The following screen grabs are from this weekend’s episode of Big Daddy’s House, called “Deli Done Right.” He may have done the deli right, but I can’t say the same about his grammar.

(from the Food Network Challenge All-Star Grill-Off)

And now… a series of spot-on Food Network parody photos, created by an FNH fan named Jonathan Doan!

(Thanks for the images, Jonathan! If any other budding Photoshop artists have work they’d like displayed here, drop me an email.)

At first glance, you think you’re watching a really cheap public access video. But no. It’s just Aaron McCargo, with another one of his awkward, nonsensical, rambling YouTube messages.

Here’s a fun game: see how many seconds of this video you can watch before your head implodes:

When things seem bleak… when life feels impossible… when you feel like you’ll never get the break you deserve… just remember, FOOD NETWORK GAVE THIS MAN HIS OWN SHOW.

It’s comforting to know that he’s out there driving 78 miles per hour on the highway, at night, while filming videos of himself for YouTube, isn’t it?

UPDATE: Aaron McCargo removed the video after we posted this article.

A food blog called the Daily Fork just released a list of the “Sexiest Culinary Celebrities of the Last Decade.” Of course, Nigella, Giada, and Padma all made the list. BUT SO DID AARON MCCARGO JR.

Really, Daily Fork? You guys think Aaron McCargo is… sexy?

Out of curiosity, what does it for you, exactly? Is it the bald head, or the way he can’t quite pronounce the word “artichoke?”

Update: Big Daddy now comes with 73% more corniness, in the form of his brand new tagline. That’s right! From this point on, he wants to be known as Aaron McCargo: The Flavor Of Bold (not to be confused with Aaron McCargo: The Flavor Of Bald, which is what I thought it said the first time I read it).

Frankly, this has left us with more questions than answers. What exactly is the Flavor Of Bold, and why does Aaron McCargo want to encapsulate it? And is he aware his tagline makes it sound like HIS ACTUAL FLESH TASTES BOLD?

I don’t know, Aaron. This whole “flavor of bold” concept sounds risky to me. Perhaps a flavor so intense should only be handled by the pros. Like the people at A1.

And for the love of all that’s good and holy, draw some eyes on your new silhouette logo. That thing is going to give me nightmares.

(Thanks for the tip, Nancy!)

Did you know Aaron McCargo has a blog? It’s true. It’s one of those free BLOGSPOT blogs (because nothing screams “professional TV personality” like a free Blogspot blog). When he’s not referring to himself as “Big Daddy” in the 3rd person, he’s referring to himself as “your favorite chef,” which is about as self indulgent and self righteous as it gets.

Today, he took it a step further and quoted scripture from the bible. Twice. Is that necessary? I respect his right to practice his religion, but to shove it down people’s throats on a FOOD BLOG is a bit much (not to mention the fact that it might alienate or offend readers who are not Catholic). Enough is enough! I’m calling for an immediate separation of church and food, and for Aaron McCargo to get over himself as quickly as possible.

One more thing: WHY are there quotation marks around the word PEEK? Few things are “more” annoying than “unnecessary” quotations marks!

No, that wasn’t a bloated Whoopi Goldberg standing next to Sandra Lee on today’s episode of Semi-Homemade. It was Reggie Sutherland, the hyperactive, morbidly obese drama queen from the Next Food Network Star 2. The episode was awkward and difficult to watch, in part because their banter was forced and fake, and in part because his breasts are bigger than her head.

Later, Kelsey Nixon showed up on Big Daddy’s House. Even though she was her annoying giggly self, she was more entertaining and engaging than Aaron. And ultimately, he seemed like the guest on HER show, which is never a good thing.

SHANE LYONS WANTS TO BE KNOWN AS “LITTLE BISCUIT.”
SPREAD THE WORD.

(…and don’t hesitate to make fun of these DWEEBS in the comments.)

Somebody tell The Food Network that bigger isn’t always better.

They just paid an insane amount of money to put up a gigantic billboard for Big Daddy’s House on the side of a building in Manhattan’s Chelsea Market. I’ll tell you this much, those advertising dollars were wasted because no one in Chelsea cares about Aaron McCargo. At all. But what a treat for the astronauts working on the space station, who can now look down and see AARON MCCARGO’S FACE smiling up at them. How wonderful that must be.