Archives for "General: Food Network"

If you use Google, chances are you know about Auto-Suggest. When you type a few letters into the search box, Google guesses what you’re searching for and offers suggestions in real time. The suggestions are based on the overall popularity of various searches.

So basically, Google Suggest offers hilarious insight as to what the majority of people are searching for on Google.

Here are a few Google Auto-Suggestions for our favorite Food Network chefs. And yes, they’re 100% real. You can head on over to Google.com and see them for yourselves. There are some scary people out there. Enjoy!

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Discount tag placement for the win!

(Thanks for the link, Kristen! via Failblog)

One word: Ewwwwwwww.

I had no idea Emeril was peddling his own line of “Bam” meals until FNH reader Anya sent me this photo. She found a gigantic stack of them sitting at her local Marc’s (which is like Xpect Discounts, but worse. And if you’ve never heard of those stores, consider yourself lucky. They’re both awful, filthy places where wretched products go to die.)

Here’s what Anya had to say:

I have never heard a thing (on FNH or anywhere else) about Emeril having his own line of Chef Boyardee so I’m assuming it failed horribly and whoever was behind it was too ashamed to advertise these meals. I really should’ve bought one when I had the chance, I bet it would’ve been disgusting!  And I really hope Emeril had to taste test all of the recipes for these. No one else should be subjected to canned pasta and meat.

My favorite part of the label design is the fact that it looks like it says 8 AM MEALS and not BAM MEALS.

But wait! There’s more!

He also sells something called “Happy Happy Real Beef Mini Ravioli.” The product description on the official Bam website is priceless:

“They are just the right size to make your family HAPPY, HAPPY! Real beef, thick, sweet, mellow tomato sauce with real pieces of meat and lot’s and lot’s of ravioli’s that are the perfect size for one and all. Made with only the best ingredients that only a real Chef of today would demand; great raviolis, vine ripened tomatoes, real beef and Emeril’s special seasonings made especially for you.”

1) They’re going to make my family HAPPY HAPPY? More like: they’re going to make my family VOMIT VOMIT!

2) Did they really put an apostrophe in lot’s? Twice???

3) Made with the best ingredients that only a “REAL CHEF” of today would demand? Really? I know a lot of “real chefs” and not one of them would serve these to their dogs.

He also sells something called “Oh Yeah Baby: O’s Pasta & Meatballs.” The website boasts “Kids will gobble it up. O’s, O’s, O’s and more O’s combined with mini meatballs and more mini meatballs mixed in Emeril’s own delicate special sauce.” Ewwwwww. I don’t want to know anything about his O’s or his “own delicate special sauce.”

Sorry. As far as I’m concerned, the only BAM I’ll be hearing is the sound of that nasty shit hitting the bottom of my garbage can.