Archives for "Duff Goldman/Mary Alice"

No, really. There was.

Stay tuned for Food Network’s new spin-off, Ace Of Cocks, starring Dick Goldman and Mary Phallice, coming this fall.

(Thanks for the pic, @plasticlobster!)

Last week, we went to Michaels to check out Duff Goldman’s new line of cake products. I was expecting to see a few cans of icing and maybe a springform pan or two, but I was so wrong. Have you seen his spread there? The guy’s selling cake tattoos, cake batter, and cake graffiti. Angled spatulas, straight spatulas, fondant smoothers, fondant cutters, icing pouches, icing tubs, decorating tips, color gels, and a whole lot more. Duff’s turning into a regular Paula Deen! And a lot of the products were sold out, so congratulations on the success with the “bored, crafty housewives” demographic, Duff & Crew!

HOWEVER.

The only thing that horrified me more than the 92-pound vat of purple buttercream fondant was DUFF’S SIGNATURE. Duff Goldman… big, manly, goatee’d, backwards hat wearin’ Duff Goldman… signs his name HEART DUFF, complete with a delicate little heart at the beginning. Say what?!

As soon as I saw Duff’s autograph, it felt familiar. I couldn’t quite put my finger on it, but then it hit me! I had seen it before! Other famous people have similar signatures, including:

You’re in good company, Duff. We wish you continued success.

HEART,
FNH

Duff Goldman recently took time out of his busy fondant-molding schedule to do a 3-question interview with a random marketing blog. And man, some of the answers he gave were just CRAAAAZY. I’m talking “insane person rambling to themselves at a bus stop outside an institution” crazy. I’m talking “man standing on a step stool in a park surrounded by pigeons talking nonsense in New York City” crazy. Seriously, I just re-read the article three times, and STILL had no idea what the hell he was talking about most of the time.

And so, without further ado, here are the “3 most WTF statements” from Duff’s 3-question interview:

1. “We’re making people’s dreams and joys tangible in a sweet medium that is meant to be consumed, like the hearts of vanquished Aztec warriors that are consumed to impart that warrior’s bravery.” -Duff, when asked how he felt about his cakes being temporary works of art.

2. “If my motivation was always the bottom line, that attitude would permeate everything we do and it would cease to be art. It would take on the mantle of a marketable commodity.” -Duff, when asked how he maintains a fun work environment.

3.  “If we don’t take time to be silly and joyful, we can get mired in the sludge of our own existence.” -Duff, who is now apparently a follower of Nietzsche. Thus Spoke Zarathustra!

Mired in the what?! Is it just us, or did all the answers in that interview seem incredibly un-Duff? On his show, he usually just mutters basic 4-word sentences and calls it a day. Granted, I don’t know the man personally, but I just can’t see him using phrases like “mantle of a marketable commodity” or “hearts of vanquished Aztec warriors” in everyday conversation.

But then again, maybe I’m just mired in the sludge of my own existence.