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The Worst Food Network “Recipe” Of All Time
Posted by Jillian Madison

A lot of recipes from Food Network hosts are simple and easy, but this carrot-ginger salad from Robin Miller takes the cake:

carrot-ginger-salad

Seriously, Robin Miller? Pre-shredded carrots covered with store-bought dressing? MORPH INTO A KIT-KAT AND GIVE ME A BREAK. That’s not a salad, and it’s certainly not a recipe. Hell, it doesn’t even qualify as semi-homemade.

Back to the drawing board with this one, guys. Total fail.

(Thanks for the tip, Randy!)



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Ridiculous Food Network “Recipe” Of The Week: Robin Miller’s Sandwich Cookies
---The Worst Bobby Flay “Recipe” Of All Time
---Robin Miller’s To-Do List
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Michael Chiarello’s “Best Hot Dogs”
---The Most Ridiculous Food Network “Recipe” Of All Time

    149 Responses

  1. LaLa says:

    I can’t believe that anyone would need a ‘recipe’ for this! What next – a recipe for peanut butter & jelly?

  2. Motzi Greps says:

    The least they could have done was add raisins for a carrot raising salad. :::::hurl

  3. whoa nellie! I always thought she was a talentless hack, but this takes the cake.

    and then really why would you wanna eat that?

  4. Jessi says:

    Dear… jesus. Words fail me.

  5. Jen says:

    How long did it take her to come up with just the perfect ratio of carrots to dressing?

  6. stoup says:

    Finally! Something I can make without burning!

  7. cowpoke says:

    This IS a semi-hack made recipe. She’s actually stealing from Sandra Lee! That has to be a first.

  8. Lisa L says:

    I’m really getting fed up with the consistently intelligence-insulting Food Network. THAT’S a recipe?! Do they really think the ir site panders to morons? Plus, am I the only one irritated by the fact that they can’t even give their newest show a gramatically-correct name? “Aarti Parti”? Shouldn’t it be “Aarti’s Parti”? I give up!

  9. AbacoPeach says:

    I am with Kim from Euclid, OH who reviewed her recipe on the website: Lame! Any idiot can add store-bought dressing to carrots…

    • bon appetit says:

      I love the comment that said something like: “This is too complicated. Can’t we just mix one ingredient at a time?”

    • KristenS says:

      I like dthe ones that said they were stuck on Step 1 for hours and couldn’t get past it! Then there are the party poopers that come in and say what a wonderful recipe it is, and it’s so easy. Screw off.

    • Erin says:

      “I don’t like carrots, so I substituted a bagel. And I didn’t have any ginger dressing, so I substituted some cream cheese. It turned out fabulous! ”

      “So I decided to run my index finger over a shredder. The bonus is that the blood that squirted out made a delightful dressing that complimented my shredded finger perfectly!”

      “As I contemplated the ramifications of pairing the oft-used traditionally far eastern ingredient ginger with originally Afgani root vegetable, I am forced to call upon the spirits for guidance on how to process this multiculturally magnificent marriage of mirepoix and medicine. In a flash of light, I realize that not only is this joining of the spheres in holy matrimony a giant dagger to the heart of slaw lovers everywhere, it should spawn a war between the apothecaries and hares that would rival the great war itself. I lie on the floor, exhausted from attempting to blend these two worlds in simple culinary mixing, only to cry myself to sleep on a tile floor more flavorful and creative than this dish.”


      I spent almost 4 hours at the supermarket looking for carrot dressing, and pre-sliced ginger. I knew it existed because its in the recipe, but I couldn’t find it at my store. Eventually I mixed some carrot juice with a thickener, and broke down and brought some fresh ginger, and sliced it at home. 3 hours later (most of which was spent trying to slice the ginger with a spoon, because it looked kind of like a knife, boy did I feel stupid when I re-read the ingredient list. This is way too complicated. “

  10. Minx says:

    She presumably gets PAID to post this? I never liked her; she’s too scrawny and weird looking.

  11. Goober says:

    More pathetic is that some person/people apparently made this and took the time to review it on the FN website.

  12. Cookbook Katy says:

    Ah, but the beauty of it is that you make it once, then you can keep re-serving it forever. Kind of like re-gifting a fruitcake.

  13. Silvio says:

    PBS is looking mighty fine as FN continues to “shine”.

    • Reg Dunlop says:

      Thanks for sharing that, Bob. That Late Night Bacon Recipe looks delicious. The only problem is, I usually eat my bacon during the daytime, so it’s not very practical for me.

      Do you know if RR has anytime Morning Time Bacon Recipes?

    • kellyjoy says:

      I liked this comment:

      “This is BRILLIANT. I bet you could microwave things like soup, too. You just put it in there and it cooks. Amazing.”

      • AbacoPeach says:

        I know. Some of the comments were hilarious. There were also RR lemmings or FN plants actually praising this recipe with 4 to 5 stars!

    • HorrifiedbyFlay says:

      “Didn’t work outRated: 1 stars out of 5
      My bacon kept overlapping. I will not be remaking.”

      LMAO!!!! FN just gets more and more ridiculous, this comment on the reviews of how to microwave bacon is hysterical. lol

    • Barb says:

      I like the person who thought it was brilliant because they’d NEVER THOUGHT of microwaving bacon. Morons.

  14. Jim says:

    At least she’s hot.

  15. MsFoodie says:

    This is really pointless. I mean, two ingredients and they need to tell you how to make it? How LOL worthy.

  16. Minx says:

    Also: Prep time “2 minutes”? Try 19 seconds.

    • melange e'foie says:

      You forgot the minute and a half it takes to peel the paper off the bottle cap, shake and open. Then of course, there is the matter of opening the carrots…

  17. GreenJeans says:

    What I really find hysterical is this recipe has “all rights reserved”.

  18. old unkajoe says:

    Noted that the recipe is from an episode titled “Porktastic.”

    (Uncontrollable shudder)

  19. Melissa D'umbass says:

    i’d also like to point out while reading this, this is the ad i had: http://a.imageshack.us/img444/1993/wowz.png

  20. Ray says:

    I’m awaiting the recipe for “Boiled Water”. I can never seem to remember it, so I need it written out.

  21. cowpoke says:

    There was a show with Tyler Florence years ago titled “How to Boil Water”. It wasn’t too bad actually and was a show for the novice cook. It was before FN turned him into the Truck War Star he is today!

    • Shannon says:

      “How to Boil Water” goes way back to the earliest days of Food Network. Its first host was somebody named Emeril Lagasse. Whatever happened to him?

      • Joe says:

        He jumped ship to FLN, around the same time that Mario Batali jumped ship to PBS.

      • cowpoke says:

        This is in response to Joe. I don’t think they bailed. I think Emeril Lagasse and Mario Batali were “let go” because they weren’t considered marketable enough and were actually about cooking food. Sara Moulton was also let go around this time. What that really means, is the network considered them not good looking enough. They had to make room for those with no cooking skills but who could sell you a FN cheese grater. FN is not about cooking anymore.It’s all about marketing and I think it’s only a matter of time before the hosts are butt naked making you “a bag of salad” and showing you how to put in in a bowl.

      • Joe says:

        Giada and Aarti have started the process, add to that Anne Burrell’s “big meat” comments and before you know it FN will be a pay channel…

  22. Teague says:

    Was there a post here way back about a Giada recipe which involved unwrapping and serving store bought ice pops or something along those lines?

    • Melie says:

      She does that a lot. “Oh, tea time with the girls! Time to unwrap some store-bought AH-MA-REE-TEE cookies and put it on a tray. How pretty is that? Unlike you, though, I’ll get paid $1,000 dollars to do this, and the failed actors hired to be my friends can’t call me out on putting together something so lame.”

  23. Sodalicious says:

    Bitch stole my super super simple rusipe! Where’s my cocktail shaker? I’m going to beat her silly with it and make her part of my next fabulous table scape!

  24. Teague says:

    Read the reviews most are quite funny. There was one sad one about how it’s the best ever and the family loved it.

    However the best was the following: “This recipe was awful. It did not smell apitizing and my husband didn’t touch it. I will never make this again.”

  25. Reg Dunlop says:

    The thing I like about this recipe, is that you don’t have to go out and buy a fancy carrot shredder to make the dish. But the part the I don’t get is–who’s Ginger? And where do you buy her dressings?

    Is Ginger the chick on the Neely’s(AKA Gina)?

    It’s all so confusing. Thank God we have the Food Network to sort it out for us.

  26. Joe says:

    I expect to see one from Tom Pizzica shortly:

    1 Glass (or plastic or paper cup)
    8 oz water

    Pour water into glass, then drink.
    Serves 1.

  27. Mark H88 says:

    This shouldn’t be a “recipe”, it should be a “suggestion”!!!

  28. Northwester says:

    Love that she actually wrote “storebought” instead of “bottled.” Makes it clear for us idiots. Oh, you need to go to a store! But shouldn’t it be two words. “Store bought.”

    I am hoping that now Robin will give us a recipe for cereal and milk. I have the cereal in a bowl and the milk in a carton, but I’m not sure what to do next. I supposed they should be combined in some way. Help!

    • Melie says:

      I have a hard time with that, too! I try taking a spoon of cereal and then a gulp of milk, but it’s soooo inefficient. At least now I don’t need to take a swig of ginger dressing for each mouthful of carrots. Thanks, Robin Miller! You’re a hero!

      • Hookerbot says:

        I read “take a swig of ginger dressing” and started dry heaving. Mostly because I could imagine someone doing it.

    • Charlie says:

      Ok, so I’m not the only one who wants to throw a brick at the “hosts” that tell us to open the container of “whatever” and pour it into a bowl…most people who watch these shows (I’m guessing) have an idea about basic things like washing your hands after handling chicken…and oh – anyone ever notice they don’t use soap??? What’s the point??? Today Giada stated that she was going to open the arugula (said in the annoying over pronounced way, did it with a pair of scissors then, as usual, said “Just like that.” Thank God because if I made that recipe I would just throw it in still int he bag…

      • Barb says:

        Sometimes they use soap, but they turn the faucet on with their dirty chicken hands, then turn it off with their previously clean (but now dirty again) hands, then wipe their now dirty hands on a kitchen towel. Great.

    • J-Man says:

      Storebought …. as opposed to shoplifted?

  29. AI says:

    She is most def stealing from Sandra Lee who on an episode i saw make a broccoli cole slaw using pre cut broccoli cole slaw from a bag and bottled ranch dressing.

  30. G_DAWG says:

    For my next recipe….ICE

  31. cowpoke says:

    Not all the reviews are truthful. After being banned from leaving reviews on Semi-homemade (I may have been nasty) people came out of the woodwork defending their “Queen”. My daughter-in-law decided to have fun and left a hilarious review on cupcakes that was not true at all. You can’t take the reviews seriously.FN removes the truthful ones and keeps only the ones they want so you’re not getting a real review anyway.The network is a joke and so are the reviews. My personal favorite is from someone who wanted to know how to keep the cake batter from going through the holes in the colander so she could bake it like Sandra Lee. If that wasn’t a fake review we are all in serious trouble.

  32. FuryOfFirestorm says:

    I served this for dinner and my friends hated it.
    Friend: “It’s just a bag of carrots in a bowl with a bottle of dressing on top, you idiot!”
    Me: “It’s not my fault that Robin didn’t tell me how to open a bottle of dressing or a bag of carrots!”

    • Reg Dunlop says:

      Agreed. This recipe leaves out a lot of crucial details. Like, what are you supposed to do with the two cups and the three tablespoons?

      It took me ages to figure out that you use the tablespoons to poke holes in the bag to get the carrots out. (Tip: use the pointy end of the spoons, not the rounded ends)

      I still haven’t worked out how to get the bottle open, or what the two cups are for.

  33. verucasalt10 says:

    That recipe is pretty much on par with most of what Robin Miller cooks and more importantly? Her horrible show is still on? Or were the recipes just in the FN archives? Ugh, the shows I’ve seen were a few years old and for a supposed nutritionist/dietician it’s odd that she would say to used bottled dressing.

    She always looked terrible to me, someone struggling with an eating disorder and I don’t mean that in a funny way, she looked sick. Always layered in turtlenecks and sweaters on a television set? Usually the lights and stuff make it hot.

    • atdleft says:

      This “recipe” is from 2006. I don’t think Robin Miller has done any new shows since 2008.

      And funny enough, she’s supposed to be a licensed nutritionist…

      • verucasalt10 says:

        Lol, I don’t think I’d be wanting any nutrition advice from her, from what I saw, the food she made was horrible of the Sandra Lee variety.

    • skidv25 says:

      The show is still on. I was the one who submitted the tip. This was on Tuesday morning’s episode.

  34. Sharon says:

    Was going to say something to pay homage to Aunt Sandy, but it looks like I got beaten to the punch….

  35. froglegs says:

    Robin! Your eyes are funny!
    Oo

  36. ralsteve says:

    Sad thing is….that recipe is probably in one of her cookbooks and she’s charging $24.95 for it. What a load of crap.

  37. atdleft says:

    Is this for real? Is this for real? Pre-shredded carrots and store bought ginger dressing? And this is a “recipe”?

    EPIC FAIL!

  38. foodiggity says:

    Sandra Lee would at least have the decency to tell you what brand of dressing to buy.

  39. WG says:

    THAT’s not the worst Food Network recipe ever posted. Did you ever see CHEF KEITH FAMIE’s recipe for Jerk Chicken? Take a look at what the recipe called for:

    http://thewebgangsta.com/index.php/2009/07/problems-with-food-network-recipes-jerk-chicken-and-zarelas-creamy-rice-casserole/

  40. REKS says:

    LOL…this is the funniest shit i ever saw.

  41. Kitchen_AIDS says:

    This is ridonkulous! Here Robin, let me share this recipe for toilet cake.

    1) Remove pants and undergarments
    2) Sit and bear down
    3) Voila! I baked a cake!

  42. Jerry says:

    It got 3 stars! WTF.

  43. Ludwig says:

    Gross. Everything this bitch makes sounds and looks horrible. I’m really not a fan.

  44. melange e'foie says:

    Best Ever Recipe for Hard Boiled Eggs:

    1 pot
    eggs in the shell, uncooked
    water

    Add eggs to pot, cover with water, boil, peel, eat. Salt, optional.

    For even better eggs, use GOOD salt.

  45. Freezezzy says:

    If that’s a recipe, then I’m Chef Boyardee.

  46. Leelee says:

    Wow…………that’s all I got.

  47. Mark H88 says:

    To be fair to Robin, this “recipe” only appears awful when taken out of context. This was part of a bigger episode where she made some complex things. The carrot ginger salad was an aside. But since Food Network lists everything a chef makes (from a cooking show) as it’s own recipe, that’s why this throw away side dish ended up on their site.

  48. semi-irate says:

    I love it! Food Network is the epitome of culinary genocide.

  49. The Big Mac Sloppy Joes are still my favorite epic recipe failure. Of course both are equally lazy.

  50. Diane says:

    -1 Box Cereal
    -Some milk

    Pour some cereal in a bowl. Add some milk.

    Call it breakfast.

    *SHEESH*!!!!

  51. Corby says:

    Has anyone seen Paula Deen’s recipe for butter peas? The one that involves opening a can of peas and warming them in melted butter? Yeah…

    http://www.foodnetwork.com/recipes/paula-deen/english-peas-recipe/index.html

    the reviews are pretty outstanding.

    • SaraCVT says:

      Yuck. I can tell you right now, if I were to follow this “recipe”, I would use frozen or even–gasp!–fresh peas. Canned peas are just nasty.

  52. LL says:

    She’s not even a real chef (like other people on FN). She’s a nutritionist. I doubt she even writes her own recipes.

  53. Kamen says:

    I want to be there on the day that she completely loses it because someone stole her dreadful denim jacket and she has nothing to wear to the neighborhood refrigerator magnet craft sale extravaganza. She could start as new show broadcast live from the mental institution where hosts cooking therapy for the culinary disturbed. She could still use her opening theme “I Love My Crazy Life” with a montage of scenes of her flailing around in a denim straight jacket and denim padded cell,or in electro shock therapy etc…

  54. Jack says:

    If you don’t like Robin Miller, fine. No one says you have to like everybody. If you don’t like her because she’s skinny…. well, we can’t all be self-loathing fat chicks, can we? Quit sucking on your king size candy bar, grab a carrot, and walk your fat ass to mailbox next time. Just because you have a driveway doesn’t mean you should drive down to get the mail.

    In my family, we had to learn to cook at a young age. But, some people do need to have very basic cooking instructions. For some people, the closest thing they had to a culinary experience was going through a drive-thru (you know who you are). Some people didn’t have anyone teach them about cooking because their family members were a bunch of lazy fatties sitting around complaining about skinny girls on tv.

    For all those bitching about Robin Miller putting this on the website: what are the chances that any of these chefs are sitting at a computer and actually uploading this stuff? They have people to do that for them.

    Generally a host will say, “two [or three] ingredients. it’s just that easy.” and then go on to make the complex star of the meal.

    Instead, you get a bunch of little girls, thinking they’re wearing their big girl panties, asking about how to make cereal.

    Naturally, you are welcome to your own opinion, but you should read the whole thread and agree with someone who has already stated your opinion rather than rewrite it as a novel idea.

  55. WesternLady says:

    Still can’t top the Kwanzaa Kake.

  56. Erin says:

    I think this recipe requires some adjustment. It takes more like three minutes to make this. I struggled with the bag of carrots a bit.

  57. Zinc Saucier says:

    I’ll bet it would be good if you replace the dressing with a can of frosting.

  58. SouthernGal says:

    ha! ha! ha! ha! The Food Network is becoming more humerous than it is helpful. The chef’s either use too much shit in their recipes (I made an Emeril recipe once and it cost me 30.00 to buy everything) or it’s a complete joke like this recipe. I have admit, I learned to cook in college (5 years ago) from watching the food network. Rachael Ray (don’t judge me) was my inspiratin, before they all became fame/money making corporations. There were legit, good recipes. Now they have jokes of recipes such as the classic “Dark Chocolate as a Snack”, “Rachael Ray’s Pineapple slices” and now this ranks up there and wins The Most Laughable Recipe Award. I ahve to say my all time favorite is the Kwanza Cake. The shame food network, the shame.

  59. Sean says:

    LMFAO@ ‘Morph into a Kit-Kat and give me a break’. Genious!

  60. Jen Zatoth says:

    this makes my “southwest chicken pasta-sandra lee style” look like creative genius

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