Next Iron Chef »
This week on Next Iron Chef, the chairman treated the gang to an evening of laughs. No, not a slideshow featuring Guy Fieri’s penis… but an exciting (/sarcasm) night out at a comedy club with Kevin Nealon. The crowd shouted out a bunch of disgusting, unrelated ingredients – and then the Iron Chef-hopefuls had to create one dish utilizing octopus, tortillas, kumquats, and marshmallows.
The cooking portion was very uneventful, and involved lots of pressure cookers and nervous chefs second-guessing their techniques. Burrell made an octopus ravioli. Guarnaschelli wisely prepared octopus two ways, in a saute pan and in a pressure cooker, so she could use whichever one came out tasting better. And Elizabeth Falkner crumpled a bunch of dirt… er, burnt marshmallows… over a pile of sliced kumquats and fruits:
Simon Majumdar didn’t like the presentation of the plate, which tells me HE IS NOT INSANE. But Judy Joo, who last week achieved her first “foodgasm” over Falkner’s nibbly bits, just loved it. Joo exclaimed, “I see the order in the chaos!” No, honey. What you see is your face in her vagina. GET A ROOM.
The best performers of the night were Anne, Alex, and Michael. Despite Simon literally licking Alex’s bowl clean, Michael Chiarello was named the winner of the challenge.
The bottom two were Geoffrey and Beau. They went head to head in Battle Coconut, where we were treated to several shots of Geoffrey’s “Hello Kitty” band-aids. Sadly, Judy Joo used all the regular baid-aids last week trying to patch up her shattered, foodgasming vagina.
At one point, Beau threw some pineapple down onto the griddle. Everyone in the peanut gallery cringed, especially Elizabeth Falkner. “Oohh. Grilled pineapple?” she said. “That just feels a little dated to me.” Oh, right. Because her frosted tips really scream “2011.” Elizabeth, you have a call from “every lesbian from 1993.” Will you accept the charges? Oh, and Lance Bass is on hold. He said he wants his hair gel back.
The judges tasted the dishes, talked about how great and wonderful and talented both men were, but in the end, BEAU MACMILLAN was eliminated from the show. Bye bye. Run along and squirt soy sauce on something and call it Asian Fusion.
Stay tuned next week, when the chefs head back to NYC and Alex drops her plate of food in the sink. The horror.
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 1)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 3)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 7)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 6)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 5)
- Next Iron Chef