Food Network Humor » Lists

7 Things Paula Deen Fried – And Ate

Jillian Madison — Fri, 03 Feb 2012 14:15:38 +0000

From cheesecake to alligator… if it’s edible, chances are Paula Deen’s coated it with batter and dumped it into her deep fryer! Here’s a quick rundown of Paula’s 7 craziest, most overindulgent deep fried recipes, y’all.

(Note: you can click the titles to go to the actual recipe page on FoodNetwork.com.)

1. DEEP FRIED MAC & CHEESE
Watch in amazement, shock, and probable disgust as Paula Deen wraps mac & cheese in bacon, deep fries it to a golden brown, and eats it before your very eyes. According to an FNH reader named Hannah, “I swear to God, only a southern woman could survive that mouthful of heart attack on a stick.”
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2. DEEP FRIED STUFFING ON A STICK

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This is basically a combo of breakfast sausage, crackers, carrots, and celery that’s been battered and fried. It doesn’t look appealing to me, but according to Rachael Ray, it’s on a stick, so KIDS WILL LOVE IT!

3. FRIED BUTTER BALLS

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Yes, these heart-stopping cholesterol bullets are nothing but butter and cream chunks that have been battered and deep fried. This is just wrong on so many levels. But on the bright side, hey, at least they’re low carb!

4. DEEP FRIED LASAGNA

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What’s more disturbing? The fact that she deep fried a lasagna, or that the lasagna itself is loaded with CHEDDAR CHEESE and CREAM CHEESE? I tend to agree with Sharon, a commenter at FoodNetwork.com, who said: “I was raised in an Italian home and this is an absolute abomination!”

5. DEEP FRIED BAGEL SANDWICH

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Paula made this with Izaac Mizrahi on an episode of Paula’s Party. Not only was the bagel fried, but most of the individual components inside the sandwich were fried (and salted) as well. You can watch a video of this on YouTube.

6. ULTIMATE FANTASY DEEP FRIED CHEESECAKE

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I don’t even want to know how many minutes I’d have to endure on the treadmill to burn this off. I’d eat it – and love every sinful moment. (On a completely unrelated sidenote, is it just me or does the Food Network have the worst recipe photos you’ve ever seen in your life? In this instance, I can’t quite tell if I’m looking at a piece of cheesecake, or a butterfly that just hatched in the forest.)

7. DEEP FRIED CHOCOLATE POUND CAKE

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These sounds absolutely delicious! Too bad the photo makes them look like elephant droppings.

So there you have it! Have you tried any of Paula’s overly indulgent recipes? Let us know in the comments. And by the way, if you eat them on a regular basis, THIS IS DEFINITELY WHY YOU’RE FAT.

The 20 Funniest Restaurant Pun Names

Jillian Madison — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 18:10:07 +0000

WHAT WERE THEY THINKING: 11 Crazy Bacon Tattoos

Jillian Madison — Fri, 23 Sep 2011 13:30:32 +0000

I love bacon as much as the next girl, but come on. Some of these things are just ridiculous:

(If only they loved WASHING THEIR FEET, too)

Top 10 Tackiest Sandra Lee Tablescapes Of All Time

Jillian Madison — Thu, 22 Sep 2011 13:16:13 +0000

To get you in the mood for the new season of Semi-Homemade, which premieres this weekend on the Food Network, here are 10 of Sandra Lee’s ugliest, craziest, most WTF tablescapes:
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Dizzying and distracting

Nothing gets the appetite going like black and white polka-dots and bold vertical stripes! This doesn’t make me want to eat anything, except a box of dramamine.

Scary and somber

The episode was called “Midnight Musical.” For who? Count Dracula? There were FIVE hideous black beaded chandelabras, as Sandra called them, hanging over a table that was covered in black cloth and black silk flowers. Unless you’re decorating Stevie Nicks’ funeral, I wouldn’t recommend trying this in the near future. Your friends might have you committed.

An Explosion Of Hideousness

For this terrifying tablescape, Aunt Drunky amateurishly applied edible gold leaf to some poor pieces of fruit, threw them in the ugliest goblets she could find, and called it a day. Oh, and the purple thing with the elastic band around the top of it is Aunt Drunky’s white trash version of a Fabergé egg. What a total fail.

Boots on the table

Sandra took her nieces’ and nephews’s boots, put flowers in them, and used them as a centerpiece. GROSS. Who wants to stare at shoes on their table? I know I don’t. What a total disaster. At least if you don’t poke your eye out from one of the umbrella wires she conveniently placed at eye-level, you can look forward to getting E. coli from remnant bacteria on the sole of Brycer’s boot. Thanks, Sandra!

Bird nests, cages, and twigs? Really?

Does it get tackier than this? Birdcages, branches, and bead-encrusted birds nests? Sorry, but I don’t need that creepy blue bird vacantly staring at me while I’m trying to eat dinner in the .0000007 cubic centimeters of table space Sandra allotted to me. “And could you please pass me the pepp….. OUCH! GOD DAMN IT! I JUST SLICED OPEN MY ENTIRE ARM ON THAT #!%$*#* BRANCH!” Great idea, Sandra!

Ugly x Infinity

Oh, look! More black and white! More chandelabras! More elementary school art class crafts! Yuck.

Scariest dolls ever

No wonder those kids are playing in the back corner of the room. They don’t want to be anywhere near those TERRIFYING MUTANT DOLLS. In what dark corner of hell did she find those things? And why does the one all the way on the right have more heaving cleavage than Christina Hendricks?

Dolly Parton, rejoice!

First, she covered the table with cheap, smelly denim fabric and left the edges unhemmed to achieve that authentic, hillbilly look. Next, she threw more tacky sequin strips all over the table. She then used replicas of J-Lo’s wedding ring as napkin holders. And here’s where things got really scary: she CUT THE BACK POCKETS OUT OF SALVATION ARMY JEANS AND USED THEM AS LITTLE POUCHES TO HOLD THE SILVERWARE. Who the hell would want their silverware touching a denim product that some unidentified nasty person spent the last 20 years farting on? I feel ill just thinking about it.

Faces in strange places

Not sure which element I hate most: the creepy faces hanging on the wall, the disturbing face on Sandra’s shirt, or the ridiculous Kleenex tree on the table.

Why, God, Why

Like Sandra says at the end of every show: always keep it simple. So at your next dinner party, simply cover a chair in gold spraypaint, flowers, and vines, bolt it to your table, and use it as a centerpiece. Your guests will love how easily they can communicate with each other. Let us know how that works out for you!

When Food Looks Back At You…

Jillian Madison — Fri, 24 Sep 2010 13:12:44 +0000

A little brainless Friday fun:

VIDEO: Anne Burrell And The Count From Sesame Street