Archives for "Letters To FNH"

Here at FNH, we poke fun at celebrity chefs and the often ridiculous world of food television. Sometimes, those chefs get pissy and write us emails whining like 7 year old girls (TyFlo, we’re looking at you). But sometimes, they’re able to recognize the silliness of it all and play along. Take George Duran, for example. Last week, we featured his delicious “Aromatherapy Hot Towels” as our “Ridiculous Food Network Recipe Of The Week.” Did he get pissed and whine and moan about it and force Food Network to replace the recipe? No! He wrote us this hilarious email instead. Check it out:

Damn you Food Network Humor!

I developed my rosemary hot towel recipe many years ago and I forgot to write in a few crucial steps. You see, you’re supposed to microwave the towel with the rosemary and then you need to drench it in egg whites. From there take some Panko breadcrumbs and season it with some Old Bay. Take the drenched towel and bread it with the Panko. Get it into the deep fryer and voila! Deep Fried Rosemary Towel Rolls! See? I know what I’m doing…sorta…

I can’t get enough of your site! Thanks!

George Duran

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If you want further proof George Duran is funny, you can go to his official website – where you’ll find a photo of him hovering in the atmosphere dressed in a space suit surrounded by planetary donuts. I rest my case.

FNH reader Ben recently saw an episode of Cupcake Wars, and his hatred for the show moved him to write this touching letter to FNH. I think it nicely sums up why Cupcake Wars is one of the worst things on television. I feel you, Ben! Any show that features people “cheers-ing” their cupcakes like vodka shots should be publicly lambasted as much as possible.

Dearest Jill,

I was watching cupcake wars tonight, and said WHAT THE FUCK every 3 minutes. WHY IS THIS SHOW ON THE AIR?! Cupcakery IS NOT A FUCKING WORD. Stop saying cupcakery like it’s some chic new hip thing. The only chic thing about it is that drunk celebrities eat cupcakes to feel less terrible about their ‘calorie intake’. INTAKE THIS DICK.

WOOOO, WAY TO GO FOOD NETWORK!!!!! You just flaunted the most pretentious retards that the food industry has to offer. This motherfucker TITLED his cupcakes ‘EVOLUTION OF MUSIC’. BITCH NO MUSICIANS WRITE ABOUT CUPCAKES, WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU MAKE A CUPCAKE ABOUT MUSIC? Sure, you’re ‘making cupcakes for the Grammy pre-party’….IS THAT EVEN A REAL THING?

All I saw was some people I’ve never seen before ‘CHEERS!’-ing their cupcakes like they were fucking vodka shots. AND THIS OTHER MOTHERFUCKER talked for 5 minutes about how he ‘forgot a key ingredient’ the last time he was on Cupcake Wars. He said (and I QUOTE!) ‘I forgot the pumkin! Everybody knows me because I’m the guy who forgot the pumkin!’ WHILE HE WAS WEARING A SHIRT THAT SAID ‘i forgot the pumpkin’. FACEPALM. I had NEVER seen him OR realized that he forgot the pumpkin.

FUCK you, cupcake wars.

/rant.