No, that wasn’t a bloated Whoopi Goldberg standing next to Sandra Lee on today’s episode of Semi-Homemade. It was Reggie Sutherland, the hyperactive, morbidly obese drama queen from the Next Food Network Star 2. The episode was awkward and difficult to watch, in part because their banter was forced and fake, and in part because his breasts are bigger than her head.

Later, Kelsey Nixon showed up on Big Daddy’s House. Even though she was her annoying giggly self, she was more entertaining and engaging than Aaron. And ultimately, he seemed like the guest on HER show, which is never a good thing.

SHANE LYONS WANTS TO BE KNOWN AS “LITTLE BISCUIT.”
SPREAD THE WORD.

(…and don’t hesitate to make fun of these DWEEBS in the comments.)

Somebody tell The Food Network that bigger isn’t always better.

They just paid an insane amount of money to put up a gigantic billboard for Big Daddy’s House on the side of a building in Manhattan’s Chelsea Market. I’ll tell you this much, those advertising dollars were wasted because no one in Chelsea cares about Aaron McCargo. At all. But what a treat for the astronauts working on the space station, who can now look down and see AARON MCCARGO’S FACE smiling up at them. How wonderful that must be.

We’re not sure exactly what is happening in this video, but we’ll try to sum it up for you:

Big Daddy is loitering outside Rowan University, waiting for his brother Donovan. He’s rambling about chicken and some “knockin” corn, and slapping his hands together a lot for emphasis. Donovan finally appears, and the two greet each other with a kiss on each cheek like they’re suddenly Heidi Klum. Aaron explains he’s “just makin’ his rounds, yo” and then they to make sexual innuendos about eating hot dogs and doing sit-ups. Some sort of message pops up on the screen in green text, Donovan leaves, and Aaron encourages people to stay in school (since “not everybody can be a chef” and “not everybody can be big daddy!”) Suddenly and without warning, Aaron is surrounded by chicken wings and is clapping louder than a mother at her son’s first little league game. After a really bad edit that cuts Aaron off mid-sentence (or would that make it a really good edit?), he reappears trying to ride some 7 year old girl’s bicycle – complete with a basket and some pinwheels.

Ok, we concede. WE HAVE NO IDEA WHAT IS GOING ON IN THIS VIDEO. See for yourselves. Good luck.