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(Sorry for the typo in the pic. I type too damn fast.)
This week, the final 4 left NYC behind and set sail for the Hamptons. Zakarian noted that it was a place that “attracts wealthy people” and that he “comes here on occasion.” Get it? Because he’s a wealthy person. With seven fireplaces. And for those of you keeping track, that’s exactly one more than the number of people out there rooting for him to win this show.
Today’s challenge was all about passion. The chefs had 2 hours to gather their own ingredients, and then another 2 hours to prepare a three course seafood tasting menu for 20 hungry white people. It is Montauk, after all.
I wish I could say something interesting happened during the next 30 minutes of the show, but it didn’t. We learned that butter costs $11.99/lb on the Hamptons, that Elizabeth Falkner uses the word “howdy”, and that Michael Chiarello is completely unable to handle even the tiniest amount of criticism. You see, Michael Symon told him his scallop was slightly overcooked, but he completely dismissed it and said: “impossible. This isn’t my first rodeo.” I’ll say. Clearly Chiarello’s been around the bull, because he’s full of its shit.
Zakarian, not to be outdone in the pretentious department, introduced his plate of food to the judges and said that it reminded him of his passionate days vacationing on St. Barths.
Alton, please take it away:
The winner of the challenge was Geoffrey Zakarian, and he earned a spot in next week’s finale. The loser of the challenge was Alex Guarnaschelli. She was eliminated from the show, and so was my last waning breath of interest in its outcome.
Why? Because we, the common folk watching at home, aren’t tasting the food. We’re not experiencing Guarnaschelli’s lobster, or Chiarello’s lamb, or one of Falkner’s 92 ice creams. This is television. And for us, it’s strictly about the personalities, because that’s obviously all we have to go on. Of these remaining contestants, I wanted to see Guarnaschelli win. She clearly had the most passion. She’s clearly the most humble. These other 3 think they’re God’s gift to Santoku knives. It’s not attractive to watch, and it’s downright impossible to root for. Which one of them will win? Do any of us really care?
Next up, Chiarello and Falkner competed head to head in Battle Town House Cracker/Entwine Wine. I honestly have no clue what Falkner made, because my friends and I were too busy laughing and cracking jokes about how many fireplaces the Keebler Elves have in their treehouse on St. Barts (general consensus: one). I can tell you, however, that Michael Chiarello served a SHOTGLASS OF DRY-ASSED CRACKER CRUMBS. Oh yes. Sandra Lee, eat your heart out.
And in an elimination that surprised exactly no one, Michael Chiarello was sent home. Elizabeth Falkner moved on, and will be competing against Zakarian next week in the finale.
Cut to a confessional shot, where Falkner referred to herself as a “ninja chef” and said she was going to “kill it.” Let’s just hope by “it” she was referring to Judy Joo’s foodgasm. Gag me.
My money has always been on someone with a lot of estrogen winning this. And since Chiarello is gone, that means it is Falkner’s to take. What do you think?
Other posts on Food Network Humor:---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 3)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 6)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 1)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 5)
---Next Iron Chef: Just The Good Stuff (Episode 4)
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