Archives for "Paula Deen"

[Written and submitted by George Webber. Note to Guy Fieri: it is a heavier piece, so don't even try to read or comprehend it.]

During a recent shopping excursion to Walmart – and by excursion I mean a series of brilliant tactical manoeuvres to avoid the wall of eight listless Mexicans in the ill-fitting, food stained Hello Kitty t-shirt and worn out slippers meandering slowly abreast and pushing one cart with a case of Tecate – I happened to make a break for safety through their newly re-modelled and irritatingly relocated housewares section where, to my chagrin, I noticed a series of Paula Deen signature products.

I’m not typically enamoured with such pricey novelties and ‘Celebrity Chef’ style gear no matter how smooth and round Giada’s hefty stockpots are, but it is nice to know even the small people with Walmart-centric subsistence level income lifestyles such as myself can enjoy a lesser quality representation of the opulent post-prison Martha Stewart empire by getting doily cutters for $14.88 after price rollbacks. So, despite the fact that Miss Paula was smiling her best chemically enhanced 3D White Strips smile at me from the glossy wrapper of a French Rolling Pin and offering up a friendly ‘Hey Y’all!’, I was perfectly inclined to continue on my way, undeterred, when part of the fine print caught my attention:

‘Manufactured in Thailand.’

And it occurred to me what an absolutely brilliant and cunning plan this was. My admittedly limited exposure to Paula Deen is, of course, entirely self-inflicted. I’ve heard Y’all more times in 9 minutes of Paula’s Home Cooking With Heaping Great Wads of Butter than I ever did in 9 years of The Beverly Hillbillies and the department store Santa guy she’s married to creeps me out more than Ina Garten’s subservient houseboy Jeffrey, so I tend to avoid her at all costs. But I never would have thought that our jovial and portly Miss Paula could be so ruthless.

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An FNH reader named Ashley sent this Paula Deen recipe in to me yesterday, and I think she said it best: “Leave it to Paula to deep fry a turd.”

What’s the verdict? Eat it or kill it with fire?

Photobomb: [verb] / to drop in a photo unexpectedly / to hop in a picture right before it is taken and to steal the limelight away from the subject.

This is a photo slideshow of me with my friends and family. The locations may vary… the seasons may change… but one thing remains constant: DEEN.

(If you can’t see the above video, you can check it out on YouTube)