There’s no doubt about it: Paula Deen’s got her name attached to some pretty ridiculous products (a $50 Paula Deen Egg & Muffin Toaster, anyone?)

As you may know, Paula has her own line of furniture as well. I must admit, some of the items look really nice. While I can’t speak for how well they’re made, I can say I’d probably sit through an entire episode of Guy’s Big Bite for that Savannah 4 poster bed.

As is so often the case with Paula’s products, her marketing machine is working behind the scenes 24/7 to make the items as appealing to her fan base as possible. Take this lovely tobacco desk, for example. It’s not an “office desk” or a “letter writing desk.” Oh no. It’s a “RECIPE WRITING DESK” (insert gigantic eye roll here).

FNH reader Mo spotted this little gem while browsing the internet, and wrote in to share her thoughts:

I had no idea Paula was hawking a freaking recipe writing desk. What the hell is a recipe writing desk? A desk to go next to your “pay the bills” desk and your “letter writing desk?” O
r maybe you could squeeze it in next to the ever popular “internet porn surfing desk” (that one’s by Bobby Flay, natch.) The PD recipe writing desk should be a giant stick of butter or maybe a freaking gurney. Or one of those snazzy hospital tables so you can write your recipes on it while recovering from the trauma of eating Deen’s food.

I could go on about one of these pieces having a color called “tobacco” or the insane pricing, or that there’s a whole line called “The Bag Lady.” When i go shopping for new stuff, I always look for “hobo” and “bag lady” stuff first. That signals QUALITY! Susie Fogelface would be proud.

Proud, indeed!

Heads up, America: Sandra Lee is apparently now doing “cocktail demonstrations” at local supermarkets! The horror!

I haven’t been to one, but I’m pretty sure the “cocktail demonstration” is probably just her pounding cocktails, and demonstrating how drunk she gets. What is the world coming to?

Thanks to FNH reader Katy, who sent us this hilarious e-mail and these photos as proof:

Jillian,

It was with great alarm that I rounded the aisle of my friendly neighborhood grocery store to find myself face-to-face with Aunty Sandy’s glazed, most likely drunken, gaze. There was her frozen smile emblazoned on the side of giant booze display, cheekily raising a cocktail.

I actually laughed out loud, but my laughter turned to fear when I saw the large sign above the display announcing that “Celebrity Chef Sandra Lee” is going to be IN THE STORE this Saturday!! Not only signing magazines (what magazines?!) but doing a COCKTAIL DEMONSTRATION.

That’s right, Jillian, Sandra Lee is going to be boozing it up in the middle of the day, in the middle of my grocery store. (Not that boozing it up in the middle of the day is anything new for her but for god’s sake, this is a family-friendly store!! She shouldn’t be allowed within 100 feet of the place!!)

I attached some photographic evidence for you, but also need your advise: should I go?? On the plus side, getting to see Aunty Sandy drunk in person would be a once-in-a-lifetime laugh riot. On the other hand, what if I am mistaken for one of her – gulp – fans?? Could I ever live down the shame?? Not to mention what would happen if someone forgets to stock her with Cool Whip, or her earrings don’t match the tablescape…I do not want to see that woman angry. EVER.

What do you think, FNH? Should Katy go to the Sandra Lee “cocktail demonstration?” I VOTE YES!

UPDATE: For anyone going to the Sandra Lee event, it’s at NORTH Ashland… not SOUTH Ashland! Poor Katy found out the hard way. The good news is, she’s on her way there! For the love of all that’s good and holy, Katy, BE CAREFUL.

I always find it hilarious when the Food Network, the supposed authority on all things culinary, misspells a food related word. Take MASCARPONE, for example. FNH reader Andra recently caught this televised typo and sent it our way:

Hi Jill,
I’ve got last night’s cake and sweets episode of Ultimate Recipe Showdown playing on my DVR while I’m pottering around the house when I hear Rat-Face Fieri call out the next recipe… Lime, Ginger and MARS-capone Cake.

I glanced up at the screen to find that not only did Rat-Face mispronounce it but it was also MISSPELLED.  Check out the screen cap in the attached photo.

I laughed out loud and ran straight to e-mail you.

Have a great day,

Andra

Silly Food Network. Mars is a planet. It has nothing to do with the cheese. To prevent future embarrassing spelling errors, I took the liberty of making you this little cheat sheet. Please commit it to memory:

[Ed. note: This is a new Sunday feature that will showcase our favorite FNH reader-submitted email of the last week. Enjoy!]

Dear FNH,

While watching Melissa D’Arabian this morning, I noticed her choice of cookware was a very interesting one – Demeyere. Regarded as some of the best of the best, Demeyere is Belgian-made and doesn’t come cheap. Demeyere pieces are easily distinguishable because the bolts typically securing the handles to a saucepan or skillet on the inside of the pieces are absent. Rather, they are welded to create a truly uninterrupted cooking experience. $10 Dinners my ass. It’s such a fallacy that a budget-centric FN show allow Ms. D’Arabian to indulge her primadonna cookware whimsies. Would someone please throw her some Anolon and get her to show us what a $10 Dinner might really feel like?

Sincerely,

David
(Former cookware store employee and proud owner of two Demeyere pieces he busted his 9-to-5 ass to earn)

—–

Well said, David. We completely agree. The hypocrisy is outrageous. Any host of a show called TEN DOLLAR DINNERS should be forced to use cheap-ass cookware, otherwise the whole thing feels like a put-on. If the producers really wanted Melissa reach an audience of people who are eating $10 dinners, her show would look a little more like this:

[Photos created and submitted by FNH reader Ricardo Cline]

[Ed. note: Most of the time, celebrities are completely clueless about the hoops fans have to jump through in order to meet them. Take Ashli for example, who recently wrote to FNH to share her frustrating story of simply trying to get a book signed by Alton Brown at a BJ's in Georgia last month. According to Ashli, when she finally did meet up with Alton, he cordially spoke with her - and then referred to the female dancers on Dancing With The Stars as "skinny ass bimbos." Oh Alton. You're such a bad ass.]

Hi FNH!

Last month, I went to an Alton Brown event. I took my “Good Eats: The Early Years” book with me for him to sign, but the stupid venue wouldn’t allow me in with it because I had not purchased it there. That pissed me off, but I took it back to my car and then went back in to get in line. However, I was then stopped and told I couldn’t go talk to Alton without having a book. By this point, I was livid, but I went to the book section of the store, picked up a copy of “I’m Just Here for the Food” and went up to the counter to purchase it. Then, the lady tells me that I can’t buy it because I don’t have a membership to the store (BJ’s Wholesale Club). Anyway, at this point, I completely lost it. I was not going to pay $50 for a membership to a store I’d never visit again, plus $25 for a book, when I already had a book for him to sign in my car! I couldn’t hold back my temper anymore and I gave that lady a piece of my mind. I guess she got the message because she then pulled out her own employee membership card and scanned it just so I could get my book.

Anyway, I finally got in line to talk to Alton. There were only about 30 people standing in it at this point (apparently other people were having similar issues to what I’d been having, but they chose to leave). As I got up to Alton and his people, I could hear them apologizing to people and complaining about how the store was running this event. They were making it clear that it wasn’t Alton’s fault of course. I was the last person in line and when I got up to Alton he still had about another hour or so to sit there and sign autographs. Anyway, since no other people were there at the moment, he actually took the time to talk to me. We talked about Mark Dacascos and his stint on “Dancing with the Stars”. Alton’s been asked twice to go on there, but he told me that he “didn’t want to dance with some skinny ass bimbo” and that if he were to go on there and win, he would “lose his status as a badass!” Then after speaking with me for a few moments and posing for a picture, he said, “Now be gone with you!”

Well, I just wanted to share my ridiculous Alton Brown experience with you. I’m including pics from the event. Feel free to use them if you want.

[Ashli, we're sorry you had such an awful experience. And Alton, we're sorry you had to stand in front of that stupid plastic sign and autograph books next to the feminine hygiene aisle.]