What did you think of the episode, FNH?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 7)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 6)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 5)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 4)
---And The Next Iron Chef Is…
- Next Iron Chef