(Thanks for the image, Dan! We’ll all be sending you our therapy bills.)

Heads up, Ina Garten fans – the Barefoot Contessa has a new cookbook on the horizon! Her last book was called Back To Basics, and this time around, she went with the slightly more annoying rhetorical question How Easy Is That. Sigh. You know what that means: it’s only a matter of time before How Bad Can That Be and its sequel, Giggles ‘n Shents, makes it to print.

Oh Ina. We kid because we love.

In honor of Ina’s new book, we thought it would be fitting to offer a depiction of just how easy certain things are. Ladies and gentlemen, THE EASYMETER:

For the last year and a half, my friend Alex has been begging me to accompany her to a taping of Rachael Ray’s daytime talk show on ABC. I never agreed to it because 1) getting tickets seemed like a royal pain in the ass, and 2) Rachael Ray’s show never really excited me all that much. However, since fall is just around the corner – and I love New York City in the fall – I decided to look into the whole getting tickets thing.

So, how does one earn the privilege of becoming a Rachael Ray studio audience member? As it turns out, IT AIN’T EASY.

Ray-Ray’s audience ticket information page reads like an intimidating – and frankly, snippy – ransom note.  “Submitting more than one request for tickets will result in the cancellation of all your ticket requests,” they rudely explain. “There will be no response to your initial ticket request. If you are granted tickets, you will be contacted via email by one of our audience department representatives. Admission to our show is on a first-come, first-served basis as ticket distribution may be in excess of our studio capacity. If a member of the staff or crew recognizes you as a repeat audience member, you will be denied admittance  AND YOU BETTER SHOW UP ALONE!!! NO POLICE!!!”

Wow, Rachael Ray Show! Way to act like you’re doing ME a  favor by MAYBE letting me secure tickets to a show that MAY OR MAY NOT TAPE the day I arrive.

And if you think that’s bad, get a load of the audience dress code! I understand they don’t want people showing up looking like an extra from the cast of Rent, but this thing is just ridiculous:

Please Do Not Wear: Shorts, capri/gaucho pants, tank tops, t-shirts, ripped jeans, flip flops, sequins, hats, very busy patterns, white or primarily white/off-white/light pink tops or shirts, jogging suits or velour. You’ll look your best wearing solid, jewel-toned colors (deep blues, reds, greens, etc.). We have the right to deny anyone who does not follow guidelines.

No shorts,  tank tops, or flip flops? Well hell, there goes 95% of my wardrobe right there. And NO WHITE SHIRTS? That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard. Who does this bitch think she is?

Screw you, Rachael Ray. If I wanted to have my wardrobe critiqued and criticized, I’d go spend the afternoon with my mother.

I think FoodieOne summed it up nicely in the comments below: “Rachael Ray made a name for herself with her “everygirl” image. Even on her stupid cooking show, she’s usually wearing jeans!” Exactly. Total fail.

And sorry, Alex, old buddy old pal. You’ll be going to the Ray Ray show alllllllll alone.

(Thanks to Squirrel for sending me the link to the original video, which is truly disturbing on sooooo many levels.)

In a word, yes.

Ugh! It’s hideous! It looks like something astronauts would use to gather rock specimens on the moon. I’ll take a HUGE PASS.

This thing almost (almost!) makes Guy Fieri’s knives look good!

(Thanks for the email, Kathy!)