Archives for "Sandra Lee"

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Semi-Homemade Icing
Posted on November 22nd 2011

semi-homemade-icing

(From episode: Fire-Grilled Munchies)

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Ridiculous Food NetworK Recipe Of The Week: Sandra Lee’s “Italian” Mac and Cheese
Posted on November 11th 2011

Italian cooks of the world: ponder this. If you wanted to put an Italian spin on mac & cheese, what would you do? Would you, perhaps, use a different pasta like penne rigate or cavatappi? Would you add sweet Italian sausage? Or maybe even replace the standard orange gooey cheese with Taleggio, Pecorino, and Parmigiano?

All good ideas.

But if you’re Sandra Lee, you don’t do any of the above. If you’re Sandra Lee, you make “Italian Mac and Cheese” by ADDING BREAD CRUMBS TO REGULAR BOXED MAC AND CHEESE.

This has crossed the line from a ridiculous recipe, to a borderline offensive one! I wish my wiry Italian great grandmother, born in Sorrento in 1898, was still alive so I could show this to her. She would have had a SHIT FIT.

What do the Food Network website readers have to say about this?

How does throwing “italian bread crumbs” make it “italian style”? It would not surprise me one bit if she threw in curry powder and calls “indian style”. -Reema

This recipe is an insult to Italians everywhere. How does dumping dry breadcrumbs on boxed mac and cheese equal Italian food? -Grooved Pavement

Not good at all, rather spend the time making the real one, gave it to my cats, they all ran away! -Nehouse

This was so dry! My husband said it sucked the saliva right out of his mouth! -ABG

Even the dog didn’t like it. -ChefTiggs

I put soy sauce on my boxed mac and cheese for a delightful oriental twist. Thanks Sandra! -CowboyUp

Since Food Network likes re-using their talent so much, how about a celebrity chef version of “Worst Cooks in America?” I think we found its first castmember.

(Thanks to everyone who has sent this recipe in over the past few months!)

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FNH RECAP: Sandra Lee’s 2011 Halloween Show
Posted on October 23rd 2011

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

Another year, another Sandra Lee Halloween show! This year, the whole “semi-homemade” schtick was completely dropped, because frankly, there wasn’t anything “homemade” about the “recipes” featured. The show was simply called “Sandra’s Halloween Wonderland” and it was basically just 60 minutes of cocktails, stories about Cher, and Sandra Lee talking to inanimate objects.

And now, on with the review!

The show kicked off with Sandra Lee as Alice in Wonderland, waking up from a horrible nightmare:

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

She was clearly shaken up. Who could blame her?¬† And what better way to calm your nerves than with a “Dreamscape Magical Mojito” cocktail? Like she said, she is Sandra Lee, after all.

Sandy totally winged the entire segment, and suggested we give fun names to the ingredients in the drink. For example, the raspberries were “firefly blood” and the strawberries were “dragons blood.” Naturally, the sugar was “Paula Deen blood” and the vanilla vodka was “Sandra Lee’s tears.”

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

Even Sandra Lee got confused while making the cocktail, because she mistakenly referred to the raspberries as “dragon’s blood.” DUH, SANDRA, YOU ALREADY ESTABLISHED THE RASPBERRIES WERE FIREFLY BLOOD. Can’t you follow your own ridiculous ingredient list?

Next, Sandra went roaming around the yard and (gasp!) fell into a rabbit hole.

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

She came out the other end as…

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

Sandra, dressed as a cross between a rejected Bravo TV Millionaire Housewife¬† and a Toddlers and Tiaras pageant mom, whipped up the next recipe: magical mushroom pots. They were just candy sticks shoved into floral styrofoam with a meringue stuck on top. It ended up looking like something a 5 year old would have made in arts and crafts. While making them, Sandra actually exclaimed: “What is an adult party without magical mushrooms?” Yeah. Insert your own joke here.

After the commercial break, Sandra came marching back onto the set. WITH A HORSE.

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

Sandra said, “The best part of Halloween is that I get to be Cher!” Really? I don’t see the connection. I guess I didn’t realize Cher was into farm animals.

Anyway, the next segment was basically just a condensed version of Cher’s Wikipedia page. Like a schoolgirl with a crush, Sandra gushed over Cher and called her the most “far out and cool woman in showbiz.” She also said how impressed she was with the fact that Cher and Sonny had careers of their own… and how Cher wasn’t attracted to Sonny at first but ended up loving him anyway. Sandra left out the part where she was like… “OMG, JUST LIKE ME AND ANDREW CUOMO!” but if you read between Sandra Lee’s transparent lines, it was totally there.

Sandra made a sandwich cookie during the segment, and said it came out “beautiful – just like every season of the Sonny and Cher show.” After the first 5 minutes, the Cher-fawning crossed the line from ordinary fan-dom into plain ol’ creepy and weird. Lock your doors, Cher. Lock your doors.

Sandra Lee also tried to do an impression of Cher mid-way through the segment. Sadly, it looked less like “Cher” and more like “help – I just suffered a stroke.”

sandra lee halloween semi homemade 2011

She ended the Cher segment by making ANOTHER cocktail as a “tribute” to Sonny for “giving us Cher.” Last I checked, you should be thanking Cher’s mother’s vagina for that, but what do I know.

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Sandra Lee’s “Noel Cake”
Posted on October 14th 2011

There’s no denying Sandra Lee has made some ugly cakes in her day. This “Noel Cake” certainly is at the top of the list. I hope you guys are in the mood for some cardboard-covered frosting! Yum-o!

Noel cake? More like NOWAY INHELL cake! It’s hideous. It’s lopsided. It’s juvenile. It looks like a 5 year old put it together after eating too much Play-doh. It looks like it has a mutant chicken-pox disease that can’t be cured by antibiotics.

And I think I went into a diabetic coma watching her apply all that icing.

The cardboard circles were a nice touch, though, weren’t they? Even the most amateur cake decorator knows you’re supposed to cover them in parchment (ideally including dowels for support) so you don’t TOTALLY ruin the cake when removing them. God, Sandra, do we have to tell you everything?

There’s no doubt about it: somewhere in America, Kerry Vincent is shitting her pants.

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Sandra Lee’s Halloween Costumes
Posted on October 14th 2011

[Ed. note: This was originally posted here on FNH in 2009, but I wanted to update it with new costumes and post it again for all the new readers. This is a compilation of all the costumes Sandra Lee has worn on the Food Network. As it turns out, some of them are scarier than a Clive Barker film.]

sandra lee halloween costume food network
WHO SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE: Madonna
WHAT SHE ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE: Madonna showing off the cheap new suit she just bought at Dress Barn

sandra lee halloween costume food network
WHO SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE: Cher
WHAT SHE ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE: A rejected showgirl just dying to share her super super simple cleavage-enhancing techniques

sandra lee halloween costume food network
WHO SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE: Marilyn Monroe
WHAT SHE ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE: 2nd runner up on DRAG NIGHT at a gay bar

sandra lee halloween costume food network
WHO SHE’S SUPPOSED TO BE: Liza Minnelli
WHAT SHE ENDED UP LOOKING LIKE: Elvira, upon returning home from Supercuts

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