The only thing more horrifying than an entire show dedicated to dueling FOOD TRUCKS is the pair of jeans Tyler’s wearing to promote the show:

Ewwwww. UGLIEST JEANS EVER. They’re hideous and cheap looking, not to mention completely unflattering. Can you say “sausages wrapped in denim?” I thought this guy was supposed to be hip and stylish… some pinnacle of culinary hotness… so why is he on my television wearing a pair of Blue Light Special husky Wranglers? Is he promoting a new show, or preparing to mount a bull? And didn’t anyone tell him tapered leg jeans weren’t even cool in 1991? Yikes. At least if his culinary career ever falters, he can earn a living doing catalog work.

If you haven’t heard much from Tyler Florence lately, it’s probably because he’s been busy making Wayfare Tavern, his newest restaurant, look as creepy and uninviting as possible. The restaurant is located in San Francisco, though the dead deer, animal bones, and brown witchy twigs strewn about make it feel much more like Hannibal Lecter’s living room. We’re not hungry; we’re scared. The only thing missing from that mantle is an eye of newt and a mason jar of goat blood.

Our friends at Eater have more photos of the place, and it’s filled with tacky wallpaper, skulls, dark wood, dark chairs, dark lights, dark ceilings, dark photos, and dead things. The “50-seat dining table” on the 3rd floor is nothing more than a bunch of wooden tables that have been slammed together cafeteria-style, and adorned with silver goblets and miscellaneous animal horns. Next door, the pool table lounge looks like a room from the hotel in The Shining. Gee, I sure do hope the red phone on that back wall is a direct line to the police.

In his interview with Eater, Tyler also took a moment to slam the New York food scene:

NY is all about the import. The new Japanese guy in town, the California wine, the new Italian fennel pollen, whatever. It’s all about these things that come into Manhattan and are done very well by great people, but there’s very little local story. -Tyler Florence

As a Manhattan-area resident, I found that comment to be both offensive and inaccurate. New Yorkers, what do you have to say in response to Tyler Florence?

Exxxxxxactly.

FNH is abuzz with the news that Tyler Florence, everyone’s favorite egomaniacal chef, just sent out one of the most ridiculous Twitter message ever. One FNH reader named Christina said, “Now he’s telling people to follow him? How…modest.”

We agree, Christina. First, there’s no such thing as Follow Monday (it’s Follow FRIDAY). Second, the only people seeing that message are people ALREADY FOLLOWING YOU, so why are you telling them to follow you again? Third, you’re not supposed to include yourself in a follow recommendation! That’s as tacky as it gets.

Even worse, Florence recently launched a cooking school called Twitterlicious, which is the Latin word for “the most ridiculous thing ever.” Every Friday, instead of just writing up a recipe and posting it on his website, he sends out step by step food preparation instructions via hundreds of tweets that clutter up the Twitter homepages of his followers. Judging by some of the comments in the Twittersphere, people are really getting sick of it:

“Tyler Florence tweeted a NOVEL earlier and took up my iPhone screen. Rethinking following his tweets.” -@jessicademaio

“Pains me so, but I Had to stop following Tyler Florence. dude is a tweetaholic.” -@hotsauce_please

“Tyler Florence just made a dish on Oprah that I wouldn’t feed to my cat. Ugh.” -@amandareid

“I say he must of eaten your food Tyler.” -@navyseal6, in response to Tyler saying he saw the police rescuing a jumper from the Golden Gate bridge

“Dude, please link to a blog…14 posts with an average two minute separation?”-@gregkrekelberg
(to which Tyler, who is clearly unable to handle criticism, replied: “That’s a little dull and impersonal. Don’t you think? 15,812 people cant be wrong…”) Look at Tyler all thinking he’s Ashton Kutcher with his 16k followers! Too bad that’s, what, about .000001% of the total number of people on Twitter?

So let’s hear it, FNH. Do you follow Tyler on Twitter? Are you considering unfollowing him because of his pointless and/or self-promotional Tweets?

UPDATE: Tyler Florence is claiming he didn’t write the #FollowMonday twitter message, and said his Twitter account was hacked. Uh, sure.

Tyler Florence took time out of his busy hair-gelling schedule to appear on The Today Show this morning. Our favorite part? When the host had to remind him to add salt to his pickling brine (you know, the main ingredient). Oops.

Just when I thought I’d seen all there was to see in the world of lame Food Network apparel, THIS t-shirt reared its ugly little head. Lock your doors, Tyler. Lock your doors.

You’re looking at a custom made “I Love Tyler Florence” t-shirt, made by a Twitter user named JustWonderingIf. The @ symbol in the middle is a nod to Tyler’s Twitter account, and the diarrhea-colored circles on the bottom represent the number of times Tyler says “off the charts” every minute.

The t-shirt creator only made one shirt, and it’s not being sold in stores or online. And might I say THANK GOD. It’s one thing to like Tyler and to think it’s cute, but it’s totally another to be so moved by him that you feel the need to declare your unwavering love for his Twitter account on your chest. Unless you’re the 4 year old offspring of Tyler Florence, or someone he once rescued from a burning building, you really have no business wearing this shirt.

Maybe you’re one of the Tyler fans out there saying, “Oh come on. This t-shirt isn’t that bad.” Perhaps you’ll find this a little scarier: a Twitter user by the name of  CookinNana purchased a “Don’t wake me, I’m dreaming about Tyler Florence” pillowcase from eBay. No such pillowcases are on eBay now, but the fact that such a horror once existed shakes me to my very core.

<Begin miniature non-food related rant>
I’ve never understood the public’s ridiculous obsession with celebrities. I know several of them, and I can tell you they’re all flawed people just like you and I, but with one major exception: they’re used to people fawning over them. Telling a celebrity “I LOVE YOU” is just like telling them “THE SKY IS BLUE.” Of course they appreciate their fans, but after awhile, the adoration just becomes part of their daily routine and it stops having any sort of impact on them. They think absolutely nothing of it. Having said that, I’d like to take this opportunity to send a quick note to the people out there making Tyler Florence t-shirts and Tyler Florence pillowcases: You don’t “love” Tyler Florence. You’ve never even met him. You’ve simply developed an attachment to him while watching him prepare lamb chops on TV. Unfortunately, that attachment seems to have developed into an abnormal parasocial relationship, which is manifesting itself as the unhealthy obsession with him that you’re mistakenly calling “love.” (And by the way, t-shirt creator, you’re married. If you’re into homemade t-shirts, shouldn’t you be wearing one with your husband’s name on it?)
<End miniature non-food related rant>

This week, Tyler Florence t-shirts and pillowcases. Next week, his used tissues and toilet paper on eBay. It’s a slippery slope!

It’s been a week, and there’s still no sign of Tyler Florence’s missing fork! We hate to say it, Tyler, but it might be time to consider replacing it. Here are some viable options:

I TASTE DEAD PEOPLE!

Earlier today, Tyler Florence was back on Twitter with another installment of his Twitlish cooking school. This week, he taught us all how to prepare Amaretto Chocolate Brownies with a lovely, DECEDENT flavor.

A quick vocabulary lesson, courtesy of FNH and Dictionary.com:

Ew, Tyler. Really? Decadent brownies I could handle, but I’m not down with tasting the dead.

(Remind me to have Tyler cater my next Halloween party.)