FNH is abuzz with the news that Tyler Florence, everyone’s favorite egomaniacal chef, just sent out one of the most ridiculous Twitter message ever. One FNH reader named Christina said, “Now he’s telling people to follow him? How…modest.”

We agree, Christina. First, there’s no such thing as Follow Monday (it’s Follow FRIDAY). Second, the only people seeing that message are people ALREADY FOLLOWING YOU, so why are you telling them to follow you again? Third, you’re not supposed to include yourself in a follow recommendation! That’s as tacky as it gets.

Even worse, Florence recently launched a cooking school called Twitterlicious, which is the Latin word for “the most ridiculous thing ever.” Every Friday, instead of just writing up a recipe and posting it on his website, he sends out step by step food preparation instructions via hundreds of tweets that clutter up the Twitter homepages of his followers. Judging by some of the comments in the Twittersphere, people are really getting sick of it:

“Tyler Florence tweeted a NOVEL earlier and took up my iPhone screen. Rethinking following his tweets.” -@jessicademaio

“Pains me so, but I Had to stop following Tyler Florence. dude is a tweetaholic.” -@hotsauce_please

“Tyler Florence just made a dish on Oprah that I wouldn’t feed to my cat. Ugh.” -@amandareid

“I say he must of eaten your food Tyler.” -@navyseal6, in response to Tyler saying he saw the police rescuing a jumper from the Golden Gate bridge

“Dude, please link to a blog…14 posts with an average two minute separation?”-@gregkrekelberg
(to which Tyler, who is clearly unable to handle criticism, replied: “That’s a little dull and impersonal. Don’t you think? 15,812 people cant be wrong…”) Look at Tyler all thinking he’s Ashton Kutcher with his 16k followers! Too bad that’s, what, about .000001% of the total number of people on Twitter?

So let’s hear it, FNH. Do you follow Tyler on Twitter? Are you considering unfollowing him because of his pointless and/or self-promotional Tweets?

UPDATE: Tyler Florence is claiming he didn’t write the #FollowMonday twitter message, and said his Twitter account was hacked. Uh, sure.

Tyler Florence took time out of his busy hair-gelling schedule to appear on The Today Show this morning. Our favorite part? When the host had to remind him to add salt to his pickling brine (you know, the main ingredient). Oops.

Just when I thought I’d seen all there was to see in the world of lame Food Network apparel, THIS t-shirt reared its ugly little head. Lock your doors, Tyler. Lock your doors.

You’re looking at a custom made “I Love Tyler Florence” t-shirt, made by a Twitter user named JustWonderingIf. The @ symbol in the middle is a nod to Tyler’s Twitter account, and the diarrhea-colored circles on the bottom represent the number of times Tyler says “off the charts” every minute.

The t-shirt creator only made one shirt, and it’s not being sold in stores or online. And might I say THANK GOD. It’s one thing to like Tyler and to think it’s cute, but it’s totally another to be so moved by him that you feel the need to declare your unwavering love for his Twitter account on your chest. Unless you’re the 4 year old offspring of Tyler Florence, or someone he once rescued from a burning building, you really have no business wearing this shirt.

Maybe you’re one of the Tyler fans out there saying, “Oh come on. This t-shirt isn’t that bad.” Perhaps you’ll find this a little scarier: a Twitter user by the name of  CookinNana purchased a “Don’t wake me, I’m dreaming about Tyler Florence” pillowcase from eBay. No such pillowcases are on eBay now, but the fact that such a horror once existed shakes me to my very core.

<Begin miniature non-food related rant>
I’ve never understood the public’s ridiculous obsession with celebrities. I know several of them, and I can tell you they’re all flawed people just like you and I, but with one major exception: they’re used to people fawning over them. Telling a celebrity “I LOVE YOU” is just like telling them “THE SKY IS BLUE.” Of course they appreciate their fans, but after awhile, the adoration just becomes part of their daily routine and it stops having any sort of impact on them. They think absolutely nothing of it. Having said that, I’d like to take this opportunity to send a quick note to the people out there making Tyler Florence t-shirts and Tyler Florence pillowcases: You don’t “love” Tyler Florence. You’ve never even met him. You’ve simply developed an attachment to him while watching him prepare lamb chops on TV. Unfortunately, that attachment seems to have developed into an abnormal parasocial relationship, which is manifesting itself as the unhealthy obsession with him that you’re mistakenly calling “love.” (And by the way, t-shirt creator, you’re married. If you’re into homemade t-shirts, shouldn’t you be wearing one with your husband’s name on it?)
<End miniature non-food related rant>

This week, Tyler Florence t-shirts and pillowcases. Next week, his used tissues and toilet paper on eBay. It’s a slippery slope!

It’s been a week, and there’s still no sign of Tyler Florence’s missing fork! We hate to say it, Tyler, but it might be time to consider replacing it. Here are some viable options:

I TASTE DEAD PEOPLE!

Earlier today, Tyler Florence was back on Twitter with another installment of his Twitlish cooking school. This week, he taught us all how to prepare Amaretto Chocolate Brownies with a lovely, DECEDENT flavor.

A quick vocabulary lesson, courtesy of FNH and Dictionary.com:

Ew, Tyler. Really? Decadent brownies I could handle, but I’m not down with tasting the dead.

(Remind me to have Tyler cater my next Halloween party.)

Breaking (and completely hysterical) news: a prankster stole one of the forks from the front of Tyler Florence’s Mill Valley, California store! Tyler let the world know about the incident via a Twitter message earlier thisevening.

It seems we have a real whodunit on our hands, guys. At this hour, one haunting question remains: WHERE THE HELL IS THE FORK?

Last week, I put Tyler Florence on blast for confusing the words PATIENCE and PATIENTS.  I’m proud to announce that since then, Tyler has learned how to distinguish between the two words, and how to properly thank people for their PATIENCE:

Way to be able to laugh at yourself, T-Flo! Two thumbs way up for having a sense of humor about it!

New from the Twitterverse:  Chef Tyler Florence will soon be launching a “Twitter cooking school.”

(We don’t have a clue what that means either, but as soon as we figure it out we’ll let you know.)

Tyler just sent out the following message, thanking everyone for their “patients” while he worked out the details. Patients? Is he launching the cooking school from his local hospital?

That’s “off the chain” embarrassing. Maybe he should be launching a Twitter spelling school instead?

A few weeks ago, we wrote a long rant about the cheesy music that plays automatically when you visit Tyler Florence’s new website. Since then, the man has come to his senses, listened to his fans, and turned off the auto-start feature. Hallelujah.

(Now if he’d only fix those blurry fonts and remove that splash intro from 1982, he’d be in good shape!)

In honor of Tyler’s complete inability to handle any constructive criticism regarding his lame new website, feast your eyes on our ridiculous Food Network Product Of The Month: this ugly $80 “Baroque” lasagna dish by Tyler Florence. That’s “Baroque” – pronounced “B’ROKE” in honor of what you’ll be after you purchase it. EIGHTY DOLLARS! For a dish! And guess what? All profits go towards helping Tyler’s out of control ego grow even larger.
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FNH now proudly presents: TOP 5 BETTER WAYS TO SPEND YOUR $80:

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