NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.
Close To Zero
---Grillin’ With Bobby Flay: All Week on the Food Network
---Which Food Network Chef Has The Dumbest Fans?
---Paging The Grammar Nazi Cat!
---Food Network Soap Operas
General: Food Network »
Close To Zero
 |
And now, one of my favorite features… CLOSE TO ZERO!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---CLOSE TO ZERO: Food Network Edition---Grillin’ With Bobby Flay: All Week on the Food Network
---Which Food Network Chef Has The Dumbest Fans?
---Paging The Grammar Nazi Cat!
---Food Network Soap Operas
- General: Food Network
Filed Under
Post your comments
HELP US PAY THE BILLS!
If you enjoy the content on Food Network Humor and would like to help me pay the website bills, please use the "donate" option below. Any amount is greatly appreciated.
Thank you! -Jill
Categories
- Best Of FNH (92)
- Closed Captions (20)
- FN on Facebook (5)
- FNH Google Search Terms (6)
- FNH Interviews (1)
- FNH Podcast (20)
- FNH Voicemails (1)
- Food Fight (5)
- Food Network Hosts (857)
- Aaron McCargo Jr (13)
- Adam Gertler (2)
- Aida Mollenkamp (6)
- Alex Guarnaschelli (5)
- Alton Brown (29)
- Anne Burrell (30)
- Bobby Flay (41)
- Claire Robinson (10)
- Dave Lieberman (1)
- Duff Goldman/Mary Alice (30)
- Giada De Laurentiis (66)
- Guy Fieri (150)
- Ina Garten (78)
- Ingrid Hoffman (2)
- Paula Deen (139)
- Rachael Ray (112)
- Sandra Lee (144)
- Sunny Anderson (7)
- The Neelys (4)
- Tyler Florence (13)
- Foodie of the Week (1)
- General: Food Humor (107)
- General: Food Network (485)
- Letters To FNH (33)
- Lists (33)
- New Rules (3)
- Next Food Network Star (80)
- Next Iron Chef (18)
- Numbers in the News (2)
- Open Thread (6)
- Reader Submitted Posts (28)
- SHOW SWAP (1)
- Things We Hate (11)
- Twitter Conversations (35)
- Uncategorized (1)
- Worst Cooks In America (7)
LEGAL DISCLAIMER / DISCLOSURE/PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
55 Responses
HA, love these.
I have to say though….I like McCargo. :-X
he gonna get you sum for that
Haha
I think the Ethnic Diversity comment should be for Ina. The only brown she has on the show is the meat when it is cooked or cooking with chocolate.
I always make sure to have a Jew, a black and a cripple at my cracker meals. Somehow, it solves all the world’s problems, and I feel better about myself for being white.
WTF is with all this whitey BS lately?
ROFL!!!! I spewed my drink!!!!
Really. Who cares what color Giada’s guests are? Can’t you see her producer on the phone, “Quick! We need another token down here, quick! We’re about to start shooting!”
It’s not that anybody “cares.” it’s just that it IS noticeable.
Not really. Didn’t notice until I read it here.
Nope, it’s not.
Not noticeable? I’ll take a wild guess as to why.
ROFL!!
Cracker Meals. LMFAO!!
I mean if you have a diverse group of friends great, but if you don’t you don’t!! most people stick to people that look like them, that is no surprise at all. In a perfect world we would all have friends of every ethnicity and race, etc, but in the real world that does not happen most of the time.
Sometimes I think they scrounge to look for things to pick about some of these people.
LOL!
Lol.. Awesome,says the token rican :-)
There’s no LOL-style “CLOSE TO ZERO” text layered on McCargo’s picture.
That is what is funny about it
Odds that Duff Goldman bathed today?
Score on all but one — Anne Thonton. She’s just like any other Freshman FN host — giggle when you can’t think of anything to say. I like that she isn’t your usual over polished rich bitch trying to sell you on prepackaged made-over meals, and she isn’t the Queen of the Anorexics.
Which is more annoying? Aarti gigglin’ or Anne gigglin’? Thank goodness they’re not on the same show.
Aarti, Anne, doesn’t matter for me… as long as giggle brings a jiggle ;)
Actually, it’s more Anne’s voice that gets on my nerves than her giggle. She always sounds like she just swallowed some dairy product and it didn’t go all the way down. If I could get past that, I might watch her show long enough to get to a giggle. I haven’t heard one yet because as soon as she speaks with that “I’ve got cream sauce in my throat” voice, I have to turn it right off.
hahahaha that is sooo true !! and it seems like she needs an eyelid lift.
who is Anne Thornton? nevahoidofha
Nutritional value in Sandra Lee’s meals…CLOSE TO ZERO!
Has anybody noticed that Rachel Ray took 500 photos of herself when she was young and thin and they all appear on the cover of her magazine? Why not publish a recent pic? Oh…I forgot…she’s a mess now!
That new magazine cover of hers is recent. You can spot those extensions from a mile away.
Ethnicity in any of these shows (Ina, Easy Entertaining guy, Giada)?? Heavens to murgatroyd no! That’s why they created the Neely’s show. Now *that’s* how to entertain! Sterotypically loud, obnoxious, lots of HEY!!!! and yo’ momma’s while being filled with sexual inuendo and hippity hop music blaring in the background!!
I’d like to hear that music as the background to Giada’s shows instead of soley on Big Daddy’s House (HATE that name – another stupid sterotype) and the Neely’s.
Anyways – the lack guests of different races on her show and similar shows are blaringly obvious. But what can you do? If she doesn’t socialize with other races then she doesn’t. Slipping a black, biracial, asian, native american in there ever so often would look just as bad because they would be doing just so as not to look like they exclude other races. Just as bad.
But that’s tv in general. Remember Friends?
Just sayin’.
The amount of patience I have left for the majority of the FN hosts – close to zero.
I do recall a Target ad with Giada where they created a diverse range of “friends” for her. I want to say it was this past summer because it featured some of the crap she’s selling. Anyone remember this?
Diversity is why they created the Cooking Channel. All the “ethnics” are parked over there. The Great White Cooking Hopes are reserved for the flagship channel.
You are SO on the money with the Giada thing. I’m always saying, “Doesn’t she have ANY ethnic friends?” Chiarello would have a black guest on occasionally, and Nigella always does. Ina, come to think of it, never has ethnic guests either. I’m sure she could occasionally invite Diddy over to partake in the snootfest, since he IS a regular fixture in the Hamptons…
Oh my gosh…now THAT would be hilarious!!
She has had Miguel on making her flower arrangements, and once she even made lunch for him.
Yeah, Miguel… I know him well. He’s Argentinian, which means that he’s white. Sorry on that one.
Funny post… chances I would waste my time watching the Food Network… definitely 0.
Does Rachel Ray have botox in her face which is why her eyebrows dont move?
It’s called ‘bat brow’- that weird eyebrow thing- looks like Batman’s nemesis, the Joker.
Probably from a botoxed forehead.
Why would it be “bat brow” if she looks more like the Joker?
You forgot taste buds required to enjoy Sandra Lee recipes.
Sure sure.. make fun of the Ginger.. lol.
Odds that Ina Garten couldn’t say that anything will be “Just Perfect” in an episode. CLOSE TO ZERO.
Odds that Rachel Ray won’t slip out a “DELISH” in thirty minutes CLOSE TO ZERO.
Odds that Paula Deen uses margarine instead of butter. CLOSE TO ZERO!
Odds that Jeffrey is allowed to be the man in the Garten bedroom: CLOSE TO ZERO
Odds that John Cuisimano is a man…..period : CLOSE TO ZERO
Odds that Todd has given Giada more cock than he’s received in the DeLaurentiis bedroom: CLOSE TO ZERO
True facts on Robert Irvine’s resume: close to zero!
Meals Sandra Lee has made from scratch: close to zero!
Shows worth watching on FN: close to zero!
Chances FN will bring back people like David Rosengarten, Emeril and Mario Batali: close to zero!
I love the Irvine dig.
Well, Giada does have this one token Asian friend who shows up sometimes, but she always looks heavily sedated.
Ina makes Miguel the Mexican do flowers, and scares the shit out of her friend’s adopted Asian daughter. How bad can that be?
I love the way Ina has her “good friend Michael” do the flowers for her parties but she never invites him. Guess Frank and Steve don’t like Stuart Smalley.
Is Rachael sleepwalking in this picture?
Number of times Guy Ferry gets action from his wife. CLOSE TO ZERO
Inches separating the Neelys. CLOSE TO ZERO
Drops of booze left in Aunt Sandy’s martini glass. CLOSE TO ZERO
Hours of food network programing I enjoy each week. CLOSE TO ZERO
I guess being Southern, McCargo doesn’t bother me in the least. At least the way he talks isn’t overdone, like Paula. Get me some is pretty common down here actually, and generally accepted outside of the classroom. Admittedly, on national TV, one ought practice better grammar, but it never really bothered me, for one.
Chances of Ida having any STRAIGHT friends……CLOSE TO ZERO
…giada needs a triple kick to her vag
Odds of Ellie Krieger making anything you can keep down for more than 5 minutes…Close to Zero!
Guy Fieri’s IQ? Close to zero.
Chance any FN host’s “friends” on their show have ever spent any actual time with them? Close to zero!