Earlier this week, Guy Fieri took time out of his busy goatee-bleaching schedule to present one of the final showcases on The Price Is Right. To put it mildly, HE SUCKED.

Remember the “Bend And Snap” from Legally Blonde? Guy Fieri has a signature move too, and it’s called the “Clap And Point.” He whipped it out 735 times, as he awkwardly delivered his lines and introduced the lame showcase items. He sounded like a rehearsed amateur, and came across as completely fake. Even worse, the whole scene played like the world’s most God-awful Fieri infomercial. One thing’s for sure: if he’s this bad on his new NBC game show, all of our heads might implode.

Roll the video clip:

A free dinner at JOHNNY GARLICS? Are you fucking kidding me? I hope The Price Is Right gives a pack of barfbags to the winner. They’ll probably need ‘em. And who takes a LIMO to Johnny Garlics? Seriously? That’s humiliating. That’s like landing a helicopter on the roof of Denny’s to get a free Grand Slam breakfast. If I was a contestant on the show this day, I’d cry.

Thankfully, Ricardo’s standards were much lower.

In case you missed Guy Fieri’s ridiculous interview with Playboy Magazine earlier this month, here are two equally as ridiculous behind-the-scenes photos from the shoot. The pics come courtesy of Guy’s public relations company, whose mission statement clearly involves releasing as many stupid photos of their clients as humanly possible:

Note to men of the universe: If you’re chubby, that’s fine. But if you ever decide to forego all common sense and pack yourself into a gold lamé suit, for the love of God, button your jacket. No one needs to see that shit.

(Thanks for the tip, mystery e-mailer who shall remain nameless!)

A few weeks ago, we announced that Guy Fieri would soon be hosting a prime time game show on NBC. In case you missed it, this was basically our reaction:

The show, originally titled Perfect 10, has been renamed Minute To Win It. Here’s your first look at the set, courtesy of Guy Fieri’s twitpic:

[Ed. note: This is what happens when you're bored on a slow news day, and decide to photoshop Guy Fieri's eyes and mouth on other celebrity chefs. The results are truly hideous. Inspired by the website Nic Cage As Everyone.]

Guy Fieri took time out of his busy margarita-mixing schedule to show Kim Kardashian how to make fried Oreos on last night’s episode of the Jay Leno Show. From a home viewer’s perspective, I’m not sure what was more disgusting to watch: Guy Fieri awkwardly drooling over Kim Kardashian, or the way she pulled and tugged at her hair before handling all that food. Nas-tay.

The cooking segment was rushed and messy, as late night cooking segments usually are. Hilariously enough though, it resulted in Jay Leno calling Guy’s creation the “most disgusting thing” he’s ever eaten. Oooh. Burn.

My favorite part, however, was Guy Fieri struggling – and ultimately failing – to get chocolate sauce out of his idiotic squirt bottle:

(Video of the entire segment is on NBC’s site.)

Poor Guy Fieri. An entire roadshow later, and he’s still not a big enough star to get a mention in the program info. Maybe someday, Guy. Maybe someday.

If you read this website, you know I’m not Guy Fieri’s biggest fan. I’ve long considered him to be one of the phoniest people on television, but aside from the fact that he over-enunciates his fake Italian last name and walks around every day wearing Christian Slater’s wardrobe from Gleaming The Cube, I never really had any concrete proof to back up my humble opinion that he was a humongous douchebag. That is, until now.

A few weeks ago, Guy asked Robert Irvine and the Dinner Impossible crew to help him throw a holiday party for the Boys & Girls Club in his hometown of Santa Rosa, California. I must say, Robert impressed me. He went all out. He brought in amusement park rides, coordinated the efforts of dozens of volunteers, and even found time to have snow made so the kids could enjoy a sledding run (which was no easy task in the 80 degree California sun, I might add).

Before long, though, the Dinner Impossible crew found themselves running into all sorts of problems trying to cook the food for the party. They only had 2 small ovens, which weren’t even heating properly. During crunch time, it really looked like they weren’t going to be able to get all of the food cooked… and that would have meant disappointing hundreds of kids.

Here’s where it gets ridiculous: Robert remembered one of Guy’s nasty restaurants was nearby, and casually asked him if the Dinner Impossible crew could use some of its oven space since it was only 5 minutes away. AND GUY FIERI SAID NO! He actually said no! And he seemed disgusted that Robert even asked. Guy awkwardly mumbled something about it being dinner rush at his restaurant (at 4 pm?!) and told Robert it was out of the question.

The real question is, who the hell is rushing Fieri’s restaurant at 4 PM? The entire cast of Cocoon?

This is a humor site, but honestly, there was nothing funny about this incident. It was just upsetting. So many people  spent so many hours working so hard, and Guy Fieri was willing to risk the final outcome because he didn’t want to share his OVENS. How idiotic.

You want to know why I hate Guy Fieri? This is why. He’s full of shit. He’s a poser. He wanted to be perceived as someone who was doing something nice for his community, but when push came to shove, he couldn’t even stand to have his restaurant inconvenienced for an hour. That’s not charitable. That’s just disgusting.

I embedded some video footage below for your viewing pleasure. Alternatively, you can watch the entire episode by clicking here. (In case the oven incident didn’t make you want to punch him in the face, odds are his big black “probably overcompensating for a small penis” truck will).

(Merry Christmas, everyone!)

A few days ago, news broke that Guy Fieri was going to be hosting Perfect 10, a new 6-episode game show on NBC. At the time, the only media outlet reporting on the story was a blog called The Wrap (which ain’t exactly CNN, if you catch my drift). In the days that followed, a few food blogs picked up on the story, but again – no news from the national blogs, entertainment magazines, or Fieri himself. And so, a very large part of me held out hope that this was all just a nasty rumor.

Unfortunately, it’s not.

Fieri’s greasier-than-normal-looking face is now plastered on NBC’s official site, alongside casting information for the show. I like how they had to spell out that it was “family friendly” because most people probably associate Fieri with alcohol, partying, and immaturity. I also think it’s funny that they’re casting after his Roadshows… because after all, nothing says “family friendly” quite like a middle aged man purposefully saturating people with spillage from a 25-gallon margarita machine.

According to The Wrap, NBC just signed GUY FERRY to host a new(ish) game show called “Perfect 10.” And (and!)  he’s even going to be holding auditions after his lame Road Show in Los Angeles tonight. The horror!

Paul Telegdy, NBC’s head of Reality Programming, is quoted as saying “Guy’s enthusiasm is infectious.” (Yeah, I have a feeling that’s not all that’s infectious). “He’s a true gamer at heart and his excitement for this show will inspire both the competitors and viewers at home to join in on the fun.”

Wrong, Paul. His presence will not inspire people to join in on the fun. It will inspire them to watch FOX.

Apparently, Perfect 10 is a blatant rip-off of an older game show called The Cube (video footage of it can be found at YouTube here). Basically, people stand around trying to complete random tasks with household objects, for a chance to win $1 million. But look, unless the “random tasks” include the contestants taking Guy Fieri out clothes shopping at a grown-up’s store, I don’t want to hear about it.

The show is allegedly supposed to air later this season, so hang in there and we’ll bring you more news as soon as it becomes available.

[Thanks for the tip, Dante!]

Guy Ferry – er, Fieri – nay, Fietti – seems to be the Food Network’s man of the hour. His latest book More Diners, Drive-ins, & Dives, just hit #1 on the NY Times Best-Seller List in the oft competitive <cough, sarcasm, cough> Paperback Advice category. This exciting news comes mere weeks after Fieri was labeled a “culinary rockstar” by two out of touch journalists who wouldn’t know “cool” if it bit them on the ass.

Sadly, it’s not unusual for successful people to have their signature styles emulated. The following series of photos depicts the dreaded – and very real – FERRY EFFECT, and outlines what would happen if the men of the Food Network started copying Fieri’s look simply by purchasing a widely available piece of Flair Hair: