NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.
IN A NUTSHELL: Food Network’s Afternoon Programming
---Questionable Food Network Programming
---The Unspoken Rules of the Food Network
---Food Network Quietly Implements TV Schedule Changes
---FNH Vote: Compared To 1 Year Ago, How Much Do You Watch Food Network?
General: Food Network »
IN A NUTSHELL: Food Network’s Afternoon Programming
 |
When you have Food Network playing in the background every weekday afternoon like I do, this is really all you notice after awhile:
IN A NUTSHELL: morning and evening programming coming soon!
Other posts on Food Network Humor:
---AT&T U-Verse Customers, Say Goodbye To Food Network---Questionable Food Network Programming
---The Unspoken Rules of the Food Network
---Food Network Quietly Implements TV Schedule Changes
---FNH Vote: Compared To 1 Year Ago, How Much Do You Watch Food Network?
- General: Food Network
Filed Under
Post your comments
HELP US PAY THE BILLS!
If you enjoy the content on Food Network Humor and would like to help me pay the website bills, please use the "donate" option below. Any amount is greatly appreciated.
Thank you! -Jill
Categories
- Best Of FNH (92)
- Closed Captions (20)
- FN on Facebook (5)
- FNH Google Search Terms (6)
- FNH Interviews (1)
- FNH Podcast (20)
- FNH Voicemails (1)
- Food Fight (5)
- Food Network Hosts (857)
- Aaron McCargo Jr (13)
- Adam Gertler (2)
- Aida Mollenkamp (6)
- Alex Guarnaschelli (5)
- Alton Brown (29)
- Anne Burrell (30)
- Bobby Flay (41)
- Claire Robinson (10)
- Dave Lieberman (1)
- Duff Goldman/Mary Alice (30)
- Giada De Laurentiis (66)
- Guy Fieri (150)
- Ina Garten (78)
- Ingrid Hoffman (2)
- Paula Deen (139)
- Rachael Ray (112)
- Sandra Lee (144)
- Sunny Anderson (7)
- The Neelys (4)
- Tyler Florence (13)
- Foodie of the Week (1)
- General: Food Humor (107)
- General: Food Network (485)
- Letters To FNH (33)
- Lists (33)
- New Rules (3)
- Next Food Network Star (80)
- Next Iron Chef (18)
- Numbers in the News (2)
- Open Thread (6)
- Reader Submitted Posts (28)
- SHOW SWAP (1)
- Things We Hate (11)
- Twitter Conversations (35)
- Uncategorized (1)
- Worst Cooks In America (7)
LEGAL DISCLAIMER / DISCLOSURE/PRIVACY POLICY / Terms of Service
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
We are not affiliated with the Food Network, or any of their hosts, in any way. This is a satire, humor, and parody website.
(c) 2012 Food Network Humor - All Rights Reserved
93 Responses
so true.
For some reason “Watch me carry shit” is one of the most hilarious things I’ve read here. That shit had me rolling.
I agree!
Me too. I thought that one was absolutely hysterical.
*faints*
lol
Hilarious! You had me at “white people frying things”. Paula Deen’s face says it all, y’all!
And she’s so orange!!
I almost always agree with you Jillian….but you are dead wrong!!!
Its ORANGE people frying things ;)
I think the first one should say Orange People Frying Things.
Dang! Jersey Girl beat me by a minute!
;)
They are like Oompa Loompas.
I think Giada has more teeth than a regular human has. Look at all those chompers!
Her smile literally scares me. Reminds me of the clown picture in my grandmother’s house that I always hated.
That picture of Giada. was frightening. My first thought was how in God’s name can that many teeth fit in a face.?
So true. Take it from my mind!!!!
HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!
It is so true. There is a cycle that I went through with Food Network. When I first discovered it I was learning so much about cooking, it was the greatest thing ever! Then I began to notice small little annoyances about each “star”, but I kept watching because I was still learning! Then I began to grow tired of hearing the same tips on various different shows, like make sure your butter is cold when you make pastry dough! And make sure you salt the water before you add the pasta! Make sure the pan is hot or the meat will not sear!
Then I found FNH and realized I’m not alone in thinking most of these people are annoying, crazy, or just have no talent! And now all the shows are the same to me, I don’t watch anymore with the exception of one – Nigella Lawson! I don’t really care what Nigella is making, I just watch her anyway because I love her obvious passion for food and her carefree approach to cooking. She at least admits when she is taking a shortcut or doing nothing more than dumping things into a bowl and stirring. She doesn’t try to make us believe we are watching something revolutionary unfold. It only matters that we love what we eat, with reckless abandon.
My experience has been so similar, I could have written this comment! I’m loving Nigella, too, and David Rocco is my other big favorite.
I agree about Nigella. Think about it — what would HER caption say? “British woman enjoying food”? I can respect that! She seems like a good cook and her show is fun to watch, unlike most FN “stars.”
I really wish FN would grow a pair and start making shows that take some risks. I don’t need to see any more French/Italian/Southwesternish food, food trucks, cake competitions, or annoying hosts traveling around stuffing their faces. How about some real, authentic, unadulterated cuisines — like real Indian, without the Aarti treatment? (Sorry to break up the Paarti, but if you’re putting hot dogs and ketchup in the food, it ain’t Indian anymore.) Or how about a host WITHOUT a super-manufactured set, over-the-top exaggerated personality, and unrealistic premise (no more ten-dollar, semi-homemade, thirty-minute nonsesne!)?
“British woman immersed into the sensual experience that is food.”
:)
Amen
French? I call BS. Name one legit french show. I’d *love* to see a real french show on FN. FN hate french food for some ridiculous reason, and thinks that Italian is the absolute apex of the culinary world.
I quite enjoy Laura Calder’s show on the Cooking Channel. Although she is a little loopy.
I so want to like her (cuz I love French cooking), but something just BUGS me about her. I can’t even pinpoint it.
I know they’re the same company, but Cooking Channel isn’t the same as Food Network… FN is definitely their ‘high priority’ channel. Thus, FN has no real french show.
OMG someone please tell me they’ve seen “Nadia G’s Bitchin’ Kitchen” on the cooking channel… there are almost no words to describe how ridiculous it is. She’s like a Russian Kat Von D mixed with Anne Burrell on crack.
She’s not French. She’s Canadian. THAT’S what bugs me. If you got a real French person cooking in there, it would be simple dishes that would AMAZE you. I live in France (not French), and I meet with this every single day. It’s outstanding.
Laura Calder just bugs me!
She is just plain pretentious. Although I do like some of her recipes. They are simple and there isn’t much drama.
If FN thinks Italian is the apex of cuisine, why don’t they have a show that actually makes any? If any of you think Giada is cooking Italian food, you’re insane.
There is no French, no Italian, and certainly nothing authentic on FN these days. The best we can do is enjoy Alton, Nigella, and the few one-off miniseries/specials not done by entertainers.
Actually, they used to have Molto Mario and Mario Batali actually made some pretty authentic Italian food. Too bad they rarely show it anymore. And Mario Eats Italy was terrific too.
I’m all for great Italian food, but I’d like to see the authentic stuff, not the supposed stuff that FN shows.
Nigella’s caption would be, “BOOBS, BOOBS, BOOBS” because I want to watch the show to see her cook and enjoy her food, but goddamn. I keep getting distracted.
How about British Chick Who Looks Like She Used To Be a Dude? Or Chronic Meat Massager and Take That However You Like? She’s just vile.
You guys are 100% right about the orange people. Great! Changed it.
Ugh Bobby Flay. I was watching my DVR recording of Bitchin Kitchen, and I saw a commercial of Flay’s new show on the cooking channel. Something about Brunch with Bobby Flay or something to that effect. Pretty soon, we’ll have the caption of “white people cooking eggs”.
Yes the new Bobby Flay show on the cooking channel. I did catch a couple episodes of it, because I’ve never seen a show specifically about brunch, which is a great meal. But it just had to be hosted by Bobby. The funniest part to me is that the show really isn’t that long, they add a bunch of fluff scenes to it. LIke showing the same close ups of the food over and over. And there are always a couple of scenes of Bobby talking in his backyard (if it really is his) about his inspriation for the dish, who really cares? The food he is making looks pretty good, but the show itself is uninteresting.
I give Bobby a break every now and then. He can cook, no doubt, but FN production basically asks him not to focus on that. It’s pretty obvious.
My only lingering question is whether he gets any equity in the network for selling himself out so well…
Can’t….sleep…..Giada will eat me!!! (O_O)
Giada’s screen capture literally made me laugh out loud! It’s like she’s standing in a large wind tunnel and her lips are about to start flapping in the breeze!
Giada’s pic is easily the scariest thing I’ve seen all week! I’ll have nightmares tonight because of it! Thanks a lot Jillian!
This was the funniest thing! I just loved it!
One of my biggest peeves is “Ja-Da” and her freakin lemmons. Everything is “Bright and fresh” and usually has salmon in it. I just want to poke my eyeballs out.
I find myself screaming at her “Just deep fry something already!” “Gain 10 pounds and maybe your head won’t look so goddamn big!”
“Gain 10 pounds and maybe your head won’t look so goddamn big!”
Ahhhhh ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!!
Wait, isn’t Jah-Dah wearing that shirt that Claire Robinson was rocking on the Food Newtork Super-Friends special? Do they share clothes as well as neato cooking tips?
As someone clinically obsessed with Claire’s shirt, I can emphatically tell you they are different. Giada’s has blue in it and it just looked cheaper.
An Anthropologie, perhaps. LOL.
Anthropology is way overpriced.
Ray Ray is lookin’ like she’s carrying a few extra pounds, if ya know what I’m sayin’.
So I’m not the only one, huh?
I’ll look over at my TV while I’m vacuuming or paying bills or something and catch a glimpse (usually of RayRay doing something spastic) and will think, “WTF is going on there?”
Is it me or is Giada a spittin image of the original Joker from Batman, Cesar Romero ?
This post is dead on!! Crazy thing is I live n California and at this moment giada @ home is on and as I’m watching its one of the episodes she has her aunt raffy on and what does she have aunt raffy doing?? ZESTING A LEMON!! She making some kinda pastry then she tells raffy u know why the butter has to be cold right?! I’m thinking fnh your spooking me out!! Lol
I saw a recent episode with Giada and Raffi. No joke: Raffi was chopping GRATED CHEESE.
WHAT???
that pic of Giada is going to haunt my nightmares
Paula deen looks scary her eyes are poppin out
I think Paul Deen in that photo could be a perfect replacement for the severed head of Mrs. Vorhees from Friday the 13th part 2
Paula looks completely insane in that pic, and her husband looks stoned as usual!
I think I found the anti viagra. Jah-Dah will haunt my nightmares.
And the orange hillbillies frying stuff in butter…thats a lotta bronzer man…
Bobby Flays should say “White people mispronouncing chile names and burning stuff on the grill.
“chip-ol-tay.” Fuck you, Bobby Flay! If you’re going to build your entire culinary empire on one family of ingredient, at least learn how the fuck to pronounce them properly!
Are we talking about Bobby Fway? The Elmer Fudd of the Food Network? Thwowdown? Gwill it? Ancho chilis taste like spicy waisins? You’d think they give his show a name he can actually pwonounce.
Chip-o-to-lay is what I hear. Ugh
I watch FN in the afternoon everyday and this is like looking into the essence of my brain.
I think that I can also measure time by FN somewhat like a sundial. (“Oh, Barefoot Contessa is on, it’s 1:30″)
I do the same thing. Except I time when I leave to go pick up the kids school by what’s on. So when they change it, I’m screwed. haha.
Get your drink on… LMAO!!!
Here’s a tip for Rachael Ray…..how about you stop carrying an armload of shit that makes you look like a fucking idiot, and just have all the stuff you need on the counter waiting for you, and then just TELL the audience what you’re using?
I already know that FN thinks that their audience is too stupid to know how to wash their hands (thus the constant closeups of hosts washing their hands), but are they so dumb that they need a tutorial on how to fetch ingredients too?
C’mon stupid FN devotees….cold perishable shit is in the fridge, dry shit in the cupboard….sorry…..the pantry!
I know!! RR started this fad of getting things out of the fridge/pantry and now every damn FN show has the hosts doing the same. I don’t find it entertaining or somehow more life like to watch people hunt for ingredients and telling me why they need them.
If I ever have a FN show, I will very obviously edit the footage to magically have everything I need just “appear” on the counter in front of me. For instance, one second I’m looking at the camera in front of a clean counter, but in the next second, a counter top full of shit I need to cook with is there while the camera has never moved. This should make for a much more immersive experience :p
That … actually would be pretty awesome to watch.
I totally agree with you on the hand-washing thing!!
There is an episode of French Chef on roast chicken in which she didn’t wash her hands throughout the entire advertisement-free 30-minute show. I kept thinking Julia would go over to the sink, but she continued to rub her hands all over the chicken and then touch the salt container, refrigerator, oven, her glasses, and everything else she could get her contaminated hands on!
I couldn’t help thinking that Giada would have been over to the sink at least 13 times before the chicken even went in the oven.
I’m a lawyer, and the constant hand shot thing FN is doing screams of something that a lawyer said they had to do. They were probably afraid some asshole watching their shows would be too stupid to think to wash their hands unless it was explicitly shown at “critical moments” in the cooking process.
What can I say, I chose a profession full of risk-averse people generally lacking in other practical skills. Speaking of that, does anyone else on FN want to show me how to make a rolled up turkey breast with some kind of stuffing in it? Maybe show me how to tie it with butcher string? I haven’t seen that at all in any 30 minute segment over the past week, really need to know how to do it.
God I hate to be the one to give *some* credit to FN… but I think the hands washing thing is because people really WERE that stupid… I’ve read threads online where people are complaining about how gross it is that a chef does [X] without washing their hands before doing [Y]… For awhile they didn’t show the chefs washing their hands becuase IT IS IMPLIED, AND HAS NOTHING TO DO WITH COOKING. It’s the same reason they don’t show the chefs shopping for ingredients in the grocery store, and certainly don’t waste the time showing them driving those ingredients home. However, the morons who watch FN freaked out thinking that meant that the chefs *weren’t* washing their hands. So now they have to treat their entire audience like children and specifically say when they’re washing. Honestly, it’s a step away from them telling us not to put our hands on a hot burner. It’s ridiculous.
Yes but do you actually see how they wash their hands? They grab the soap and/or the sink with their greasy bacteria-laden paws, turn on the water, rub their hands together 2 or 3 times, then tap their fingertips on a towel, or maybe pick it up and put it down with one hand. That’s not washing! I wash my hands a lot when I cook, and I wash & dry them properly, not like I’m retarded and don’t know how to do it.
Haha I kept laughing harder at every pic! How do you survive with so much FN in you?
LOL @ Watch me carry shit. That is hilarious. Loved these captions.
Does Giada not own a TV? Doesn’t she know how ridiculous she looks and especially sounds? Crrrrrrispy, crrrrrrrrrrunchy, crrrrrrrrrreamy, shhhhhhhhhhhrimp, mushhhhhhhhhrooms. Tell Aunt Boob-mole to get that shit checked out ASAP. I’d be afraid it would fall off into the spah-ghee-tee. Oh, and your husband is gay in case you didn’t know. .
This comment has me LOL!!!! Thanks, I needed that!
That picture of Paula literally hurts my eyes; never mind that she’s all blurry. And Captain Creepy just needs to go away.
Also, if Giada was purple she’d look like one of the California Raisins
Not that this has anything to do with this line of commentary, but has anyone ever noticed that Sandra Lee’s nephew, Bryce, looks IDENTICAL to Bobby Flay?? She even mentions that Bryce’s hero is in fact Bobby Flay….hmmmmmm. Makes you wonder how drunk that sister of her’s got one night LOL
I actually noticed that too…hmmm
It’s so funny. I know what time I need to leave for class depending on the host. Oh, Booby Flay is on, I better hurry up and catch the bus!
All those extremely white teeth are scary!!! Especially for people who get paid to cook and eat food for a living. All the overpaid dentists are rejoicing for sure.
That picture of Paula just reminds me how much I can’t stand that skank. Phoney bitch.
Paula looks way too wired – could her eyes get much farther open, while Mr. Paula eyes are squints. I think she’s snorting the butter but he’s smoking it.
Did anyone watch the finale of season 3 Worst Cooks in America?
Later in the day…
3pm: Black Married Couple Make Sexy Talk
3:30pm: Douche Bag in a Camaro
4pm: Fright Wig Lady Loves Brown Food
Paula’s husband’s eyelids.
O__O
Who? Santa Hubby?
agree lol.
HAHAH epic! :D
Giada’s teeth.
Those scare me more than clowns. I can see my husband blowing up a picture of that freakish smile and taping it to the bathroom mirror to scare the crap out of me.
This is why I dread staying home sick. I’d rather come to work with barely a pulse than get stuck knowing this is what my day might consist of. And Oh.My.Friggin.God. Those teeth. I’m convinced Jah-Dah has a tooth-grill. I’d love to know how much she paid for them. Her teeth collectively are bigger than her lollipop head.
Oh man, Giada has a Moon over June face. I thought it was impossible for humans to do those face, but Giada proved me wrong.
Paula looks like a demented oompa loompa in the first pic. Run, kids, run!!!
Bobby Flay looks like Danny Bonaduce with a hangover.
Nice pic, Giada! Doin’ the Happy Monkey.