General: Food Network »

Ridiculous Recipe Of The Week: FROZEN GRAPES
Posted by Jillian Madison

In Food Network’s new tradition of dumbing everything down to moron-level, prepare to be razzle-dazzled by the culinary masterpiece that is… FROZEN GRAPES!

Yes, this is an actual recipe on the Food Network’s website – and finding it has saved me so much time, money, and hassle. I thought I could only enjoy the cool delight of frozen grapes by traveling to Iceland in the winter. Boy, was I wrong!

I wonder if it will work with red grapes! Or strawberries!

(Hat tip to FNH reader Allie for the find)



Other posts on Food Network Humor:

---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Hungry Girl’s FROZEN WAFFLE FRIES
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Pudding Dipped Strawberries
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe of the Week: Ina Garten’s Iced Coffee
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Ethiopian Fruit Salad
---Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week: Rachael Ray’s Ham Steaks

    208 Responses

  1. Old Unkajoe says:

    I only froze mine for 90 minutes, because I like them medium rare.

  2. Lana says:

    Brilliant!
    BTW, this same technique works with bananas. Just sayin’.

  3. babs says:

    Actually frozen grapes is in a Martha Stewart Food magazine recipe- would have to search thru 3 years worth to find it.

  4. Zappagrrl says:

    Do a lot of people call purple grapes “black” grapes? I have never heard this before. Maybe it’s just because it’s the end of a long work day, but it took me a couple seconds to figure out what they were referring to.

  5. Stella says:

    Jillian,

    A lot off-topic, but are you guys ever bringing back the podcast? I miss listening to the snark.

    Thanks!

    • Honestly, I’m not sure!

      And if I’m being even more honest, these days, I can’t even force myself to watch the Food Network. I hate it so much. Every weekend, I tape the new shows… but then sit down to watch TV and literally can’t even force myself to watch them. It’s all just gotten so repetitive and laughably bad.

      We may bring the podcast back for the Next Food Network Star – but I’d give that a 40% chance of that happening.

      • Hobbygourmet says:

        Can’t blame you. I started recording Aunt Sandy for entertainment purposes though. Showed my BF the Feisty Fiesta episode for proof that I am not making anything up. When they started mixing that crappy chicken 4 the enchiladas he said: “Okay, okay! I believe you, can we change the channel now?” (Actually he kind of yelled)

        • Ina Garten DaVida says:

          Hobbygourmet, we had practically the same experience. I knew I had to hear Sandy say “LLLLLuscious” at least once, and snark on the matching kitchen + outfit, but my husband was practically violent in his disagreement. I think his blood pressure actually went up.

        • laura says:

          The only show I watch anymore is Chopped.
          It is the only show that channel offeres that is worth the DVR space.
          I am not even going to watch Food Network Star. I do not think I can handle that…

      • Chris says:

        I LOVE the podcast, and I was wondering this morning if the lack of watchable shows had lead to its demise. I do watch new episodes of Chopped and even the lame new Best in Smoke, but I gave up on all the rest.

        If you can find it in you, watch some FN for us and do a new podcast. I like to hear you talk about the shows even though I can’t stand to watch them.

        • Plumpy says:

          I watched Best in Smoke out of sheer boredom and it was shiteous. Can’t wait for June 5 and the massive train wreck that will be The Next Food Network Star. Each year I say “never again!” and each year I come back to cringe.

          • Sue Z says:

            I couldn’t stomach a full episode of Smoke. That guy who does all the hootin’ and hollerin’? I’m thinking they’ll give him his own show — his obnoxious over-the-top behavior just reeks of FN’s “chefs”

      • Foodfan says:

        I don’t blame you. There’s no material there to have fun with. I mean how many jokes can you make about Aunt Sandy’s drinking and Ina’s good vanilla? Food Network is just reruns of reruns, even the new shows feel like we’ve seen them ten times already. Every “star” is over used. Even people I used to like I’ve become so sick of I can’t watch them anymore, and the people I couldn’t stand, I still can’t stand. It was great while it lasted.

      • jen says:

        Please bring back the snark for TNFNS! Can’t wait to hear your take on the table everyone sits around in the Pitch Room- interesting design, no?

        • pete says:

          Is it just me or was this weeks Food Network Star like a cross between Worst Cooks in America and Chopped? I was so hoping FNH would be watching this show.

  6. pancake says:

    So? They can put whatever recipes they want on there. And, I don’t think they want you making fun of it. You know whoever posts all this. I bet you don’t have any friends because you are just horribly mean and really rude.

    • Hobbygourmet says:

      Yes. I am pretty sure they don’t want us to make fun of their recipes. Then again they are not real recipes, are they? If you/anybody puts crap like that up on the Internet, you should expect some wrath. BTW: We have lots of friends and guess what: We actually know where the kitchen is and know what to do there!

    • Laura says:

      Wow, having a bad day? You do realize the name of the site is Food Network Humor, don’t you? And for what it’s worth, the network jumped the proverbial shark a long time ago. Why did you even come to this site if you don’t like the contents.

    • venice08 says:

      You “pancakes” are a complete moron. Could you please write more in defense of FN to prove it to us even more completely????

      “I don’t think they want you making fun of it?” What the hell is that??

    • FuryOfFirestorm says:

      Dude, remove the stick from your anus and rinse the sand out of your vagina, ok?

      • MS says:

        I have a different theory – these are “decoy” recipes meant to draw all the snark away from any other sub-par dishes they put on the site. They have us laughing at the frozen grapes and the green bean casserole is getting off SCOTT FREE!

    • KristenS says:

      This is my favorite post EVER. Please post some more idiocy for my personal enjoyment…kthxbye.

    • Ina Garten DaVida says:

      Pancake, you know that websites don’t have feelings, right?

  7. Steve says:

    Did anyone else try to write a review and have trouble?

  8. Ferd Berfle says:

    How many grapes are we supposed to freeze? “A bunch” is just a little too vague. Couldn’t they at least give us a number or, at least, a weight? Auggghhh. FN makes my head hurt.

    So do horribly mean and rude people like Pancake, above.

  9. Hashbrown says:

    I couldn’t fit a whole tray in my freezer, so I put them in my oven instead. Do you think it’ll turn out okay?

  10. snarky says:

    Are you crazy?! This recipe would NEVER work with strawberries!!! Read the recipe and you’ll see, bunches of grapes only.

  11. Diane says:

    I tried this damned recipe! First grape I ate broke one of my teeth. The next one I choked on and had to fling myself against a dining room chair in an attempt to heimlich myself since the only other living creature in the house was my cat, Mr. Jiggles, and he just sat looking at me like, “Bitch, WHAT are you doing?”
    Got the darned grape up, but broke two ribs in the process.
    I’ve HAD IT with difficult recipes and the ensuing madness, thank you very much!

  12. Rin says:

    I just took my own vineyard and replanted it at the South Pole, but if you don’t have one, store bought will do.

  13. JackEughlayte says:

    Frozen grapes make me fart.

  14. RR's Pompoms says:

    So what do I do with them after I allow them to freeze for 2 hours?

  15. ron says:

    TWO DIFFERENT TEST KITCHEN PHILOSOPHY’S

    America’s Test Kitchen: We’ll painstakingly test and retest recipes until they’re perfect!

    Food Network Kitchen: “Ah Fuck it…we’ll freeze grapes!”

  16. Robert says:

    In all seriousness, if anyone is wondering what frozen grapes turn out like, they become little bite sized freezer pops. The insides have the texture of shaved ice and you can chew them real easy still.

    It’s not actually a recipe, though, so FNfail.

  17. Delilah says:

    They’re not redirecting this link yet??

  18. Ava says:

    Are we to let the grapes thaw after we’ve frozen them? I’m scared after reading all these reviews.

    Perhaps I should position myself close to a chair just in case I choke…either that-or eat them in the company of others?

  19. Patrick says:

    This is the kind of recipe that would only be good on a kid’s show. And it was on an episode of Zoom!, a show that used to air on PBS.

  20. snowy says:

    oh hahhhaha – So Funny!

  21. Sandy's food designer says:

    The funniest part of this post and subsequent replies?Pancake defending this jewel of a recipe!

    Come back pancakes!!! Convince us why we’re a-holes!

  22. RR's pompoms says:

    FN stole my best recipe! I knew I should have copyrighted it.

  23. SeriousSally says:

    OMG, I just saw a huge bag of frozen grapes at Costco the other day, and being a “real foodie” and all, I was wondering how I could make these myself from scratch. Thanks to FN and this recipe I can now recreate these in my own kitchen because nothing beats homemade :)

  24. PeaceLoveAlex says:

    I’m a long time reader, but finally wanted to let you know that this website is one of my favorites!

    Also, I’m watching right now and Ina just used the words “inexpensive” and “any canned beef broth is okay” in the same recipe.

    I think that along with this “recipe” really shows us that the recession is affecting everyone :D

  25. Bev says:

    Just saw the ep w/Ina cooking dinner for like 95 fireman, with another guy in the firehouse kitchen. It was Sloppy Joe’s/iceberg lettuce, etc. Does anyone else find her demeanor when she’s cooking with another person to be totally unwatchable? She says ‘Fabulous, amazing”, etc. about 1000 x during their time together. Pompous and annoying.

    • Alex says:

      I caught that one, too. And I agree. And she always acts like she’s changing their world with her recipes. You made soup. And put a chunk of iceberg lettuce on a plate. Congrats.

      I don’t mind watching her cook by herself, but as soon as she starts telling other people about her food I want to punch her.

  26. MIGUY says:

    Did anyone see the Ina Garten Episode where she went to a restaurant with a chef and made . . . . . wait for it . . . . scrambled eggs and then put them in a tortilla shell!!! HOLY CRAP! IT BLEW MY MIND!!

    And now I think Ina has lost hers. WTF was she thinking about when she decided to put that on TV? Eggs in a tortilla shell, I’m pretty sure Mexico thought of that about 1000 years ago.

    • pretzelogic says:

      I actually rewound it and watched again because I thought surely I missed something. I can only guess this seemed like magic to the people in the Hampton s that eat at that fine establishment. They could not reverse engineer a piece of buttered toast/

  27. Logan says:

    I tried to review this grape recipe on their website and they deleted it. I tried again, and they deleted it… I tried again and, wait for it….. they deleted it. So here it is because I know you wont!

    “I tried to do a variation of this recipe on my first try and it just goes to show you, you should always follow the recipe exactly until you’ve mastered it and can then create your own interpretation.

    I used all green grapes because I’ve never heard of black grapes. My freezer malfunctioned and burned my house down. DO NOT TRY THIS! It’s not worth the loss of family pets and personal belongings.

    Unless you are a professional chef, just stick to the recipe. These people are culinary geniuses for a reason!”

  28. Bob says:

    is there ever gonna be a new post?

    • Kevin says:

      This blog “jumped the shark”, as it were, a long time ago. They’d be better off pulling the plug permanently.

    • Brook Monroe says:

      Right there at the top of the page, Rockford: “NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material.”

      • Heather says:

        Yeah but its been slow for practically a year and it was reposts LONG before there was an official haitus message.

        If Jill can’t update the site anymore (which judging by the same “I find the network unwatchable” comments she has been posting for the past few months) then just start taking guest submissions or something.

        I’ve followed FNH for a long time and there hasn’t been ONE repost that I didn’t recognize immediately as a repost :/ I only check once every two months or so and there’s still never any new content. It’s time to make a decision as to where the site is going, if anywhere at all.

  29. Nancy says:

    Maybe we should send Lassie out to find them. Did ya’ll read the online ditty about Paula Dean’s english pea recipe and all the snarky comments on the FN site?

  30. angel azzario says:

    lol this is the first time i have seen this blog and it is hilarious!! no comment on the frozen grapes but i can say iused to watch ina.. bobby .. cupcake wars.. giada.. but mostly sandra.. she can make a cocktail that would go with just about anything.. in fact.. we started a game.. what would sandra drink with that.. we leave out the table scapes though.. eats into the drinking money…

  31. Laura says:

    SANDRA LEE ON PEOPLE’S BEAUTIFUL PEOPLE ISSUE! AUGHHHH!

  32. Bix says:

    I made these today; they were really good.

  33. Allison says:

    I tweeted about freezing grapes as a joke, and then this happens. Oh boy, good job, Food Network.

    https://twitter.com/#!/AllisonMDavey/status/198053738919890944

  34. Scarab83 says:

    FNH is DEAAAAAAAD!

  35. Teague says:

    They’ve clearly given up.

    Probably focusing on their other more lucrative sites. FHN seems to have been cut lose not even listed with the others.

    FHN you were fun while it lasted!

  36. bunzilla says:

    ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOOD BYE, FNH – IT’S BEEN A BLAST……

  37. Robert says:

    I am sad that this site is gone, especially now that a new season of Next Food Network Star has started, complete with a ridiculous new show format. Come back!

  38. Teague says:

    Interestingly enough they are still happy to accept donations for an abandoned site.

  39. Brook Monroe says:

    It’s not dead–it’s just tired and shagged out following a prolonged squawk.

  40. richie says:

    This is one of the funniest sites I have ever seen. Hope they come back soon!

  41. Brook Monroe says:

    Jillian’s written that she can barely watch Food Network anymore–it’s no wonder there’s been no postings lately. I don’t watch it either–if I see any shows from FN, it’s via Hulu or some other online source so I don’t have to watch commercials for the other shows I know I’ll never watch.

    • Jen says:

      Yeah, I’m not surprised the blog is kinda dead because of that fact. I wasn’t much of a daytime Food Network watcher. I used to watch it all the time during the primetime hours. The channel is absolutely unwatchable now. Not even worth snarking on because it’s that awful.

  42. Ron says:

    I’m not surprised that Jillian would have to take a long break from the site as it is beginning to get a “been there done that” feel to the whole thing!
    Like all great sites eventually do….FNH has begun to lose it’s edge to redundancy.
    She’s done a great job squeezing every laugh out of every second of this lemon of a network, but unfortunately,there’s no juice left!!!

  43. DR says:

    Hiatus for a few months, hmm I knew nobody could sustain watching that much crap on those 2 channels for an extended period of time. I just hope you two didn’t commit yourselves to an asylum due to FN psychosis…

  44. Nancy T says:

    My guess is Guy Fieri and Tyler Florence are throwing big parties to celebrate!!!

  45. khintx says:

    I miss Jillian.

    She made the FoodNetwork fun.

    kh

  46. K says:

    Considering this is one of their few websites where they actually had to generate their own content (which was actually hilarious and generally well-written when it actually appeared) and articles rather than relying on user-submitted funnies, I’m not surprised they put this one on complete hiatus. It looks to me like they’re not even updating their hub website themselves anymore, or any of the other ones for that matter. Unless they’ve changed their names to Noah, Earnest, Jason and/or Lyndsey. They don’t even credit them.

    To be honest, I saw this coming from a mile away. She increasingly began to rely on user finds and user articles. When she actually wrote her own, she often reused phrases and insults. It was funny at first but you could tell she was getting tired of it or didn’t want to keep up with the shows, and that’s totally fine.

    I wouldn’t be so critical if it wasn’t for the fact that their whole deal seems to be trying to turn a profit off of these websites, not anything they actually did for themselves except for having webspace and cashing in on the format of popular image submission websites, and neither of those really counts in my opinion. Hell, their DYAC book is completely made up of user-generated content. They just paid for the printing fees and slapped their own names on it.

    Seems like they’re only interested in gaining popularity and hawking their merchandise, and they weren’t able to do it here. So it died. Pretty sad since it had lots of potential and seemed to be gaining a bit of swing with the actual Food Network.

    • Smitty says:

      Agreed 100%. The irony of the matter is that FNH was premised on calling out Food Network personalities for selling out. It appears Jillian et. al. were just as quick to jump at a buck.

      FTR, I don’t fault them. Take the money while it’s there.

  47. Melissa D'umbass says:

    with no updates (not even a repost) in over a month, i’m assuming this site is no more. it’s such a shame this site has died, especially since nfns is back and all. while i agree fn has really gone downhill and if the programming is that bad (and it is), there’s no point watching and reviewing it. but at least when that show was on there would always be posts about it so i didn’t have to suffer through it.

    all of the sites under this network seem to have fallen by the wayside, which sucks but is understandable. i’m sure there was an issue of burnout or something with it getting so big so fast with like two dozen sites.

    but this one was always my favourite, maybe because it was the one i discovered first.

  48. pretzelogic says:

    Sour frozen grapes of Wrath! This really bites. I just found this site last week and felt like I stumbled into a den of old friends. Maybe Jillian could find someone else (any volunteers ?) to take over the food network vigil and keep this going. It’s kind of like a public version of MST 3000. for ‘cheesy’ networks. Come on, there’s still lots of juice to squeeze from these grapes. I, for one, am going to have a nice glass of frozen wine.

  49. LJS0208 says:

    I was hoping she’d come back if anything just for recaps of Food Network Star and other special programming (train wrecks). Those do make the shows more entertaining and watchable.
    Plus the way she grates on Fieri and Duff’s nerves, I hate to think they “won”.
    I hope somehow this comes back to life, either with Jillian or if somebody is willing to pick up where she left off. There’s still tons to mock!

    • pretzelogic says:

      So, anyone else see Alton tell that lady to “shut up”?. If the reactions were not edited out of reality,, Bob Tushcman (sp) was not amused. Food network star is ripe for the picking this season. Is Susie ever going to cut her, uh, hair? Will Giada stare everyone off the show? Tune in next week folks.

      • Kelli says:

        Yes, NFNS is snarkarific this time. Especially with Alton being there.

        • LJS0208 says:

          The table in the pitch room…. the way it lights up looks VERY wrong. Am I the the only one who sees a glowing vagina? So very wrong.

          Alton is superb, he takes no shit even from his own team. Bobby is a douche and Giada is obnoxious as always.

  50. Todd says:

    If I wanted to create a website like this, how would I go about doing that?

    • pretzelogic says:

      If you figure it out , let me know. I think you would have an instant following. if I do, I’ll post……..hey Jillian, you have UN-mined potential here. In the words
      of Monty Python, “we’re not dead yet”.

  51. SyntheticPaper says:

    So, hiatus or not I would say that the arrival of FNS without so much as a mention pretty much signals the end of FNH.

    And we are left with the other sites in this network. I hadn’t really looked over them before, but i did today. It’s basically cheezburger jr. I’m not even all that fond of the regular cheezburger.

    dinosaurdracula.com better end up being amazing, ’cause all my favorite humor sites are dying out one by one. :/

  52. pretzelogic says:

    Also…what is up with the New FNH Forum? Not quite getting that? A tad scattered, and there is no way to register?? I e-mailed Jillian but no response yet? Wouldn’t it also be great to have a search engine on this site? It is impossible to find something after you have left he page, That’s why I keep coming back to this particular port in the storm.

    • Ray says:

      “…and there is no way to register?? ”

      That is…. really weird. Your post sparked my curiosity, and, indeed, I can’t see a way new users can register for an account on the forums. Granted, it could be I’m dense and not seeing the obvious, but it also looks like the “newest” member to register on the forums is “havenem”. And that person’s account was evidently created late last March, probably about the time FNH went on hiatus. Maybe at that time Jillian also turned off the forum to new members. Unfortunate, as new contributors would be an asset. Glad I registered when I did!

  53. pretzelogic says:

    Frustrating indeed. I can also not download the pods. I have tried everything my savvy son knows. Oh well, in the mean time I am thoroughly enjoying listening to Ina cackling nervously on the beach while making s-mores. Some gay guy behind her pronounces the entire situation ‘Divine’ and I am praying the marshmallows glue her mouth shut. Now, for your viewing pleasure, Paula is pretending to enjoy having two Rugrats in her kitchen. I’m guessing at least two 10mg Valium, judging by the level of patience and lack of vulgarity. Although in all fairness this was 2009 and I think she was still happy and smoking.

  54. LJS0208 says:

    Jillian has posted a bit on her FNH twitter account a few times lately (mostly to rip on Guy). Hopefully she’s slowly coming back or something. Jillian if you read this, we do miss you!

  55. Corinna says:

    We miss this site!!! If you don’t want to watch FN anymore then let someone else post!!

  56. Kristi says:

    How can you go on hiatus when “Star” is on? And this year they actually are pretending that the last episode is NOT pre-taped and they are taking “America’s” votes? (pet peeve of mine – saying “America” is voting when it’s really only 12-15 people who are actually stupid enough to think it matters)
    PLEASE come back before the fun ends. Jillian we need you to spoil it for us.
    THANKS

    • LJS0208 says:

      Last week was typical of the bullshit behind Food Network Star. They tell the contestants “Be yourself, show us who you are” and the two guys who are actually talented but laid back and not spazzy, they’re told to be more energetic and stop being so laid back. Doesn’t this stupid network know we don’t LIKE spazzy characters? I like both those guys, probably the only ones, too. They can cook, they’re easy to understand and they don’t distract you from what they’re doing with some stupid obnoxious schtick. “Be yourself, unless we don’t like it..then be something else.”

      • Kelli says:

        Did anyone see the part where Alton asked Giada to pronounce rigatoni and he laughed at her over pronunciation? It was epic.

        • BurgerTime says:

          I saw that part of the show. Even funnier was Giada looked angry afterwards.

          She didn’t like being teased for her over pronounciations at all.

          This site has not been updated in about a month and a half now. What’s going on????

          • Ray says:

            “NOTE: FNH is on hiatus for a few months and will feature reposts and limited new material”

            Granted, it seems like the last part should be changed to, “…and NO new material.” I could be wrong, but it seems like nothing new has been posted since the hiatus started.

          • Kelli says:

            Yes that has been my favorite part so far. This season is really lame. I hope Marty goes home soon.

  57. pretzelogic says:

    Ahoy, foodies,.
    Apparently this whole sinking ship is leaning toward the twitter deck. There has been a rare Jillian sighting.

  58. Kev says:

    I think this recipe finally broke Jillian, because she hasn’t been seen or heard from since.

  59. G says:

    Maybe Jill is sick? She could be seriously ill, we don’t know.

    • Kelley says:

      Nah, she’s alright. She’s posted frequently on Facebook and says that she believes no one really watches Food Network anymore and that she needed to take a breather.

      I loved this site and all, but I won’t stoop as low as to BEG Jill to return. If she wants to keep this site going, she will. If she doesn’t, there are thousands of other fun websites out there. Don’t have a cow people, just let it go.

  60. pretzelogic says:

    Gee….G. I think the rumors of her demise are greatly exaggerated. See above post. She is alive and well and tweeting.

  61. G says:

    Perhaps. And you’re right, I just looked at the fnhumor twitter. How do we know that that’s her running the twitter? Lol oh well

  62. RR's pompoms says:

    :( – still no FNH. I made the mistake of channel surfing and stopped at FN – Pioneer Woman was on. They gave this woman a show why? Watching paint dry is much more interesting. And yesterday I stopped at Paula with son – and she was going on about balls and nuts. Oh where or where is Jillian? Hope you are well girl ! !

    • Mal_Pal says:

      I’ll sit through a few minutes of Pioneer Woman every so often just because I like everything else about the show, her hot husband and the beautiful scenery. I find her to be either very awkward or forced, I can’t decide which one it is. It’s like she’s reading from a script whenever she tries to tell a story or say something clever, there’s no intonation in her voice, kind of robot-like. Her delivery is not natural at all. Funnily enough though, I caught an episode where her husband was grilling and talking about what he was doing, he was so much better! I would definitely watch “Pioneer Man” on a regular basis.

  63. G says:

    Yeah. I really wanna see her review of this seasons food network star. Sooo many ideas for parody it’s ridiculous! PS- vagina table?

  64. Teague says:

    Personally I think she’s run off with Guy Ferry. (She always seemed to protest too much about him.)

  65. K says:

    I’m really, really glad I’m not the only one who thought the table looked like a big vjay

    • pretzelogic says:

      K–sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

      • Brown Sugar says:

        And sometimes it’s a whale vagina.

        • pretzelogic says:

          If you’re twelve?

          • pretzelogic says:

            Stay away from Rorschach tests. It’s for your own good.

          • Brown Sugar says:

            I didn’t see it until I read the previous post, but now I do. And I’m 40. Ok I’ll be 40 in less than two weeks, but close enough. Before I read that I thought it looked like a mango slicer; either way, odd table.

          • Ray says:

            I’ve seen it referred to as the “vagina table” or the “glowing vagina” in many places which write about the show. I’ve also read others refer to it as the “coffin table”, which is pretty applicable as well.

  66. Brook Monroe says:

    She’s probably off planning how to do one-item-per page like on DYAC.

  67. Stonelotus says:

    Stick a fork in it. It’s done.

  68. G says:

    She’s probably rolling in cash from DYAC.

  69. Bob says:

    RIP FNH!

  70. Kumquat says:

    I’m confused! How do I open this plastic thingy around the grapes?! I CAN’T FIND ANY BLACK GRAPES! I don’t have any trays; all I have are PLATES! And I’ve never given my grapes permission to freeze for two hours before!!!! ACK! TOO DIFFICULT! BRAIN MALFUNCTIONING! ERROR! ERROR! [Sarcasm]

  71. Candi Cane says:

    Ok …. Sandra Lee won an EMMY last night, r u kidding me ???? The world is ending, no doubt about it.

  72. Robert says:

    Alright, folks — another Sunday, another episode of Food Network Star.

    Post your comments, observations, spoilers, and funnies in response here!

    Who’s getting sent home this week? As Jillian would say, who’s getting the “loser edit”?

    • Brown Sugar says:

      BAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! NO!!!!!!!!! How many freaking chances does Nikki get? And they send home Emily Ellyn? I miss her already! I would watch any of the 3 that remained on TeamAlton before last night. Seriously, if they all got shows I’d watch them. Michele is vaguely interesting, as is Ippy, although I live nowhere near Hawaii and have no desire to cook the ‘island way.’ I don’t even remember everyone else.

      • Kelli says:

        I’m pissed Marteeeeeta left 30 seconds of dead air and didn’t get booted. Her performance sucked last week too.

    • Bob says:

      Nikki is so painful to watch. She appears so fake on camera, much like Bob and Susie at times.

      • LJS0208 says:

        MartEEEta and Nikki have been crap week after week, Emily struggles noticeably (and not nearly as bad as them), and gets the boot. I think she had a marketable idea, kind of hokey, but she has some potential. I know they plan on letting viewers supposedly vote on the winner, but they should do that every week. Bob and Susan clearly know nothing about what viewers want. They boot the good people and keep the ones who do nothing but suck.
        As amusing as Justin is, I don’t know how he can get a cooking show. I see him more as a host for a show that spotlights restaurants, chefs, techniques, or other odd things.

  73. G says:

    How awkward was Martita’s promo thingy? 30 seconds of hell for her, and the audience as well, haha.

  74. BobbyCockWilson says:

    The only good thing about this hideous mess is Giada flashing all that thigh. Yummy.

  75. pretzelogic says:

    I finally figured out what the ‘VJJ/Whale vagina’ table is! It is Justin’s daytime coffin.

  76. Robert says:

    Another Sunday in the Food Network Star competition! This week takes us to Miami, and features a cameo from our pal Paula. She’s also on the cover of People this week with her new skinnier bod. How’s she look? Any stupid butter jokes?

  77. G says:

    I keep coming back to fnh for a slight chance it’s been rebooted, but alas, no. I can’t say goodbye.

  78. LJS0208 says:

    It’s Sunday, and another episode of Food Network Star! Who do you predict will get the boot? I’m going with Nikki.

    • Brook Monroe says:

      Personally I’m hoping for either Bob or Susie so someone will come in and revive the network.

      • Robert says:

        Martita was lucky her cooking got her that far. My prediction for next week is that Ippy, Michele, and Nikki will be sent home in the triple-play elimination, and that it will come down to Justin, Yvan, and Martie for the final episode. I’m actually pulling for Martie, but I think Justin may get it.

  79. pretzelogic says:

    Nikki is like melting gum on your shoe. She is relentless and tasteless.. She’s obviously there for the eye rolling irritation that keeps us tuning in! Hawaiian Punchless needs to exit as well. On a weirder note, what is with the insistence on a table with glass down the middle?? They had a daytime version of the coffin table this week. I like Eevonn (Yvon?) but I’m afraid they may have to leash him soon. He is starting to jump every time Susie or Bob enters a room. It’s always cute at first until someone gets their shoes piddled on..

  80. Mark says:

    so, is this website dead? It’s been removed from the header on the other PopHangover websites.

    Official word would be nice, seeing as this is the only one of the sites on the PH network that hasnt been updated in months because of a “move” that was to last a couple of weeks.

    • pretzelogic says:

      I wholeheartedly agree. It would be decent of someone to let us know. Too bad. The powers that be are going to find out the hard way that this kind of following and loyalty do not happen that often and should not be taken for granted. Not Nice!
      People do not easily forget how they were ignored and treated.

      • LJS0208 says:

        I get she may be tired of dealing with maintaining the website or whatever. She could at least offer to let somebody take over so we can continue on. Given how many people are still checking in and would likely come back, it shouldn’t be hard to find somebody to take the keys.

    • MarthaMyDear says:

      :(

      I want my FNH back! WHHHAHHH! Please come back!

      I rarely comment, but I keep coming back and checking and nothing…]

      I promise to donate lots if you return! :)

      Martha

  81. Mal_Pal says:

    After watching Food Network Star for however many weeks it has been on I have the inexplicable urge to go shopping with my Discover card at Whole Foods…why the hell is that??? I mean the advertising on the show is much too subtle to have THAT much of an impact on my behavior. I know the credit card used at check out is just coincidentally face up and slid very slowly through the card reader, but I never remember what card it is…oh yes, it must be Discover because the first commercial just after one of those “credit card closeups” is for….the Discover card! See, when you work hard at putting 2 and 2 together it all makes sense. I like how FN challenges me to think, no tacky, shameless, and obnoxious “in your face” advertising like on some of those other networks. FN is way too classy and thinks way too highly of its viewers to say for example, have the contestants on FN Star just “nonchalantly” display the front of a credit card to the camera for like 30 seconds and then “direct” the cashier to “leisurely” swipe the card, face up of course, through the reader at snail’s pace….NAH! Not Food Network!! FN doesn’t have to stage any advertising because obviously it all just unfolds like that naturally…on every episode…at about the same time…at Whole Foods…with a…Discover card…instantly followed by a commercial…for the Discover card…….hmmm…synapses firing….now wait just a cotton pickin’ minute….

  82. Gabby says:

    But yeah. WE NEED CLOSURE JILL. Also I’m still listening to the podcast. I downloaded it on iTunes months and months ago and I still have it even though they removed it from iTunes. They never get old.

    • pretzelogic says:

      The podcasts are all impossible to download. They should be removed if they are not viable. Very frustrating for a newbie. I guess ‘newbie’ is too hopeful a term since this whole site seems to be going down in slow but certain flames………..?

  83. coolio says:

    Since I doubt this site will ever be revived, someone should make a livejournal community or something. That way anyone can join or anonymous commenting is still available to you. Whomever creates it would be the moderator but it wouldn’t be up to just one person to provide content, people can post what they want.

    • pretzelogic says:

      Cool, Coolio, Tell me how and I am there.

      • coolio says:

        Go to livejournal.com and create your own personal account, you’ll need to do this to create a community. After that, by the header, you should see COMMUNITIES, hover over it and then click on CREATE NEW.

        Then you just fill out the form with what you want to name it (though I don’t know how strict Jillian is with the Food Network Humor name or if she even has it copyrighted, so I would avoid using that name just to be on the safe side). And the rest of the form gives you options on the restrictions you want to put in place and how moderated you want it. Then click CREATE COMMUNITY.

        It will then take you to the account settings. if you want to adjust anything, it’s obviously up to you but the only tab I would worry about is PRIVACY. There you can change ENABLE COMMENTS to EVERYBODY and COMMENT SCREENING to NO COMMENTS and IP ADDRESS LOGGING to NOBODY because if I remember correctly, anyone who makes a post can see the IP address of who comments not just the admin. Click SAVE and you’re done!

        • Brook Monroe says:

          She can’t copyright the name; she can trademark it. It doesn’t appear to be trademarked. (You can look this up at uspto.gov.) The Food Network may or may not decide to sic the lawyers on you because of using their name in the name of whatever you happen to do–especially if it’s critical of Food Network.

          Not that it’s possible to NOT be critical of Food Network these days….

          • pretzelogic says:

            The fodder is endless. Just watched an episode of the Sandwich King and started to involuntarily twitch. ….You are correct about the legal issues. I have a couple of legal like folks in my family and there are some pitfalls to consider. I checked out the Livejournal that Coolio suggested (thanks for the thoughtful insructions) but I found the restrictions on the site too comprehensive. It is quite the overlord and you can not transfer any intellectual property away from the site at a later date, i would like to hear from Jillian (or Brie?) as to what their intent might be for this site. It is not just a legal issue but one of civility. She put a great deal of effort into this place and needs to have the final say, BUT there is a limit. Come on Jillian. Cut it loose or reveal your intentions. Food Network would look like fools to come after a site like this, They are , by their public nature, open to any and all criticism. Not sure about the individual hosts. I think more research and input (you guys) needs to be done . The concept of this forum is absolutely worth salvaging. Thoughts??

  84. It’s so simple! To think I’ve been paying top dollar at gourmet restaurants all these years and I could’ve just been making them at home…

  85. Robert says:

    2nd to last week for Food Network Star! What did you guys think? Were your predictions for the 3 to go right?

    (PRETZELOGIC, it may just be you and me on this chain, but that’s cool.)

    • pretzelogic says:

      Thanks Robert! It was surprisingly fun to watch. Felt like Alton let a little genuine emotion slither out. Yvan was a surprise but I knew Alton Jr. would be a contender. Michelle is not a new face and she is pretty interesting so I always expected her to make it to the contrived end. I found myself rooting for Marti?. A purely visceral reaction to mom-hood everywhere. I want to make fun of the Sandwich king for even showing up but I find him so pitiful I can’t bring myself to do it. But , I’m sure his smarmy nastiness will eventually trump my pity. Hope I never have to see Nikki’s soulless face again……….and you?

      • Robert says:

        I am with you on Martie! I like the concept, I like her, and I would watch. I think Justin has it in the bag though, and is more in line with the direction that Food Network is going. That said, I probably wouldn’t want to cook anything he does, but I’d tune in anyway at least for a few episodes because I’d be curious to see what he comes up with.

        It was a sweet episode overall though. Especially on Team Alton. Lots of seemingly genuine emotion and care for each other.

      • Ray says:

        ” Hope I never have to see Nikki’s soulless face again…”

        HA! Loved this line, Pretzelogic! Nikki started being genuinely frightening to me a good number of weeks back. Just something about those eyes and that plastered-on, manic smile. <> creepy.

  86. Gabby says:

    I think I’m rooting for Justin.

  87. pretzelogic says:

    What is with Michelle’s clam fascination? Just sayin….If she doesn’t get a show, she could be the next ‘Girl Fieri’. Travelling around New England huntin clams.

  88. Mystrich says:

    See Jill, everyone needs FNH back so they can talk about it.

    Also, just 30 seconds to deicde who goes to the final 3 and which 3 get eliminated? That seems so rough. No example of their cooking, not even a long enough clip to give an idea of who they are to the guest judges?

  89. A Visitor says:

    I’m not over the moon about any of them, but I’m pretty sure the “viewers choice” (yeah right) will be Justin. Ivan isn’t exciting, plus the Deen boy already rode Paulas coattails to the “family style” idea AND, they already have a Latin themed show. I like Marti a lot, but FN already has a Southern persona. Michelle, I have a hard time taking her seriously.

    • LJS0208 says:

      I think all 4 have good ideas and would bring fresh ideas to the network. I’d rather they get rid of some of the veterans and bring some new personalities. Perhaps they can land spots on the Cooking Channel, or something.

  90. LJS0208 says:

    I think it’s Justin’s to lose. I just wonder if he’d be better as an Anthony Bourdain type than doing a cooking show. He can travel the country (or world) showcasing funky cooking techniques and recipes by different chefs, restaurants, etc. His cooking show would be fascinating, but would the average viewer relate to it or be willing to try making fried fish bones? Martie I think has the most broad appeal. Couples, families, etc can relate to having to entertain people, and look for ideas what to make. It’s like what Sandrunk’s show COULD be, minus the shitty ingredients, booze and horrific tablescapes.
    Personally, the one I like is Michelle. I think she too could bring a lot of life into a show. She has a passion for what she wants to do, and it shows.

  91. Gabby says:

    I wonder if the network already has a winner picked and the votes are just BS and to give us a feeling of choice.

  92. Nila Langdon says:

    Jill has long since left this site and us commenting are left holding the bag. It’s a joke and they’re just letting it rot here to collect ad revenue.

    May as well start a Google+ page so we can just ditch this place like the website owners clearly have a long time ago.

  93. Meat says:

    I want to lick Giada’s asshole.

  94. Brown Sugar says:

    Jill just made a post on Twitter, wondering if it was safe to come back (here). My vote: You can’t get here fast enough! Missed you, girlfriend!

  95. Cowelder says:

    Yeah and it was just a cruel joke! She made another post and said not till Fieri is gone. Damn! Please hurry back and make life enjoyable!

    • LJS0208 says:

      Fieri still being on is WHY we need Jill back.

      • Cowelder says:

        I agree completely. This is what she posted.

        @FNHumor: It seems Guy Fieri IS still on television, and is still using the word “KEWL” on Twitter. The hiatus must continue. But we will return!

        • synthpaper says:

          That … is simply ridiculous.

          “Alright FN, kick this person whom I hate off your network or my site, which you obviously hate and wish would go away, will never come back!”

          Yeah, that’s really gonna get him fired. Whatever, I think this may be my last time coming back here, the owners of the site obvious just don’t care anymore.

  96. Gabby says:

    I see a glimmer of hope, baby!

  97. pretzelogic says:

    Maybe Jill will listen to the sounds of silence. If all the comments cease perhaps she will have time for a moment of clarity. This is a fun site but not worth my self respect. Patience is one thing but being played for a fool is not funny.

    • Kelley says:

      I couldn’t agree more and I even wrote something similar a few weeks ago. I check in once in awhile for updates but I’ll stop doing that too: I don’t want to add to the website traffic. If Jill doesn’t care about her readers then her readers shouldn’t give a flying %^$%^ about her.

      Buh-buy FNH. It was fun while it lasted. I’ll stick to D-Listed.

  98. Logicmyarse says:

    What’s the point of having a website like this if you’re not going to use it. Not till Fieri is gone is a lame excuse for I’m too lazy to update. Even reposts would show that you still some what cared about the people here. Other sites on this chain are being updated, so why not this.

    • K says:

      Bear in mind that her other sides don’t appear to be actually updated by her. Looks like it’s someone else. This is one of her only websites that actually features content written by her. Of course it’s not being updated. ;P

  99. Brown Sugar says:

    I AM SO EXCITED THAT JUSTIN WON!!! Three exclamation points, so you know I mean it!

    • Mal_Pal says:

      yes, me too! I’m actually really looking forward to his show. Yvan does absolutely nothing for me, I would have tuned into Michelle and Marty probably once or twice just out of curiosity but can’t see sticking with them for the long haul. Justin is actually unique and I think he’s going to bring something pretty fresh to a lot of staleness on the network.

  100. Ron says:

    Maybe Jillian finally realized how stupid it is to keep making fun of people who make more money in a day, than she makes in a year!
    After all….you don’t see Rachael Ray asking for “donations to help pay the bills” the way this site does do ya.
    It’s sorta like giving investment advice to the guy you just panhandled a dollar from outside the cardboard box you call home!
    And Guy Fieri may be a tool….but he’s a rich tool who…unlike this site….is still in business and making a boatload of money.

    • Brown Sugar says:

      I guess I don’t understand your logic. Are you suggesting that people who make more money than Jill are above contempt? Do you suggest she make fun of only poor people? She’s not telling them how to make money, she’s laughing at the irony of certain people making money doing something that people have to do anyway to survive (cooking) poorly.

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